Fergie has been asked to have a long hard look at his team due to the unabating press and public criticism of his shaky defence and dodgy keeper.
In keeping with current top management techniques Fergie abandoned the network of club scouts and played a couple of computer games to find the most suitable candidates. Due to a shortage of copies of Championship Manager at PC World the shock signings are not Jaskilinen and Nesta as widely expected, howevber the board and management are confident however that they have the right players.
Peter Kenyon was quick to assure fans that Duke Nukem will slot perfectly into the gap left by Jaap Stam whilst dismissing claims that his disciplinary record may be a problem for the club. New keeper Banjo Kazooie should also slot in perfectly and he is seen as the natural successor to Fabian Barthez with obvious comparisons in their diminutive stature and hyperactive style.
Fergie has also blasted the FA for blocking the purchase of a replacement for Van Nistelrooy, stating that his prospective signing had the pace and deadly shooting skills that Ruud lacked whilst having the ability to leap gracefully above other players thus giving United renewed aerial presence.
The FA countered that whilst football had clearly moved on from it's macho past it was still too early to allow combined teams and that United's attempted signing of Lara Croft was nothing more than a publicity stunt on behalf of the PLC.
In keeping with current top management techniques Fergie abandoned the network of club scouts and played a couple of computer games to find the most suitable candidates. Due to a shortage of copies of Championship Manager at PC World the shock signings are not Jaskilinen and Nesta as widely expected, howevber the board and management are confident however that they have the right players.
Peter Kenyon was quick to assure fans that Duke Nukem will slot perfectly into the gap left by Jaap Stam whilst dismissing claims that his disciplinary record may be a problem for the club. New keeper Banjo Kazooie should also slot in perfectly and he is seen as the natural successor to Fabian Barthez with obvious comparisons in their diminutive stature and hyperactive style.
Fergie has also blasted the FA for blocking the purchase of a replacement for Van Nistelrooy, stating that his prospective signing had the pace and deadly shooting skills that Ruud lacked whilst having the ability to leap gracefully above other players thus giving United renewed aerial presence.
The FA countered that whilst football had clearly moved on from it's macho past it was still too early to allow combined teams and that United's attempted signing of Lara Croft was nothing more than a publicity stunt on behalf of the PLC.