*definitive in my mind, which has basically zero actual weight.
** Since football began in 1992.
As there is zero football going on, I thought it would be a bring back by (un)popular demand, the latest installment in this greatest goals series! I present to you a definitive* top 10 list of the best long rage goals in Manchester United history**
Inspired by Scott McTominay, this list will deal with Long Range Goals, and by long-range, I don't mean just outside the box, or 20-25 yards away... we're talking, "why the feck is he shooting from there?!" 30 plus yarders.
Also goes without saying that volley's and free kicks are not eligible, as I've already done lists for those.
However I know that half the people won't read the above and question why certain goals that are just outside the box don't make it, so have at it!
Further Reading:
A definitive* top 10 list of the best free kicks in Manchester United history**
A definitive* top 10 list of the best volleys in Manchester United history**
10. David Beckham vs. Arsenal
There's a problem with David Beckham.
The problem with him is that he scores too many absolute worldies. This list could genuinely be half of Beckham goals and it wouldn't look too outrageous. And so to minimise the Becks, I tried to limit myself to 3 goals from him... but I failed miserably and so and we start with a North London double pairing, as I couldn't be bothered to choose between the two (and it's my list, so feck ya's).
First up Arsenal, a goal that generally gets forgotten about (mainly because there was this other semi-decent goal in that game if you recall), which is unfair, because this is an absolute pearler. Hitting it first time with the whip and dip he does from miles out to beat the best English goalkeeper of the last 30 years? It's incredibly technique, and a goal that belongs in one of the best 120 minutes of football that there has ever been.
In joint tenth is the beauty against Spurs... in a season where he scored a shit-ton of great goals. I remember at the time there was some chat about how Beckham would always stop the ball before shooting - almost as if to make it like a free kick, so then he went and did this.
9. Carlos Tevez vs. West Ham
I didn't want to include this goal. I was first going to go with Cantona vs. Arsenal - and whilst that is a tremendous goal - its probably not quite far out enough. I also thought about putting Scott's in... but then I realised Rooney did the same thing better against 'Boro (and both are down to keeper errors). I was then going to settle on Danny Welbeck, who decided that his debut goal for us should be a long range smash into the top corner and, crucially, assisted by United legend Manucho.
However, if I take away the name Carlos Tevez, and ignore him being a bit of a knob, then objectively it is the better goal... he's further out for a start, and whilst the ball does go in a bit centrally, it does go in like an absolute rocket.
So go on then Carlitos... you win this round.
I can't find a good quality video of this goal for love no money, so you'll have to click here to watch it. Sorry. (if anyone has a good quality version let me know)
https://youtu.be/QLo13yr2sNQ?t=21905
8. Nemanja Matic vs. Crystal Palace
You know what really pisses me off? When you need a goal in that last minute of a game and some idiot decides the best thing to do is take a pot shot from 30 yards out... which invariably sales high and wide and they end up looking like a complete bellend.
So when this ball dropped to Nemanja in the 90 whatever minute, I was probably sat on my couch pleading with him not to shoot... who's the bellend now?
Now with these lists I try to take context out of the equation and just focus on the goal, so actually being a last minute winner after coming behind from 2-0 down with only 20 minutes to go has nothing to do with this... however, smashing a ball on the half volley from 30 yards away into the top corner will definitely get you into the equation. We knew the big Serb had a rocket in his left foot after he did this for Chelsea, and he picked the perfect time to do something similar for us.
7. Mark Hughes vs. Sheffield Wednesday
The volley's thread turned into a bit of Mark Hughes love in, so at a risk of doing that again... here's Sparky with another ludicrous rocket. There's something quite manly... almost cave man like about just hitting a ball really really hard... and Mark Hughes, magnificent manly bastard that he is was king of just leathering it. This one is a banger, running onto it, taking it on the bounce and hitting it with power and the pièce de résistance of it crashing off the underside of the bar... glorious.
Also, you know you've hit it hard and from stupidly far out when the camera is literally struggling to keep up with the ball.
The video says Sheffield United, but its actual Wednesday... because you know, Wednesday play in blue.
6. Nani vs. Middlesbrough.
Now then, here's Nani... a man who could be so incredibly brilliant and yet so incredibly shit, all within the space of about 30 seconds. Still, when he was good, he really was very good, and he definitely had an eye for a banger. He hit a daft one against Chelsea that is probably a bit too close to truly be long range.... so then it came down to his goal against Derby, or his rocket against Spurs or this one.... and I'm going with this one, as it's slightly further out then the Spurs goal (I think) and is more in the top corner, and is basically a better version of the Derby goal... and the Tevez goal actually.
So here's to you Nani, man of many frustrations and yet, many great goals. It's amazing he never actually dinked one in from 40 yards.
5. David Beckham vs. Deportivo.
Here comes Beckham again, waving that wand of a right foot from, quite frankly, a ridiculous distance.
The beauty in this one is it that he hasn't just mashed it, it's instead vintage Beckham technique, basically using his free kick technique on a moving ball... whipping it with curve and dip and putting it right in the top corner.
A great goal from really far out, not sure he's scored from much further out then this right?
4. Paul Scholes vs. Middlesbrough.
Ahhh one of my personal favourite goals. We all know about Scholes' knack for the spectacular, and he's scored a couple of cracking long rangers for us, but this is the best of the lot. First off the ball is coming from the side... most goals of this type will be people either running onto a ball or running with the ball, but here Scholes, the absolute madman that he is, just nonchalantly thwacks this side ways pass as hard as you like, right into the top corner, as if it's the easiest thing in the world (note - it's not)
Makes an absolute cracking noise too...
3. David Beckham vs. Wimbledon
I mean you know the goal, what more is there to say? It's a shot from the half way line and it goes in. Maybe it should be number one? Maybe I'm taking this list far too seriously? who knows...
It's a goal that has been scored by other people... Rooney did it for us, and for Everton, but Beckham's is the original, best, and most aesthetically pleasing.
2. Paul Scholes vs. Barcelona
Here 's the one... it's a Paul Scholes special of course, hitting across the ball from distance and planting an unstoppable shot into the top corner... in the semi final of the Champions League in a tight contest vs. Barca no less. I remember being sat behind it in the Stretford End and watching it drift into the corner and losing my flipping mind... it's a truly great goal worthy of winning any game (which it did)
A little glimpse behind the curtain of this pointless charade, I had this at number one for the longest time... but I keep saying that these goals are being judged on the goal alone without the context, so I'll practice what I preach and stick it in second place. Scholesy also came second in the volleys, so i'm sure he can handle it... as we all know he's here lurking on the Caf somewhere. Right?
1. Ronaldo vs. Porto
In the realm of "Why the feck is he shooting from there?" this has to be number one. He's fully 40 yards out, the keeper is in his net, the ball isn't bouncing or sitting up for him or anything.... hell even the director wasn't expecting him to shoot and decided he needed a close up of Ronnie, probably anticipating him losing the ball and throwing that strop he does where he sits on the floor and slaps the ground (you know the one)... so I ask again, why the feck is he having a shot?
Well probably 'cos he's Cristiano bloody Ronaldo and he does what he wants, and if that means launching a 65 MPH shot from that sort of distance into the top corner then have at it.
** Since football began in 1992.
As there is zero football going on, I thought it would be a bring back by (un)popular demand, the latest installment in this greatest goals series! I present to you a definitive* top 10 list of the best long rage goals in Manchester United history**
Inspired by Scott McTominay, this list will deal with Long Range Goals, and by long-range, I don't mean just outside the box, or 20-25 yards away... we're talking, "why the feck is he shooting from there?!" 30 plus yarders.
Also goes without saying that volley's and free kicks are not eligible, as I've already done lists for those.
However I know that half the people won't read the above and question why certain goals that are just outside the box don't make it, so have at it!
Further Reading:
A definitive* top 10 list of the best free kicks in Manchester United history**
A definitive* top 10 list of the best volleys in Manchester United history**
10. David Beckham vs. Arsenal
There's a problem with David Beckham.
The problem with him is that he scores too many absolute worldies. This list could genuinely be half of Beckham goals and it wouldn't look too outrageous. And so to minimise the Becks, I tried to limit myself to 3 goals from him... but I failed miserably and so and we start with a North London double pairing, as I couldn't be bothered to choose between the two (and it's my list, so feck ya's).
First up Arsenal, a goal that generally gets forgotten about (mainly because there was this other semi-decent goal in that game if you recall), which is unfair, because this is an absolute pearler. Hitting it first time with the whip and dip he does from miles out to beat the best English goalkeeper of the last 30 years? It's incredibly technique, and a goal that belongs in one of the best 120 minutes of football that there has ever been.
In joint tenth is the beauty against Spurs... in a season where he scored a shit-ton of great goals. I remember at the time there was some chat about how Beckham would always stop the ball before shooting - almost as if to make it like a free kick, so then he went and did this.
9. Carlos Tevez vs. West Ham
I didn't want to include this goal. I was first going to go with Cantona vs. Arsenal - and whilst that is a tremendous goal - its probably not quite far out enough. I also thought about putting Scott's in... but then I realised Rooney did the same thing better against 'Boro (and both are down to keeper errors). I was then going to settle on Danny Welbeck, who decided that his debut goal for us should be a long range smash into the top corner and, crucially, assisted by United legend Manucho.
However, if I take away the name Carlos Tevez, and ignore him being a bit of a knob, then objectively it is the better goal... he's further out for a start, and whilst the ball does go in a bit centrally, it does go in like an absolute rocket.
So go on then Carlitos... you win this round.
I can't find a good quality video of this goal for love no money, so you'll have to click here to watch it. Sorry. (if anyone has a good quality version let me know)
https://youtu.be/QLo13yr2sNQ?t=21905
8. Nemanja Matic vs. Crystal Palace
You know what really pisses me off? When you need a goal in that last minute of a game and some idiot decides the best thing to do is take a pot shot from 30 yards out... which invariably sales high and wide and they end up looking like a complete bellend.
So when this ball dropped to Nemanja in the 90 whatever minute, I was probably sat on my couch pleading with him not to shoot... who's the bellend now?
Now with these lists I try to take context out of the equation and just focus on the goal, so actually being a last minute winner after coming behind from 2-0 down with only 20 minutes to go has nothing to do with this... however, smashing a ball on the half volley from 30 yards away into the top corner will definitely get you into the equation. We knew the big Serb had a rocket in his left foot after he did this for Chelsea, and he picked the perfect time to do something similar for us.
7. Mark Hughes vs. Sheffield Wednesday
The volley's thread turned into a bit of Mark Hughes love in, so at a risk of doing that again... here's Sparky with another ludicrous rocket. There's something quite manly... almost cave man like about just hitting a ball really really hard... and Mark Hughes, magnificent manly bastard that he is was king of just leathering it. This one is a banger, running onto it, taking it on the bounce and hitting it with power and the pièce de résistance of it crashing off the underside of the bar... glorious.
Also, you know you've hit it hard and from stupidly far out when the camera is literally struggling to keep up with the ball.
The video says Sheffield United, but its actual Wednesday... because you know, Wednesday play in blue.
6. Nani vs. Middlesbrough.
Now then, here's Nani... a man who could be so incredibly brilliant and yet so incredibly shit, all within the space of about 30 seconds. Still, when he was good, he really was very good, and he definitely had an eye for a banger. He hit a daft one against Chelsea that is probably a bit too close to truly be long range.... so then it came down to his goal against Derby, or his rocket against Spurs or this one.... and I'm going with this one, as it's slightly further out then the Spurs goal (I think) and is more in the top corner, and is basically a better version of the Derby goal... and the Tevez goal actually.
So here's to you Nani, man of many frustrations and yet, many great goals. It's amazing he never actually dinked one in from 40 yards.
5. David Beckham vs. Deportivo.
Here comes Beckham again, waving that wand of a right foot from, quite frankly, a ridiculous distance.
The beauty in this one is it that he hasn't just mashed it, it's instead vintage Beckham technique, basically using his free kick technique on a moving ball... whipping it with curve and dip and putting it right in the top corner.
A great goal from really far out, not sure he's scored from much further out then this right?
4. Paul Scholes vs. Middlesbrough.
Ahhh one of my personal favourite goals. We all know about Scholes' knack for the spectacular, and he's scored a couple of cracking long rangers for us, but this is the best of the lot. First off the ball is coming from the side... most goals of this type will be people either running onto a ball or running with the ball, but here Scholes, the absolute madman that he is, just nonchalantly thwacks this side ways pass as hard as you like, right into the top corner, as if it's the easiest thing in the world (note - it's not)
Makes an absolute cracking noise too...
3. David Beckham vs. Wimbledon
I mean you know the goal, what more is there to say? It's a shot from the half way line and it goes in. Maybe it should be number one? Maybe I'm taking this list far too seriously? who knows...
It's a goal that has been scored by other people... Rooney did it for us, and for Everton, but Beckham's is the original, best, and most aesthetically pleasing.
2. Paul Scholes vs. Barcelona
Here 's the one... it's a Paul Scholes special of course, hitting across the ball from distance and planting an unstoppable shot into the top corner... in the semi final of the Champions League in a tight contest vs. Barca no less. I remember being sat behind it in the Stretford End and watching it drift into the corner and losing my flipping mind... it's a truly great goal worthy of winning any game (which it did)
A little glimpse behind the curtain of this pointless charade, I had this at number one for the longest time... but I keep saying that these goals are being judged on the goal alone without the context, so I'll practice what I preach and stick it in second place. Scholesy also came second in the volleys, so i'm sure he can handle it... as we all know he's here lurking on the Caf somewhere. Right?
1. Ronaldo vs. Porto
In the realm of "Why the feck is he shooting from there?" this has to be number one. He's fully 40 yards out, the keeper is in his net, the ball isn't bouncing or sitting up for him or anything.... hell even the director wasn't expecting him to shoot and decided he needed a close up of Ronnie, probably anticipating him losing the ball and throwing that strop he does where he sits on the floor and slaps the ground (you know the one)... so I ask again, why the feck is he having a shot?
Well probably 'cos he's Cristiano bloody Ronaldo and he does what he wants, and if that means launching a 65 MPH shot from that sort of distance into the top corner then have at it.
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