First World Problems (the United edition)


Daddy Sancho
Apr 22, 2022
Al-Merreikh (Omdorman)
Hello Reds!

It seems such a long time ago now, but we had a few decades during which us not winning the league was considered the end of the world. Today, we are lauding narrowly beating sides who are in bigger crises than us as a mark of progress. But do not worry. This is not that kind of thread.

Everything at United right now is a shambles. We have a lot to be negative about. Given our current circumstances, we would snatch the opportunity to go into a time machine and return to the glory era under Sir Alex.

Yet, even back then, we still found things to complain about. I guess our standards were that high that we were spoiled. This thread is an opportunity to revist the ‘First World Problems’ we complained about during the Sir Alex era.

As a nostalgia merchant who lives in the past, I find myself fondly remembering those ‘First World Problems’ that, in the grand of scheme of things, were rather inconsequential and not a slight on our issues of today.

In fact, I think I speak for the rest of the fanbase when I say that we would much rather have the problems of yesteryear than the problems of today.

Without further ado, I will began sharing some of my pet peeves/first world problems from that era and you can feel free to do so too:

  • Valencia: what the hell is up with that guy? He can only beat his man on the outside, can use his left-footed and all he can do is smash the ball low into the first defender! How can SAF replace Ronaldo with him when
  • Style of play: we can’t we play the sort of attractive football that the likes of Barcelona and Arsenal play? Our main tactic is to just rinse and repeat crosses from Giggs/Beckham/Nani/Valencia to Ruud/Rooney. SAF needs to get a grip! This zombie-like football is really boring to watch!
  • The goalkeeping situation post-Schmeichel: I’m really starting to question SAF’s judgement on goalkeepers since the Great Dane left. Bosnich, Taibi and Barthez just have not cut the mustard! I can’t tell who is worse out of Howard and Carroll!

    The rules of this thread
  • Please do not derail the discussion to our problems today.​
  • Please just imagine that football ended in May 2013.​
  • We are only discussing our small and inconsequential issues from our first PL win in 1993 to our most recent one in 2013.​
  • For example, if a poster discusses our Valencia or goalkeeper situation and says something like “I would rather have Valencia / Howard than Antony / Onana”, we don’t want a discussion about our current players. Let’s pretend that we have never even heard of them and did not even know what was to come.​
  • This is a safe-space for whoever wants to close their eyes and imagine that this is still pre-2013 United.​
  • The old heads can feel free to raise our ‘First World Problems’ from the glory era under Sir Matt.​


Good post resistant
Jan 27, 2013
How are we supposed to fit Berbatov in with Ronaldo, Rooney and Tevez?


Full Member
Jun 26, 2014
Hopefully the mismanagement of that young Pogba lad won't come back to bite us in the future.


Full Member
Aug 12, 2018
Ferguson lost his marbles , selling Hughes , ince and Kancheskis in the one summer and replacing them with kids. Now we have to listen to Alan Hansen gloat with Pool fans at the end of the season.

(we signed NOBODY that season to replace 3 sold starters, it really was a savagely bold move !)


He's no Bilal Ilyas Jhandir
Dec 12, 2012
Oslo, Norway
10 year old me on summer holidays: “We’ve signed Ronaldo! Get the feck in!”

Me back home a few days later watching the first league game of the season: “Where the hell is Ronaldo? Who the feck is this kid?”

That ruined my summer.


Too Boring For A Funny Tagline
Nov 3, 2011
Genuinely starting to think Fergie has lost it. To come bottom of our champions league group with Benfica and fecking Lille!

I don’t see any hope of us doing anything good in Europe again for years, and I am not sure lads like Rooney will lead us glory (who gets sent off for clapping! What a moron).