Just found this on the BBC website. It's an alternative cabinet for Gordon Brown using sporting people as ministers. Hope you enjoy.
Chancellor of the Exchequer
Doug Ellis - Here's a man who'd rather wet his trousers than spend a penny. You can bet there'd be no more Domes or Olympics or, well, zebra crossings with Deadly in charge.
Foreign Secretary
I always wanted a foreign secretary - ideally a Swedish lass - but I digress. Gordon Brown could do worse than hire Sven-Goran Eriksson. Here's a man who appears to have had liaisons with most of the world's populations. He could get his tongue around most languages - and indeed the women that speak them. Plus, Man City fans'd be delighted.
Home Secretary
There's two of these now, right?
There's one for Home Security - well Chelsea haven't lost at home for bleedin' ages so give it to Jose.
Then there's the Minister for Justice. It can't be Jose again - he's spent a season being the Minister of Injustice. I'd go for that vanguard for truth and fair play, old Three Cards himself, Graham Poll. That's if there's a high enough horse for him to sit on.
Health
Well, I'm fed up with these fags and booze and God-knows-what-else directives coming from this department so I'm putting Tuffers in charge, with Ian Woosnam and Peter Lundgren as his under-secretaries. Now who wouldn't want to work there, eh?
Environment Food and Rural Affairs
Rural Affairs?! What's that - The Archers or summat? This is all a bit oo-arrr for me but Paula Radcliffe's good at cross-country so she can have the job.
Transport
Well they keep getting this job wrong, do PMs - you want someone who knows what he's talking about. Lewis Hamilton's a bloody good driver. Perfect fit.
Defence
Gordon's already being accused of being too dour and Scottish and plain. Well in order to make him look like Liza Minnelli on a good night let's put Alan Hansen in the Ministry of Defence. 'Absolutely woeful tank deployment, no one's picking up the lone sniper......'.
Education and Skills
Now there are a lot of people saying the youth of this country are really lacking education and skills. Oh really?! Step forward Wayne Rooney. That's 'skills' sorted out.... ermm.
Trade and Industry
Harry Redknapp has to be the best tradesman on the block. No one does a better deal than H. Luvly Jubbly.
Work and Pensions
Teddy Sheringham. The only footballer who is simultaneously drawing a wage and a pension. Perhaps Sven could lend his expertise here too. Who wouldn't like to retire on 13 grand a week? What's the secret of his success?
Culture Media and Sport
A great sportsman, a great broadcaster and a cultural icon rolled into one. Sir Geoffrey Boycott. Straight bat to every question. No messing about. Perfect.
Becks is our US ambassador of course.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A24238983
Chancellor of the Exchequer
Doug Ellis - Here's a man who'd rather wet his trousers than spend a penny. You can bet there'd be no more Domes or Olympics or, well, zebra crossings with Deadly in charge.
Foreign Secretary
I always wanted a foreign secretary - ideally a Swedish lass - but I digress. Gordon Brown could do worse than hire Sven-Goran Eriksson. Here's a man who appears to have had liaisons with most of the world's populations. He could get his tongue around most languages - and indeed the women that speak them. Plus, Man City fans'd be delighted.
Home Secretary
There's two of these now, right?
There's one for Home Security - well Chelsea haven't lost at home for bleedin' ages so give it to Jose.
Then there's the Minister for Justice. It can't be Jose again - he's spent a season being the Minister of Injustice. I'd go for that vanguard for truth and fair play, old Three Cards himself, Graham Poll. That's if there's a high enough horse for him to sit on.
Health
Well, I'm fed up with these fags and booze and God-knows-what-else directives coming from this department so I'm putting Tuffers in charge, with Ian Woosnam and Peter Lundgren as his under-secretaries. Now who wouldn't want to work there, eh?
Environment Food and Rural Affairs
Rural Affairs?! What's that - The Archers or summat? This is all a bit oo-arrr for me but Paula Radcliffe's good at cross-country so she can have the job.
Transport
Well they keep getting this job wrong, do PMs - you want someone who knows what he's talking about. Lewis Hamilton's a bloody good driver. Perfect fit.
Defence
Gordon's already being accused of being too dour and Scottish and plain. Well in order to make him look like Liza Minnelli on a good night let's put Alan Hansen in the Ministry of Defence. 'Absolutely woeful tank deployment, no one's picking up the lone sniper......'.
Education and Skills
Now there are a lot of people saying the youth of this country are really lacking education and skills. Oh really?! Step forward Wayne Rooney. That's 'skills' sorted out.... ermm.
Trade and Industry
Harry Redknapp has to be the best tradesman on the block. No one does a better deal than H. Luvly Jubbly.
Work and Pensions
Teddy Sheringham. The only footballer who is simultaneously drawing a wage and a pension. Perhaps Sven could lend his expertise here too. Who wouldn't like to retire on 13 grand a week? What's the secret of his success?
Culture Media and Sport
A great sportsman, a great broadcaster and a cultural icon rolled into one. Sir Geoffrey Boycott. Straight bat to every question. No messing about. Perfect.
Becks is our US ambassador of course.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A24238983