Pimp my Ridenaldo

Desert Eagle

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Now that the ho has gone all scorched earth , we will be getting rid of him. Problem is Glazers will delay as much as possible to not have to pay him out and try to get a fee. This will lead to another round of pimp my Ronaldo. Bayern have already come out to say no. Psg, Chelsea and real Madrid will soon follow. How do we get rid of this guy? What club will be dumb enough to take this problem off our hands?

https://www.skysports.com/football/...talks-with-bayern-munich-last-week-paper-talk
 

Raw

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It'd have to be a team that:
1. Is in the CL or will be in the CL next season
2. Can afford to pay his wages
3. Actually want an ageing, past-it egomaniac of a striker

The only team that has some possibility is Chelsea. If they say no then he's going to have to either reduce his wage demands or suck it up in an inferior league like the MLS.
 

Adam-Utd

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The only way he leaves is if he accepts less money somewhere else. Not sure his ego will allow that.

He's going to find himself in a very confused situation that's for sure.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's stuck here stinking the place out until the summer.
 

AnotherLondonManc

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At this point, all we can do is hope that he has an incredible world cup.

If he knocks in 6 or 7 goals, someone will take a punt on him
 

UpWithRivers

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You would think he has somewhere lined up already. Where that could possibly be is beyond me. Chelsea makes sense. Maybe thats why he did the interview because in normal circumstances United would never let him go to a rival club.
 

UpWithRivers

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At this point, all we can do is hope that he has an incredible world cup.

If he knocks in 6 or 7 goals, someone will take a punt on him
If he scores loads that would just give him and the fanboys the ammunition to say 'See Ronaldo is class. Its Ten Haag's and United's fault.'
 

Tincanalley

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Surely this behaviour will concern other potential buyers. Toxic in any dressing room
 

ROFLUTION

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Pimp him this way.

1. Create a new reserves-squad.
2. Sign the worst rugby-players available for free micky D-meals.
3. Let him train with these villains and dodge tackles for the sake of his life/career.
4. Profit. Let him pay up himself to leave.

Also hire Xzibit to giggle in a gangsta way
 

DWelbz19

Correctly predicted Portugal to win Euro 2016
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He has to go blud. He has to go blud
 

mitchmouse

loves to hate United.
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Has anyone wondered about Arsenal? Don't tell me it has entered the tiny mind of "super fan" Piers Morgan
 

horsechoker

Sailor vee, this is a right off.
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Has anyone wondered about Arsenal? Don't tell me it has entered the tiny mind of "super fan" Piers Morgan
It would be funny to see this backfire on Piers but it would mean City win another title.
 

rimaldo

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Imagine rimaldo with a 32 inch TV inside him
there is a video from my college days sharing an intimate moment with a diminutive ladyboy that comes close. he was nearer 3 foot 6 though.
 

Chairman Steve

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Yo dawg we heard you liked Ronaldo so we put Ronaldo in your Ronaldo while you Ronaldo!
 

horsechoker

Sailor vee, this is a right off.
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there is a video from my college days sharing an intimate moment with a diminutive ladyboy that comes close. he was nearer 3 foot 6 though.
Are we allowed to say that? :nervous:

Sorry Rimmy, it's been nice but I'm afraid I'm going to cancel you
 

Lay

Correctly predicted Italy to win Euro 2020
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Surely no team with UCL aspirations is signing this guy.
 

bosnian_red

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Genuinely no clue who would wake him on. I think it's safe to rule out the following (big clubs only, otherwise list gets too long):
  • United - obvi
  • City - they aren't dumb
  • Arsenal - they got rid of Auba for the same thing
  • Liverpool - they aren't dumb
  • Spurs - they have Kane, conte wouldn't want him
  • Barca - lewa
  • Madrid - obviously
  • Atletico - fans hate him
  • PsG - they have Messi, Mbappe, Neymar
  • Bayern - they aren't dumb
  • Dortmund - they aren't dumb
  • Juve - just left them
  • Napoli - wouldn't start for them
And then I doubt Potter would say yes to him, so I'd add Chelsea to above. So then you get to clubs who can't afford anywhere close to a big salary but ok assuming he'd drop it, Sporting denied any interest in him, could anyone actually see Milan and Inter going for him (nor would he start).

Basically .. he's looking at nobody in the CL, a club that won't compete for trophies and that can't afford even a quarter of his current wages, or going to the bench somewhere (if the club is dumb enough to try that).... Surely someone would take him on for marketing but i don't see him going anywhere and being a starter. As that'll go to shit.
 

pogbasformerbarber

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Newcastle actually makes a ton of sense. They have the money and they can talk themselves into being in the CL race at #3. Would be be an absolute disaster for them and would almost guarantee them missing top 4...so sign me up
 

TwoSheds

More sheds (and tiles) than you, probably
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Benfica to piss off Sporting if they reject him? He wasn't above doing it to us with City. Or maybe he'll get a nice offer while he's in Qatar. Only place that would really make sense to me if he's willing to drop his wage demands would be a German CL team like Freiburg or Frankfurt or maybe Marseille/Lyon in France?

Outside shout - loan to Wolves in Jan? Could save their season so might be a good short term fix for everyone.
 

Bondi77

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Genuinely no clue who would wake him on. I think it's safe to rule out the following (big clubs only, otherwise list gets too long):
  • United - obvi
  • City - they aren't dumb
  • Arsenal - they got rid of Auba for the same thing
  • Liverpool - they aren't dumb
  • Spurs - they have Kane, conte wouldn't want him
  • Barca - lewa
  • Madrid - obviously
  • Atletico - fans hate him
  • PsG - they have Messi, Mbappe, Neymar
  • Bayern - they aren't dumb
  • Dortmund - they aren't dumb
  • Juve - just left them
  • Napoli - wouldn't start for them
And then I doubt Potter would say yes to him, so I'd add Chelsea to above. So then you get to clubs who can't afford anywhere close to a big salary but ok assuming he'd drop it, Sporting denied any interest in him, could anyone actually see Milan and Inter going for him (nor would he start).

Basically .. he's looking at nobody in the CL, a club that won't compete for trophies and that can't afford even a quarter of his current wages, or going to the bench somewhere (if the club is dumb enough to try that).... Surely someone would take him on for marketing but i don't see him going anywhere and being a starter. As that'll go to shit.
There is an argument that Dortmund could take him.
They could have him for a season scoring about thirty goals in the league and then sell him for a profit.
 

horsechoker

Sailor vee, this is a right off.
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Could sell him to sell Saudi Arabia to sportswash something.

Have him declared king of Asia and have him score more goals than Messi in Asia.
 

FootballHQ

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No one else decent in the prem will want him. Chelsea have already got Auba as the can't run/sometime goal poacher on 200K + a week squad filler and he's settling nicely onto their subs bench.

I do wonder about Napoli if they have the finances to make it work. Comfortably clear as Serie A leader and will probably fancy his experience to get them over the line as rotation option. And could certainly make quarters/SF of CL this year.
 

wolvored

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I think he will be back in Portugal. He's just put his kids in a school there and he is always around his kids.
 

kidbob

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No one apart from midtable teams in the top leagues will want him. I even doubt his ability to be successful at Sporting at this point. He's so obviously done at any decent level. The only ones who can't see it are Ronaldo and his weird defenders like Keane, Ferdinand et all. He's so fecking done that he's burnt at this point. Fair play to his career, no shame in being the 2nd best of the generation, just retire and be done with it, or take a wage cut and have another couple of years. Either way just feck off out of United you absolute cnut.
 

kidbob

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No one else decent in the prem will want him. Chelsea have already got Auba as the can't run/sometime goal poacher on 200K + a week squad filler and he's settling nicely onto their subs bench.

I do wonder about Napoli if they have the finances to make it work. Comfortably clear as Serie A leader and will probably fancy his experience to get them over the line as rotation option. And could certainly make quarters/SF of CL this year.
He would ruin Napoli's dressing room in a week and stop them winning the League. He is the sole reason Portugal won't do as well as they should at the World Cup. The guy is poison. Empoli is more his level at this point. Hell, would you take him at Villa if he took a massive wage cut?
 

joedirt87

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Maybe he will really like Qatar and reconsider that Saudi Arabia offer, we can only hope. Realistically it’s a loan to Portugal or Italy where United will pay the majority of his wages.
 

Desert Eagle

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So we basically have Napoli, MLS and Qatar/Saudi as the options right now. Imagine the clubs falling over themselves to sign Messi if he was available.
 

bosnian_red

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So we basically have Napoli, MLS and Qatar/Saudi as the options right now. Imagine the clubs falling over themselves to sign Messi if he was available.
Why would be go to Napoli to sit on the bench? Napoli have a better front 3 than we do
 

Desert Eagle

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Why would be go to Napoli to sit on the bench? Napoli have a better front 3 than we do
We have to hope some club puts money and marketing over football. Napoli is unlikely too I guess. Might just make sense to cut him loose and let the transfer market realities humble him.
 
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