Predict the coming "stories" about Ten Hag and United

[No Love]

Erik ten WAG - Mrs ten Hag offers Rebekah Vardy a fair dig upon her arrival in Manchester.

Seeing Double Dutch - Erik ten Hag and Jaap Stam seen in the same room at the same time, thus ending the rumour they are the same person.

 

[Oranges038]

He's not really bald. In a bit to make his builders bum more appealing to onlookers while tending his tulips , he had hair from his head implanted to fill in his receding crack.

 

[fastwalker]

Ten Hag Out!

 

[Baneofthegame]

Phil Jones injury woe continues. 'He threw me down the stairs.'

 

[soapythecat]

Pogba refuses to sign extension as he doesn’t believe he can make him a half decent footballer.
Maguire worried that ETH lacks the tactical nous to ensure he doesn’t have to touch the ball more than 3 times a game.
Beanz and Rashy feel the clubs move for ETH may hurt their online profiles and are seeking assurance United will pay for their lost followers.

 

[Foxbatt]

Rooney gets confused. He says why was he pilloried for shagging one hag while the United manager has done ten hags.

 

[Sparky Rhiwabon]

TEN FAG! Old Trafford ROCKED as new manager admits to modest nicotine addiction

 

[tenpoless]

Dutch bald reminds me of Pep : How Ronaldo's relationship with Ten Hag is over after seeing him drinking Coca-Cola in the club's canteen

 

[Giggsy13]

This is the best thread in a long time. Well done.

 

[MyOnlySolskjaer]

The Sun will probably use this as his picture.

 

[ForeverRed1]

This thread is gold

 

[ForeverRed1]

Ten Hag wants players to be intimate with each other

Sad Hag: United manager struggling with life in Manchester

Slag Hag:: Players heard slagging off the managers methods

Hen Hag. United boss tells players wags to stop interfering in football matters.

Mag vs Hag: Maguire and Ten Hag in punch up

Players had to wiki who he is.

 

[arthurka]

Erik Ten Hag prefers Den Haag over Manchester this summer. ”When you and your family are on holiday and the weather is shit, some decent sights are at least welcome„

 

[V.O.]

Ten Hag to bring back Stam to sort the defence problems.

Get this man his Kenwood juicer.

Tweet

— Twitter API (@user) date

 

[calodo2003]

The HAG Tribunal: Number of players face THE AXE for their CRIMES against football

Very good

 

[The Corinthian]

ERIK TEN SPAG: MUFC manager orders Italian at posh expensive Manchester restaurant as food bank use in Greater Manchester increases.

 

[Get In Scholesy]

Ten Hag SHOCKED at the lack of Dutch Ovens at in the Old Trafford pantry.

“Kitchen lacks technical ability” - anonymous sauce

 

[The Boy]

Erik Ten Haag goes ballistic 'cos slab head is atrocious.

 

[Frank Grimes]

Rooney in United cum and get plea after hearing United are to be taking over by Ten Hags. - Daily Sport

 

[tenpoless]

Get this man his Kenwood juicer.

Tweet

— Twitter API (@user) date

Bring back Daley Blind while he's at it. Cant be worse than Maguire. Can be a DM backup.

 

[tenpoless]

Nik Naks (ETH) turned my bellend orange

— Steve, 32 was shocked to see his member turning orange after a midnight snack time. "Then it occurred to me that Ten Hag is now United manager and I love the man more than my wife. The Dutch national team kit is orange so my love for him has turned my bellend to the same colour. It wasn't Nik Naks after all".

 

[MattJ166]

A cultural reset under way by ETH, dragging United into the modern era

ETH Showing United the way forward with thrashing of Leeds United

Neville: ETH not 'cute' enough against the big team, needs to adapt to the PL after crushing defeat to Man City

A retrospective: Where ETH failed in changing United's Culture and what can Poch do differently?

 

[Hampshire Rec]

Ten Hag was the second gunman on the grassy knoll!

 

[Micky Targaryen]

Undisclosed former player leaks row in dressing room: Players actually prefer Ole's management over ETH.

Leak: Ole

 

[pocco]

Erik Ten Bag - United manager admits to spending weekends stoned in Amsterdam Cafés.

 

[Member 101269]

TEZ, now ETH, will United improve the Pancake performance or become a DOGE dinner.

 

[R.N7]

Give us the Bald facts

 

[Hansi Fick]

Erik Ten Limbo - Bald Dutchman favourite for Utd job amid Hag-ling over contract, backroom staff

 

[UpWithRivers]

Erik Ten HAGGARD - Ten Haag hospitalized after two weeks of dealing with Man United
Erik Ten HAGRID - Ten Haag says he needs a magic wand to fix United
Erik Ten HAAGEN DAAS - Ice creams all around for anyone willing to run more than 10 meters
New King Erik emerges after Ten Haag loses his sht and Kung Fu kicks Maguire

 

[sewey89]

Erik TENT Hag - United’s new manager plans to ditch hotels and camp outside opposition grounds before away games

 

[horsechoker]

Nik Naks (ETH) turned my bellend orange

— Steve, 32 was shocked to see his member turning orange after a midnight snack time. "Then it occurred to me that Ten Hag is now United manager and I love the man more than my wife. The Dutch national team kit is orange so my love for him has turned my bellend to the same colour. It wasn't Nik Naks after all".

This will definitely happen in the Daily Star

 

[MUFC OK]

Utd at large? - Hag's first Ten games in charge

 

[Loon]

Ten Hag could have signed Arsene Wenger

 

[Andy_Cole]

Ten Draw Hag

After United draw 10 games in a row

 

[nazanto]

Few key individuals in United boardroom having doubt that ETH will able to reach it ATH which on Nov 10 reach it peaks at $4,878.26. They believe that BTC would be consider as more reliable and "safe" options but with the volatility of the crypto market that options would also be remain to be seen.

 

[copen1945]

"Does he know what an early cross looks like?"

 

[Ian Reus]

Ten Hag position unTENable after TEN games.

 

[clonsolar]

Ten Hag brings Van Der Saar with him and together they speak double dutch. Leaks completely stop though.

 

[DeGea’sFeet]

Paul Scholes thinks Ten Hags tactics are boring, why take 20 passes to create a chance when it can be done with 3 on the counter attack.

Man Utd players express concerns about Ten Hag’s tactics and training being too complicated.

Harry Maguire feels that defending is simple and Ten Hag is complicating it with instructions about where to position during various phases of play and in and out of possession.

As Man Utd string together 5 passes for the first time in over 4 years Old Trafford top reds erupt with screams of “attack attack attack” and “give them the ball so we can have a chance to win it back and counter attack“

 

[Partridge]

Some absolute gold here. A few of theses WILL be in one of the red tops, no doubt.

From Ten Haag to ruddy mad - Erik totally annoyed at united's loss to the united "chefs away team". Three of which were cutouts of certain players.

Haag gives maguire a one game rolling contract, with "phil jones 2" on the back of his shirt.

Ed woodward made " uniteds golden turd" by ten haag.