Steve Bruce's 'Sweeper!': reviewed

[SteveJ]

Godlike:

In what appears to have been an ambitiously short space of time between 1999 and 2000, the literary titan Steve Bruce wrote three thrilling novels, and published them just as briskly. We’re not sure why he did this, but we do know that he gets a bit sheepish when it’s brought up in interviews, and the exact details of the arrangement he had with Paragon Press Publishing are far from common knowledge. There are even rumours he didn’t actually write the books himself, but I refuse to believe such hearsay.

Anyway, after some gnashing and wailing following the sequel’s meteoric surge in price, (from £70 to over £250) a mysterious fellow Bruce fan sent me the second novel, Sweeper!, in exchange for my copy of the first. The result is the review that lies before you. Sit back, unwind, and let me escort you through Bruce’s second volume, a warren of intrigue featuring Yugoslavian warlords, lesbian prostitutes, Nazi-hunting spies and much, much more besides…

More:
http://thesetpieces.com/features/sweeper-steve-bruce-review/

 

[SteveJ]

That’s not to say there aren’t any exciting moments in the book. In fact, there are about three and they’re all shite. Some important plot revelations are almost maddeningly constructed, such as when Barnes realises that these heavily accented, tanned, “mediterranean-sounding” Nazi-hunters are Israelis. This is something he teases for a long time – in fact, over 100 pages of a 112-page book – despite there being more than a few clues and the fact that it is, after all, a book with an Israeli flag on the cover.

Towards the end, these guys have him in their clutches and his foxy captor lets slip that her favourite footballer is Eyal Berkovich.

It is this slip that finally leads him to work out that they’re from Israel, and even then it takes many, many pages after this revelation.

'These people were not Irish terrorists at all'.

 

[harms]

I can't remember, I read the bits of something similar, was it Bruce or some other footballer from that time, it seems that it was quite common at the time to assume that football talent is synonymic to the one of a writer

edit: oh, it was the review of Stevie's first book by the same guy

 

[Hammerfell]

This is almost as bad as Paul Jewell's sex tape.

 

[SteveJ]

http://shocko.info/words/2015/7/16/striker-by-steve-bruce-the-full-review

 

[Chesterlestreet]

On Striker! (Paragon, 1999):

This is a vexing book. On the one hand it is one of the most poorly writen books I have ever read, yet it is hugely satisfying.

- K. Woodwards (2009)

My own favourite is Defender! (even though it has been - and rightly, I suppose - described as clearly inferior to Sweeper!).

 

[Chesterlestreet]

Are there multiple editions of Striker!?

Answer: Yes.

Spoiler: Cover 1

Spoiler: Cover 2

Also, the person responsible for the cover designs (could it be Pally?) deserves special mention here.

 

[KiD MoYeS]

Godlike:


More:
http://thesetpieces.com/features/sweeper-steve-bruce-review/

Brilliant piece.

 

[Snow]

Where are the E-Books?

 

[Jippy]

Didn't have time to read this last week, but it was worth the wait.

@Mockney you managed to get hold of Striker didn't you? Did you ever get your hands on either of the other two?

 

[BobbyManc]

Bruce is a writer unafraid of lofty allusions. Following a visit from Michelle, a mystery blonde claiming to be Pat Duffy’s pregnant lover, Bruce reconciles her with old flame Martin Thornton, another squad member at Leddersford, solving their relationship problems simply by telling them to sit down and be quiet until they love each other again, like a sleepy, taciturn Jeremy Kyle. Afterwards, he reflects on their situation;

"I just hoped that he and Michelle would behave responsibly. If he were to beat her up, or even strike her once or twice, I would feel guilty."

Sound.

“A pair of star-crossed lovers,” I said to Julie.
She looked surprised.“That sounds clever, Steve. You have a way with words.”

"Not me. Old Bill Shakespeare.”

 

[Parry Gallister]

Had no idea about this, incredible.

 

[Tiber]

Have seen a few articles about this, funny stuff

Fair fecks to him

 

[Mockney]

Didn't have time to read this last week, but it was worth the wait.

@Mockney you managed to get hold of Striker didn't you? Did you ever get your hands on either of the other two?

I got Striker, yeah, and it was every bit as brilliant as I'd hoped. I read it in a single plane journey on account of its gripping narrative, and childishly large lettering.

I think I lent it to @MikeUpNorth?

The other two are insanely expensive to buy online, though. So no.

 

[Jippy]

I got Striker, yeah, and it was every bit as brilliant as I'd hoped. I read it in a single plane journey on account of its gripping narrative, and childishly large lettering.

I think I lent it to @MikeUpNorth?

The other two are insanely expensive to buy online, though. So no.

That was a good thread. I still hold out the increasingly forlorn hope that I'll blunder across a copy of the particularly elusive 'Defender' in a charity shop. Can't imagine there are that many copies still in existence though.

Years down the line, someone might rock up to Antiques Roadshow with a first edition.

 

[Mockney]

@swooshboy got a copy too - https://www.redcafe.net/threads/steve-bruce-the-author.405057/

Are we even sure Defender is real? And not some legendary mythical MacGuffin, like The History of Cardenio, or the Ark of the Covenant?

 

[Jimmy Greenhoff's Chest]

http://shocko.info/words/2015/7/16/striker-by-steve-bruce-the-full-review

One of the comments on there links to the comments on here: http://thinkofengland.blogspot.co.uk/2009/12/book-review-sweeper-by-steve-bruce.html

One of which claims that Steve Bruce had very little to do with it, which I refuse to believe.

"All 3 books (Striker, Sweeper and Defender)were published by Paragon Publishing in Huddersfield. They were written by the owner of the company a guy called Reggie Sharpe. A former headmaster, who was trying to make money as a publisher. He was an obnoxious man, who bordered arrogant to most people who met him. He wrote each book in about 3 days, and then had them printed. Steve Bruce had nothing to do with any of them, I doubt he even read them cause they really were drivel. I think he got paid £2000 for having his name and image on each book, and attending a book signing at Waterstones in Huddersfield. I know this because I played a part in converting the text files from M.S. Word format, which Reggie Sharpe wrote them in, to Apple Mac formats for printing, which at the time was the only way most print houses worked. On the second book cover, Reggie appears in the picture as the janitor with a sweeping brush. The whole affair was a money making scheme, designed to sell Paragons books. Bruce was nothing but a paid figured head who’s fame was used to create awareness. But I think that the sales were poor, with only a few hardened fans parting with their money. The rest of the copies were pulped I believe. Sorry to shatter peoples images of Steve the author, but he wasn’t. You were all conned."

 

[rimaldo]

One of the comments on there links to the comments on here: http://thinkofengland.blogspot.co.uk/2009/12/book-review-sweeper-by-steve-bruce.html

One of which claims that Steve Bruce had very little to do with it, which I refuse to believe.

"All 3 books (Striker, Sweeper and Defender)were published by Paragon Publishing in Huddersfield. They were written by the owner of the company a guy called Reggie Sharpe. A former headmaster, who was trying to make money as a publisher. He was an obnoxious man, who bordered arrogant to most people who met him. He wrote each book in about 3 days, and then had them printed. Steve Bruce had nothing to do with any of them, I doubt he even read them, largely cause they really were drivel, partly because he simply didn't have the time, in between managing huddersfield and driving his luxury jaguar motorcar. I think he got paid £2000 for having his name and image on each book, and attending a book signing at Waterstones in Huddersfield, he turned up to a chorus of women screaming his name, as he leapt from his sporty 3.2 jag and shot winks at fainting birds. Good looking ones too.

I know this because I played a part in converting the text files from M.S. Word format, which Reggie Sharpe wrote them in, to Apple Mac formats for printing, which at the time was the only way most print houses worked. On the second book cover, Reggie appears in the picture as the janitor with a sweeping brush. The whole affair was a money making scheme, designed to sell Paragons books. Bruce was nothing but a paid figured head who’s fame was used to create awareness. But I think that the sales were poor, with only a few hardened fans parting with their money. The rest of the copies were pulped I believe. Sorry to shatter peoples images of Steve the author, but he wasn’t. You were all conned."

nice try, steve.

 

[Chesterlestreet]

I'd call it a scandal of Calciopoli like proportions if it should transpire that Brucey didn't actually write them.

I refuse to believe it, though, until presented with solid evidence.

 

[Jippy]

@swooshboy got a copy too - https://www.redcafe.net/threads/steve-bruce-the-author.405057/

Are we even sure Defender is real? And not some legendary mythical MacGuffin, like The History of Cardenio, or the Ark of the Covenant?

The passages quoted in that thread. @swooshboy whatever happened to your copy?

 

[SirAF]

Dear God

 

[Chesterlestreet]

Some of these passages deserve to be quoted here in full:

I prepared and ate breakfast. My mother always impressed on me as a lad the importance of a good breakfast. I don’t go the full Monty: I can manage without a pork chop and black pudding. But I like cereals, followed by bacon and eggs. And toast with marmalade. All washed down with tea. That’s the kind of breakfast a man such as me needs.

Superb - but nothing compared to:

The gun was level with my belly. So this was what it was like to die. There was no doubt I was going to die. And not even in Newcastle. Not even Premier League. In Halifax, of all places, with a club in the third division.

Chandler's got nothing on this.

 

[swooshboy]

The passages quoted in that thread. @swooshboy whatever happened to your copy?

I sent mine to @RedMist99

Classic feat of literary work that book!

 

[Maagge]

Masterfully written.

Anyone else think of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace when they read some of the quotes?

 

[ivaldo]

Masterfully written.

Anyone else think of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace when they read some of the quotes?

now you say it.

 

[SteveJ]

"Blood. Blood. Blood...and bits of sick."

 

[BazzaBear]

The BBC has finally picked this up.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-37877150

 

[Donaldo]

The set pieces had the beat reviews of this. Guy called shocko on Twitter.