Team of the Weak
John Brewin (Soccernet)
The arguments will rage on about the PFA Team of the Season until about, well, August probably. No Ruud van Nistelrooy, one Manchester United name and the inclusion of Robert Pires, a player who has yet to recover the glittering form of last season and missed much of this through injury are all factors to be discussed.
But all that's not nearly as much fun as picking out those players who have have flopped, been ridiculed and dropped. Every team has a crowd pariah, a big-money buy that's yet to impress or a player whose best days look long gone. And here's our First XI of shame:
Jerzy Dudek
Pascal Cygan Titus Bramble
Stephen Carr Djimi Traore
Milenko Acimovic Paul Okon
Lee Bowyer Nick Barmby
Peter Crouch Lee Hughes
Howard Wilkinson
Between the sticks it's been a season to forget for a number of keepers. Mart Poom waited all season for his chance to prove his £3m price-tag and then gifted West Brom two goals. Peter Enckelmann has made some hilarious errors but the man who has fallen from the highest perch is none other than Liverpool's Jerzy Dudek, the best keeper in 2001-2 by a mile.
Dudek: What a difference a year makes.
(CliveBrunskill/GettyImages)
The Pole followed a shocking World Cup with some nervous showings in Europe and domestically, handing both Middlesbrough and Manchester United three points with catastrophic errors. He was swiftly dropped by Gerard Houllier, only to gain redemption when Chris Kirkland was ruled out for the season. There's been no major gaffes since but he's looked nowhere near the player of last year.
Controversy might surround the choice of our right-back, and his selection can be regarded as a protest vote at the PFA team. How Stephen Carr, whose season only began late and who has come in for heavy criticism from the Spurs faithful, got selected is a total mystery. The Irishman still looks nowhere near as good as he was before his cruciate knee ligament injury and has lost much of his once famed attacking zeal.
At left-back we have the versatile Djimi Traore a young Liverpool man with plenty of talent but the concentration of a three-year-old at a church service. Error-prone and positionally poor, the Frenchman was a major part of the Liverpool collapse of the winter months. His end-of-term report from former schoolmaster Houllier would probably says 'could do better'.
So too Titus Bramble. The former Ipswich hulk has yet to impress at Newcastle, where all the glittering attacking talent has been too often let down by shoddy defending. Run ragged in Manchester United's 6-2 win at St James', Bramble was also fallible as Barcelona ended the Toon's Euro campaign. Patrick Kluivert was allowed to open the Barca scoring as Bramble lost control of the ball in the befuddled manner of man who's just realized he'd left the gas on.
Joining him in the centre of defence is Arsenal's Pascal Cygan, who had seemed to have settled well into the Gunners backline in those halcyon autumn days of carefree football from Arsene Wenger's team. But as the wheels slowly started to loosen it was often Cygan's lack of pace and positional awareness that was to blame as Arsenal stuttered in Europe and at home.
And just when Wenger needed him most - following Sol Campbell's suspension - Cygan picked up a calf injury to end a troubled first year in the Premiership. Compared favourably to Tony Adams by Wenger on his signing, Cygan has had to contend with similar donkey-based insults from the terraces to the Highbury legend.
Few people will shed a tear or stand up for our right-sided midfielder. September saw Lee Bowyer set up an England goal for Alan Smith at Villa Park. The rest of the season has been an unmitigated disaster for the Londoner. He didn't earn an England recall amid rumours of a run-in with Sven Goran Eriksson and his status as a Leeds hero collapsed as he held out for a lucrative Bosman move.
Bowyer: A season of shame.
(JamieMcDonald/GettyImages)
West Ham took him for peanuts and got a right monkey and he has added nothing to a team desperate for fighters of the type that Bowyer once personified. Lacklustre and lacking in belief, the enthusiasm that once made his game seems to be gone while the vicious edge has been retained, best exampled by a horrific stamp on the head of Malaga defender Gerardo while still a Leeds player. Still, the six-game Euro ban he received is unlikely to be effected soon as there can be few right-minded high-flying takers for him at the season's end.
In midfield there is no bigger indicator of a lack of quality than to remain anonymous. And our midfield engine-room of Spurs' Milenko Acimovic and Leeds' Paul Okon have been suitably obscure.
Slovenian Acimovic was hailed by Glenn Hoddle as a 'very creative player from midfield' yet has failed to add anything to a Tottenham team who required far more attacking options in their vain quest for a European place. It may be a case of 'first-seasonitis' but being given just four starts hardly signifies belief from Eileen Drewery's most famous friend. The Slovene continues to ride the pine of the subs' bench.
Australian Okon was signed by Terry Venables in a cut-price deal to shore up the midfield engine-room after he had served Tel well at Middlesbrough. Ostensibly playing the role that had been David Batty's, the Elland Road 'faithful' soon found fault with the former Lazio man's rather plodding and one-paced style. Many openly yearned for Batty's return. And Leeds' midfield has singularly failed to protect a failing defence in the Whites' annus horribilis.
Another Venables signing takes up that always troublesome left-hand side of midfield. Nick Barmby looked a bargain when he joined Leeds for £2.75m and his opening displays seemed to prove as much. Then, just as Leeds faded into the ruin of a once-proud club, so did the Hull-born former England player and he looked every inch of a 'former England player' with a series of 'invisible man' displays.
Then, as ever in the much-travelled one's career, injury struck. But even after his return, now under the guidance of Peter Reid, he has still been unable to help halt the team's alarming and yet-to-be arrested slide towards the Nationwide.
Strikers are usually first in the firing line when it comes to criticism and there's no shortage of contenders. Hapless Emile Heskey went close, while unhappy Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's sour expression has been on view an awful lot. Dennis Bergkamp too has faded from view, while Alan Smith has been in hot water rather too often, Robbie Fowler's waddle from Leeds across to Manchester City has proved largely fallow for the 'out-of-condition' one, Steve Marlet is a Fulham flop, Middlesbrough's Massimo Maccarone has yet to impress while Sunderland's twin September signings of Marcus Stewart and Tore Andre Flo failed to add a scoring threat to a hapless team.
Peter Crouch: Does a damn good Rodney Trotter impression too.
(ShaunBotterill/GettyImages)
But the mark of a truly bad striking season is a lack of goals. Peter Crouch of Aston Villa is yet to hit the target after 22 appearances for Graham Taylor's men. The Midlands' best Ian Ormonroyd imitator often gives off the impression that he's as ungainly as a newly-born foal, possesses no skill and couldn't score in a Thai massage parlour. And he's done little to dispell that image with a series of displays that have revealed a complete lack of confidence in front of goal. Mind you, he's done well in the reserves, according to Graham Taylor.
Joining him in this most blunt of spearheads is not so prodigal son Lee Hughes who returned to West Brom after a year away at Coventry. Though they made £2.5m profit in signing him, the man formerly known as 'Vinda-lee' for his love of a pre-match curry has been truly, truly dreadful in front of goal. A single strike in a League Cup loss to Second Division Wigan Athletic is the sum total of his haul in a second spell at the Hawthorns and the nadir came in a farcically bad showing in the relegation six-pointer with West Ham. Maybe he should stick to chicken and beans.
So there we have it, a team fit for nothing. And because Sunderland, so collectively awful that no one individual made the cut, might still struggle to give them a game and despite a late charge from successor Mick McCarthy, there'd be no better man to manage this outfit than Howard Wilkinson.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmmm I wonder who else to add.... Emile "Hasbeen" Heskey?
John Brewin (Soccernet)
The arguments will rage on about the PFA Team of the Season until about, well, August probably. No Ruud van Nistelrooy, one Manchester United name and the inclusion of Robert Pires, a player who has yet to recover the glittering form of last season and missed much of this through injury are all factors to be discussed.
But all that's not nearly as much fun as picking out those players who have have flopped, been ridiculed and dropped. Every team has a crowd pariah, a big-money buy that's yet to impress or a player whose best days look long gone. And here's our First XI of shame:
Jerzy Dudek
Pascal Cygan Titus Bramble
Stephen Carr Djimi Traore
Milenko Acimovic Paul Okon
Lee Bowyer Nick Barmby
Peter Crouch Lee Hughes
Howard Wilkinson
Between the sticks it's been a season to forget for a number of keepers. Mart Poom waited all season for his chance to prove his £3m price-tag and then gifted West Brom two goals. Peter Enckelmann has made some hilarious errors but the man who has fallen from the highest perch is none other than Liverpool's Jerzy Dudek, the best keeper in 2001-2 by a mile.
Dudek: What a difference a year makes.
(CliveBrunskill/GettyImages)
The Pole followed a shocking World Cup with some nervous showings in Europe and domestically, handing both Middlesbrough and Manchester United three points with catastrophic errors. He was swiftly dropped by Gerard Houllier, only to gain redemption when Chris Kirkland was ruled out for the season. There's been no major gaffes since but he's looked nowhere near the player of last year.
Controversy might surround the choice of our right-back, and his selection can be regarded as a protest vote at the PFA team. How Stephen Carr, whose season only began late and who has come in for heavy criticism from the Spurs faithful, got selected is a total mystery. The Irishman still looks nowhere near as good as he was before his cruciate knee ligament injury and has lost much of his once famed attacking zeal.
At left-back we have the versatile Djimi Traore a young Liverpool man with plenty of talent but the concentration of a three-year-old at a church service. Error-prone and positionally poor, the Frenchman was a major part of the Liverpool collapse of the winter months. His end-of-term report from former schoolmaster Houllier would probably says 'could do better'.
So too Titus Bramble. The former Ipswich hulk has yet to impress at Newcastle, where all the glittering attacking talent has been too often let down by shoddy defending. Run ragged in Manchester United's 6-2 win at St James', Bramble was also fallible as Barcelona ended the Toon's Euro campaign. Patrick Kluivert was allowed to open the Barca scoring as Bramble lost control of the ball in the befuddled manner of man who's just realized he'd left the gas on.
Joining him in the centre of defence is Arsenal's Pascal Cygan, who had seemed to have settled well into the Gunners backline in those halcyon autumn days of carefree football from Arsene Wenger's team. But as the wheels slowly started to loosen it was often Cygan's lack of pace and positional awareness that was to blame as Arsenal stuttered in Europe and at home.
And just when Wenger needed him most - following Sol Campbell's suspension - Cygan picked up a calf injury to end a troubled first year in the Premiership. Compared favourably to Tony Adams by Wenger on his signing, Cygan has had to contend with similar donkey-based insults from the terraces to the Highbury legend.
Few people will shed a tear or stand up for our right-sided midfielder. September saw Lee Bowyer set up an England goal for Alan Smith at Villa Park. The rest of the season has been an unmitigated disaster for the Londoner. He didn't earn an England recall amid rumours of a run-in with Sven Goran Eriksson and his status as a Leeds hero collapsed as he held out for a lucrative Bosman move.
Bowyer: A season of shame.
(JamieMcDonald/GettyImages)
West Ham took him for peanuts and got a right monkey and he has added nothing to a team desperate for fighters of the type that Bowyer once personified. Lacklustre and lacking in belief, the enthusiasm that once made his game seems to be gone while the vicious edge has been retained, best exampled by a horrific stamp on the head of Malaga defender Gerardo while still a Leeds player. Still, the six-game Euro ban he received is unlikely to be effected soon as there can be few right-minded high-flying takers for him at the season's end.
In midfield there is no bigger indicator of a lack of quality than to remain anonymous. And our midfield engine-room of Spurs' Milenko Acimovic and Leeds' Paul Okon have been suitably obscure.
Slovenian Acimovic was hailed by Glenn Hoddle as a 'very creative player from midfield' yet has failed to add anything to a Tottenham team who required far more attacking options in their vain quest for a European place. It may be a case of 'first-seasonitis' but being given just four starts hardly signifies belief from Eileen Drewery's most famous friend. The Slovene continues to ride the pine of the subs' bench.
Australian Okon was signed by Terry Venables in a cut-price deal to shore up the midfield engine-room after he had served Tel well at Middlesbrough. Ostensibly playing the role that had been David Batty's, the Elland Road 'faithful' soon found fault with the former Lazio man's rather plodding and one-paced style. Many openly yearned for Batty's return. And Leeds' midfield has singularly failed to protect a failing defence in the Whites' annus horribilis.
Another Venables signing takes up that always troublesome left-hand side of midfield. Nick Barmby looked a bargain when he joined Leeds for £2.75m and his opening displays seemed to prove as much. Then, just as Leeds faded into the ruin of a once-proud club, so did the Hull-born former England player and he looked every inch of a 'former England player' with a series of 'invisible man' displays.
Then, as ever in the much-travelled one's career, injury struck. But even after his return, now under the guidance of Peter Reid, he has still been unable to help halt the team's alarming and yet-to-be arrested slide towards the Nationwide.
Strikers are usually first in the firing line when it comes to criticism and there's no shortage of contenders. Hapless Emile Heskey went close, while unhappy Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's sour expression has been on view an awful lot. Dennis Bergkamp too has faded from view, while Alan Smith has been in hot water rather too often, Robbie Fowler's waddle from Leeds across to Manchester City has proved largely fallow for the 'out-of-condition' one, Steve Marlet is a Fulham flop, Middlesbrough's Massimo Maccarone has yet to impress while Sunderland's twin September signings of Marcus Stewart and Tore Andre Flo failed to add a scoring threat to a hapless team.
Peter Crouch: Does a damn good Rodney Trotter impression too.
(ShaunBotterill/GettyImages)
But the mark of a truly bad striking season is a lack of goals. Peter Crouch of Aston Villa is yet to hit the target after 22 appearances for Graham Taylor's men. The Midlands' best Ian Ormonroyd imitator often gives off the impression that he's as ungainly as a newly-born foal, possesses no skill and couldn't score in a Thai massage parlour. And he's done little to dispell that image with a series of displays that have revealed a complete lack of confidence in front of goal. Mind you, he's done well in the reserves, according to Graham Taylor.
Joining him in this most blunt of spearheads is not so prodigal son Lee Hughes who returned to West Brom after a year away at Coventry. Though they made £2.5m profit in signing him, the man formerly known as 'Vinda-lee' for his love of a pre-match curry has been truly, truly dreadful in front of goal. A single strike in a League Cup loss to Second Division Wigan Athletic is the sum total of his haul in a second spell at the Hawthorns and the nadir came in a farcically bad showing in the relegation six-pointer with West Ham. Maybe he should stick to chicken and beans.
So there we have it, a team fit for nothing. And because Sunderland, so collectively awful that no one individual made the cut, might still struggle to give them a game and despite a late charge from successor Mick McCarthy, there'd be no better man to manage this outfit than Howard Wilkinson.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmmm I wonder who else to add.... Emile "Hasbeen" Heskey?