What kind of footballer would you have been?

[Art Vandelay]

An erratic unpredictable and very frustrating winger in the Hulk/Laurent Robert/Nani mould. I had ridiculous pace, was completely two footed, was an excellent crosser and had an absolute rocket of a shot. I was also excellent with freekicks, penalties and corners. The problem being I lacked a brain, I'd shoot from anywhere much to everyone's annoyance when it went wrong, I was a red card waiting to happen and my tracking back often had disastrous consequences. Prone to the spectacular but lacking when it comes to the mundane.

I used to get compared to Roberto Carlos and Hitzlesperger because of the insane amounts of power I could generate in my shots. Attempts at playing me at either fullback position or central midfield were ill fated.

 

[PoTMS]

Lee Cattermole.

 

[Ecstatic]

An erratic unpredictable and very frustrating winger in the Hulk/Laurent Robert/Nani mould. I had ridiculous pace, was completely two footed, was an excellent crosser and had an absolute rocket of a shot. I was also excellent with freekicks, penalties and corners. The problem being I lacked a brain, I'd shoot from anywhere much to everyone's annoyance when it went wrong, I was a red card waiting to happen and my tracking back often had disastrous consequences. Prone to the spectacular but lacking when it comes to the mundane.

I used to get compared to Roberto Carlos and Hitzlesperger because of the insane amounts of power I could generate in my shots. Attempts at playing me at either fullback position or central midfield were ill fated.

You really look like Laurent Robert

 

[LuisNaniencia]

Poor man's Kyle Walker. Fastish, physical, prone to at least 3 Brain farts a game.

 

[Art Vandelay]

You really look like Laurent Robert

I look nothing like him.

I did get compared to him a lot. Given my pace, crossing and habit of twatting the ball really, really hard. Until Hulk came along and people compared me to him instead, given my propensity to thump the ball into the stand with reckless abandon after blindly cutting inside.

 

[Ecstatic]

I look nothing like him.

I did get compared to him a lot. Given my pace, crossing and habit of twatting the ball really, really hard. Until Hulk came along and people compared me to him instead, given my propensity to thump the ball into the stand with reckless abandon after blindly cutting inside.

You say one thing and the contrary! You're Laurent!

 

[broccoli]

Used to play as a striker in my youth teams before giving up on football out of laziness.

Was never a clinicial in the box type of striker though. Had lots of technique and could do anthing with the ball when I had the confidence. Physically powerful as well.

I'd say a bit of the brazilian Ronaldo with less pace and Riquelme for his technique and awareness.
Always lacked confidence and selfishness to score often. Eventually gave up because I never felt adapted to the new clubs.

 

[Andersonson]

I wouldve been a poor mans Glenn Murray

 

[sp_107]

A striker like Lukaku, What you want more than earning loads of Dosh even not scoring goals and don't have to know what actually first touch means

 

[Class of 63]

I'd have been the first professional footballer that had to pay my clubs for the privilege of playing for them.

 

[Macern]

I played for a little while in the Norwegian 4th tier - mostly as a left back although I’m right footed. So yeah, I’m a shit version of Darmian I guess

 

[SadlerMUFC]

I started playing when I was 4 and now at 44 I still play. It's mostly with our clubs over 35 team but I still play with our mens team when they are short. And in my time, I have always been a utility player or a keeper. I would start most games as a right sided midfielder but play every position on the field accept for centre half and centre midfield (I have a horrible first touch). So I would be a John O'Shea type of player. Mind you, I'm also some what of a set piece specialist and I score most of my goals from free kicks. If I am 25 yards and in I have the ability to bend it over the wall. Outside of 25 yards I don't have the power so I leave that to another teammate. And I rarely miss. Either the keeper saves it or I score and because of this, it drives me nuts when I see professionals kick it into the wall or blast it 10 yards over the goal. If I can bend it over the wall, why can't they???

 

[Rob]

I was probably a little like Xabi Alonso in that I sat deep in midfield and tried to dictate play. Also had a tendency to get a lot of cards, so a mixture between Xabi and Roy Keane, I guess.

 

[padr81]

That sub goalkeeper who ate all the pastry.

 

[cesc's_mullet]

A fast, physical no nonsense defender or DM. Generally always played that position when playing Futsal.

 

[El Zoido]

I used to play right wing and spent hours copying Beckham’s technique. I quit playing football at 16-17ish around the same time I discovered women and recreational drugs. I was never going to have a football career obviously but I was decent enough.

Played for my local town youth club from 13-16, they said I was too small to be a centre forward (got easily outmuscled by big defenders) but had more of a football brain than a lot of the lads so I could make up for my lack of physicality by reading the game really well. I could do a pretty fair imitation of the Beckham technique for crossing and freekicks. I’m in my thirties now and have barely kicked a ball for over a decade.

 

[Andersons Dietician]

A cross between Brazilian Ronaldo, Zidane and Nani/Bebe. Left foot right foot didn’t care and loved to try basically the impossible, was fast, explosive, great balance, could pick a pass, didn’t mind getting in about but this need to try the impossible infuriated people and often they were never on my wave length as to what I was away to do or wanting them to go.
When it came off tho my highlight reel or Uoutube video would have been incredible, once compared to a firework, for one brief moment it’s beautiful, explosive and magical, but then it disappears and you’re left disappointed.

Preferred to play behind a striker in a free role and just roamed about doing what I wanted, late in life I became more of a DM and just sprayed passes.

 

[Cloud7]

A defensive mid in the Carrick/Busquets mold. I’ve got quite good vision, even if the execution is lacking at times Overall a decent range of passing both short and long, quite a good tackler, very good reading of the game, spotting runs and passes and such.

Not very good going forward though. My dribbling is poor, and my shooting technique has always been found lacking. I’m good at placing a shot but for whatever reason I’ve never been able to generate much power.

 

[Acheron]

Midfielder or being in a libero would had been my best positions I think.

I wasn't very good as an attacker and I was never big enough to be a defender so my best attribute was just my stamina and being able to keep running and pressuring most part of a match. I'm also super right footed and could take good free kicks, corner kicks and I also liked to shoot penalties. I also think I had an ok passing range (probably better at long range) and good positioning and shit at heading and defending set pieces.

 

[Don Alfredo]

Probably one of the 8s in a midfield 3. Always driving the ball forward, always making myself available for a pass. Decent ball control in tight spaces, but never a skillfull dribbler. Very one footed. I would score an okay amount of goals because I like to be part of counter attacks late in the game, but those are just easy tap-ins, not screamers.

Defensively a bit suspect but very useful in man marking.

Marchisio or Herrera fit the most of what I am trying to describe.

 

[Stadjer]

A even more immobile version of Berbatov. Controlling hoofballs near the midline without a problem, shielding the ball before passing them to a teammate and slowly walking/jogging towards goal... only to arrive when the attack was already over.

 

[Butch Cassidy]

Left footed winger with distinctly average pace and mediocre skills, so all about right place at right time for me. I like to assist more than try a shot. So a shit winger that doesnt cut in - so chalk on the boots, is what I'd be. Fill in left back occasionally too. That type.

Downing. You'd get a gig at Liverpool.

 

[glorious]

An incredibly shittier version of Juan Roman Riquelme.

 

[championo]

Tony Yeboah.
I can score really spectacular goals once in a while but can't control the ball for shit.

 

[Freak]

A fat Ronaldo like striker. In his prime. Yes I was that good. Take that you cnuts.

 

[tomaldinho1]

Think of me as a young Ivan Campo but shoehorned at RB and you have my youth career in a nutshell

 

[tedketterman]

Gary Neville. Right back is feckin easy.

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

David Bellion. Loads of pace and not much else.

 

[broccoli]

A even more immobile version of Berbatov. Controlling hoofballs near the midline without a problem, shielding the ball before passing them to a teammate and slowly walking/jogging towards goal... only to arrive when the attack was already over.

A fat Ronaldo like striker. In his prime. Yes I was that good. Take that you cnuts.

Think of me as a young Ivan Campo but shoehorned at RB and you have my youth career in a nutshell

good thread

An erratic unpredictable and very frustrating winger in the Hulk/Laurent Robert/Nani mould. I had ridiculous pace, was completely two footed, was an excellent crosser and had an absolute rocket of a shot. I was also excellent with freekicks, penalties and corners. The problem being I lacked a brain, I'd shoot from anywhere much to everyone's annoyance when it went wrong, I was a red card waiting to happen and my tracking back often had disastrous consequences. Prone to the spectacular but lacking when it comes to the mundane.

I used to get compared to Roberto Carlos and Hitzlesperger because of the insane amounts of power I could generate in my shots. Attempts at playing me at either fullback position or central midfield were ill fated.

Pics of those quads or it didn't happen!

I used to play right wing and spent hours copying Beckham’s technique. I quit playing football at 16-17ish around the same time I discovered women and recreational drugs. I was never going to have a football career obviously but I was decent enough.

Played for my local town youth club from 13-16, they said I was too small to be a centre forward (got easily outmuscled by big defenders) but had more of a football brain than a lot of the lads so I could make up for my lack of physicality by reading the game really well. I could do a pretty fair imitation of the Beckham technique for crossing and freekicks. I’m in my thirties now and have barely kicked a ball for over a decade.

Similar story as mine except it was Ultima Online and drugs.

 

[matherto]

Had I been much more dedicated and infinitely more talented then some kind of SS/#10.

When I play with mates I get assist after assist and always work well when I've got someone running around in front of me or winning headers to knock down for me, always had a good eye for a pass, especially in between the lines.

I started off at RB then moved to RM at the height of Becks and he was my hero, I had #7 and a pair of Preds so I used to spend hours in the park, on the field or in my back garden practising crosses and free kicks. I was always small and scrawny so I never thought much of myself but I've learnt since that I've got good close control in tight areas, I just never had the confidence to try dribbling past/in between people when I was a kid. One day the team I played for stuck me up front and I dribbled past six players and scored and I've never understood why I couldn't do it more often, perhaps they were just shite

 

[711]

Water carrier. Not skilful, no strength, so had to work like feck. But could add a goal or two because I'd get on that back post a hundred times, and not panic, just pass it in the net.

 

[el3mel]

I would like to be a Darmian. Never plays but is a big team player and recieves a huge salary per week.

 

[AndersB]

A pretty successful one, judging by Lukaku's level these days.

 

[hobbers]

Somewhere between a Vidic and a Berbatov.

Played CB mostly at school and loved kicking the shit out of people, but was often compared to (young) Berbatov because of how lackadaisical I was whilst being fairly skilful with the ball. Not much pace but a mean volley, scored a couple worldies including a scorpion kick.

 

[Infordin]

Goalkeeper

I’m a decent shot-stopper and I have quite a good collection of saves. Too bad no one has recorded any of them on camera.

 

[Isotope]

Combination of Baresi and Kohler... when they were 12 y.o.

Scratch that. Make it 7.

 

[99withaflake]

Growing up I was a pacey, skilful, creative winger. I modelled my game on Ryan Giggs and was one of the best players in the local area.

After discovering alcohol, my pace and fitness soon disappeared, and I ended up being a version of Tom Huddlestone.

 

[redtony]

I was more of a Dirk Kuyt! Absolute horse**** at everything, yet still had an easy time making the school first XI.

I loved hearing the 'football experts' trying to figure out what I was good at

 

[Achilles McCool]

Prime Diego without the technique.

So a coke fiend in short shorts??!
I want this guy on my team!

As for me, I was a poor man’s Psycho, aka Stuart Pearce. I was a 6’3”, fast LB that liked to mix it up. I’ve also scored a few left foot free kicks like the ‘91 FA Cup Final ()
Idolised Denis Irwin

 

[oneniltothearsenal]

I'd want to be Junior but in reality I'd be Peter Storey