Why are all tweets about football stats like this?

[Wonder Pigeon]

Number - Football player has achieved a boring statistic for club during season. Adverb.

100% - the number of tweets Opta and the like have written in this style since Twitter began. Irritating.

 

[Member 125398]

78% - Wout Weghorst has the most wry smiles after not nearly scoring in all Europe. Woutever.

 

[Chipper]

689 - the number of posts where wonder pigeon made good observations. Studious.

 

[Big Ben Foster]

Easy - because people have no creativity nowadays. Copycats.

 

[horsechoker]

99 - the year we're gonna party like. Revolution

 

[tenpoless]

Because they're understaffed and the tweets were done by an intern who doesn't get paid. Their pay is work experience for a task that doesn't require uni degree to begin with. Back in my days I drove tourists around in Taxi and was able to feed 3 kids, 1 wife and buy a house with no mortgage, didn't even finish my school.

 

[Rightnr]

Because they're understaffed and the tweets were done by an intern who doesn't get paid. Their pay is work experience for a task that doesn't require uni degree to begin with. Back in my days I drove tourists around in Taxi and was able to feed 3 kids, 1 wife and buy a house with no mortgage.

Wtf, how did your girlfriend survive

 

[Chairman Steve]

Being the Opta Twitter account is the step down from being on the BBC live text feed. Ran by some sports journalism graduate fresh out of Uni to be the typing monkey.

Opta needs you to be a statto (14 - The thousands of pound sterling I have in student debt from university. Destitute)

BBC needs you to editorialise and be obnoxiously relatable. (It’s a penalty but it doesn’t look like one to me that doesn’t! By the way remember Freddy Adu and Kerlon?)