Onana - He was fine apart form when he came out to collect the ball then somehow ended up rolling on the floor without the ball and also not in his goal whilst also rolling the ball straight to a city player. At least two saves though that were far from routine.
Dalot - Where does he go? The second goal. Where is he? He's not in attack, he's not in defence. Where's he gone there? He does this all the time. Its like Where's Wally except it turns out he's on holiday in Bermuda so isn't actually in the picture.
Evans - Not that I thought he was one of the worst players, but anyone have any idea what "tactics" (as ETH put it), require picking Johnny Evans over Rafael Varane? The tactics of your mate bet £10 Evans would be in the line up?
Maguire - There goes the 110% win ratio or whatever it was.
Lindelof - So we signed an emergency left back, in order to avoid having to do something desperate like have to play Lindelof at left back for example, and then leave them on the bench so we can play Lindelof at left back? Ok. Definitely not concerning or daft in any way.
Amrabat - We also appear to have signed an emergency midfielder so we can either play them not in midfield or replace them with not a midfield at half time.
Eriksen - He played that one Beckham ball to Rashford, but unfortunately Rashford was able to get across and defend the situation from himself.
McTominay - I liked him better in the first half when he didn't really do anything football related but was far enough up the pitch for it not to matter as much.
Bruno - Playing on the right wing so McTominay could play in Bruno's position so McTominay could then have to move out of Bruno's positon so Mount could play in Bruno's position, so Mount and Bruno could then swap places, or something. I dunno it must have made sense to someone. Anyway he was shite. Disagreed with Neville's assessment that he was just going round trying to "do" everyone and somehow psychopathically controlled Antony into kicking someone.
Rashford - Somewhere there's a bunch of aliens playing buggs bunny and co at a game of football and one of them has stolen Rashford's ability.
Hojlund - Good first half, then in the second half Mason Mount was brought on to link up play with him.
Subs:
Mount - Did he touch the ball? I feel bad for him but I still don't know what he even does never mind what he's good at.
Everyone else - Came on late enough that I'm sparing them, apart from Antony who managed to be annoying.
Antony - Annoying.
ETH - So, just to be clear, he played McTominay at no10, so his no10 could play on the right wing, so his £80m right winger could sit on the bench along with his £50m central midfielder who can't play in central midfield. Then at half time he subbed off the central midfielder he signed to play in central midfield, so he could move his no10 who isn't a no10 into central midfield, so he could bring his central midfielder who isn't a central midfielder on at no10, so his no10 could stay on the right wing. He signed a left back on emergency loan so he wouldn't have to not play a left back at left back, so he could leave them on the bench so he could not play a left back at left back. You know if you're sitting on a plane, and the pilot keeps pressing random buttons in the hope the next one he presses will be the on button? At what point would you maybe think you should get off before he causes you to die? Because I feel like our players will maybe reach that point quite soon.
Gary Neville - There is still no button on my tv remote that causes nurses to come and escort Neville to bed once his anti dramatic medication wears off, and I feel like this is something Sky really need to address.
Haaland - He does some up City quite well. Obviously better than everyone else, yet somehow also completely uninteresting to watch or feel any particular way about at the same time.
