ONE thing England fans will miss now Emile Heskey has retired from international football are the jokes.
With just seven goals in 62 Three Lions games, the misfiring Aston Villa striker became a fans' favourite - for the wrong reasons.
Here, we look back fondly on the laughs Emile has given us.
We're only joking, big man...
It could be a lot worse Emile ... at least you're not Ashley Cole
A prisoner on Death Row in Utah has been allowed to choose his firing squad. He has chosen Heskey.
The England football team go to a theatre in Cape Town to relax. Suddenly Emile gets up and walks on to the stage.
Fabio Capello shouts, "Heskey! What are you doing up there?" Heskey replies, "Doing what you said boss. Holding up the play."
Emile gets a part-time job at a zoo and the keeper, aware of the striker's reputation for a lack of pace, tells him to take care of the tortoises.
Later the keeper pops to see how Emile is doing and finds him standing by an empty enclosure, sobbing. "Where have all the tortoises gone?" asks the keeper. Emile shrugs and says: "I just opened the door and whoooossh!!!"
It'll be nice for Emile when he weds Chantelle Tagoe. It'll make a change to hear "Mrs Heskey" instead of "Heskey misses".
Emile plans to open a pub when he retires - because he's great at putting shots over the bar.
Today in England training, Heskey's 1,000 shots all hit the net. Shame they were playing tennis.
What's the difference between the BP oil spill and Heskey? The oil spill posed a threat to the United States.
A fan was chuffed when he got Emile's autograph after a match. The next week, he accosted him again and got another signature.
After the following game he tried to get it again. Heskey said, "This is the third time you've asked for my autograph. What's going on?" "Well," said the man, "If I get eight more of yours I can swap them for one of Wayne Rooney's."
A Nigerian player arrived at Aston Villa. During training the manager kept saying: "Foot, ball, goal - foot, ball, goal," while pointing at his foot, the ball then the goal.
The Nigerian said: "Don't speak so slowly, I speak perfect English." Then the manager told him, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Emile."
Robert Green faced over 100 shots in training today without conceding a goal. Tomorrow, he and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.
A spectator got into the England dressing room after the England v Algeria game. A few unsettling minutes passed before the team realised it was just Emile.
The new Emile Heskey Subbuteo playing piece was released today and the likeness is uncanny - especially that big block of concrete around his feet.
Read more: The best jokes about Emile Heskey | The Sun |Features
With just seven goals in 62 Three Lions games, the misfiring Aston Villa striker became a fans' favourite - for the wrong reasons.
Here, we look back fondly on the laughs Emile has given us.
We're only joking, big man...
It could be a lot worse Emile ... at least you're not Ashley Cole
A prisoner on Death Row in Utah has been allowed to choose his firing squad. He has chosen Heskey.
The England football team go to a theatre in Cape Town to relax. Suddenly Emile gets up and walks on to the stage.
Fabio Capello shouts, "Heskey! What are you doing up there?" Heskey replies, "Doing what you said boss. Holding up the play."
Emile gets a part-time job at a zoo and the keeper, aware of the striker's reputation for a lack of pace, tells him to take care of the tortoises.
Later the keeper pops to see how Emile is doing and finds him standing by an empty enclosure, sobbing. "Where have all the tortoises gone?" asks the keeper. Emile shrugs and says: "I just opened the door and whoooossh!!!"
It'll be nice for Emile when he weds Chantelle Tagoe. It'll make a change to hear "Mrs Heskey" instead of "Heskey misses".
Emile plans to open a pub when he retires - because he's great at putting shots over the bar.
Today in England training, Heskey's 1,000 shots all hit the net. Shame they were playing tennis.
What's the difference between the BP oil spill and Heskey? The oil spill posed a threat to the United States.
A fan was chuffed when he got Emile's autograph after a match. The next week, he accosted him again and got another signature.
After the following game he tried to get it again. Heskey said, "This is the third time you've asked for my autograph. What's going on?" "Well," said the man, "If I get eight more of yours I can swap them for one of Wayne Rooney's."
A Nigerian player arrived at Aston Villa. During training the manager kept saying: "Foot, ball, goal - foot, ball, goal," while pointing at his foot, the ball then the goal.
The Nigerian said: "Don't speak so slowly, I speak perfect English." Then the manager told him, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Emile."
Robert Green faced over 100 shots in training today without conceding a goal. Tomorrow, he and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.
A spectator got into the England dressing room after the England v Algeria game. A few unsettling minutes passed before the team realised it was just Emile.
The new Emile Heskey Subbuteo playing piece was released today and the likeness is uncanny - especially that big block of concrete around his feet.
Read more: The best jokes about Emile Heskey | The Sun |Features
