The Communal Story Thread

[redcharlie]

right then lads,

Back to 148, as you were. Pleck and Spin are obviously hallucinating, one with dread and the other with a bizarre fascination for butt-plugs. Could it be anything to do with Davo's impending visit to the Catskill mountains, home of boxing legends ?

I'm calling in the heavies for back up now.........Rams ( you cnut), Ste Grassham and for some technical support, Golden Blunder.
C'mon boys. Get some grit into the big fellow. I sense the nimble dancing routine has run its course and one of our boys could be in for a bashing when the Cardiff Cruncher disrobes and Yaps, the cowboy, starts ringing a bell.

Caaaaamon Plek, keep skipping,lad. Hup one two three four, hup....

Ps: not sure if I'll be around for the grand finale. ( i've a scrap with my own boss looming tomorrow), but any able debutants are welcome to commentate in my absence.

Hup Plek, hup, two. three ,four..........

 

[golden_blunder]

c'mon Plech dont let the side down fella

keep your guard up, jab and watch for the cheating cnuts sneaky bollocks mule kick

 

[Nialler]

our hero 26 meanwhile lay slumped on the ground like Jabba the Hud, lost in meaningless thought, craving lard sarnies when suddenly the helicopter reappeared with David Icke at the controls who directs a powerful tractor beam around the hapless 26 and pulls back on the choppers gearstick in an attempt to carry 26 off into the neon lit night sky, the 'copter wavers and wobbles with 26 three feet off the ground and a deafening metal grinding sound can be heard throughout northern Europe as the machines rotor blades snap and 26 falls atop of Davo trapping him and some armadillos resulting in confused pandemonium among the other intrepid caf characters that got dragged into this meandering tale

 

[Honest John]

As the caffers struggled to find some order in their tangled lives an eerie rumble could be heard in the distance and the group petered into silent awe. As they stared into the shimmering city where the buildings slimmed like a vista to a point on the horizon, a terrible dust cloud appeared. As the maelstrom advanced through the haze it was as though the devils own horsemen were raging towards the group and they were frozen with a sickening terror. The cloud, ever closer, billowed like the vortex of a fighter jet and at its head, gleaming like a mirror in the hammering sun was a chrome-clad silver Ford Escort with a spoiler. This slab of a car screeched to a dusty halt beside our petrified and clueless heroes, the door opened and a 6' 4" 250 lb black man wearing a black suit and shades got out. He stared at the shaking caffers for a moment, then taking a a couple of slow deliberate backward steps, he positoned himself at the back door of the car. He opened the door. As the black man stood by, the caffers watched as a pair of £3000 Cuban heel snake-skin boots appeared under the door. The guy got out real slow and deliberate like a gunslinger dismounting a horse. As he turned face-on the caffers were almost blinded by a searing glare that eminated from the guys chest. Holding his hands over his eyes 26 said "Who are you?" No reply. "Is that you, Niall?" said Davo. The reflection of the sun from the object on the guys chest continued to flash like a beacon. "Hello boys" The voice was smooth but menacing. "So we meet at last" The caffers looked at one another. "What do you want with us?" cried Andy "What do I want with you?" mocked the voice. "I'll tell you what I want with you. I want your souls and your miserable lives" Spin said "But why, what have we done to you?" "Oh you had your fun" growled the voice. "Now its payback time. All you cnuts who wanted to fight me, who ridiculed me, who dug up embarrassing sites where I had left my details, who thought you could hide behind a computer screen and humiliate me. Now the time is mine!" From out of the sunlight stepped Ste_Grassham...................

 

[golden_blunder]

who then got hit by a passing tampax delivery lorry, and that was the end of him

 

[26 may 1999]

"Poor Ste!"

Never had much luck.

Anyway...

 

[cD]

In the distance the sound of a helicopter could be heard and as Spin and Co. turned to face the flying vehicle, they couldnt help but hear helpless cries and a few moments later discovered that they came from a guy hanging by a rope from the helicopter."Melvin" shouted Davo. "What're you doing in that position?" Replied Melvin, "I complained to my co-pilot about his poor singing and he threw me down" Paz, it seems, did not appreciate being told off.

 

[PSV Rulezzz]

And then they saw another strange object in the air.... It looked like a UFO!
And suddenly there appeared a figure out of the dark. It was ALF! And he had been looking for Yaps al over!

 

[cD]

And as they stood and watched Alf with fear. The 'copter landed as did Melvin and out stepped Paz into the limelight. "Alf", he said, "Take me to your leader"

 

[golden_blunder]

"huh huh" said Spaz pointing at the chopper

"heh heh look Paz its a chopper" said Melv

"you said chopper huh huh huh huh" continued Spaz

 

[cD]

A drop fell from the sky

 

[gaz hacket]

It was,nt a drop it was gaz jumping of the hanger near the chopper who shouted to 26 jump in mate lets get the hell out of here .
Gaz started the copter up and up the they went with melvino and paz looking on in horror as there copter was stolen by northerners.

 

[golden_blunder]

"huh huh huh huh hey Melv theyre like uhhh stealing our chopper"

"heh heh heh heh heh heh you said chopper"

"huh huh huh huh huh"

just then, there was a whoosh and a rocket was heading towards the chopper. Fired by a mobile AQ unit. As the rocket headed towards the chopper, our heroes...

 

[Honest John]

..were frantically engaged in a wanking competiton. 26 with his laptop and webcam had contacted a 43 year old housewife from Ohio called Joanne whose express desire was to watch 26 and his pals go head to head on the helicopter.

 

[26 may 1999]

26 won the competition easily...

2 mins 15 seconds was his new record.

Unfortunately though...26s seedless man juice covered the windscreen and prevented normal vision.

Ser...mash...

The likely lads crashed staight into the Queens bedroom at Buckingham Palace.

The Queen was not amused...

 

[Big Andy]

as she was sat upon the throne when the copter had come through the wall, unfortunately, 26's love juice had been dislodged from the copter window upon impact, and had gone all in the queens hair and eyes.

Blinded, and disorientated, the queen grabbed out, but only succeeding in walking into the path of Gaz, who was still frantically fwapping away, the sight of the queen, covered in spunk was too much for Gaz, who climaxed instantly, and let fly with a volley of spunk, which again covered the queen!

In walked Prince Phillip, who stood there shocked, and said to 26 and Gaz................................

 

[Wobbly]

Are you Dossers.....You look like state spongers.

Get a real job you feckwits.

 

[26 may 1999]

"You get a job you kebab munching freeloader!"

Shouted 26 as the beefeaters led him off to the tower.

 

[gaz hacket]

Whilst gaz and 26 were led to the tower by the beefeaters gaz elbowed one of the cockerney beefeating gits in the face and ran off in to the palace grounds and disguised himself as a corgie to make his escape .

 

[golden_blunder]

but unfortunately one of princess annes dogs was on the loose and proceeded to hump the corgi-lookalike Gaz up the arse.

Princess Anne meanwhile...

 

[gaz hacket]

Luckily for gaz he was arrested just in time, by to beefeaters fat fecks before the english bulls set about him and was taken too the tower and thrown in a dungeon with 26 .
Gaz is that you said 26 yes it is he replied ,we,ll have to plan an escape ok gaz said like the colditz film gaz said ,yes said 26 we,ll rest and eat first then start our escape plan tommorow .

 

[Honest John]

26 long years later the they discovered that the door opened inwards and the beefeater had only put them in there for a larf.

 

[Big Andy]

but they were too stupid to know it.

They had spent the last 26 years having daily wanking contests.

The score now is 4065 to 5425, in favour of 26.

However, 26 years of daily wanking has left them with one massive arm, and one withered arm each, the massive arms are now almost superhuman, and our intrepid heroes are able to smash the walls down and make an escape!

To their shock and horror, they find that the future is far different than they could ever have imagined.

Walking around, they see that almost every shop is called "Plechazunga's", remembering that name from their distant past, they decide to check one out!

In they go, the shop is darkened, they can see the shadow of a young man in the corner, the smell of bacon fills their nostrils, 26 gets hungry.

"Excuse me sir" enquires 26, " but where can we get something to eat around here, cos we've been locked up for 26 years surviving on only 6 meals a day"

"And why is every shop called Plechazunga's?" pipes up Gaz.

The man in the corner stands up, he gestures to our heroes to follow him into the back of the shop.

"Would you like a bacon sandwich?" said the man "and would you like to see my collection of foreskin?"

The man provides 26 and Gaz with a bacon buttie, and tells his tale!

"My name is Colin, Colin Plechazunga Jr to be precise, I'm a millionaire after selling my late fathers, Colin Plechazunga Snr, collection of dictionaries and encyclopedia Brittania to the Ministry of Defence in 2013! By using long words that many people had never heard of, the British Army managed to confuse our enemies into surrender, for this, the government awarded me milions of pounds and ownership of London."

"I knew your father" said 26 "If I remember rightly, he was a wordy little southern cnut, who used to post ridiculous words on a Man Utd Website. How did he die?"

"It was very sad" Colin replied "He was killed in a tragic foreskin replacement accident. So I named all of my Time Travel shops after him"

"TIME TRAVEL" shouted Gaz "we could go back and change everything back to normal, can we go back to 2004?"

Colin Plechanunga Jr led them to the back room, and put then put the 2 heroes into a pod. He shut the door, flicked the switch, and all went dark!

Disorientated and temporarily blinded, 26 and Gaz stumbled around, slowly their sight returned, and they found that they were in the beer garden of the Turf and Feather in Warrington.

"Bloody hell, that was an experience" said 26 "Do you reckon we should go and find Plech and tell him about his foreskin accident?"

Just as they said that, a tesco delivery van came round the corner, slowly, and nearly ran 26 over.........

 

[Wobbly]

"Will someone teach the feckin van driver on how to drive his van", shouted 26, at which point Gaz shat his pants.

 

[gaz hacket]

Thats when Gaz shouted I,m not going through all that again .

 

[Big Andy]

But Big Andy had other ideas, and resurrected the thread from the past, after using one of Plechazunga's Jr's time travel machines....

"This'll show those jumped up Newbie twat's how to do a story thread" he mused.....

Just then, something happened he did NOT expect....

 

[mickthered]

Shit we have gone forward 100 years instead of back 26
"How do we go back"? said Robbo " I want to go back to the 80s"
"no hang on I want a look round first"
mickthered comes back pissed and singing "129 years 129years and still feck all"

 

[Big Andy]

"Mick looks very spritely for someone over 100 years old" said 26 "I'm confused"...

 

[Dr Do/dont]

Suddenly a big giant pink gorilla jumped out from inside a disgarded cigarette box, then having made no impact on the story whatsoever, quickly ran and dissapeared behind a lampost

 

[mickthered]

wow what a big wide feckin lampost

 

[Dr Do/dont]

Said Mick
"who cares about the fecking lampost, did you not see that Gorilla?" proclaimed Andy
"what Gorilla?" Mick replied, looking as clueless as a cat in a washing machine
"You really are a blind old twat" said Andy, as he slapped Mick round the face, not once, but twice. Mick was unimpressed

 

[mickthered]

"Im not blind just pissed look there was no fecking Gorilla it was a fecking big pink elephant and a flying one at that"

 

[Stobzilla]

The gorilla then made a dramatic return to proclaim himself lord and ruler of the known universe and promptly used his "back scuttle" technique to full effect on Dr do/Don't

 

[VanNistelrater]

The gorilla decided to find how many anagrams there were of vest.

 

[mickthered]

Then ran off to the newbie forum to cause chaos mayhem and murder to all them that were taking the piss with the anagram game. but on the way he decided to take with him

 

[Stobzilla]

A sexually confused Elfsborg.