Film The Redcafe Movie review thread

golden_blunder

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we'll keep this one stickied so that all the movie buffs can enjoy/add to

Clerks
clerks.jpg

Plot: A day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.

This is one of my favourite movies, arguably the best small budget movie made big. The argument over the merits of blowing up the Death star in star wars has to be one of the best bits of scripting. Likewise the guy blagging some quality toilet paper and a porn mag so that he can go for a wank in the toilets.


Rating: 10/10 - they dont come much better than this
 
Crank
10m.jpg


Plot: Professional assassin Chev Chelios (Statham) learns his rival (Cantillo) has injected him with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops.

If youre looking for a movie to kill an hour and a half this is a good call. Forget the silly plot, enjoy the action. If his heart rate drops - he dies. The baldy fecker has to do all manner of dangerous things to keep his adrenalin kicking. He starts a racist fight in pub full of 'homies', shags his girlfriend in public in front of a bus of chinese tourists, steals, fills himself full of redbull, drugs etc whilst trying to find the bag guy.

Rating: 7 out of 10.
 
golden_blunder said:
we'll keep this one stickied so that all the movie buffs can enjoy/add to

Clerks
clerks.jpg

Plot: A day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.

This is one of my favourite movies, arguably the best small budget movie made big. The argument over the merits of blowing up the Death star in star wars has to be one of the best bits of scripting. Likewise the guy blagging some quality toilet paper and a porn mag so that he can go for a wank in the toilets.


Rating: 10/10 - they dont come much better than this
Click to expand...

fecking superb movie.

In the past I've worked at both a video store and a conveniance store.

I am Dante and the other cnut rolled into one.
 
golden_blunder said:
Crank
10m.jpg


Plot: Professional assassin Chev Chelios (Statham) learns his rival (Cantillo) has injected him with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops.

If youre looking for a movie to kill an hour and a half this is a good call. Forget the silly plot, enjoy the action. If his heart rate drops - he dies. The baldy fecker has to do all manner of dangerous things to keep his adrenalin kicking. He starts a racist fight in pub full of 'homies', shags his girlfriend in public in front of a bus of chinese tourists, steals, fills himself full of redbull, drugs etc whilst trying to find the bag guy.

Rating: 7 out of 10.
Click to expand...

:lol: Sounds like a great plot actually.
 
200673115461490007jk9.jpg


Tagline: No children. No future. No hope.

Plot: (see trailer):rolleyes: Oh, well : In 2027, in a chaotic world in which humans can no longer procreate, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea, where her child's birth may help scientists save the future of humankind.

Opinion:
It's a bit of a mix between Munich and Schindler's List here and there. Brilliant "dark atmosphere" of the future with lots of details for second viewing. The story is simple exactly the way it should be.
Nasty, sad and full of desperation.

But even this doesn't matter. This fecker - Alfonso Cuaron - makes Spielberg (Zemeckis too) look like a schoolboy. I can't imagine them making such shots like the scene with a car on the road. Even if it was just for that - I would've loved the movie, except there are two other 10min-scenes of a film apocalypse.



trailer

9,1/10
 
golden_blunder said:
If youre looking for a movie to kill an hour and a half this is a good call. Forget the silly plot, enjoy the action. If his heart rate drops - he dies. The baldy fecker has to do all manner of dangerous things to keep his adrenalin kicking. He starts a racist fight in pub full of 'homies', shags his girlfriend in public in front of a bus of chinese tourists, steals, fills himself full of redbull, drugs etc whilst trying to find the bag guy.
Click to expand...
Sounds like the kind of thing a Caftard would write.
 
come on now lads get with the story here, you need the movie name, a pic, the plot, your comments (you have to have seen the film) and your rating out of 10.
 
Apocalypto-PosterGer1.jpg


Plot: Mayan type fellows have their idyllic lives interrupted when a group of nasty savages decide to massacre their village and sacrifice them to a sun god, pregnant wife of hero remains in village in precarious situation.

Pretty average film with no real idea's or invention, lots of stuff shamlessly taken from elsewhere, but with a little gore tossed in, lots of decapitated bodies and still beating hearts and animal testicles, all that, some impressive visuals involving all this gore, nice costumes, men in loinclothes bending over a lot, a woman gives birth underwater, unsettling, weirdo girl with long black hair gives some ominous warnings in an evil voice, people dive off waterfalls, dodge blurry weapons in slow motion and emerge slowly out of wet, steaming mud with quite threatening, murderous expressions on their face. Overall 5/10
 
poster.jpg


Plot: Fisherman type fellow has his idyllic life interrupted when a group of African rebels decide to massacre his village and put him to work in some diamond mines. Pregnant wife and children find themselves in a perilous situation

This is an enjoyable film but ultimately pretty average, DiCaprio is in fine form as an South African diamond smuggler who notices that fisherman found an insanely valuable red diamond and hid it somewhere. The fisherman is like 8ft tall, shouts and screams a lot and is built like a Soviet tank division, but DiCaprio pretty much just manhandles and slaps the shit out of him for the entire film until he *spoilers* finds the diamond. Jennifer Connolly appears as the American who informs everyone that they're doing wrong and costing people their lives and have to stop the madness, she doesn't really do anything in this film, she looks like she's aged very badly, I saw her in 'Dark Water' last and there she looked quite fit but here even memories of ass to ass can't save her, DiCaprio is the only dreamy figure here unless you like very large, submissive black men. 6/10
 
"youre so money baby" - agreed about Swingers, thought it was toss the first time i saw it

Clerks is still quality though, weirdo
 
The black screen bits with subtitles of terms from Greek tragedy, can feck right off

As can calling the main character "Dante". You can do that shit if you really, really know your stuff...otherwise feck off

The whole extended Star Wars discussion can also feck off, as can the eggs/marriage guidance counsellors thing

The character of the video shop bloke is brilliant, especially when he reads out the porno titles, and gives kids fags
 
Solaris

Plot: er...

It's about some bloke, on a spaceship, who keeps imagining some dead bird he loves is with him, even though she isn't (or is she?(no)). This goes on for two hours.

I watched it because the case had a spaceship on the cover, and looked cool.

Rating: 1/10 Don't watch this film. Ever
 
Brazil
brazil.gif


Plot: Fairly old film, set in a twisted, yet somehow familiar future. Centered around a single character; a middle aged, run of the mill government worker, who's name I've forgotten. The film follows him, as he chases the girl of his dreams (literally), and becomes ever more caught up in a world of terrorism, cover-ups (possibly), social problems, incompetence, and his own imagination.
Included, is at least one appearance from a strange robot type thing, and a mysterious superhero mechanic person. What more coud you want?

Rating: 8/10 I liked. Watch until the end to avoid being utterly bemused
 
Network

network-1.jpg


An aging, well-established TV anchorman is told he's going to be fired due to falling ratings. He responds by announcing, live on air, that he's going to top himself. He's sacked, but then the bosses find the ratings have soared...

It all sort of kicks off from there. Quality.
 
I film review thread without greent just isn't a film review thread.

I'm not sure that came out right, it sounded better in my head but I can't be fecked to fix it up. Sorry.
 
golden_blunder said:
"youre so money baby" - agreed about Swingers, thought it was toss the first time i saw it

Clerks is still quality though, weirdo
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not seen clerks yet, but its on my list for christmas now.

Sypher is worth a watch too
 
War of the Roses

Plot: Story of a husband and wife who's relationship develops from idylic fairytale to two people trying ever more inventive ways of killing each other, told by danny de vito. Funny for anyone who's every been in a serious relationship, or watched their parents throwing pot plants across the room.

Rating 6/10
 
The Odd Couple

Plot: Neil Simons finest hour as Jack Lemon and Walter Matthieu play best friends who end up living together after divorce, then drive each other mad with their quirks. Very funny.

Rating: 9/10
 
Prophecy Trilogy

Plot: There's a war in heaven between angels jealous of humankind and those loyal to god, humans get caught in the cross fire. Chistopher Walkden gives a good performance.

Verdict: usually polarises opinion, I loved them, 9/10
 
Dogville
46m.jpg


The Plot: A woman on the run from the mob is reluctantly accepted in a small Colorado town. In exchange she agrees to work for them. As a search visits town, she finds her their support has a price. Yet her dangerous secret is never far away...

This is quite possibly the biggest pile of shite ive ever had the misfortune of seeing. Or at least it would have been if i hadnt turned it off after 10 minutes.
They should rename it 'Dogshite'

Rating: 0 out of 10 - a dvd store blunder
 
ive just had the misfortune of seeing for the first time

Mimic
85m.jpg


Plot: Three years ago entomologist Dr. Susan Tyler genetically created an insect to kill cockroaches carrying a virulent disease, now the insects are out to destroy their only predator, mankind!

so basically cockroaches were carrying a virus that was infecting loads of kids. So, the scientist bird decides to create a new superbug to wipe out the cockroaches. Why didnt they just wear a biological suit and go around stamping on them all? Anyway, few years later and the superbugs can now walk on 2 feet and steal peoples faces or something. Throw in the old unused underground station, loads of bugs and you get the idea. Absolute toss. The only question is why did i watch it to the end?

Rating: 1 out of 10. Given a 1 simply because nothing can beat 'Dogshite'
 
golden_blunder said:
Dogville
46m.jpg


The Plot: A woman on the run from the mob is reluctantly accepted in a small Colorado town. In exchange she agrees to work for them. As a search visits town, she finds her their support has a price. Yet her dangerous secret is never far away...

This is quite possibly the biggest pile of shite ive ever had the misfortune of seeing. Or at least it would have been if i hadnt turned it off after 10 minutes.
They should rename it 'Dogshite'

Rating: 0 out of 10 - a dvd store blunder
Click to expand...

Well, maybe if you'd given it a bit more than the 10 minutes...

It looks like a pretentious art at first (with the markings instead of walls and everything) but this serves the whole idea. After a while you get used to it and there comes the imagination. There's the play with the light and the sounds that would've never worked on a regular made movie. The transparency adds more levels to the whole thing. And the story's actually interesting. (the ending is brilliant)

Maybe not everyone's cup of tea but calling it "the worst movie ever" is way OTT even in this semi serious thread.:)
 
Clerks, and the whole Jay and Silent Bob series, is feckin class

Except Dogma....and not just because it sounds like Drogba

Who's a tit
 
London to Brighton

Made on a shoestring budget, I think they said something like 80k.

Plot: It's 3:07am and two girls burst into a run down London toilet. Joanne is crying her eyes out and her clothing is ripped. Kelly's face is bruised and starting to swell. Duncan Allen lies in his bathroom bleeding to death. Duncan's son, Stuart, has found his father and wants answers. Derek, Kelly's pimp, needs to find Kelly or it will be him who pays. Kelly and Joanne need to get through the next 24 hours alive... - from imbd. Cant be arsed to type my own without giving it away.

Rating 9/10

Class film, see it if you can. It's brilliantly gritty and doesnt glamourise London or Brighton in any way, it doesnt attempt to do the cringy 'gangsters' thing. It's the least pretentious film you'll ever see, but one of the most powerful. Saw it in Leeds before it was released, it's since got 5 stars in the Guardian and Independent.
 
I'm currently watching "The Core"

Not too promising so far

I missed the start...why did pigeons suddenly start attacking everyone?
 
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