Film The Redcafe Movie review thread

golden_blunder

Site admin. Manchester United fan
Staff
Joined
Jun 1, 2000
Messages
97,404
Location
Dublin, Ireland
we'll keep this one stickied so that all the movie buffs can enjoy/add to

Clerks

Plot: A day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.

This is one of my favourite movies, arguably the best small budget movie made big. The argument over the merits of blowing up the Death star in star wars has to be one of the best bits of scripting. Likewise the guy blagging some quality toilet paper and a porn mag so that he can go for a wank in the toilets.


Rating: 10/10 - they dont come much better than this
 

golden_blunder

Site admin. Manchester United fan
Staff
Joined
Jun 1, 2000
Messages
97,404
Location
Dublin, Ireland
Crank


Plot:
Professional assassin Chev Chelios (Statham) learns his rival (Cantillo) has injected him with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops.

If youre looking for a movie to kill an hour and a half this is a good call. Forget the silly plot, enjoy the action. If his heart rate drops - he dies. The baldy fecker has to do all manner of dangerous things to keep his adrenalin kicking. He starts a racist fight in pub full of 'homies', shags his girlfriend in public in front of a bus of chinese tourists, steals, fills himself full of redbull, drugs etc whilst trying to find the bag guy.

Rating:
7 out of 10.
 

Melbourne Red

Trannie Lover
Joined
Feb 21, 2002
Messages
10,035
Location
Melbourne
golden_blunder said:
we'll keep this one stickied so that all the movie buffs can enjoy/add to

Clerks

Plot: A day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.

This is one of my favourite movies, arguably the best small budget movie made big. The argument over the merits of blowing up the Death star in star wars has to be one of the best bits of scripting. Likewise the guy blagging some quality toilet paper and a porn mag so that he can go for a wank in the toilets.


Rating: 10/10 - they dont come much better than this
fecking superb movie.

In the past I've worked at both a video store and a conveniance store.

I am Dante and the other cnut rolled into one.
 

kelvinhole

Hello Kevin
Joined
Oct 10, 2003
Messages
5,333
Location
Hong Kong
golden_blunder said:
Crank


Plot:
Professional assassin Chev Chelios (Statham) learns his rival (Cantillo) has injected him with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops.

If youre looking for a movie to kill an hour and a half this is a good call. Forget the silly plot, enjoy the action. If his heart rate drops - he dies. The baldy fecker has to do all manner of dangerous things to keep his adrenalin kicking. He starts a racist fight in pub full of 'homies', shags his girlfriend in public in front of a bus of chinese tourists, steals, fills himself full of redbull, drugs etc whilst trying to find the bag guy.

Rating:
7 out of 10.
:lol: Sounds like a great plot actually.
 

FreakyJim

Full Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2006
Messages
7,137
Location
Glazers Out


Tagline: No children. No future. No hope.

Plot: (see trailer):rolleyes: Oh, well : In 2027, in a chaotic world in which humans can no longer procreate, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea, where her child's birth may help scientists save the future of humankind.

Opinion:
It's a bit of a mix between Munich and Schindler's List here and there. Brilliant "dark atmosphere" of the future with lots of details for second viewing. The story is simple exactly the way it should be.
Nasty, sad and full of desperation.

But even this doesn't matter. This fecker - Alfonso Cuaron - makes Spielberg (Zemeckis too) look like a schoolboy. I can't imagine them making such shots like the scene with a car on the road. Even if it was just for that - I would've loved the movie, except there are two other 10min-scenes of a film apocalypse.



trailer

9,1/10
 

Wonder Pigeon

'Shelbourne FC Supporter'
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
21,172
Location
Forza Shelbourne
Supports
Shelbourne
golden_blunder said:
If youre looking for a movie to kill an hour and a half this is a good call. Forget the silly plot, enjoy the action. If his heart rate drops - he dies. The baldy fecker has to do all manner of dangerous things to keep his adrenalin kicking. He starts a racist fight in pub full of 'homies', shags his girlfriend in public in front of a bus of chinese tourists, steals, fills himself full of redbull, drugs etc whilst trying to find the bag guy.
Sounds like the kind of thing a Caftard would write.
 

golden_blunder

Site admin. Manchester United fan
Staff
Joined
Jun 1, 2000
Messages
97,404
Location
Dublin, Ireland
come on now lads get with the story here, you need the movie name, a pic, the plot, your comments (you have to have seen the film) and your rating out of 10.
 

UBERScholes

I'd find it flattering if someone hard rubbed agai
Joined
Dec 12, 2004
Messages
16,196


Plot: Mayan type fellows have their idyllic lives interrupted when a group of nasty savages decide to massacre their village and sacrifice them to a sun god, pregnant wife of hero remains in village in precarious situation.

Pretty average film with no real idea's or invention, lots of stuff shamlessly taken from elsewhere, but with a little gore tossed in, lots of decapitated bodies and still beating hearts and animal testicles, all that, some impressive visuals involving all this gore, nice costumes, men in loinclothes bending over a lot, a woman gives birth underwater, unsettling, weirdo girl with long black hair gives some ominous warnings in an evil voice, people dive off waterfalls, dodge blurry weapons in slow motion and emerge slowly out of wet, steaming mud with quite threatening, murderous expressions on their face. Overall 5/10
 

UBERScholes

I'd find it flattering if someone hard rubbed agai
Joined
Dec 12, 2004
Messages
16,196


Plot: Fisherman type fellow has his idyllic life interrupted when a group of African rebels decide to massacre his village and put him to work in some diamond mines. Pregnant wife and children find themselves in a perilous situation

This is an enjoyable film but ultimately pretty average, DiCaprio is in fine form as an South African diamond smuggler who notices that fisherman found an insanely valuable red diamond and hid it somewhere. The fisherman is like 8ft tall, shouts and screams a lot and is built like a Soviet tank division, but DiCaprio pretty much just manhandles and slaps the shit out of him for the entire film until he *spoilers* finds the diamond. Jennifer Connolly appears as the American who informs everyone that they're doing wrong and costing people their lives and have to stop the madness, she doesn't really do anything in this film, she looks like she's aged very badly, I saw her in 'Dark Water' last and there she looked quite fit but here even memories of ass to ass can't save her, DiCaprio is the only dreamy figure here unless you like very large, submissive black men. 6/10
 

golden_blunder

Site admin. Manchester United fan
Staff
Joined
Jun 1, 2000
Messages
97,404
Location
Dublin, Ireland
"youre so money baby" - agreed about Swingers, thought it was toss the first time i saw it

Clerks is still quality though, weirdo
 

Plechazunga

Grammar partisan who sleeps with a real life Ryan
Joined
May 5, 2003
Messages
51,762
Location
Where Albert Stubbins scored a diving header
The black screen bits with subtitles of terms from Greek tragedy, can feck right off

As can calling the main character "Dante". You can do that shit if you really, really know your stuff...otherwise feck off

The whole extended Star Wars discussion can also feck off, as can the eggs/marriage guidance counsellors thing

The character of the video shop bloke is brilliant, especially when he reads out the porno titles, and gives kids fags
 

noodlehair

"It's like..."
Joined
Apr 1, 2004
Messages
13,151
Location
Flagg
Solaris

Plot: er...

It's about some bloke, on a spaceship, who keeps imagining some dead bird he loves is with him, even though she isn't (or is she?(no)). This goes on for two hours.

I watched it because the case had a spaceship on the cover, and looked cool.

Rating: 1/10 Don't watch this film. Ever
 

noodlehair

"It's like..."
Joined
Apr 1, 2004
Messages
13,151
Location
Flagg
Brazil


Plot: Fairly old film, set in a twisted, yet somehow familiar future. Centered around a single character; a middle aged, run of the mill government worker, who's name I've forgotten. The film follows him, as he chases the girl of his dreams (literally), and becomes ever more caught up in a world of terrorism, cover-ups (possibly), social problems, incompetence, and his own imagination.
Included, is at least one appearance from a strange robot type thing, and a mysterious superhero mechanic person. What more coud you want?

Rating: 8/10 I liked. Watch until the end to avoid being utterly bemused
 

Plechazunga

Grammar partisan who sleeps with a real life Ryan
Joined
May 5, 2003
Messages
51,762
Location
Where Albert Stubbins scored a diving header
Network



An aging, well-established TV anchorman is told he's going to be fired due to falling ratings. He responds by announcing, live on air, that he's going to top himself. He's sacked, but then the bosses find the ratings have soared...

It all sort of kicks off from there. Quality.
 

Dubai_Devil

Guest
I film review thread without greent just isn't a film review thread.

I'm not sure that came out right, it sounded better in my head but I can't be fecked to fix it up. Sorry.
 

p_ps_sock

Full Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2006
Messages
4,055
War of the Roses

Plot: Story of a husband and wife who's relationship develops from idylic fairytale to two people trying ever more inventive ways of killing each other, told by danny de vito. Funny for anyone who's every been in a serious relationship, or watched their parents throwing pot plants across the room.

Rating 6/10
 

p_ps_sock

Full Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2006
Messages
4,055
The Odd Couple

Plot: Neil Simons finest hour as Jack Lemon and Walter Matthieu play best friends who end up living together after divorce, then drive each other mad with their quirks. Very funny.

Rating: 9/10
 

p_ps_sock

Full Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2006
Messages
4,055
Prophecy Trilogy

Plot: There's a war in heaven between angels jealous of humankind and those loyal to god, humans get caught in the cross fire. Chistopher Walkden gives a good performance.

Verdict: usually polarises opinion, I loved them, 9/10
 

golden_blunder

Site admin. Manchester United fan
Staff
Joined
Jun 1, 2000
Messages
97,404
Location
Dublin, Ireland
Dogville


The Plot: A woman on the run from the mob is reluctantly accepted in a small Colorado town. In exchange she agrees to work for them. As a search visits town, she finds her their support has a price. Yet her dangerous secret is never far away...

This is quite possibly the biggest pile of shite ive ever had the misfortune of seeing. Or at least it would have been if i hadnt turned it off after 10 minutes.
They should rename it 'Dogshite'

Rating: 0 out of 10 - a dvd store blunder
 

golden_blunder

Site admin. Manchester United fan
Staff
Joined
Jun 1, 2000
Messages
97,404
Location
Dublin, Ireland
ive just had the misfortune of seeing for the first time

Mimic


Plot: Three years ago entomologist Dr. Susan Tyler genetically created an insect to kill cockroaches carrying a virulent disease, now the insects are out to destroy their only predator, mankind!

so basically cockroaches were carrying a virus that was infecting loads of kids. So, the scientist bird decides to create a new superbug to wipe out the cockroaches. Why didnt they just wear a biological suit and go around stamping on them all? Anyway, few years later and the superbugs can now walk on 2 feet and steal peoples faces or something. Throw in the old unused underground station, loads of bugs and you get the idea. Absolute toss. The only question is why did i watch it to the end?

Rating:
1 out of 10. Given a 1 simply because nothing can beat 'Dogshite'
 

FreakyJim

Full Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2006
Messages
7,137
Location
Glazers Out
golden_blunder said:
Dogville


The Plot: A woman on the run from the mob is reluctantly accepted in a small Colorado town. In exchange she agrees to work for them. As a search visits town, she finds her their support has a price. Yet her dangerous secret is never far away...

This is quite possibly the biggest pile of shite ive ever had the misfortune of seeing. Or at least it would have been if i hadnt turned it off after 10 minutes.
They should rename it 'Dogshite'

Rating: 0 out of 10 - a dvd store blunder
Well, maybe if you'd given it a bit more than the 10 minutes...

It looks like a pretentious art at first (with the markings instead of walls and everything) but this serves the whole idea. After a while you get used to it and there comes the imagination. There's the play with the light and the sounds that would've never worked on a regular made movie. The transparency adds more levels to the whole thing. And the story's actually interesting. (the ending is brilliant)

Maybe not everyone's cup of tea but calling it "the worst movie ever" is way OTT even in this semi serious thread.:)
 

Davo

Full Member
Joined
Feb 29, 2000
Messages
55,014
Location
It's Ours For Keeps
Clerks, and the whole Jay and Silent Bob series, is feckin class

Except Dogma....and not just because it sounds like Drogba

Who's a tit
 

VanNistelrater

Poncey film buff
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
25,991
Location
MUFC Champions 2006/2007: Where will the goals com
London to Brighton

Made on a shoestring budget, I think they said something like 80k.

Plot: It's 3:07am and two girls burst into a run down London toilet. Joanne is crying her eyes out and her clothing is ripped. Kelly's face is bruised and starting to swell. Duncan Allen lies in his bathroom bleeding to death. Duncan's son, Stuart, has found his father and wants answers. Derek, Kelly's pimp, needs to find Kelly or it will be him who pays. Kelly and Joanne need to get through the next 24 hours alive... - from imbd. Cant be arsed to type my own without giving it away.

Rating 9/10

Class film, see it if you can. It's brilliantly gritty and doesnt glamourise London or Brighton in any way, it doesnt attempt to do the cringy 'gangsters' thing. It's the least pretentious film you'll ever see, but one of the most powerful. Saw it in Leeds before it was released, it's since got 5 stars in the Guardian and Independent.
 

noodlehair

"It's like..."
Joined
Apr 1, 2004
Messages
13,151
Location
Flagg
I'm currently watching "The Core"

Not too promising so far

I missed the start...why did pigeons suddenly start attacking everyone?