The biennial event is back.
DDG - Back to basics after the failed pony tail experiment. Started the season with a more commanding presence as well.
Brandon Williams - The result of a failed experiment of breeding the perfect britpop child from both Blur and Oasis fans, with the Mancunian loutishness ending up as the dominant force.
Eric Bailly - Hand constantly bandaged due to excessive fingerbanging.
Victor Lindelöf - The circles around his eyes are getting larger and larger with each season, like he hasn't slept for years. Should shave his head again as a shaved head makes a centre back appear at least 5% more no-nonsense.
Alex Telles - Has the look of a carefree backpacker that has temporarily settled down somewhere in his search for 'good vibes" and is working as a tour guide/wakeboard instructor. You can find him or someone who looks just like him pictured on every youth hostel bulletin board filled with wholesome pictures of international togetherness.
Paul Pogba - The only undisputable alpha male in the squad. His hair game has been very modest lately, not sure I like it.
Bruno Fernandes - A strange one, he can look kinda handsome from some angles but also kinda rat-like from other ones. It's like a handsome, photogenic Portuguese man for some reason decided to undergo facial reconstruction surgery in order to look more like Joao Cesar Monteiro.
Daniel James - Smaller than a Reeve's muntjac but has got some nice androgynous features.
Anthony Martial - That celebration he does when he points to his smile is really creepy. Almost benched for that stunt.
Edinson Cavani - Often has a very sour expression on the pitch, like he's constantly sucking on lemons but when he smiles he looks like a completely different person.
Marcus Rashford - It's a well known fact that having a cause effectively makes one at least 10 % more attractive.
Subs:
Lee Grant - Again, has got a handyman aura, like he's got a spirit level imprinted in his brain. The things he could do with a patching trowel *swoons*. Never seen in action though, just like Tinder it's kinda hard to tell just from the pictures.
Dean Henderson - Has the most average English bloke looks in entire squad. In fact, I've already forgotten what he looks like.
AWB - Don't think I've ever seen him register a single emotion on the pitch. He's always got a blank, half-sleep face, like he's playing football under hypnosis.
Harry Maguire - Looks a bit like the old soprano Birgit Nilsson crossdressing as a man, though I'm sure she would have had a more commanding presence on the pitch.
Phil Jones - Like a Picasso painting come to life.
Luke Shaw - Sure he looks good now but once he settles down with kids the ballooning is gonna happen, he'll end up a red giant but not in a football way.
Donny Van De Beek - Looks like a cross between Woody Harrelson and a Beluga whale.
Juan Mata - He's been at United for years yet he looks exactly same as he did when he signed. Change up a little, man! Add some edge.
Scott McTominay - He's kinda turning into Ivan Drago, Ivan Drago as a scout leader that is. I predict he'll improve with age though.
Nemanja Matić . Again, large body, tiny head. If you meet him you'll have communicate with shouts in order to understand each other
Mason Greenwood - #1 sad boy. Always looks like he's on the verge of tears.
DDG - Back to basics after the failed pony tail experiment. Started the season with a more commanding presence as well.
Brandon Williams - The result of a failed experiment of breeding the perfect britpop child from both Blur and Oasis fans, with the Mancunian loutishness ending up as the dominant force.
Eric Bailly - Hand constantly bandaged due to excessive fingerbanging.
Victor Lindelöf - The circles around his eyes are getting larger and larger with each season, like he hasn't slept for years. Should shave his head again as a shaved head makes a centre back appear at least 5% more no-nonsense.
Alex Telles - Has the look of a carefree backpacker that has temporarily settled down somewhere in his search for 'good vibes" and is working as a tour guide/wakeboard instructor. You can find him or someone who looks just like him pictured on every youth hostel bulletin board filled with wholesome pictures of international togetherness.
Paul Pogba - The only undisputable alpha male in the squad. His hair game has been very modest lately, not sure I like it.
Bruno Fernandes - A strange one, he can look kinda handsome from some angles but also kinda rat-like from other ones. It's like a handsome, photogenic Portuguese man for some reason decided to undergo facial reconstruction surgery in order to look more like Joao Cesar Monteiro.
Daniel James - Smaller than a Reeve's muntjac but has got some nice androgynous features.
Anthony Martial - That celebration he does when he points to his smile is really creepy. Almost benched for that stunt.
Edinson Cavani - Often has a very sour expression on the pitch, like he's constantly sucking on lemons but when he smiles he looks like a completely different person.
Marcus Rashford - It's a well known fact that having a cause effectively makes one at least 10 % more attractive.
Subs:
Lee Grant - Again, has got a handyman aura, like he's got a spirit level imprinted in his brain. The things he could do with a patching trowel *swoons*. Never seen in action though, just like Tinder it's kinda hard to tell just from the pictures.
Dean Henderson - Has the most average English bloke looks in entire squad. In fact, I've already forgotten what he looks like.
AWB - Don't think I've ever seen him register a single emotion on the pitch. He's always got a blank, half-sleep face, like he's playing football under hypnosis.
Harry Maguire - Looks a bit like the old soprano Birgit Nilsson crossdressing as a man, though I'm sure she would have had a more commanding presence on the pitch.
Phil Jones - Like a Picasso painting come to life.
Luke Shaw - Sure he looks good now but once he settles down with kids the ballooning is gonna happen, he'll end up a red giant but not in a football way.
Donny Van De Beek - Looks like a cross between Woody Harrelson and a Beluga whale.
Juan Mata - He's been at United for years yet he looks exactly same as he did when he signed. Change up a little, man! Add some edge.
Scott McTominay - He's kinda turning into Ivan Drago, Ivan Drago as a scout leader that is. I predict he'll improve with age though.
Nemanja Matić . Again, large body, tiny head. If you meet him you'll have communicate with shouts in order to understand each other
Mason Greenwood - #1 sad boy. Always looks like he's on the verge of tears.
. Also Mata should be captain never mind on the bench.
(92' - assist by Pellistri)