You won't BELIEVE Ray Hudson's X Rated commentary on Neymar's GOLAZO

[Americano]

Am I doing this right? Anyway, here in the US we have to suffer through Ray Hudson and The Other Guy Not Named Ray Hudson announcing La Liga matches. They do a studio voiceover on the standard definition match feed. You can sort of enjoy the matches, but you know it would be better without the condom.

For the uninitiated, every time Barcelona scores, Ray's eyes roll back in his head and he delivers some surrealistic pseudo-poetry to describe Messi's goal/assist and talents. The Other Guy keeps quiet and lets Ray do his Jim Morrison impression while I hit the mute button. It goes on longer than a John Bonham drum solo.

Today, Ray dropped a classic. Messi is the "pen in the hole, he sticks it in". I guess he means that Messi is like a cosmic dildo pounding on the oppposition goal or maybe even life itself, but your interpretations are welcome.

The full transcription, as much as I can decipher. Watch the video here. Maybe someone knows how to embed it.

Shhhpirring the football again...

And the pen in the hole is Messi. He sticks it in and this is again

A circle within a spiral

From Barcelona

A wheel within a wheel

Never ending or beginning

The ever spinning reel

Of Barcelona football

Everybody's gettin' in on the act

It's unstoppable, intricate, surgical football

First domino pushed by the number ten

With a ten pass right in the stripe of Jordi Alba

Suarez could have finished it off

He hears the Brazilian saying 'Suarezito, leave it"

"ok Amigo"

Golazo. Team golazo azo azo. Wonderful

Espanyol dismantled like a Lego set.

By pure brilliant teamwork.

 

[Amethyst]

The first word is 'Spirograph' and he says 'right into stride for Jordi Alba'.

 

[Steev]

I believe the first thing Hudson says is "Spirograph football again".

If you don't know what Spirograph is, it was basically a disappointing Christmas present for kids about 20 years ago.

You would stick a pen in a hole of some plastic cog and draw intricate patterns around a bigger cog. Sounds weird, but that's what we did back then. We also used to tie onions to our belt - which was the style at the time.

No idea what that has to do with Neymar's goal though.

 

[Americano]

The first word is 'Spirograph' and he says 'right into stride for Jordi Alba'.

So it's not sexual at all then? The pen would be part of the toy that you put in the hole to make the drawing? Kind of disappointing.

 

[TheSamulator]

Ray Hudson's commentary is nothing less than magisterial.

 

[Amethyst]

So it's not sexual at all then? The pen would be part of the toy that you put in the hole to make the drawing? Kind of disappointing.

Pretty much.

Spoiler

 

[BobbyManc]

What a fcking muppet. 'A wheel within a wheel'. I feel physically sick.

 

[Mciahel Goodman]

His similes and metaphors are ridiculously inventive. Personally, I love his commentary.

 

[saivet]

Suarez could have finished it off

He hears the Brazilian saying 'Suarezito, leave it"

"ok Amigo"

This guy cracks me up

 

[Mciahel Goodman]

Oh, btw, world class click-baiting
@Americano

 

[Blodssvik]

I see Ray Hudson as a comic relief. Don't appreciate his style at all. But it's a good thing they don't all sound the same and say the same things. A lot of people seem to like his commentary.

 

[senorgregster]

One of the most annoying people on TV.

 

[Theafonis]

I found Ray Hudson inside Messi's rectum.

Spoiler: Prob NSFW

 

[Big Ben Foster]

I can't stand the twat. Tries way too hard to be clever. He doesn't even attend the matches he commentates:

 

[Devil may care]

All of that for a very basic goal.

 

[ChaddyP]

What's up with all of these click bait titles of late

 

[Jammydodger7]

Sounds and commentates as if he's Sid Waddel!

 

[Keeps It tidy]

I can't stand the twat. Tries way too hard to be clever. He doesn't even attend the matches he commentates:

Probably not his call. I am sure he would love going to all those matches by Goltv and now BEIN Sports are too cheap to have him on location.

 

[Theafonis]

Probably not his call. I am sure he would love going to all those matches by Goltv and now BEIN Sports are too cheap to have him on location.

Well BeIN sports have only like 2 subscribers, it's no wonder.

 

[BigDunc9]

Well BeIN sports have only like 2 subscribers, it's no wonder.

Messi's mum and dad.

 

[Keeps It tidy]

Gawker would be impressed by this thread title.

 

[Krovv]

Rubbish thread title. Appropriate title would be Horny Young Man Finds Nonexistent Sexual Innuendo In Old Man's Poetry. You Won't Believe What Happened Next.

Just dropped by to express my disappointment at shameless click bait

 

[Theafonis]

Rubbish thread title. Appropriate title would be Horny Young Man Finds Nonexistent Sexual Innuendo In Old Man's Poetry. You Won't Believe What Happened Next.

Just dropped by to express my disappointment at shameless click bait

"A pen in the hole is Messi"
"He sticks it in"
"Everybody's gettin' in on the act"

Some innuendo there

 

[.Rossi]

Enough of the click bait.

I keep clicking into these threads only to realise they're a disappointment

 

[.Rossi]

"A pen in the hole is Messi"
"He sticks it in"
"Everybody's gettin' in on the act"

Some innuendo there

In your endo

 

[100]

I can't believe this guy commentating is a real thing

 

[horsechoker]

I can't believe this guy commentating is a real thing

At this point he's overreacting just for the sake of it, I can understand waxing lyrical about Messi after he's taken on 5 players and put it in the top corner but going apeshit after a tame deflected goal is just silly.

 

[Zarlak]

Am I doing this right? Anyway, here in the US we have to suffer through Ray Hudson and The Other Guy Not Named Ray Hudson announcing La Liga matches. They do a studio voiceover on the standard definition match feed. You can sort of enjoy the matches, but you know it would be better without the condom.

For the uninitiated, every time Barcelona scores, Ray's eyes roll back in his head and he delivers some surrealistic pseudo-poetry to describe Messi's goal/assist and talents. The Other Guy keeps quiet and lets Ray do his Jim Morrison impression while I hit the mute button. It goes on longer than a John Bonham drum solo.

Today, Ray dropped a classic. Messi is the "pen in the hole, he sticks it in". I guess he means that Messi is like a cosmic dildo pounding on the oppposition goal or maybe even life itself, but your interpretations are welcome.

The full transcription, as much as I can decipher. Watch the video here. Maybe someone knows how to embed it.

I thought you were talking about your CE posts at first.

 

[izec]

Golazo should not be used by non spanish speakers, it sounds dreadful.

 

[Nik70]

I quite enjoy his commentary style...

 

[Sigma]

He's funny

 

[FujiVice]

He's a gimmick announcer. He's so desperate for his moment when a goal goes in. I suppose he's alright for the odd youtube clip, but I cant imagine having to put up with him every single week.

 

[Canuckred64]

There are few things in football that bother me more than Ray Hudson, it is impossible to watch a game where he does play by play. I remember switching channels to watch the games in Spanish rather than put up with him.

 

[DWelbz19]

I can't believe this guy commentating is a real thing

Is that commentary from that game, and not one edited into that video?

Hudson is always excessive but even that is way too much for that goal.

 

[Jaybomb]

He's fecking hilarious.

Plus, you can just tell he has a Messi poster on the wall above his bed.

 

[Red Stone]

He's brilliant. He's the over-emotional RAWK poet of football commentary. You just know he sits at home and writes these things before every game and then just hams it out for any old shit goal just so his preparation work doesn't go to waste.

It's way too fecking much, but anyone who has heard the monotonous drone of Sean Kelly commentating cycling would surely prefer the extreme enthusiasm to the opposite end of the spectrum. I find it hilarious.

 

[ThomasEmil]

Imagine this guy commentating every FIFA match you'd play...

 

[Vanrouge]

He once said this (allegedly): "Comparing Pirlo to Gerrard is like comparing Mozart to a banjo player." For that, I have to admit I like him a little.

 

[thejtrain]

Ugh! I would rather listen to Michael Owen. I can't stand the idiot - he's one reason why I never want to tune in to beIN or whatever channel.

 

[horsechoker]

He once said this (allegedly): "Comparing Pirlo to Gerrard is like comparing Mozart to a banjo player." For that, I have to admit I like him a little.