Ratings Vs Rangers

[Solius]

VDS - 7 - Good stop from Naismith and covered his near post well against Miller.
O'Shea - 6 - Didn't really do anything, at all. In fact I forgot he played, we probably didn't even need a right-back tonight.
Smalling - 6.5 - Untroubled, has a neckface.
Evans - 6 - Was looking alright til he decided to turn a bit spazzy again and nearly let Rangers score.
Fabio - 7.5 - Forget the fact he got kicked in the face/chest, that header was actually fecking class as well, keeper just about saved it. Completed a full match, grats Fab.
Nani - 6 - Rubbish. Probably has gingivitis.
Scholes - 7 - Got better as it went on. Looking more like his clay doppelganger every day.
Carrick - 8 - Welcome back Michael, some bloke has been pretending to be you for the last year or so. May have been Jonny Evans.
Giggs - 6.5 - Rusty.
Berbatov - Moan, moan, moan. I reckon he leaves the ground on his own, goes home alone and mopes around all night in a dressing gown and slippers, smoking a fag watching crap reality tv shows and just berating the TV at random points.
Rooney - 7.5 - His first touch was excellent considering his lack of football, great penalty.

Obertan - Yeah.
Anderson - Adds a bit of drive. Less fat.
Hernandez - Not much.

Miller - Seriously am I the only one who noticed his weird face? It looked like he had foundation on, you could see the line near his forehead where the colour just completely changed. Weird face.
Broadfoot - Could not look less like a footballer if he tried.

-------

VDS -
O'Shea -
Smalling -
Evans -
Fabio -
Nani -
Carrick -
Scholes -
Giggs -
Berbatov -
Rooney -

Hernandez -
Obertan -
Anderson -

 

[Sir A1ex]

I'd have to mark VDS down for some very dubious distribution / clearances, as well as the misunderstanding with Evans.

 

[redwhiteblack]

VDS - 6.5 - Two good saves, not much to do

O'Shea - 6 - Didn't have much to do, never gonna offer too much up front.
Smalling - 7.5 - Motm. Wonderful in position, intelligent, read the game perfectly. A real class act.
Evans - 6 - Still not looking great, couple of really sloppy errors that could've cost us.
Fabio - 7 - Great game, looked better than Evra has recently and won the pen.
Nani - 6 - Not his best game. Still not sure he's 100% fit.
Carrick - 7 - Silky smooth passes, kept his head, played a great game.
Scholes - 7 - Another masterclass from Paul, ran the midfield for the time he was on the pitch
Giggs - 6 - Not his best game but was busy and always looking to make something happen
Berbatov - 6.5 - Looked relatively lively and played some very intelligent passes.
Rooney - 7 - Still finding form but looked really good in moments tonight. Hit the bar. Balls of steel to step up for the pen.

Hernandez - Got a shot on target and made some lovely runs.
Obertan - Didn't do too much when on.

 

[Randall Flagg]

VDS - 6
O'Shea - 6
Smalling - 7.5 excellent
Evans - 5 was good for 90% of the game but a couple of very sloppy errors
Fabio - 8 by far his best game for the club
Nani - 5 below par
Carrick - 7 comfortable night
Scholes - 6.5
Giggs - 6
Berbatov - 6
Rooney - 7 extra point for the goal

Hernandez -
Obertan -
Anderson -

 

[Allforone]

Van Der Sar - 7

O'Shea - 6
Smalling - 8
Evans - 6
Fabio - 7

Nani - 5.5
Carrick - 7.5
Scholes - 8
Giggs - 6

Berbatov - 6
Rooney - 7

 

[RedRob]

VDS - 7. Reliable. Steadfast. Calm and collected. The man is like a thesaurus
O'Shea - 6. Kept his calm against the xenophobic booing, which was pretty much the most exciting thing he had to do all night.
Smalling - 7. Never looked troubled.
Evans - 6. Loses a mark for failing to decide whether he was dealing with Foster's chance. Michael Carrick's long-lost Northern Irish brother.
Fabio - 7. Very assured. Got forward well, but got back much better than Rafael ever did with this number of game sunder his belt. Less rash than his brother. Twincest could be a full back partnership for the next fifteen years.
Nani - 7. Probaby a 6, but it's been going 7-6-7-6-7... Creative, plenty of balls put in, but incredibly selfish with corners. The one time someone else was allowed to take one, it had to be a short one to him.
Carrick - 7. Wahey, you can play again!
Scholes - 7. Paul Scholes, no further comment needed
Giggs - 6. Coming back into it, albeit slowly. Should be hitting corners.
Berbatov - 6. In and out of the game more than Joey Barton is in Pentonville. Nice flicks offset by the ball coming to him on the penalty spot and... well, we all saw it.
Rooney - 7. Rooney Not Allowed?

Hernandez - 6. Buzzed around, kept the Ranger defence busy. Escaped with both kneecaps intact - not necessarily something he could have expected...
Obertan - 5. That head defies explanation. I mean, really, It looks like a bad version of Mikael Silvestre's. And that's saying something...
Anderson - 6. Rusty too. Slimmer, though, and not afraid to try for the dramatic whilst not being afraid to play the simple ball - could still have a career with us.

Rangers - lost their heads and tried dreariness, dourness, desperation and eventually decapitation.
Fleck - looks seriously inbred.
Weiss - needs regular football at a better club. Serious future ahead of him.

 

[Raees]

Starting XI

VDS - 7.5: Vital save.

O'Shea - 6.5: Solid enough.

Smalling - 7: Classy in possession, bar one moment defended with consumate ease.

Evans - 6.5: Needs to cut out sloppy moments, but better in possession today.

Fabio - 7: Good crossing and didn't look that awkward today.

Nani - 5.5 Frustrating, can do alot better.

Carrick - 8: Excellent display

Scholes - 7: Solid display but his creativity didn't come to the fore.

Giggs - 7.5: Oozed quality even if his play lacked end product.

Berbatov - 7: Flashes of class, but not enough penetration.

Rooney - 7.5: Good lay offs, and netted the pen with confidence.

 

[kundalini]

VDS - 6 - very quiet night, distribution surprisingly high risk but got away with it
O'Shea - 6 - ok
Fabio - 8 - best player on the pitch, won the vital late penalty.
Evans - 5 - still looking nervous and making poor decisions
Smalling - 6 - comfortable
Carrick - 7 - impressive even got forward for a decent shot that was saved
Scholes - 6 - failed to find the killer pass
Giggs - 6 - improved as game went on but unimpressive overall
Nani - 6 - ok but well marked for most of the night
Berbatov - 7 - heavily involved with plenty of good moments but a fair number of poor touches too
Rooney - 6 - penalty plus numerous attempts. Decent header hit the bar otherwise finishing disappointing.

Subs

Anderson - 7 - sublime long ball to Hernandez
Obertan - 6 - ok
Hernandez - 6 - one shot after defender's bizarre header

 

[AVARiCE]

VDS - 6. I'd expect the Miller save. The Naismith save came about from his (and Evans') miscommunication. Kicking was a bit awkward at times. Still would have him over nearly every other 'keeper in the world.
O'Shea - 7. Solid. I can't remember much threat down the wings. Granted, their tactics helped shape this too, but it's also because we pushed them narrow and prevented the ball out wide. Sheasy did this and supported the attack well in the first half.
Smalling - 7.5. Looked like he could have been entrusted with defending on his lonesome tonight. I'm starting to get really excited by his potential. He's stepped up pretty much every time he's played.
Evans - 6. I don't actually think his form's been all that bad but he's certainly not the solid footballing genius who marked Drogba out of a game at the Bridge. A bit shaky tonight.
Fabio - 7.5. No injury! I'm not quite sure which is his stronger foot, which isn't quite the compliment it should be but other than that I thought he was really good today. Same as O'Shea's comments PLUS the fact that he won us the penalty and genuinely looked a threat down the left all game.
Nani - 6.5. Not quite as bad as some posters have made out but still needs to recapture his pre-injury form. Even when he's having a "bad" game he adds something to the team. Today his running created space both in behind (on the overlap), out wide (when he pulled his full-back inside) and in the narrow channel (when he went inside then pulled back out, dragging defenders all over). I don't think people respect that enough. Granted, his use of the ball wasn't excellent though.
Scholes - 7.5. Apart from a weird moment where he misplaced two passes in a row he was his usual excellent self. There was a sweeping ball out to the right wing which was particularly beautiful. Took some shots, slotted some through balls, etc. Basically, he mixed it up to perfection.
Carrick - 8. I'm glad his form was so poor. Our fans realised how important he actually is. Now he's back and it's brilliant. Carrick on pomp is a seriously underrated midfielder. Controls the tempo, helps out defensively, spreads the ball up top. The whole shebang. His partnership with Scholesy was on show tonight. I forgot how deadly it was and shame on me for doing so.
Giggs - 6.5. Coming back from injury but he oozes class. Some great touches and, if I remember correctly, two great crosses that should've been assists. Opposite to Nani though, without the ball he was a tad anonymous which didn't help us much in all honesty.
Berbatov - 7.5. Sometimes his anger at his team-mates is excessive but sometimes I agree with him. Playing a ball in behind over the top to him is never a good idea, he wants it into his feet. Literally right into his feet. He rarely loses it once the ball's there. I thought his play was very good and at times and his backtracking down the right wing is the second time he's done that this season. More of that and he'll win the sceptics, watch.
Rooney - 7. Scored from a penalty. Celebrated like a man possessed. Nice try.

Subs (Not Rated):
Obertan - Looked poor if I'm honest.
Anderson - Replaced Scholesy simply to keep Scholesy relatively fresh I presume. Good to see him playing though. Ok performance.
Hernandez - Some of his movement off the ball is sublime. Honestly guys, when the game's over or you're watching a repeat, just spend two minutes focussing solely on his movement. My favourite characteristic of his is the way he seems to suddenly come alive after a situation. He'll be doing his usual movement and then something triggers him and he runs, with intent strewn across his face, into the "perfect" area once the play develops.

 

[Georgie Best]

VDS - 7 - Did his part, fixed all they threw at him

O'Shea - 6 - Solid as always
Smalling - 8 - One of the ones that stood out today. Looks to be a great signing so far.
Evans - 7 - Solid
Fabio - 7 -Best United game so far, I don't think he is as good as Rafael up front though.

Nani - 6 - He usually gives us more than he did today.
Carrick -8 - He is getting back to former glories, another good game.
Scholes 6 - Poor at first, but got better as the game went along...
Giggs - 6 - If he played like he did the first half the entire game, it would have been a 8. I feel he struggled a bit more in the second half... Oposite of Scholes there, they took responsibilities in each half.

Berbatov - 6 - were there at times, good pass to Rooney that would have been a assist if he was at top form... He is out of form at the moment, he needs to get back to where he was in August and September.
Rooney - 7 - Best game since the ankle injury. Hopefully on his way back.

Hernandez - N/A Could have scored a goal when he got it on the left foot in the box. Once again good positioning.
Obertan - N/A
Anderson - N/A

 

[711]

I thought Nani tracked back and got stuck in well. It's often said he doesn't do that, but I think he does. He takes shite corners though, and it's high time we had a specific set-piece coach. If we already have one then sack him, he's crap.

 

[Cutch]

How the hell is Evans gettin 5's for that performance tonight. Are we marking him down solely for that miscommunication with VDS? Or the one rash foul he did on Naismith? He won most things that came his way aerially, was relatively assured in possession, and contributed towards us keeping a CLEAN SHEET remember. I don't recall Miller doing anything against him all game. He wasn't brilliant but was certainly better than recent weeks and certainly deserving of more than a 5. Rant over

 

[DubaiReds]

Evans did go missing on a couple of occasions - feel Smalling is getting ahead of him at the moment

 

[Cutch]

Evans did go missing on a couple of occasions - feel Smalling is getting ahead of him at the moment

I thought Smalling had a very good game and was our more dominant defender for the most part but I thought Evans was also pretty reliable. He made a couple of good clearing headers in our own box and made a very good block in the second half. There was also none of this stuttering he does at times on the ball and aimless hoofing up the pitch. As I say not brilliant, but still encouraging.

 

[DubaiReds]

Don't get me wrong I really want Jonny to do well but have watched him this season from high up in the Stretty and have been uncomfortable with his performances - he's not been himself particularly when closed down by a forward

 

[DubaiReds]

VDS - 7 - Good stop from Naismith and covered his near post well against Miller.
O'Shea - 6 - Didn't really do anything, at all. In fact I forgot he played, we probably didn't even need a right-back tonight.
Smalling - 6.5 - Untroubled, has a neckface.
Evans - 6 - Was looking alright til he decided to turn a bit spazzy again and nearly let Rangers score.
Fabio - 7.5 - Forget the fact he got kicked in the face/chest, that header was actually fecking class as well, keeper just about saved it. Completed a full match, grats Fab.
Nani - 6 - Rubbish. Probably has gingivitis.
Scholes - 7 - Got better as it went on. Looking more like his clay doppelganger every day.
Carrick - 8 - Welcome back Michael, some bloke has been pretending to be you for the last year or so. May have been Jonny Evans.
Giggs - 6.5 - Rusty.
Berbatov - Moan, moan, moan. I reckon he leaves the ground on his own, goes home alone and mopes around all night in a dressing gown and slippers, smoking a fag watching crap reality tv shows and just berating the TV at random points.
Rooney - 7.5 - His first touch was excellent considering his lack of football, great penalty.

Obertan - Yeah.
Anderson - Adds a bit of drive. Less fat.
Hernandez - Not much.

Miller - Seriously am I the only one who noticed his weird face? It looked like he had foundation on, you could see the line near his forehead where the colour just completely changed. Weird face.
Broadfoot - Could not look less like a footballer if he tried.

-------

VDS -
O'Shea -
Smalling -
Evans -
Fabio -
Nani -
Carrick -
Scholes -
Giggs -
Berbatov -
Rooney -

Hernandez -
Obertan -
Anderson -

seriously spot on Solius - and yes I did spot Miller's, let us say, rather odd face

 

[711]

Don't get me wrong I really want Jonny to do well but have watched him this season from high up in the Stretty and have been uncomfortable with his performances - he's not been himself particularly when closed down by a forward

I'm a big believer in giving players breaks where necessary. Trouble with football is that a 'break' consists of still sitting in the seats behind the team but still being part of it all, whilst I would say a break should be fecking off to a place of your own choosing for a week or two (with fitness instructions), but a mind-break, don't we all need to do that?

 

[evra]

VDS: Better with the ball at his feet than most of the Rangers outfield, some good saves too: 7.5

O'shea: Fairly anonymous going forward but was solid defensively: 6

Evans: He looks fantastic for 90% of the game but has a tendency to give away silly fouls and get a bit casual: 6

Smallingbauer: The more I see the more I like, especially his willingness to bring the ball out of defence: 7

Fabio: If he stays fit then he can be a serious alternative to Evra, probably a better crosser than his brother on tonight's evidence: 7

Nani: Pretty poor by his standards, wasteful in possession: 5

Carrick: Some good interceptions and looked dangerous when he got into the final third, unfortunately he was reluctant to take risks as usual: 6.5

Scholes: When we have no ideas we pass to Scholes and rely on his creativity far too much, not his best game: 6

Giggs: At least he was willing to take a risk and make a defence splitting pass, still looked slightly unfit: 6.5

Rooney: Looked slim and willing to chase lost causes, putting aside my dislike for him I though he put in a decent shift even though his first touch let him down as usual: 6.5

Berbatov: Should have won a penalty and was one of the few players tonight who took a risk in the final third, the scoop for Rooney was the best moment of the match: 7

Subs:

Anderson: Looked very nervous and slightly unfit, wish he had a bit more belief in his ability and ran at defences like he did at Gremio: 6

Obertan: Great enthusiasm and he's obviously working very hard in training but failed to stamp his mark on the game: 6

 

[puNANI]

VDS - 7 - A couple of good saves against Naismith and Miller and distribution was fine.
O'Shea - 6 - Had nothing to do, and didn't really get forward much.
Smalling - 7 - Composed and untroubled. Played well.
Evans - 6.5 - Was good until he let Naismith through. Then good again.
Fabio - 7.5 - Played like a younger Evra with better crossing. Set up the penalty and like Solius said, the header before it was class.
Nani - 6 - Lost the ball a lot of the time, and lacked end product. Looks tired.
Scholes - 6.5 - Kept the game ticking
Carrick - 8 - Back to the old Carrick today again. Was refreshing to see that he is finding some consistency in his game. Nice passing, a lot of tackles and interceptions. MOTM
Giggs - 6 - Coming back from injury. Nice link up with Fabio at times.
Berbatov 6 - He seems to be reverting to the old Berbatov again. A few decent touches but a lot of frustration, and he barely ever passes the ball to Nani.
Rooney - 6.5 - He was decent with his all around game besides for his woeful shooting. Nice penalty.

Obertan - 5.5 Average
Anderson - 6 He was pretty good, a couple of good passes and was available for the ball. Looks leaned up but didn't play enough minutes for a better rating.
Hernandez - Quiet. N/A

 

[beardsleybob]

Starting XI

VDS - 7.5: Vital save.

O'Shea - 6.5: Solid enough.

Smalling - 7: Classy in possession, bar one moment defended with consumate ease.

Evans - 6.5: Needs to cut out sloppy moments, but better in possession today.

Fabio - 7: Good crossing and didn't look that awkward today.

Nani - 5.5 Frustrating, can do alot better.

Carrick - 8: Excellent display

Scholes - 7: Solid display but his creativity didn't come to the fore.

Giggs - 7.5: Oozed quality even if his play lacked end product.

Berbatov - 7: Flashes of class, but not enough penetration.

Rooney - 7.5: Good lay offs, and netted the pen with confidence.

Sounds like my sex life

 

[Devilton]

VDS - 7 - Reliable and efficent. Please don't retire and leave us with 'value'.

O'Shea - 6.5 - Effective without being impressive. Rafael is better.

Smalling - 7 - Composed. Looks like he's played for a big club for years.

Evans - 6 - Looked good till he looked like shit. Spastic moment proves why he's not getting that many games.

Fabio - 8 - Excellent performance. Put his body on the line, went forward and defended well. Now, if he could only stay healthy...

Nani - 6 - Hasn't looked impressive in the last few games. Loses the ball, delivery is poor. Has screwing up Ronaldo's goal over the international break affected him?

Scholes - 7 - Gets a 7 for being Scholesy, but wasn't really that creative.

Carrick - 8 - A return to form. Was an excellent midfield general with lots of short and long range passes. If he can play like this and better all this talk about needing more quality will cease. Well done Carrick. Now please don't go missing for the next few games.

Giggs - 7 - Did well, but final ball into the box could have been better.

Berbatov 6.5 - Flashes of the old berba. Does a lot of things right, but when he gets a chance in front of goal manages to cock it up. Very hard to know what's going on in his head. One second brilliant, next second sulky old woman.

Rooney - 6.5 - Passing was poor at times and he didn't look fit enough with stamina needing some work. Movement at times looked sharp, but execution was lacking. Good signs ahead, but I just can't help but feel slightly betrayed everytime i see him.

Obertan - 6 - Obamatan. "Yes we can -- put in a few decent crosses, if we try real hard"

Anderson - 6 - Looked eager, but lacked the final ball or the goal threat. Gives the team more mobility and impetus when he comes on. If he acquired a cutting edge to his game he'd be a lot more effective.

Hernandez - 6 - Should have come on at 60 minutes. Had one chance. Hit it directly at keeper.

 

[sammsky1]

Carrick was close to sensational. Some of his passes were pure divine. Best I have seen in him in a long time. I'd give him a 9.

Fabio was also very good - full of promise and talent. He a few months behind Rafael in terms of development .... but thats fine, hopefully both are here for the long haul and so our full back position looks great for years to come. I'd give him 8

Likewise, I thought Smalling and Giggs were very solid performer. Both get 8.

Rest get 7 .

Thought Rooney looked great in terms of fitness and stamina. The jaunt to NikeTown has obviously paid dividends. His touch and ability to control the ball is very rusty though and will need both game time and lots of time on the training ground to get himself back to his ridiculous level of talent. But I saw enough to think that will only be a few games away. he just needs to stay clear of injury and get a run going.

 

[Eto'odinho]

VDS - 6 It was one of those games that despite the opposition offering next to nothing in attack, he still needed to remain focused throughout

O'Shea - 6 Didn't seem to notice him
Smalling - 6 Played well
Evans - 6 Better than he has been for ages just one hiccup but luckily VDS was there in a flash to sort it out.
Fabio - 6 Looked very comfortable for someone who has barely played a competitive game for like ever
Nani - 5 Poor and unlucky with a couple of baffling decisions from the officials
Carrick - 6 Wayward shooting
Scholes - 7 Clone him
Giggs - 6 - Good to see him back
Berbatov - 6 Looked ok
Rooney - I Wish Fabio had taken that penalty

Hernandez - lively
Obertan -

 

[lysglimt]

Sounds like my sex life

I thought that was FLASHING with no class

 

[beardsleybob]

I thought that was FLASHING with no class

Nah ill stick with flashes of class. I have my moments but don't get in the box too often.

 

[Denis' cuff]

Nah ill stick with flashes of class. I have my moments but don't get in the box too often.

know the feeling mate

 

[noodlehair]

VDS - 6 Footsave.

O'Shea -6 I reckon him, Carrick and Evans hang out together, and by hang out, I mean they just stand around in a little circle looking gormlessly at each other whilst going "errrrrrgrggrgrgh" for hours at a time, until the police turn up and tell them to go home.
Smalling - 7 He looks like that thing that emerges from the fire in V for Vendetta. Apart from not having a skin of lava.
Evans - 4 Yeah, don't worry about that guy running completely clean through on goal right next to you there. Dealing with that wont help practice for your Dawn of the Dead 2 audition.
Fabio - 7 Right, so if he runs slightly too much, brushes against a blade of grass, or takes a throw in too quickly, he gets injured, but karate punt kick him in the face, and he'll just get up rubbing his chest slightly.

Nani - 0 Ahh ahh, I'm injured. everyone, I'm injured. STOP THE GAME AT ONCE PLEASE! EVERYONE NEEDS TO REALISE EXACTLY HOW INJURED I AM...feck off. If Keane was still here he'd have kicked your head in by now.
Carrick - 8 Every so often Carrick emerges from his "play it safe" shell, but it only seems to be against teams who sit off so much it's literally impossible not to play it safe.
Scholes - 7 You know the opposition aren't all that when Scholes misstimes a tackle and still ends up getting the ball
Giggs - 6 Had a five minute spell in the second half where he was obsessed with trying to play the ball to Nani by lobbing it over someone's head. Failed every time he tried it, probably due to every Rangers playeron that side of the pitch having a giant, weird shaped head.

Berbatov - 5 The occasional bouts of slight botheredness don't really cut it now we know it's possible for him to sustain full botheredness for extended lengths of time
Rooney - 7 Looked like Rooney again. A slightly rubbish version of Rooney, but still miles better than that Rooney suit he kept renting out to Emile Heskey earlier in the season.

Hernandez - He's such a constant and direct goal threat. First time we've had a player like that in ages (Saha and Owen don't count, because you're not a constant goal threat if you're constantly on the verge of being injured)
Oberbatan - Ok, the head thing was bad enough, but now his legs and arms seem to intertwine freely with each other and occasionally swap places
Anderson - He still powers up his passes as if he's teeing them off on a golf course. You're trying to give your team mate the ball, not explode his leg into tiny pieces.

Rangers - I think things went a bit awry when Walter earnt his UEFA training badges.
"So Walter, if we can go over this one last time. The basic premise is that you need to score MORE goals than the opposition"
"score goals?"
"Yes, more goals than the other team, to win the game"
"I still don't quite get the bit about scoring goals"
"Ok, so if I can phrase it differently then. You win the game by either scoring more goals, or conceding less than the opposition"
"Ahh right, so we can score goals by conceding less than the opposition"
"no, that's not what I said, you have to concede less goals by scoring goals"
"Right, so we need to concede less goals, whilst still scoring less than the opposition. I think I've grasped it now"
"Er, close enough"

Broadfoot - hehe. Get a less shit sounding name, cockface.

Tyldsley - "The assistant official must have only been about five metres away from the incident, which took place about ten metres in front of him" ...erm

 

[Raees]

VDS - 6 Footsave.

O'Shea -6 I reckon him, Carrick and Evans hang out together, and by hang out, I mean they just stand around in a little circle looking gormlessly at each other whilst going "errrrrrgrggrgrgh" for hours at a time, until the police turn up and tell them to go home.

Smalling - 7 He looks like that thing that emerges from the fire in V for Vendetta. Apart from not having a skin of lava.
Evans - 4 Yeah, don't worry about that guy running completely clean through on goal right next to you there. Dealing with that wont help practice for your Dawn of the Dead 2 audition.
Fabio - 7 Right, so if he runs slightly too much, brushes against a blade of grass, or takes a throw in too quickly, he gets injured, but karate punt kick him in the face, and he'll just get up rubbing his chest slightly.

Nani - 0 Ahh ahh, I'm injured. everyone, I'm injured. STOP THE GAME AT ONCE PLEASE! EVERYONE NEEDS TO REALISE EXACTLY HOW INJURED I AM...feck off. If Keane was still here he'd have kicked your head in by now.
Carrick - 8 Every so often Carrick emerges from his "play it safe" shell, but it only seems to be against teams who sit off so much it's literally impossible not to play it safe.
Scholes - 7 You know the opposition aren't all that when Scholes misstimes a tackle and still ends up getting the ball
Giggs - 6 Had a five minute spell in the second half where he was obsessed with trying to play the ball to Nani by lobbing it over someone's head. Failed every time he tried it, probably due to every Rangers playeron that side of the pitch having a giant, weird shaped head.

Berbatov - 5 The occasional bouts of slight botheredness don't really cut it now we know it's possible for him to sustain full botheredness for extended lengths of time
Rooney - 7 Looked like Rooney again. A slightly rubbish version of Rooney, but still miles better than that Rooney suit he kept renting out to Emile Heskey earlier in the season.

Hernandez - He's such a constant and direct goal threat. First time we've had a player like that in ages (Saha and Owen don't count, because you're not a constant goal threat if you're constantly on the verge of being injured)
Oberbatan - Ok, the head thing was bad enough, but now his legs and arms seem to intertwine freely with each other and occasionally swap places
Anderson - He still powers up his passes as if he's teeing them off on a golf course. You're trying to give your team mate the ball, not explode his leg into tiny pieces.

Rangers - I think things went a bit awry when Walter earnt his UEFA training badges.
"So Walter, if we can go over this one last time. The basic premise is that you need to score MORE goals than the opposition"
"score goals?"
"Yes, more goals than the other team, to win the game"
"I still don't quite get the bit about scoring goals"
"Ok, so if I can phrase it differently then. You win the game by either scoring more goals, or conceding less than the opposition"
"Ahh right, so we can score goals by conceding less than the opposition"
"no, that's not what I said, you have to concede less goals by scoring goals"
"Right, so we need to concede less goals, whilst still scoring less than the opposition. I think I've grasped it now"
"Er, close enough"

Broadfoot - hehe. Get a less shit sounding name, cockface.

Tyldsley - "The assistant official must have only been about five metres away from the incident, which took place about ten metres in front of him" ...erm

I was pissing myself reading that Noodles but the part in bold.. feckin epic

 

[Name Changed]

VDS - 6 Footsave.

O'Shea -6 I reckon him, Carrick and Evans hang out together, and by hang out, I mean they just stand around in a little circle looking gormlessly at each other whilst going "errrrrrgrggrgrgh" for hours at a time, until the police turn up and tell them to go home.
Smalling - 7 He looks like that thing that emerges from the fire in V for Vendetta. Apart from not having a skin of lava.
Evans - 4 Yeah, don't worry about that guy running completely clean through on goal right next to you there. Dealing with that wont help practice for your Dawn of the Dead 2 audition.
Fabio - 7 Right, so if he runs slightly too much, brushes against a blade of grass, or takes a throw in too quickly, he gets injured, but karate punt kick him in the face, and he'll just get up rubbing his chest slightly.

Nani - 0 Ahh ahh, I'm injured. everyone, I'm injured. STOP THE GAME AT ONCE PLEASE! EVERYONE NEEDS TO REALISE EXACTLY HOW INJURED I AM...feck off. If Keane was still here he'd have kicked your head in by now.
Carrick - 8 Every so often Carrick emerges from his "play it safe" shell, but it only seems to be against teams who sit off so much it's literally impossible not to play it safe.
Scholes - 7 You know the opposition aren't all that when Scholes misstimes a tackle and still ends up getting the ball
Giggs - 6 Had a five minute spell in the second half where he was obsessed with trying to play the ball to Nani by lobbing it over someone's head. Failed every time he tried it, probably due to every Rangers playeron that side of the pitch having a giant, weird shaped head.

Berbatov - 5 The occasional bouts of slight botheredness don't really cut it now we know it's possible for him to sustain full botheredness for extended lengths of time
Rooney - 7 Looked like Rooney again. A slightly rubbish version of Rooney, but still miles better than that Rooney suit he kept renting out to Emile Heskey earlier in the season.

Hernandez - He's such a constant and direct goal threat. First time we've had a player like that in ages (Saha and Owen don't count, because you're not a constant goal threat if you're constantly on the verge of being injured)
Oberbatan - Ok, the head thing was bad enough, but now his legs and arms seem to intertwine freely with each other and occasionally swap places
Anderson - He still powers up his passes as if he's teeing them off on a golf course. You're trying to give your team mate the ball, not explode his leg into tiny pieces.

Rangers - I think things went a bit awry when Walter earnt his UEFA training badges.
"So Walter, if we can go over this one last time. The basic premise is that you need to score MORE goals than the opposition"
"score goals?"
"Yes, more goals than the other team, to win the game"
"I still don't quite get the bit about scoring goals"
"Ok, so if I can phrase it differently then. You win the game by either scoring more goals, or conceding less than the opposition"
"Ahh right, so we can score goals by conceding less than the opposition"
"no, that's not what I said, you have to concede less goals by scoring goals"
"Right, so we need to concede less goals, whilst still scoring less than the opposition. I think I've grasped it now"
"Er, close enough"

Broadfoot - hehe. Get a less shit sounding name, cockface.

Tyldsley - "The assistant official must have only been about five metres away from the incident, which took place about ten metres in front of him" ...erm

 

[The Black Pearl]

VDS - 8 Saved our skins twice, had feck all to do but when he was called upon he did the job.

O'Shea - 8 Another solid performance, did well against Weiss & had a flawless game on the passing front. Whipped in a few good crosses too.

Smalling - 8 Did nothing wrong all night, went on a cracking run with the ball in the 40th min right up to the edge of the Rangers box.

Evans - 7 Good display from him, it'll do his confidence the power of good. I'd start him against Blackburn.

Fabio - 9 MOM Excellant both in defense & attack, showed us what a fantastic work ethic he has too.

Nani - 7 A constant threat all night, can't complain

Carrick - 8 Brilliant display of tackling & passing from him in CM, did a good job of tracking back too

Scholes - 8 Busy man all night like, got really stuck in making his usual trademark passes.

Giggs - 6 Wasn't in the game at all i thought,

Berbatov - 6 Played a few nice one twos with players around him, played a bit too deep i thought, he could do with cutting out that moaning though its cringeworthy

Rooney - 6 Looked very rusty, his first touch was brutel, took the penalty well though.

 

[Paul Scholes]

VDS - 8

O'Shea - 7

Smalling - 8

Evans - 6

Fabio - 8

Nani - 4

Carrick - 8

Scholes - 7

Giggs - 6

Berbatov - 6

Rooney - 6

 

[Cutch]

VDS - 7 Hadn't much to do but dealt with it well.

O'Shea - 6.5 Skinned by Weiss on a few occasions but was still pretty solid.
Evans - 7 Had a very steady game but unfortunately the Ihni binni dimi diniwiny anitaime will remember him for his only real mistake misjudging the backspin on the bounce for Naismiths chance.
Smalling 7.5 - Effortless player. It all looks so natural for him. He and Evans restricted Rangers to very few chances.
Fabio - 7 A few rash fouls but got forward well and was tenacious in the tackle.

Nani - 6.5 Hadn't the best of games but to be fair he always had atleast 2 men marking him and it was hard to pick out a United player in a crowded box with so many Rangers defenders in it.
Carrick - 8 I hadn't realised he'd played so well until seeing the match for a second time. He and Scholes controlled the game in midfield. very sound in possession and positioned himself very well defensively. A tad overcautious is my only criticism.
Scholes - 7.5 As per Carrick. Great in possession
Giggs - 6 Similar to Nani. Struggled to get into the game and picking out United players in a crowded box. The balls he tried into the feet of the strikers had already been anticipated by the Rangers defence

Berbatov - 6.5 Wasn't bad but again found himself very tightly marked. Was decent on the ball and linked up a couple of times very well with Rooney but it isn't happening for him infront of goal at the minute.
Rooney - 7 Encouraging performance. Looked pretty sharp. Touch and fitness was the best its been for a long time. Shooting was a bit off and also found it hard to find space being so heavily marked.

Subs
Anderson - A decent sub to make it in the circumstances as it helped us to be more direct.
Obertan - N/A
Hernandez - N/A

Us - 7.5. I'm happy enough with that performance tonight. Even despite Rangers not attacking overly much i thought that we dealt with anything they did throw at us well at the back. Our central midfielders controlled the game, while our front 4 understandably struggled to create chances with Rangers having 9 men behind the ball while we had possession.

Rangers - I dont really understand some of the criticism of how they played. Their side was ravaged by injuries especially to their 2 best central defenders and if they'd tried to play free flowing attacking football they'd have been destroyed by us. They still could have nicked the game and all in all have fared well in the group from the limited resources they have at their disposal.

 

[Plechazunga]

Cracking noodlings, I agree with all of them except the ridiculous Evans harshness and not mentioning that Paul Scholes is amazing.

 

[Sir A1ex]

I thought Nani tracked back and got stuck in well. It's often said he doesn't do that, but I think he does. He takes shite corners though, and it's high time we had a specific set-piece coach. If we already have one then sack him, he's crap.

Agree with every word.

 

[Sparky_Hughes]

VDS - 7 Clean Sheet-Nuff said
O'Shea -6.5 Nothing great nothing terrible
Smalling -8 A real prospect, Im looking forward to seeing more
Evans -7 Slight improvement over recent form
Fabio -8 gets an extra point for getting kicked in the face and staying on the pitch
Nani -7 Decent but in need of a rest
Carrick -8 Looking back to his old self
Scholes -7 Still one of the best passers in the world at the age of 78
Giggs -7 He's still going
Berbatov -5 I've been such a big defender of his but Im getting sick of the inconsistency, I'd now rather a less talented player who isn't all about confidence.
Rooney -6 Poor finishing, superb pen, some improvement over his appearence at Wigan, seems to be moving in the right direction

Hernandez -7 Love him.
Obertan -7 Starting to look like he may have a future here
Anderson -4 was he even there?

 

[Sir A1ex]

Nani - 0 Ahh ahh, I'm injured. everyone, I'm injured. STOP THE GAME AT ONCE PLEASE! EVERYONE NEEDS TO REALISE EXACTLY HOW INJURED I AM...feck off. If Keane was still here he'd have kicked your head in by now.

Are you Andy Townsend in disguise?

Even Clive Tyldesley had the good sense to ignore him and cary on with his commentary... "off goes Nani with blood coming out of his mouth" (or words to that effect).

 

[All 3 United]

Van Der Sar - 7

O'Shea - 6
Smalling - 7
Evans - 5
Fabio - 7

Nani - 6
Carrick - 8
Scholes - 7
Giggs - 6

Berbatov - 6.5
Rooney - 7

 

[Feed Me]

VDS - 7 - Classy distribution. Made a save.
O'Shea - 6 - he's shit on the ball. But he's solid defensively. So it's all good.
Smalling - 7 - aside from one moment, where he inexplicably backed away from Miller as he was running towards the goal, he looked very fecking promising.
Evans - 6 - he's been out for a while so there was a bit of rust and one hairy moment, but he was part of an inexperienced backline that kept a cleansheet, which is good.
Fabio - 7 - Exactly like his bro of a couple of years ago.
Nani - 6 - he really can be farcical at times.
Carrick - 8 MOTM - Yes.
Scholes - 7 - Okay for Blackburn?
Giggs - 6 - typical Giggs really. It's good to have him back because he is constantly looking to play the inventive/penetrative ball.
Berbatov - 6 - we really shouldn't have rotated Berbatov when he was in such good form.
Rooney - 7 - he was actually quite lively.

Anderson - stay fit please.
Hernandez - constant goal threat.
Obertan - hench.

 

[Plechazunga]

Are you Andy Townsend in disguise?

Even Clive Tyldesley had the good sense to ignore him and cary on with his commentary... "off goes Nani with blood coming out of his mouth" (or words to that effect).

If it was about the blood he would have just jogged calmly to the touchline, instead he sat sulking in the box. It wasn't about the blood, it was about him.

 

[Sir A1ex]

If it was about the blood he would have just jogged calmly to the touchline, instead he sat sulking in the box. It wasn't about the blood, it was about him.

It was about him... trying to bring the fact that he'd been fouled to the attention of the referee.
We used to have another Portuguese player who did much the same. OK, it doesn't really achieve much, as English refs would rather take the Townsend route and mark you down as a drama queen than admit they were wrong.
But if you think he was doing it to try and get your sympathy, you're wide of the mark.