Could Rooney have been poisoned by the bum-hair transplant?

InspiRED

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OK hear me out.

Sure it sounds ridiculous. But compare early Euro 2004 Rooney - vigorous, energetic, alert - to the pasty, pudding faced potato that waddles around the pitch now looking sweaty and confused. What happened that lead to this inexplicable decline?

Could Rooney have been poisoned by the bum-hair transplant?!

The facts:

2010 was the last year that Rooney showed any consistent high quality in his play.

His treatment for receding hair began in 2011, using a highly controversial and experimental technique of grafting the hair from rooneys buttocks, gooch and anus onto the crown of his head, in close proximity to Rooney's brain.

Everyone knows that anus hair is different to normal head hair. Maybe the former produces some kind of chemical which can penetrate the blood brain barrier and severely retard brain function.

At the moment I am not sure of the accuracy of this line of thought, and it remains strictly theory.
 

WR10

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It's a common side effect that he was well aware going into
 

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Rooney burst onto the scene as a teenager with the body and skill of a man. I think he holds a "Nigerian passport" and is actually 42 years old.
 

iHicksy

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In all seriousness, the moment he started to care more about his image and the PR side of football was for me, when he lost the fire that made him so good. I read an extract from a united interview a while back from one of the team saying since Wayne has had kids he has become much less aggressive. That aggression, whilst an occasional detriment in terms of controlling his temper, was in my eyes, what fuelled him on the pitch.

A combination of his loss of aggression/drive and his focus on his image is a huge reason for the lack lustre performances we have to put up with nowadays.
 

Reynoldo

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InspiRED said:
grafting the hair from rooneys buttocks, gooch and anus onto the crown of his head, in close proximity to Rooney's brain.

Everyone knows that anus hair is different to normal head hair. Maybe the former produces some kind of chemical which can penetrate the blood brain barrier and severely retard brain function.
Click to expand...
So...shit for brains?
 

izec

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Without a doubt. I know he takes the pills, otherwise the untransplanted hair will fall off, leaving him with a bald head again. He cant do endless transplantations, 2-3 in normal cases. His hair doesnt look too good anyway.
 

Hed Zitin

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I read something the other day about an American sports broadcaster that had vocal problems because of hair transplants.
 

the hea

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InspiRED said:
His treatment for receding hair began in 2011, using a highly controversial and experimental technique of grafting the hair from rooneys buttocks, gooch and anus onto the crown of his head, in close proximity to Rooney's brain.
Click to expand...
This would make for a good South Park episode I think
 

Big Ben Foster

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He had his transplant right before the 2011-12 season, which was arguably his best for us. I'm not buying it.
 

thegregster

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InspiRED said:
OK hear me out.

Sure it sounds ridiculous. But compare early Euro 2004 Rooney - vigorous, energetic, alert - to the pasty, pudding faced potato that waddles around the pitch now looking sweaty and confused. What happened that lead to this inexplicable decline?

Could Rooney have been poisoned by the bum-hair transplant?!

The facts:

2010 was the last year that Rooney showed any consistent high quality in his play.

His treatment for receding hair began in 2011, using a highly controversial and experimental technique of grafting the hair from rooneys buttocks, gooch and anus onto the crown of his head, in close proximity to Rooney's brain.

Everyone knows that anus hair is different to normal head hair. Maybe the former produces some kind of chemical which can penetrate the blood brain barrier and severely retard brain function.

At the moment I am not sure of the accuracy of this line of thought, and it remains strictly theory.
Click to expand...
2011-12 was his best season in terms of goals. 27 in the league and 34 overall.
 

Rhyme Animal

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I gather that the medication taken to make sure the hair stays put really does effect Testosterone levels, which, as an athlete is crucial.

I also have to say that I thought he looked so much better when he was balding, and my g/f agrees.

But more than the hair, his face before did look higher testosterone and less soft, and his eyebrows are obviously dramatically different too...



I guess I always would've thought Rooney seemed the type of guy to just shave his head and get on with it.

Just goes to show that even the highest paid, and most adored people can clearly have quite bad self-esteem issues.

Rooney was also a star from the age of 16, so he might have a slightly warped view of reality, since his own reality must have been so surreal from such an early age.
 

clarkydaz

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iHicksy said:
In all seriousness, the moment he started to care more about his image and the PR side of football was for me, when he lost the fire that made him so good. I read an extract from a united interview a while back from one of the team saying since Wayne has had kids he has become much less aggressive. That aggression, whilst an occasional detriment in terms of controlling his temper, was in my eyes, what fuelled him on the pitch.

A combination of his loss of aggression/drive and his focus on his image is a huge reason for the lack lustre performances we have to put up with nowadays.
Click to expand...
Think it was Park who said family mellowed him a lot. Hair transplants, botox to follow
 

Reddevilboy

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I can't wait Rooney fecks off from our club to stop all these Rooney threads. This threads tops it off all. Just ridiculous.
 

InspiRED

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Rhyme Animal said:
I gather that the medication taken to make sure the hair stays put really does effect Testosterone levels, which, as an athlete is crucial.
Click to expand...
I started off this thread as bit of a joke after that display against Malta - which really was bad - but I didn't think of the medication angle. Those images are really striking, think there could well be something to this.
 

DWelbz19

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In hindsight, he really should've just gone all bald with a bit of stubble going on. Better than the mess he still has going on nowadays.
 
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