does follicly challenged = title challenge?

rimaldo

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the whys, the wherefores and the do you mind if we don’ts of our demise as an elite club has been debated to death on here. is it the owners, whom whilst parasitic and viral in nature, have also ensured that they have spent enough money to not completely kill their host? is it failed after manager after failed manager? is the governance of our club at c-level to blame? is it the presence of increased competition from both within our shores and from across europe? or could it be something simpler, something away from the pitch?

throughout the most successful periods of our history we have always had first team players with bald heads. you might want to sit down when you read this but sir bobby charlton ensured other teams were thrown off the scent of this by covering his baldness up. yes, you heard that right, i can exclusively reveal to you that bobby utilised a combover. sir busby also added bald power from the touchline.

the all-conquering liverpool team of the 80s famously hid their bald heads by growing ridiculous perms to try and guard the secret of success.

roy keane turned up with a crew cut at the start of each preseason to ensure he spent the maximum amount of energy over the summer hating other teams and cultivating his winning mentality. he couldn’t afford to waste precious bodily resource on growing hair. apparently he continues to be as smooth as a ken doll “downstairs” to this day, resulting in the nickname “keane doll.” micah richards has sworn to keep his secret safe as long roy pretends to be his friend on air. when keane couldn’t be bothered to catch baldness, it was left to beckham or rio to fill in and ensure our dominance continued.

the secret of our success even ensured jokers like barthez were purchased ahead of other, superior but haired goalkeepers, before being kept far beyond their use by date to ensure the curse of bald trafford would never materialise.

looking around our first team squad now there is a dearth of bald or balding players. in a world of preening prima donnas and hair transplants, good, bald players are at a premium and are by and large already at other successful clubs (fernandinho and pep at city, fabinho and tiago at liverpool.) is it simply the lack of bald players blocking our route back to the summit of football?

maybe the club has finally put two and two together. it would explain why we keep renewing lee grant’s contract, despite having about a billionty goalkeepers on the payroll, a guinness world record, i’m led to believe. martial did try and lift the curse at one point but he had fallen out of favour and was injured before his his bald power had reached the level required to drag us out of the mire.

are there any bald players out there who can bring success back? we can’t rely on our youth set up. even the luckiest of men don’t usually start balding until their early 20s. should a gang of us pin down and collectively reverse samson rashford into becoming a good player again?

make old trafford bald again.
 

Nick7

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the higher the hair, the closer to god. the lower the hair, the closer to a title
 

Lynty

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High testosterone is linked to baldness. Our players have no balls.
 

Dwight Corke

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Is that why the purchase of Fellaini marked the beginning of the post-Ferguson decline?
 

diarm

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I was nodding along to this entire post and about to reply in total and utter agreement.

Then I remembered Anthony Martial.
 

rimaldo

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the higher the hair, the closer to god. the lower the hair, the closer to a title
this is true. it’s why the pope does the sign of hairy areas in his blessings (head hair, pubic hair, nipple, nipple.)

High testosterone is linked to baldness. Our players have no balls.
i have not done any research into this so cannot comment either way.

I was nodding along to this entire post and about to reply in total and utter agreement.

Then I remembered Anthony Martial.
he was too injured and clearly not seen as the chosen one.
 

sugar_kane

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I was nodding along to this entire post and about to reply in total and utter agreement.

Then I remembered Anthony Martial.
Dude had a hair transplant and went to shit, OP theory checks out.
 

royalewithcheese2006

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Ralf agrees with this theory and is already putting in the groundwork on the management front. Out went Carrick and McKenna, Phelan stayed and he's brought in Chris Armas too. Apparently prefers ETH over Poch as well and will also shave his own head once we announce ETH next summer:drool:

OP might be onto something here!
 

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Yes! This is why Eric Ten Hag is such a must! It's not just about his tactical acumen. It's about his baldness.

Arrigo Sacchi. Pep, Zidane, Sir Alex Ferguson. All bald.

 

rimaldo

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Yes! This is why Eric Ten Hag is such a must! It's not just about his tactical acumen. It's about his baldness.

Arrigo Sacchi. Pep, Zidane, Sir Alex Ferguson. All bald.

all the greatest managers throughout history would have been bald if they didn’t have any hair. fergie alluded to baldness in the majority of his most famous quotes.

“when an itlaian tells me he is bald i check under his hair to make sure. they are the inventors of the smokescreen."

“i can’t believe it. i can’t believe it. baldness. bloody hell.”

“"it’s getting tickly now – squeaky-head time, i call it."

“that lad must have been born bald.”

“sometimes you have a bald neighbour.”
 

Chairman Steve

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I think this is the real reason we did not hire Conte. He did not embrace his baldness and decided to get another round of hairplugs.
 

Focusmate

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Sigh… i used to enjoy threads like this. But unlike my dad and uncles what i thought was an invincible hairline has started thinning big time. Not so funny now!
 

rimaldo

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I think this is the real reason we did not hire Conte. He did not embrace his baldness and decided to get another round of hairplugs.
we supposedly had reservations about him. i’d imagine that was it.

Sigh… i used to enjoy threads like this. But unlike my dad and uncles what i thought was an invincible hairline has started thinning big time. Not so funny now!
can you play in a midfield two?
 

Champ

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Luke Shaw? He may not be bald as such, but he's trying his hardest.
Also, Phil Jones hairline is looking a little receding...hope for the future maybe??

Also, I'm receding with thin hair, yet the team I manage and alas play for are near bottom this season...not sure it works on all teams.
 

George Owen

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High testosterone is linked to baldness. Our players have no balls.
Sounds about right.

Although testosterone levels won't change, I would be all in favour of forcing our players to shave their heads. At least we would not be seeing more of the pathetic hairtyle of some of our players.

Also, imagine playing against a bald Phil Jones. Attackers would be bricking it.

Same for defenders, trying to stop a bald Donny van de Beek. The guy would look like a serial killer.
 

rimaldo

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Luke Shaw? He may not be bald as such, but he's trying his hardest.
Also, Phil Jones hairline is looking a little receding...hope for the future maybe??

Also, I'm receding with thin hair, yet the team I manage and alas play for are near bottom this season...not sure it works on all teams.
you are diluting your baldness between two roles. focus on one and fortunes will change.

Sounds about right.

Although testosterone levels won't change, I would be all in favour of forcing our players to shave their heads. At least we would not be seeing more of the pathetic hairtyle of some of our players.

Also, imagine playing against a bald Phil Jones. Attackers would be bricking it.

Same for defenders, trying to stop a bald Donny van de Beek. The guy would look like a serial killer.
if they shave and oil themselves up like traore then no opposition player will be able to lay a finger on them.
 

Chesterlestreet

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Said it before and I'll say it again: Rooney threw away greatness when he had that ridiculous transplant.

Imagine him with a Bobby style combover, he would've been unstoppable.
 

Class of 1902

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Ferguson, Wenger, Conte, Mourinho, Ancelotti, Klopp, Mancini, Pellegrini and Ranieri.

So no.
 

George Owen

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you are diluting your baldness between two roles. focus on one and fortunes will change.


if they shave and oil themselves up like traore then no opposition player will be able to lay a finger on them.
True that, with exception of the "finger of God". Luckily, he is close to retirement.

 

rimaldo

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Said it before and I'll say it again: Rooney threw away greatness when he had that ridiculous transplant.

Imagine him with a Bobby style combover, he would've been unstoppable.
i reckon fergie would have even let him have a halftime fag and half a bitter if he had embraced the combover.

Ferguson, Wenger, Conte, Mourinho, Ancelotti, Klopp, Mancini, Pellegrini and Ranieri.

So no.
each and everyone of them have completely shaved crotches.
 

tomaldinho1

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Said it before and I'll say it again: Rooney threw away greatness when he had that ridiculous transplant.

Imagine him with a Bobby style combover, he would've been unstoppable.
Jokes aside, his decline came when he started taking propecia along with the transplant...make of that what you will. Angry, balding Wayne Rooney was a potential Ballon D'Or winner, chinstrap wispy hared Wayne ended up mucking around at Derby.
 

Red Shorts

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Barthez

Brown
Ferdinand
Stam
Evra

Beckham ('02)
Veron
Butt (nowadays)
Obertan (shit but one of the best of the lot in terms of a bald head)

Cole
Yorke

Fergie could have nearly pulled together the ultimate baldy squad, give or take a few hair strands.
 

joedirt87

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Pep bald, Klopp bald but had transplant, tuchel bald, Conte bald but had transplant or it’s a wig. We’ve got to fight bald with bald.