Frenkie de Jong | The last muppeting lap

Frenkie to United?


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Wing Attack Plan R

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FdJ to ETH: "I will come to United if Barcelona insist on me leaving, but obviously I want to stay at Barcelona."
Barcelona to FdJ: "Take a 50% pay cut, and say goodbye to your deferred wages, or leave."
United to Barcelona: "Will you take our damn money, already?"
FdJ to Barcelona: "How about you pay me the money you owe me, for last season and this."
Barcelona to Pimps: "Sell as much of our ass as you can to raise money."

ETH to FdJ: "You still coming to United? The window is closing."
FdJ to ETH: "Everything is still the same. Barcelona pays me, or sells me."
Barcelona to press: "How many days to we have until the deadline? Keep on trucking."

The muppet perspective is nothing has changed. Barcelona is still trying to pull a financial rabbit out of a hat. If they succeed, FdJ stays as long as he agrees to a massive wage cut. FdJ has said "no" to this idea. Either way, Barcelona's hand won't be forced until the window shuts. From our angle, it's exactly the same as it was on Day 1. It might result in FdJ suing Barcelona for back wages, in some made-for-TV turn of events, or it might result in FdJ kissing goodbye the 17M they owe him and reducing his wage by 50%. One outcome is dependent on Barcelona, the other on FdJ. Our negotiators cannot independently change Barcelona's mind or FdJ's mind. So we wait.
 

Waynne

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Up at 6am. Shower, shite, shave, another shite, another shower to wash the shite off, shave the shower because it's covered in shite, shower the shaver because he's covered in shite, third shite.

6:05am - turn on BBC Breakfast. Fecking news about Ukraine again. Clearly some top defenders over there but unfortunately unable to sign any of them at the moment. Switch over to CBeebies.

10:59am - Duggee and Friends is over which means it'll be that boring grown up show about a small town doctor who has a quirk that makes him difficult to work with but he secretly has a heart of gold. Might as well start working...

11:00am - Fecking PC won't work. This happens every fecking morning! Fecking useless IT department sending me shit equipment! Can't even do the most basic of fecking tasks, can they? Going to call the helpdesk...

11:12am - Fecking useless IT tech asking me to check the power cable and WiFi and whatnot because he can't just drive over and fix it. This is fecking bullshit. Fecking useless bastards.

11:35am - IT finally diagnosed the problem. Apparently my toaster isn't a computer. Well nobody told me that!

11:36am - Having jammy baked beans and marmite on toast. Fecking lush asf. Time for a nap.

3:47pm - Woken up by wife bringing kids home from school. Tells me I forgot to pick them up as she leaves to go back to her work. Moody bitch. Kids IMMEDIATELY want food. I point to the kettle and tell them to make themselves some toast.

3:48pm - Back to work! Email on my phone pings. Ignore it. Another ping. Arnold on WhatsApp. He's stuck a bouncy castle in his back garden. Top lad. Another email pings. Better check it...

8:22pm - Shit! Fell asleep again! Fifty seven missed calls from Joel Glazer. No voicemails, just a text saying he wanted to talk to me about something important before the scientists put him in cryo for six months. Oh well, maybe next time...

8:30pm - check betting odds before repeats of The Bill on Dave. Frenkie deal looking more likely according to Paddy Power! Tell journo mates that I'm more confident of a deal now. Turn to wife and smile but she's not there. Can't hear kids either. There's a note beside me with "To John" on the front but it's just out of reach. Can't be bothered moving so just forget about it.

9:59pm - Feeling tired, might have an early night. I've been up since 6am after all! Time for a quick shit in the shower and off to bed for another day or hard work! New Crusader Kings expansion is being released so I queue the download up on my George Foreman grill.

10:01pm - Phone call coming directly from Frenkie. Smash that cancel button. I'm off the clock!
6am - 10am :lol:
 

Zaphod2319

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Just 400 more pages you bunch of quitters! What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until you decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
The tough get goin'! Who's with the muppets? Let's go! What the feck happened to the Red Caf I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest two weeks of your lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not muc_whateverthefeckthenextlettersare ! He’s not gonna take this. Romero, he's a dead man! Laporta, dead! ManagingBarca...
 

SouthernRedDev

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Im hopefull tha FDJ is up for the fight, as can be seen with our current squad most top professionals want the easy life of playing surrounded by worldies, they disappear if any fighting instinct is required, it would be nice if we could find someone who likes the hard graft, he would be adored for it, even more so if he could drag the best out of the others.
 

lefty_jakobz

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Just 400 more pages you bunch of quitters! What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until you decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
The tough get goin'! Who's with the muppets? Let's go! What the feck happened to the Red Caf I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest two weeks of your lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not muc_whateverthefeckthenextlettersare ! He’s not gonna take this. Romero, he's a dead man! Laporta, dead! ManagingBarca...
Reported
 

Laurencio

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Just 400 more pages you bunch of quitters! What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until you decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
The tough get goin'! Who's with the muppets? Let's go! What the feck happened to the Red Caf I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest two weeks of your lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not muc_whateverthefeckthenextlettersare ! He’s not gonna take this. Romero, he's a dead man! Laporta, dead! ManagingBarca...
Germans?

Forget it, he's rolling.

He's quoting a movie :lol:

The right response is:

Dead... Zhapod2319 is right Muppets. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We’ve gotta show these bastards. Now we could fight ’em with conventional arguments ; that could take months and cost millions of muppet tears. No, in this case I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid act of muppetry to be done on somebody’s part!
 
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lefty_jakobz

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Germans?

Forget it, he's rolling.



He's quoting a movie :lol:

The right response is:

Dead... Zhapod2319 is right Muppets. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We’ve gotta show these bastards. Now we could fight ’em with conventional arguments ; that could take months and cost millions of muppet tears. No, in this case I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid act of muppetry to be done on somebody’s part!
Reported
 

fezzerUTD

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Why would barce give him his deferred wages in one lump sum (saying he goes) when they could pay it over the next few years in smaller bits and use him as he happens to be a very good player.

Really the only outcome was ever Utd paid him the same wages as he’s about to get or take a pay cut, because they were never giving him a lump sum to leave.
 

sebsheep

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Why would barce give him his deferred wages in one lump sum (saying he goes) when they could pay it over the next few years in smaller bits and use him as he happens to be a very good player.

Really the only outcome was ever Utd paid him the same wages as he’s about to get or take a pay cut, because they were never giving him a lump sum to leave.
A lump sum to leave us better for their wage budget, which is the apparent issue. That's why there was constant talk around him reducing his wages.
 

Robertd0803

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Why would barce give him his deferred wages in one lump sum (saying he goes) when they could pay it over the next few years in smaller bits and use him as he happens to be a very good player.

Really the only outcome was ever Utd paid him the same wages as he’s about to get or take a pay cut, because they were never giving him a lump sum to leave.
Because not only do they owe him the deferred wages they also have to pay him his normal weekly wage which is astronomical as well this season due to an increase.
 

sewey89

Incorrectly predicted the de Jong transfer 2022
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Should be really bothered by this news, but I’ve just got back from watching my home town team slap Deadpool’s team all over the place and I’m pissed up and I’m tired so I don’t care. Up the Spireites
 

Fooza

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Genius move to 'bid' for Casemiro as a ploy to get Barcelona to panic and pay the wages rather than the money going their rivals

:wenger:
 

Waynne

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40% - Hang in there until ETH pulls the plug

:lol:

Can't accomplish anything with an inept DOF that's nowhere near the best in class. It's not like we're Yeovil Town FC and can't afford to get the best football minds into the club to drive recruitment.
 

lex talionis

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15 days left of the window. 4 days until we get humiliated by Liverpool and probably wind up setting some kind of record. It will only get crazier from here.
WHAT IF we beat Liverpool and drop them to the bottom of the table? It's theoretically possible.
 

Laurencio

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WHAT IF we beat Liverpool and drop them to the bottom of the table? It's theoretically possible.
I'll be very happy, but then the Glazers conclude that the team is good enough and don't sanction any more moves?

We'll sign him next year after we sack ETH and continue the trend of buying players for the previous manager.
:lol: We're surprisingly adept at finding the right targets just as the manager who needs them has left.
 

Michael T

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Is this our worst transfer saga ever?
Can’t think of one worse.
Not until the 2nd of September. Until then everything is possible.
If de Jong does sign for us and goes on to be a great success with silverware returning, you do realise that this transfer saga will be the GOAT of all transfer sagas, with stories told to enthralled grandchildren of our dogged determination and tenacity, our 'never give in, 'Fergie time' transfer catalyst for the treasure filled seasons that followed, and the fabled 2000 page plus Transfer Thread, still unbeaten on Red Cafe...
 

Laurencio

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If de Jong does sign for us and goes on to be a great success with silverware returning, you do realise that this transfer saga will be the GOAT of all transfer sagas, with stories told to enthralled grandchildren of our dogged determination and tenacity, our 'never give in, 'Fergie time' transfer catalyst for the treasure filled seasons that followed, and the fabled 2000 page plus Transfer Thread, still unbeaten on Red Cafe...
It will be .... wait for it ..... LEGENDARY!
 

DutchCruijff

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I feel that there is one more twist here.

I find it difficult to believe United wouldn't be willing to cover the extra £10m of his salary considering how things have gone.

I find it difficult to believe that Barca wouldn't want him out the door right away if they receive €100m for him (including the deferred salary). That's a huge amount and they have no need for him.

Let's see, I can see Xavi not playing him/minimum minutes over the next few matches. They clearly want him gone. It's gone silent.
 
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