Funny stories from matches you've played in

[John Keiler]

Many years ago I lived in a village near Peterborough and lived next door to a new signing Peterborough United had made recently - a certain huge hulk of a centre half called Neil Firm. He was a pleasant chap and would come into the local, have one pint and sit and read quietly, but would chat to us about football if people were polite. He found out that the pub put together a ragged arsed assortment of a team to play once a year on Boxing Day against the other pub in the village. He was injured at the time and could not play, but said that he would ref the match if we wanted him to, which we of course agreed to. After about 15 minutes, our mighty centre half [me], unleashed a fierce clearance, sliced straight into Neil Firms nads from a distance of about 5 yards. He went down like a ninepin with a loud 'oooommmpppphh', taking 15 minutes to recover and then having the pub landlord drive him home.

As an aside, he did play for us one year and I can honestly say I had no idea until then how hard and far pros could kick a ball. Had a gorgeous wife too, who helped arrange a mortgage for me.

 

[Token Sheet]

When playing for my local Sunday league team, we had the lad that every team has. Turns up week in week out but rarely gets a game.
Well one week we were short and needed someone to play on the left wing.
Enter Glyn, his chance to shine. Unfortunately after 20 mins or so it became quite clear he couldn't play left wing, as the ball kept going past his foot and out of play.
At half time the manager asked why he couldn't control the ball to which Glyn replied "it's my glass eye, I'm literally blind on my right side so I can't see the ball coming....."
He was then moved to the right wing...

Don't know what it was with the team I played for but just remembered another eyesight related story.

Stuart was our trustworthy battering ram of a centre forward had played with us for years. Bit hit and miss but would score every so often.

We always wore green and on this occasion we had the old Northern Ireland green kit from the late 80s. The one with the horrendous mish mash of a pattern all over it.

Anyway one chilly Sunday morning we were playing a team who had the exact kit but in purple. Same pattern just different colour. I think it was Latvias kit at the time. No issue as it was fecking purple not green.

As Stuart stood on the centre spot, foot on the ball, he calls me and a couple of team mates over and says
"Sorry I've not told you this before but I'm colour blind. I normally get away with the other teams pattern and style of shirts. I can't tell who is who!"

Well the look of bewilderment and bemusement on our faces that day. Needless to say Stuart made a few stray passes that day.

 

[redspoony]

With me being the world's worst footballer, I don't have many of these.

When I was at uni we used to play eleven a-side matches, Brits against foreign students, all of us mates. The only exception in our team was our keeper, Thomas. He was Danish and had been on Aalborg's books as a kid. He played for us because we didn't have anyone else that wanted to play in goal. Every game he would have a 4 pack of Stella in the first half and the same in the second. He'd be shitfaced by the end of the game but managed to pull of some incredible saves.

Only problem was that you couldn't pass the ball back to him, he'd either miss it completely or think he was Rene Higuita and try and dribble up the pitch. With disastrous consequences.

Like I said, I'm a shit footballer, but loved playing in those games as we had a real mix of abilities and everyone was there for the craic.

Good times.

 

[Austria-Red]

I used to play lower league football in Austria during my time in university. Once, when we played against our biggest rivals away from home we were up 1-0 with about 5 mins to go. They had a corner and sent everyone forward. I was playing as a CB and the ball came directly to me so I headed it out into open field. It went to a player from my team and as they had no defenders back I decided to go for it. My teammate lobbed the the ball over the only remaining defender. I was straight through on goal but had about half of the pitch to go.

As I was running towards the goal thinking about how I was going to score my harmstring went. I went down in pain, the goalkeeper calmly picked the ball up and I could hear the whole stadium laughing. There were about 500 people in attendance. The biggest game of the season...

We still won 1-0 but you can’t imagine the shit I got in the following weeks. Worst day of my life

 

[Bestietom]

I was playing here in Ireland one Sunday and whilst running down the wing with the ball, and old lady tripped me up with her brolly handle. I was clean through and ready to cut across for goal. She was shifted from the park poor soul. We did win the game anyway.

 

[BazzaBear]

Playing in a friendly mixed 5 a side game, and collided with one of the ladies. We were both still running for the ball with her slightly behind me as I reached out a hand in apology... and grabbed her by the tit.

The other one is more about what happened after a game. It started on the pitch, where I leapt like a salmon for a header, unfortunately resulting in the opposition player headbutting me right in the shoulder blade and dislocating my shoulder (popped straight back in again, but crikey it hurt).
I then had to drive home, but could only change gear by ducking below the level of the dashboard because of the lack of movement in my lefty shoulder.
Then my mum took me to A&E (this was a long time ago, I was only about 20 I think) where we stayed from 8pm to 5:30am only to be told there was nothing they could do. We leave the hospital to find mums car won't start, so I had to push it. As I'm pushing it out of the parking space, my mum decides that I'm about to push her into a bollard - which is actually about 20 feet away still - and stamps on the brakes, causing me to slam my bad shoulder into the bonnet of her car.
Fun evening all round.

 

[jderbyshire]

A mate of mine was on the bench for an u18s side - as the manager is bringing him on, he tells him something like "that no.7 there is causing us havoc on the wing - TAKE HIM OUT OF THE GAME".

So he comes on, tries to tackle the no. 7 but he's shielding the ball - so, he reaches round and GRABS HIS JUNK.

The no.7 turns around AND SMACKS HIM ONE in the face. Referee sends him straight off.

Job done.

 

[Pacificgi]

Remember playing when it was on 7 a side pitches? Think it was 7 a side ive slept since

A lad on my team missed from a yard out - everyone was in hysterics in disbelief how he managed to miss. Keeper took the resulting goal kick, it came to the same lad on the half way line and he hit it and scored.

 

[buchansleftleg]

Primary school in the 70's i played as centre back on the left.

It was an absolutely freezing cold day and we arrived at the other school to find an awful pitch.

It was covered in what looked like brick dust, but was i think some type of sand, but not the sort you are supposed to use.

Most of the pitch was frozen hard with the usual lake of mud around the penalty area. No way was it being called off in the era before health and safety and the game begins.

As you can imagine no one has any appetite to play on this, so a dull midfield stalemate ensues of 20 kids walking around the ball near the centre circle.

Eventually their striker makes a break and is running towards the goal. I make a last ditch tackle and slide through a frozen puddle to clear the ball.

Now to my eyes a jagged piece of ice just unseams my leg from the shin to my upper thigh and cascades in blood.

My leg goes numb and I faint.

My teammates think they see arterial blood spatter as i go into the tackle. 2 of them start throwing up.

The coach runs over, really concerned. Yes I do have a slight scratch up my leg, but I am mostly covered in icy cold thick red mud from this builders sand.

"Wake up" he shouts...."your leg is ok" I wake up to find teammates ripping into me and teammates who threw up on the pitch.

No bloody sympathy and it was a brill tackle!

 

[Ban]

I was once taking a throw in in my half and threw a ball into a corner.

 

[SkeppyRed]

I was playing here in Ireland one Sunday and whilst running down the wing with the ball, and old lady tripped me up with her brolly handle. I was clean through and ready to cut across for goal. She was shifted from the park poor soul. We did win the game anyway.

 

[Retrokicks]

My younger brother used to play Sunday league football which also included entry into the local cup. I think it was the third round and they were drawn against the local bees knees team, who won practically everything they could be arsed to turn up for.

After about 20 minutes and as many attacks on goal from the hero team, miraculously it was still 0-0. My brother, who was the star forward, received the ball for the first time on the halfway line, bearing in mind they'd been that under the cosh that it was practically the first bit of possession they'd had.

After receiving the ball, everyone screamed for him to shoot (from the halfway line?), he swivelled around, took 2 steps and proper let one go, scoring in the top corner. There was a brief moment of bemusement and suddenly everyone burst onto the pitch and mobbed him, calling him Baggio and bowing down.

They ended up losing the game 2-1, but something to tell the grandkids

 

[SLBenfica1904]

A mate of mine was on the bench for an u18s side - as the manager is bringing him on, he tells him something like "that no.7 there is causing us havoc on the wing - TAKE HIM OUT OF THE GAME".

So he comes on, tries to tackle the no. 7 but he's shielding the ball - so, he reaches round and GRABS HIS JUNK.

The no.7 turns around AND SMACKS HIM ONE in the face. Referee sends him straight off.

Job done.

It remembers me a story of a friend of mine, which was going to play against a very strong team and everyone were advised of a big and fast black striker(probably was from Angola or Cape Verde and had a fake id, it was quite common some years ago to play against men with facial hair at the age of 13 haha). He was a centre back and realized soon he would not keep the clean sheet unless he was sent off. He started telling things about her mother and that kind of insults and some minutes later the guy punched him and was sent off, job done.
Another one, when i was 14 we went to play against the team of a nearby small town. The father of one of our players used to watch our games and give advices to his kid, as if he was the manager. In the middle of the game, that was very hard and balanced, he shouted "Miguel, kick him" and he indeed tackled him. That almost started a fight as the people of that town wanted to punch my teammate father.

 

[Sky1981]

Inspired by Church o Choccy's rather inspired re-interpretation of the rules of association football, I thought a new thread where we all share some of the funnier things we've seen on a footy pitch down the years.

I'll start, although these may be the very definition of 'had to be there'.

We were playing the other big secondary school in our area, and were four or five goals up when our striker went clean through on goal and rounded the keeper. Now this bloke was the epitome of a flash bastard 14 year old. He had an ear ring which he refused to take off for matches, bleached hair, cycling shorts despite having no muscular problems and wore coloured boots before it was the done thing.

Anyway, he's rounded the keeper, and in keeping with his reputation as the world's biggest cnut muscle, he went for the textbook flash cnut move; he stopped the ball a yard or two before the line, and went to kneel down and head it over the line.

That's what he intended at least. What actually happened was that he somehow contrived to drop down too close to the ball, and when he went to stoop down and head it in, managed to be too close the ball, and it got sort of trapped under him. This gave the returning keeper just enough time to launch himself, two-footed from a few yards away, and smash 24 or so studs into our strikers' face and chest. Then, more or less knocked out, he fell sideways onto the ball, and the keeper picked it up in an unhurried fashion, and started giving the prone striker a bit of verbal for being a bit of a tit.

To add insult to injury, the ref displayed the true Irish hatred for flashness in all of its forms, and booked our (now extremely dazed) striker for ungentlemanly conduct. His second booking of the game. None of us complained. He strolled off, and having regained some of his Rob Low-esque cool, started doing the 'mouthy' hand gesture at one of their defenders (where you tap the fingers of your hand up and down on your thumb to indicate the other bloke is a mouthpiece). This despite the lad in question not having said a word to him. The feckin' bell-end.

In one hand i detest flashy cnuts like this one. But on the other hand this sort of "hate the flashy cnut" attitude in the lower levels is probably the reason why england have no messi or maradonna. They'd be hacked down and told to tone whatever skill they have to show

 

[Frank Grimes]

I got a slapped in the face by an opposition player in an u16 match and the ref didn't see it. I was shouted out "ref", and then in a fit of rage kicked your man up the hole, just as the ref turned around.

Before I knew it there was guys from all angles running at me, one particularly imposing CB who would have ripped my head off. I decided the best course of action would be to leg it and before I knew it there was a full football team chasing me around the pitch. I was weaving in and out of players like a young Giggsy while half my teammates were on the ground laughing their nads off.

Luckily people from the sidelines came in and ushered me away before I was caught. Had to get an escort to the dressing rooms and everything, remember one substitute swinging a pair of football at me as I was being lead away. When we got back into the dressing room the manager, (it was his first game) went to berate me but when he started he just burst out laughing, everyone was in the pisses.

When we left the opposition were throwing stones at the bus and the bus driver was asking what the hell was going on. Some madness.

 

[Greck]

Got a yellow card going into halftime around the 42nd minute. Manager was wary of this and spent 14 of the 15 halftime minutes specifically begging me not to get into any dangerous tackles or provocative confrontations as he didnt have any strikers on the bench. Long story short I got sent off in the 46th minute

 

[Ekkie Thump]

I scored an injury time winner in a semi final once. Never again.

Went up for a corner only to get in the way as our striker volleyed the ball right in my bollocks. As I doubled up in pain the ball was crossed back in, smacked me in the face, bust my nose and went in. In agony on the ground I had no immediate idea why I was jumped on by like 8 blokes.

 

[SteveJ]

 

[ninjaskill]

Playing in the Paisley and Johnstone Under 18's Division 3 has a few stories, to say the football is poor and the tackles awful would be an understatement a few bench clearing brawls and a keeper known for trying to punt the ball at your head if you scored past him.

Anyway we were top of the league near the end of the season playing the team in 4th who had to win to have a chance at the title. A goal up our centre back, who complains about any minor decision, pulls down their striker who is clearly in on goal in the box to give away a penalty and somehow only get booked. This so incenses their striker that he protests so much he gets a straight red for it, I have no idea what he said as the refs got called cnuts etc. after every call, and along with that the penalty somehow turns into a free kick for us. Now you might think the centre back is made up that he avoided giving away a penalty and got their striker sent off but no he goes up to the ref to complain about the booking he was given for causing the whole thing as the rest of the team sprinted over to pull him away before the ref changed his mind.

Also this classic of a conversation at a corner One teammate "Who's marking that Cnut"

Another team mate "I got him"

Guy on the other team "Who you calling a Cnut?"

Third teammate "You ya deaf Cnut"

Other teams player "Oh"

 

[Schmiznurf]

Got a yellow card going into halftime around the 42nd minute. Manager was wary of this and spent 14 of the 15 halftime minutes specifically begging me not to get into any dangerous tackles or provocative confrontations as he didnt have any strikers on the bench. Long story short I got sent off in the 46th minute

Why you lying?

 

[P-Nut]

In a match some years ago the ref didn´t have one of his best games. My team-mate eventually lost it and shouted: How the feck did you miss that, are you blind? The ref came storming and shouted in my mates face: What was that you said? Mate: Oh for fecks sake, are you deaf aswell... He got sent off

This one absolutely cracked me up!

 

[Lentwood]

I once played a game where there was a fully grown tree on the pitch. It was bizarre

 

[Greck]

Why you lying?

youtu.be/AwXgfBzK_L4

 

[Zlatattack]

A guy from school booted the ball into his own face.

One of the lads I used to play with spent most of the game fouling the opposition and eventually it got to one of thier players. They squared up, the opposition player punched him in the face, this lad goes back a few steps looks around (the rest of us are shocked, these games were really friendly) and then starts to clap. "is that all you got?" cracked me up.

 

[montpelier]

I once saw a right footed guy try & take a corner having placed the ball to the right of the corner flag (small quadrant - so the flag post is in the way) and he couldn't, because he kept running into the flag pole & looking surprised as he did so. He's had 3 tries & everyone else (in the penalty area, waiting) is in hysterics & shouting for him to move the ball to the other side & shouting other things too I'm afraid.

Quite a few minutes seem to pass until the referee puts him out of his misery by trotting over & re-positioning the ball for him - it didn't make a lot of difference but at least the resulting goal kick got us playing again.

Probably had to be there.

 

[11101]

Once played a game where the opposition team disagreed with the ref to the extent that one of their players ended up chasing him off the pitch. This guy actually had a professional contract lined up, it was to be his last game before joining them, but when the team got wind of what he did they cancelled it.

 

[OT1214]

Years ago in an inter school competition, our team was trailing by a goal. Late in the game we got a goal kick. Goalkeeper kicked the ball and as it reached the centre line a guy from the opposition jumped and caught the ball. Everyone was puzzled. He obviously got sent off. After the match we asked him why he did so. He said he didnt want our team to have possession and by instinct he caught the ball. Now thats what you call a schoolboy error.

 

[greatscott9930]

In 1995, I was playing in a must win state tournament game. The game was tied late in the second half. One of my teammates sent a hopeful ball up toward our opponents' box. The ball came about waist high to one of our midfielders, who proceeded to catch the ball and then dropkick it into the goal. The ref never saw it, and the goal stood. We went on to win the tournament.

 

[greatscott9930]

I also used to coach JV soccer. There was one game that had just a goal between the teams (in our favor); and late in the game, the other team scored a completely legitimate goal to tie the game. As soon as they scored, my assistant took off down the touchline toward one of the officials screaming "He was offside, he was offside" (no one was offside). The official thought for a moment, agreed, and disallowed the goal. We won.

 

[carvajal]

This happened when I was 14 or 15 years old.
My team was undoubtedly the worst in the category. It was prepared in a hurry, a few days before the start of the season and was formed by a surplus of guys that did not have space in the first team.
Within my team I was the fastest and used to play as a left winger, however after a couple of games my coach decided to put me as a libero(sweeper?).
He wanted me to give constant support, start the play and be the last player so at least I could cut the counters by speed and we wouldn´t lose by a landside.
In the new position I was doing quite well. With me the defensive bleeding was over and the coach of the first team confirmed that as soon as he could he would promote me to the first team.
Compliments of my teammates, my coach, the coach of the first team ... it went to my head.
Months passed and in the middle of my self hype the "Copa" began, which was played between teams of the province.
We were all very excited about the cup, since it was played in better fields, including some local press.
We had to play Racing Vilalbés, a team without much relevance from a small town.
There were rumors that they had a very good guy, a machine that was crushing all the teams and was doing tests in some academies.
So I decided to focus especially on him. I was confident and sure I could keep up with him.
Unfortunately for me that guy turned out to be Roberto Trashorras. Many of you will not know him but a year after he went to la Masía ,playing later with Celta or Rayo.
They scored a dozen and Roberto played with me as a cat with a mouse. It was my the last match in that position

 

[Schmiznurf]

youtu.be/AwXgfBzK_L4

I know the real story, but it didn't happen to you, this thread is for our stories, not actual footballers

 

[2 man midfield]

Was in goal for the sixth form team when I was 18. My playing days were over by this point but they were missing a player and the team was made up by most of my close mates so I thought why not. We get off the bus and see that the goals are full sized, as opposed to the smaller ones we used at our college. This wouldn't be a problem were it not for the fact that I'm about 5 foot 9. So within the first few minutes, their midfielder tries one from distance. He hits it into the ground so it goes looping right over my head and into the net. Helpless. We lost 8-1.

Not only that but the pitch was in the middle of a massive field, with about an acre of pure nothingness behind my goal and nothing to stop the ball. Which meant that every time our useless defence let any of their players in behind (about once every half a nanosecond) they would blast the ball full pelt and I'd have to go and get the sodding thing. I think I must've ran further than our outfield players.

Though the funniest part came when I let the left back take a goal kick, and he kicked the ground instead before falling over. The ball didn't move an inch. It was a weird day.

 

[africanspur]

Some of these stories were absolutely excellent, gave me a good laugh.

 

[Nick7]

I used to think of myself as a little David Beckham. Right midfielder, modeled my crossing on him and took all of our free kicks. We were playing another team who had three huge lads, thus was maybe under 15, you'd think they were out of place in an adult team, but anyway. I was struggling with my crosses, all my beautiful curled crosses were getting knocked away with ease by the two giants in their box.

Eventually I got fed up and just wellied the ball, hard as I could at our striker. Poor bastard was so dismayed at this stage he wasn't even trying. Their tallest lad, also happened to be the keeper, comes charging out to get the ball. He tries to give it a spectacular punch, but completely misses the ball flying past it. Unfortunately our striker was standing right behind the keeper, less than a yard behind him, it hits him full on in the face and he keels over backwards. Hadn't moved an inch, and the ball goes out for a goal kick. Both teams crease up laughing for a good few minutes while he comes to and gets checked.

Personally, I thought it was a great cross and have never forgiven him for fecking it up.

 

[Lawman]

Our team got ushered into a changing room on tour then after which over the next 5-10 minutes Asian girls then started coming out the showers nude or in towels and then proceeded to get dressed in front of us all in complete silence (they were about 15). We were all about 12-13 at the time and there was no cheering by us because we all got hit with stage fright on seeing these girls get changed in various states. Apparently they were a gymnastics team but that was great mind material for years for a team of pre teenagers (before internet porn).

 

[Sunny Jim]

It was a PE lesson. I had a DDG like performance for my team. The teacher was pleased. Two days later i had a Taibi like performance. The teacher decided i lacked determination and gave me E and extra running to do.

 

[Lawman]

I once played in a park that had a large drop behind the goal and the ref stated he would only use the same match ball for play regardless the opposing coach rolling other balls on at bye kicks when one had scaled the fence/drop and lay lying on the beach about a 10 minute walk away . So think we played a total of about 10 minutes with the rest of the 80 minutes someone retrieving the ball. Yes the game ended 0-0 and it was half snowing half raining with a freezing icy cold wind coming of the sea so it was great fun. Most of the players went over to their bench and ask for a tea or borvil when the ball went to the beach. It was complete madness caused by one ref.

I also played in a secondary school match years earlier where our player (wasn’t great but a trier) was the janitors/referees grandson.
Now this guy the ref went the opposite way and gave us absolutely nothing but luckily the team we were playing were a bit shite.

We then got a dubious penalty (stonewall it wasn’t) and being 3/4 up I let him take the penalty (I took them usually) but there was about 5 minutes to go and the ref said to me why not let Wullie take it as you’ve scored already!! Anyhow was obviously a big deal for him and he was my mate so I said ok and handed him the ball but he only then missed after a ridiculously long run up (nearly half way line run up with a big skip and a jump) only for the referee (his granddad) to let him retake it without any reason (which he missed again this time skying it over the bar) only to let him retake it again to which he scored cue his over the top celebration with his grandfather who was the ref and also our janitor.
Lol It nearly caused a bloody riot in a game that was already won that teams sideline walked their players off in protest. Our teacher/coach was tearing into the janitor/ref as well for putting us in that situation at the end when the other team had well gone home but the ref was having none of it and continually just repeated behave yourself so (to our teacher) he’s my grandson he was always going to score. Fair to say he was never allowed to referee us again.

 

[adexkola]

Didn't play in this match, but still funny.

In secondary school, around the time we were getting ready for O-level exams, there was much less of an emphasis on attending class, so boys skipped non-essential classes and spent all day playing football. We used to play in sets. We'd form teams of 5-6 players each. Could be 4-5 teams (or sets). The first 2 start playing. First team to concede 2 gets off, then the next team comes on. Rinse and repeat, all day. The rest of the boys would be on the sidelines playing armchair manager or playing cards or arguing about the latest PL/CL news (this was roughly 04-06).

This one day, there were this group of guys who wouldn't stop talking shit about how good they were. They beat the first team then called out some guys from the sideline to form a team and get in, saying they'd get them off the field in 30 seconds. The guys on the sideline, suspiciously quiet, agreed to get in the game.

The next 5-10 minutes were absolute hilarity. I've never seen a group get rinsed so badly. The opposing team made it a point of duty to humiliate the braggarts. Refusing to score early, they kept the ball and dribbled past the idiots time after time again, only to pull the ball back. Highlight of the game (moment is still stuck in my head) was watching one of the idiots charge at the ball, only for the other player to whisk the ball away at the last second. Looked like a Wile E. Coyote scene, complete with a trail of dust (we played on soft sand, was a beauty). By this time the entire sideline was bowled over in laughter. After a few minutes they had mercy and walked the ball into the net.

 

[mazhar13]

When I lived in Newcastle I played for a Sunday team, and once heard a on field conversation that I'll never forget.

There player committed a foul, and the ref blew for a free kick, prompting the offender to exclaim in anger "HOWAYY?" , the ref looked at him and replied with a very stern "Howaaaaay..." after which the player must have seen his point and said a accepting "Howay."

No other words were spoken, yet these two Geordie gentleman had a full blown conversation.

It was brilliant.

I'd love to see someone make an animated video of this. It sounds hilarious!

About 18 years ago, as a 15 year old breaking into a men's senior team in the Saturday Morning League, we used to come across some right nutters! The one i will never forget was a referee who had featured heavily in the local papers for stealing a chicken from a supermarket. This particular game my manager would be arriving after half time due to extenuating circumstances.
Of course you can imagine both teams and fans giving the chicken sounds during the game... our striker popped in a header and ran towards the fans on the sideline and did a chicken walk celebration. Ref runs straight upto him with the red card and anarchy opens, followed by a few minutes of calm. There's my manager walking to the sideline with a KFC meal. Ref asks him to leave, runs over to his linesman and next minute the game is abandoned! I will never forget the look on his face wondering what the hell he had just missed.
Have to laugh looking back now but i remember being totally miffed!

I can't believe the ref got pissed off by the manager's KFC meal! That was probably his breaking point!

 

[ROFLUTION]

At age 12 I was playing football-tennis with my best friend who had the sleepy eyes look of Özil. Our amazing foot-tennis court was made out of strings from my mom's laundry-line. All the lines were made out of moms laundry-line. To serve you would head the ball over the net and the other player would then juggle and get the ball back over.

Now, my Özil looking mate was about to serve. He decides to throw the ball waaaay high up in the air while attempting to jump really high up with all his energy to head the ball over the net.

Only thing is, after throwing the ball up, he completely trips in the laundry-line, and falls in slow motion with no hands to soften the fall. In front of me I see a sleepy looking Özil-face on the way to hit the ground. He lands flat down on the ground and I'm already laughing my ass of. Then the ball comes back down from the air and while lying flat-faced on the ground the ball super accurately comes back and hits him on the head and bounces over Probably also the funniest shit I've ever witnessed.