In a match some years ago the ref didn´t have one of his best games. My team-mate eventually lost it and shouted: How the feck did you miss that, are you blind? The ref came storming and shouted in my mates face: What was that you said? Mate: Oh for fecks sake, are you deaf aswell... He got sent off
Funny stories from matches you've played in
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I thought I'd resurrect this. My missus and I went to Salthill at the weekend and when we went out for a walk there was a game of football on. In the 15 minutes we were there we saw:
A centre half, who was clearly a rugby player (wearing a pair of Canterbury short shorts and had a face like a smashed up Lion bar) pressed into action sent off for doing a rugby ankle tap. An example below for people who don't know what it is. It was genuinely great. The striker went clean through, the defender knew he was beaten for pace and did a flying ankle tap. Oddly no one found it as funny as my missus and I. Everyone else seemed outraged by his rugby stylings.
Not long after the ref took a five minute call on his mobile and just sort of jogged around the pitch with the phone to his ear nattering away.
We also got chatting to a guy by the side of the pitch who told us that the ref is known for walking off the pitch and sitting in his car if it rains or gets too windy and who also once turned up so drunk he put on his suit jacket over his ref's jersey for the second half for warmth. If I lived there I reckon I'd go every week.
A centre half, who was clearly a rugby player (wearing a pair of Canterbury short shorts and had a face like a smashed up Lion bar) pressed into action sent off for doing a rugby ankle tap. An example below for people who don't know what it is. It was genuinely great. The striker went clean through, the defender knew he was beaten for pace and did a flying ankle tap. Oddly no one found it as funny as my missus and I. Everyone else seemed outraged by his rugby stylings.
Not long after the ref took a five minute call on his mobile and just sort of jogged around the pitch with the phone to his ear nattering away.
We also got chatting to a guy by the side of the pitch who told us that the ref is known for walking off the pitch and sitting in his car if it rains or gets too windy and who also once turned up so drunk he put on his suit jacket over his ref's jersey for the second half for warmth. If I lived there I reckon I'd go every week.
I was once red carded after a particularly volatile match ended for telling the ref he was fecking shit. He sure got angry.
Back in my university days during an co-ed intramural match, those of a type often highlighted by the follies of inexperienced players, I hammered a clearance out of my penalty area to the side of an onrushing opposition player when one of those inexperienced types who was defending popped out right in front of it. The ball hit him in the nuts, knocking him over instantly and then deflected past me for a comedy own goal. The worst part of it was this was the second time that had happened in the same match, only the first one didn't rebound into the goal.
Back in my university days during an co-ed intramural match, those of a type often highlighted by the follies of inexperienced players, I hammered a clearance out of my penalty area to the side of an onrushing opposition player when one of those inexperienced types who was defending popped out right in front of it. The ball hit him in the nuts, knocking him over instantly and then deflected past me for a comedy own goal. The worst part of it was this was the second time that had happened in the same match, only the first one didn't rebound into the goal.
Basically, my friend gave away 7 penalties.
Playing centre mid, I am about 6'5 and I actually got a lad to run away screaming "what the feck" Basically, 50/50 challenge and I kind of jumped off my feet as if to suggest I was flying in two footed whilst shouting "KEANO!!!" At the top of my lungs. He shits it and I just take the ball and calmly give it out to the wing.
It was brilliant.
It was brilliant.
I'm more a mid now, but in my teens I was a 100m sprinter and played up top. I guess you could compare me to Hernandez in that I wasn't the most technical player but could get behind the defence and had a good "goalscorers instinct".
So a through ball is played to me and off I go haring after it. There was some light rain during the game so the ball skimmed off the pitch faster than expected and was going to run through to the keeper. Seeing this at a full sprint I tried to just angle my run off to the side as the keeper ran forward and scooped it up. He evidently meant to grab the ball on the run and play it out quickly to someone or something.
Ever have that awkward moment where you and a stranger are walking toward each other, and both go round the same way?
I run off to my right, he gathers the ball and with his head down runs to his left. We run smack into each other, face to face. He goes down clutching his a now broken nose as blood starts to gush, while I stumble to the ground spitting out bits of tooth.
The next time I played that keeper he came out to punch a corner and got me instead. I've the sneaking suspicion it wasn't an accident
So a through ball is played to me and off I go haring after it. There was some light rain during the game so the ball skimmed off the pitch faster than expected and was going to run through to the keeper. Seeing this at a full sprint I tried to just angle my run off to the side as the keeper ran forward and scooped it up. He evidently meant to grab the ball on the run and play it out quickly to someone or something.
Ever have that awkward moment where you and a stranger are walking toward each other, and both go round the same way?
I run off to my right, he gathers the ball and with his head down runs to his left. We run smack into each other, face to face. He goes down clutching his a now broken nose as blood starts to gush, while I stumble to the ground spitting out bits of tooth.
The next time I played that keeper he came out to punch a corner and got me instead. I've the sneaking suspicion it wasn't an accident
Trial game in Uni, I tell everyone I'm a centre-half. Did OK but about 20 minutes in, standing on the edge of their box I kick at a rebounding ball and it makes the most outrageous Bobby Carlos swerve before going in top right corner. If I tried it 100 times I wouldn't even score, let alone that way.
Second half we are needing a goal and was all excited by my exploits so kept making forward runs. In one I try to punt in a drilled cross but get all tangled up and end up with the ball trapped between my legs. I panic at the sight of the onrushing keeper who will likely snap me in half and jump over him with the ball still trapped between my feet, doing some ridiculous sommersault (over the keeper facing down and after pivoting on my hands my legs go over and I end up facing up). At some point in mid-air I lose the ball and it flies into the empty goal. People somehow thought it was a Uruguayan variation on Higuita's scorpion-kick.
I started the first three games as a striker, by which time everyone realised I was right all along: I was a centre-half.
Second half we are needing a goal and was all excited by my exploits so kept making forward runs. In one I try to punt in a drilled cross but get all tangled up and end up with the ball trapped between my legs. I panic at the sight of the onrushing keeper who will likely snap me in half and jump over him with the ball still trapped between my feet, doing some ridiculous sommersault (over the keeper facing down and after pivoting on my hands my legs go over and I end up facing up). At some point in mid-air I lose the ball and it flies into the empty goal. People somehow thought it was a Uruguayan variation on Higuita's scorpion-kick.
I started the first three games as a striker, by which time everyone realised I was right all along: I was a centre-half.
Cup final at our local inter school tournament when we're in year 12.
Up 2-1 when the opposition striker decides to go in hard (and late) into our keeper who has two hands on the ball. Keeper's dad goes ape shit, starts sprouting abuse at the linesman for not doing more. Don't know what he says, but moments later, we seen the linesman throw down his flag (the funniest thing ever) as he jumps over the barricade so that the can start a fist fight with the keeper's dad.
All of us stand there to watch on while parents from both sides start jumping in to break the two up. The police are called.
We win 2-1!
Up 2-1 when the opposition striker decides to go in hard (and late) into our keeper who has two hands on the ball. Keeper's dad goes ape shit, starts sprouting abuse at the linesman for not doing more. Don't know what he says, but moments later, we seen the linesman throw down his flag (the funniest thing ever) as he jumps over the barricade so that the can start a fist fight with the keeper's dad.
All of us stand there to watch on while parents from both sides start jumping in to break the two up. The police are called.
We win 2-1!
5 a side game. I was the keeper.
The other team had a striker who was really big boned. He was huge, and a kick from him could definitely hurt someone.
I have this:
So, there's a long ball into my box, and I naturally go out to claim it. Now the ball is really high, there's no way someone would even try a volley in the air, but the big boned striker tried one, and eventually kicked me hard in the chest mid air. The kick made a loud sound, everyone just stopped basically. Although I heard the noise, I didn't feel anything too hard, he had kicked me in a hard spot in the swollen area and to be honest I felt next to nothing.
Being kicked whilst in mid air, I obviously lost balance and went down face first. The guy starts crying thinking he's killed someone (they all thought I was dead to be fair), he asks me if I'm alright. I say "Yeah, are you alright?" to which he says "I'm not the one who got kicked in the fecking chest buddy!" I got up and rolled the ball out to a defender, to which I realized they'd all stopped playing and a bit dumbfounded as to how I'm still okay. They checked on me for a few more minutes and we carried on the game. The guy didn't go for a high ball for the remainder of the game.
The other team had a striker who was really big boned. He was huge, and a kick from him could definitely hurt someone.
I have this:
So, there's a long ball into my box, and I naturally go out to claim it. Now the ball is really high, there's no way someone would even try a volley in the air, but the big boned striker tried one, and eventually kicked me hard in the chest mid air. The kick made a loud sound, everyone just stopped basically. Although I heard the noise, I didn't feel anything too hard, he had kicked me in a hard spot in the swollen area and to be honest I felt next to nothing.
Being kicked whilst in mid air, I obviously lost balance and went down face first. The guy starts crying thinking he's killed someone (they all thought I was dead to be fair), he asks me if I'm alright. I say "Yeah, are you alright?" to which he says "I'm not the one who got kicked in the fecking chest buddy!" I got up and rolled the ball out to a defender, to which I realized they'd all stopped playing and a bit dumbfounded as to how I'm still okay. They checked on me for a few more minutes and we carried on the game. The guy didn't go for a high ball for the remainder of the game.
Oh another one.
I was the goalie of the university team, and frankly not many showed up for training. We were about 10 or 11 so we played 5 a side with one player being substituted in and out. I was the goalie and naturally (as always in 5 a sides), no one bothered to defend. I was up against 2 strikers in on goal. Striker 1 passes to Striker 2, so I went to close down on Striker 2 to deny him scoring into an open goal. I slide with my hands up, he miscues his shot and misses just wide of the post. Naturally, with no defenders, 4 of my team are up the pitch and waiting for a long ball. So I back to pick the ball from behind the goal, and just as I'm about to kick it, the goal falls on me. The goal literally falls of me. Everyone went running up to me, I just told them I was alright but needed some help in getting loose from the nets. The posts or bar didn't hit me or anything, I was just stuck in the nets with no way to get out. That cnut of a coach finally says "Yeah, we should have done some maintenance work on these things for a while now..." No fecking shit you cnut wanker.
I was the goalie of the university team, and frankly not many showed up for training. We were about 10 or 11 so we played 5 a side with one player being substituted in and out. I was the goalie and naturally (as always in 5 a sides), no one bothered to defend. I was up against 2 strikers in on goal. Striker 1 passes to Striker 2, so I went to close down on Striker 2 to deny him scoring into an open goal. I slide with my hands up, he miscues his shot and misses just wide of the post. Naturally, with no defenders, 4 of my team are up the pitch and waiting for a long ball. So I back to pick the ball from behind the goal, and just as I'm about to kick it, the goal falls on me. The goal literally falls of me. Everyone went running up to me, I just told them I was alright but needed some help in getting loose from the nets. The posts or bar didn't hit me or anything, I was just stuck in the nets with no way to get out. That cnut of a coach finally says "Yeah, we should have done some maintenance work on these things for a while now..." No fecking shit you cnut wanker.
it actually happened yesterday. I was playing at the back and their attacker was chasing the ball..as it was a beginning g of the game i wanted to make a statement with my fist kick of the ball. so i get to the ball first and despite other option (he was heading at me at full speed, so i could easily pass the ball on either side, round him etc ) i decided to boot it straight at him so it hurts him a bit...i kick it as hard as possible, the ball hits him in the face, the guy drops down and ball flies in our goal direction..and it hits the post.... I got lucky there.
the poor fecker didn't try anything fancy for the rest of the game
the poor fecker didn't try anything fancy for the rest of the game
Found out firsthand how cruel life can be at the top* of middle-aged 7 a side football last night. Within minutes of scoring of the best goals I've ever scored in seven a side (like that George Best goal in NASL, but whatever, no biggie) I managed to make an enormous tit of myself. One of the lads played a ball over my right shoulder down the channel, I chased it down and tried to control it on the stretch. Unfortunately my legs don't work nearly as quickly in real life as in my head, so I ended up sort of trodding on the ball and then doing that falling forwards whilst running and trying to regain your balance at the same time thing. I was just about to successfuly regain my balance when I smashed head first into the wooden boards on the end line, almost knocking me out in the process. Think slightly less graceful than this.
*Our WhatsApp group is called "Soccer for Dads".
*Our WhatsApp group is called "Soccer for Dads".
As an under 15 team, we won the local area's under 16 league which put us in the Lancashire Cup the following year. We all thought we were the dog's bollox, especially after beating Poulton in the 1st round.
2nd round we were drawn away to a team called Whitehill from Manchester, as i say, we thought we were the db's so we had no fear, feck me how you learn a lesson.
They had a real proper set up where as we played on whichever council pitch was available, anyway, they kick off it goes straight to their 6ft left winger who just runs at me at right back, i think i've got him covered but he shimmys, does a wee trick and gone, crosses for another 6 footer to make 1-0.
1st half was torture, they ripped us to bits from all over the park and it was 8-0 at half time. Team talk consisted of our manager just telling us to stop them at all costs, which we took lliterally. We kicked off 2nd half, they bore down and 1 of our midfielders just got rid and booted it out to our right where there left back got contol of the ball only for our centre forward to go rushing in windmill style, took the ball, his legs and his head, no prisoners. The ref called full time 5 minutes later, after i and our centre half doubled up and nearly cut that cnut of a left winger in half.
It was only after the game that we found out that Whitehill were actually Man City youth and the full back was Paul Lake and the winger was David White. I know the Bracewell's played but i'd love to know who else played that day.
2nd round we were drawn away to a team called Whitehill from Manchester, as i say, we thought we were the db's so we had no fear, feck me how you learn a lesson.
They had a real proper set up where as we played on whichever council pitch was available, anyway, they kick off it goes straight to their 6ft left winger who just runs at me at right back, i think i've got him covered but he shimmys, does a wee trick and gone, crosses for another 6 footer to make 1-0.
1st half was torture, they ripped us to bits from all over the park and it was 8-0 at half time. Team talk consisted of our manager just telling us to stop them at all costs, which we took lliterally. We kicked off 2nd half, they bore down and 1 of our midfielders just got rid and booted it out to our right where there left back got contol of the ball only for our centre forward to go rushing in windmill style, took the ball, his legs and his head, no prisoners. The ref called full time 5 minutes later, after i and our centre half doubled up and nearly cut that cnut of a left winger in half.
It was only after the game that we found out that Whitehill were actually Man City youth and the full back was Paul Lake and the winger was David White. I know the Bracewell's played but i'd love to know who else played that day.
Back in primary school we played the other local primary school and biggest of sworn enemies anyway I was captain of the side and played central defence when the other team lined up to kick off they had this enormous giant of a boy playing up front being captain and tallest of the two centrebacks I took it on myself to mark said giant. It was a thankless task and by half time he had already scored a hattrick, we complained bitterly about it during the half time teamtalk - surely the lad in question wasn't our age 10/11 he must be about 18?!? Anyway he continued to take the piss second half and was soon on a double hattrick, I am not having this I thought to myself - next time he is through I am hacking the cnut down! So true to my word as he went through I lanched myself at him (think Keano on Alf Inge Haaland) but the kid was so strong I just bounced off him like a ragdoll and he smashed it in. I then got a bollocking from the ref and the teacher in charge of the team
Who was this giant amongst boys you may ask? Well it was one Peter Crouch and I can confirm he always has been a lanky git
Who was this giant amongst boys you may ask? Well it was one Peter Crouch and I can confirm he always has been a lanky git
We were losing a game 3-1 once, and it was the last minute, they get a penalty to make it 4-1, striker is about to start his run up, our LB runs up and smashes it in the top corner and runs off celebrating. This was in a top table clash for a BUCS division 2 game and not just a pub match.
I sprinted down the wing and nutmegged my opponent and he fell and as I shaped to cross he came sliding in and caught me high just as i hit the cross. He was sniggering as the keeper caught the cross.
So ... keeper hits a long high kick out and as we are all running back heading back up towards our goal and ref with his back to us the little bollox was in front of me and I punched him in the back of the head, caught him sweet and he went sprawling. What I didn't see is their centre half behind me and he pretty much did the same to me and I went sprawling. It happened quickly so basically there was a roar by someone when I thumped your man and by the time the ref turned around all he saw was me getting done by the centre half.
He blows the whistle and comes tearing back brandishing a red card for the CB. He loses his mind and then their keeper comes flying out of the area and barges the ref. He gets a red as well all while I am on the deck.
Big brawl and well it all settled I got away scott free. With a free kick.
We took the free kick and the ref blew for half time. Second half starts and ball comes to me and about 6 of them come flying at me and I did well to avoid getting split in two.
I was hooked off and the abuse was still flying at me. So I was told to leave the area.
Was dropped for the away match. Wasn't even allowed to travel.
Probably for the best
So ... keeper hits a long high kick out and as we are all running back heading back up towards our goal and ref with his back to us the little bollox was in front of me and I punched him in the back of the head, caught him sweet and he went sprawling. What I didn't see is their centre half behind me and he pretty much did the same to me and I went sprawling. It happened quickly so basically there was a roar by someone when I thumped your man and by the time the ref turned around all he saw was me getting done by the centre half.
He blows the whistle and comes tearing back brandishing a red card for the CB. He loses his mind and then their keeper comes flying out of the area and barges the ref. He gets a red as well all while I am on the deck.
Big brawl and well it all settled I got away scott free. With a free kick.
We took the free kick and the ref blew for half time. Second half starts and ball comes to me and about 6 of them come flying at me and I did well to avoid getting split in two.
I was hooked off and the abuse was still flying at me. So I was told to leave the area.
Was dropped for the away match. Wasn't even allowed to travel.
Probably for the best
Before the match, one of the lads was putting the nets up. He jumped to hook the net on the hook and got his wedding ring caught, it pulled his finger off and he was stuck with about 4" of skin from his finger still on the hook. Screaming he was.
When I lived in Newcastle I played for a Sunday team, and once heard a on field conversation that I'll never forget.
There player committed a foul, and the ref blew for a free kick, prompting the offender to exclaim in anger "HOWAYY?" , the ref looked at him and replied with a very stern "Howaaaaay..." after which the player must have seen his point and said a accepting "Howay."
No other words were spoken, yet these two Geordie gentleman had a full blown conversation.
It was brilliant.
There player committed a foul, and the ref blew for a free kick, prompting the offender to exclaim in anger "HOWAYY?" , the ref looked at him and replied with a very stern "Howaaaaay..." after which the player must have seen his point and said a accepting "Howay."
No other words were spoken, yet these two Geordie gentleman had a full blown conversation.
It was brilliant.
I played yesterday after almost 3 years. My first touch was an own goal
I was playing indoors as a keeper but got bored so when I got the ball next I ran past all the other team bar the keeper and took a shot and their keeper saved it, ran back to my goal while their keeper passed it out and they took a lobbed shot, I dived to get the ball,went through the air and then came smashing down onto the hardwood floor with a massive thud.
Was playing keeper in a 5 a side. Was standing outside my box and the ball was rolling towards me so I ran and took a shot from close to the halfway line.
The ball hits the post and flies back into my goal
The ball hits the post and flies back into my goal
Captain of Uni team. Desperate to play in an important match but carrying a slight injury. Resorted to a few drops Oral Morphine, trying to do a Phil Jones .
Pumped, angry and drunk was how I was described. Apparently was shouting Hut, Hut, hut when defending a free kick.
Won the game though
Pumped, angry and drunk was how I was described. Apparently was shouting Hut, Hut, hut when defending a free kick.
Won the game though
Well, it's an awkward one.
We had a 5+1 football championship in the school courtyard. Near the school there was a kindergarten with a beautiful green space in front of it.
One of my father's mates was asking his girl to marry him while we were playing the last game of the season.
I hit one from halfway straight into the keeper, bounced back to me, hit it again on the half volley, over the fence, straight into the guy's fecking hand holding the ring. The ring fell into a half cut pipe running through the middle of the grass and straight into the sewer, goodbye ring.
We had a 5+1 football championship in the school courtyard. Near the school there was a kindergarten with a beautiful green space in front of it.
One of my father's mates was asking his girl to marry him while we were playing the last game of the season.
I hit one from halfway straight into the keeper, bounced back to me, hit it again on the half volley, over the fence, straight into the guy's fecking hand holding the ring. The ring fell into a half cut pipe running through the middle of the grass and straight into the sewer, goodbye ring.
When playing for my local Sunday league team, we had the lad that every team has. Turns up week in week out but rarely gets a game.
Well one week we were short and needed someone to play on the left wing.
Enter Glyn, his chance to shine. Unfortunately after 20 mins or so it became quite clear he couldn't play left wing, as the ball kept going past his foot and out of play.
At half time the manager asked why he couldn't control the ball to which Glyn replied "it's my glass eye, I'm literally blind on my right side so I can't see the ball coming....."
He was then moved to the right wing...
Well one week we were short and needed someone to play on the left wing.
Enter Glyn, his chance to shine. Unfortunately after 20 mins or so it became quite clear he couldn't play left wing, as the ball kept going past his foot and out of play.
At half time the manager asked why he couldn't control the ball to which Glyn replied "it's my glass eye, I'm literally blind on my right side so I can't see the ball coming....."
He was then moved to the right wing...
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My favourite story was from a game where the opponents totally outplayed us, and with 2-3 minutes to play we were 4-0 down. That's when one of their players breaks his leg - it wasn't David Busst-bad, but it was one of those where there is no doubt that the leg is gone. He is on the ground screaming something like "my leg is gone - it's broken straight off" - and I mean SCREAMING. Noone really knows what to do or say (as this was lower divisions there were no stretchers or anything around) - but finally one of his teammates walks over to him - taps him on the shoulders and says those magical words: Don't worry - we will win the game for you!
God how we laughed in the bus afterwards - probably exactly what was going through his mind - especially as this was a regional division 7 game or something
God how we laughed in the bus afterwards - probably exactly what was going through his mind - especially as this was a regional division 7 game or something
Trailing 1-0 in the dying minutes, I came out of my goal and up for a corner. I scored the equaliser, and went running off to celebrate with my shirt over my face.
Not realising my goal had been ruled out by the ref, I was still running around celebrating by the time the other team had taken their free kick and scored into my empty net to make it 2-0.
I was never selected again
Not realising my goal had been ruled out by the ref, I was still running around celebrating by the time the other team had taken their free kick and scored into my empty net to make it 2-0.
I was never selected again
I was mostly a typical striker, good technique, dribbling, strength, heading, classy first touch. The child of Pilro and Batistuta...
Well sometimes i used to let out a smelly fart to the cbs and then move onto the channels.
Well sometimes i used to let out a smelly fart to the cbs and then move onto the channels.
In the cafeteria, the team is walking in for some unhealthy toasts - one joker-teammate does the old 'kick the leg' on a teammate while walking.. the type whos easily and always bullied (whos also mentally obsessed with football)
Kid then falls to the floor like as if in his own World Cup final claiming the decisive penalty, looks to our coach, as if he's a referee able to card and penalty his annoying teammate and yells with a sobby/crying voice "C'mooon??'
No penalty was given
Kid then falls to the floor like as if in his own World Cup final claiming the decisive penalty, looks to our coach, as if he's a referee able to card and penalty his annoying teammate and yells with a sobby/crying voice "C'mooon??'
No penalty was given
Started playing a weekly five a side match with friends in the evening.
Most of the players were 30 - 35 with me belonging to the former group. I had been going for a few weeks when a new player was brought along to join in and after about 15 minutes (or so) there's a 50-50 ball with muggins here being the first 50 to get his foot to it, sharply followed by the new, over enthusiastic, player's foot connecting with my big toe and breaking it!
I sadly missed the rest of the 'season', but didn't have to do anything around the house
Did start p**sing me off hearing the usual: 'Why even bother, you're not getting paid, who are you? Ronaldo'.
Most of the players were 30 - 35 with me belonging to the former group. I had been going for a few weeks when a new player was brought along to join in and after about 15 minutes (or so) there's a 50-50 ball with muggins here being the first 50 to get his foot to it, sharply followed by the new, over enthusiastic, player's foot connecting with my big toe and breaking it!
I sadly missed the rest of the 'season', but didn't have to do anything around the house
Did start p**sing me off hearing the usual: 'Why even bother, you're not getting paid, who are you? Ronaldo'.
I played a bit of astroturf in college but really, I hadn't played any serious sort of football since I left school. Then a few years back, about 10 years out of school, I joined a club in Cork and started training.
My fitness was shocking and it took me ages to get back into the swing of things. I was a bit of a joke amongst the team at the beginning - I'd say a few of the lads didn't think I could kick a fecking ball. But I worked hard, trained hard and slowly but surely my fitness improved and my old touch came back. Within about 3 months I was impressing in training and people started to realise I could play a little bit.
Another month or so later, the manager puts me on the bench for a match. It was a big enough game so I wasn't expecting to play but we had a few defensive injuries and although I'd usually be a left sided midfielder, when our right back went down with us 1-0 up and ten minutes to go, he put me in at the back.
On goes Diarm, desperate to make a name for himself! 30 seconds on the field and their left winger gets onto a ball over my shoulder, turns me inside out and goes over my leg just inside the area for a penalty and a yellow card. Same fecker gets up and scores to make it 1-1. Shit.
Manager senses my head might be gone so he switches me with the right winger immediately. I head up the pitch determined to make amends and as the ref whistles for the restart I charge into the circle and nip the ball off their striker. He's seen me coming and although I didn't touch him he goes down screaming and the ref blows up.
Second yellow. About a minute and a half after coming on for my debut I'm walking off to a disbelieving manager and a bench full of lads trying not to piss themselves laughing. We went on to lose 1-2.
My fitness was shocking and it took me ages to get back into the swing of things. I was a bit of a joke amongst the team at the beginning - I'd say a few of the lads didn't think I could kick a fecking ball. But I worked hard, trained hard and slowly but surely my fitness improved and my old touch came back. Within about 3 months I was impressing in training and people started to realise I could play a little bit.
Another month or so later, the manager puts me on the bench for a match. It was a big enough game so I wasn't expecting to play but we had a few defensive injuries and although I'd usually be a left sided midfielder, when our right back went down with us 1-0 up and ten minutes to go, he put me in at the back.
On goes Diarm, desperate to make a name for himself! 30 seconds on the field and their left winger gets onto a ball over my shoulder, turns me inside out and goes over my leg just inside the area for a penalty and a yellow card. Same fecker gets up and scores to make it 1-1. Shit.
Manager senses my head might be gone so he switches me with the right winger immediately. I head up the pitch determined to make amends and as the ref whistles for the restart I charge into the circle and nip the ball off their striker. He's seen me coming and although I didn't touch him he goes down screaming and the ref blows up.
Second yellow. About a minute and a half after coming on for my debut I'm walking off to a disbelieving manager and a bench full of lads trying not to piss themselves laughing. We went on to lose 1-2.
About 18 years ago, as a 15 year old breaking into a men's senior team in the Saturday Morning League, we used to come across some right nutters! The one i will never forget was a referee who had featured heavily in the local papers for stealing a chicken from a supermarket. This particular game my manager would be arriving after half time due to extenuating circumstances.
Of course you can imagine both teams and fans giving the chicken sounds during the game... our striker popped in a header and ran towards the fans on the sideline and did a chicken walk celebration. Ref runs straight upto him with the red card and anarchy opens, followed by a few minutes of calm. There's my manager walking to the sideline with a KFC meal. Ref asks him to leave, runs over to his linesman and next minute the game is abandoned! I will never forget the look on his face wondering what the hell he had just missed.
Have to laugh looking back now but i remember being totally miffed!
Of course you can imagine both teams and fans giving the chicken sounds during the game... our striker popped in a header and ran towards the fans on the sideline and did a chicken walk celebration
. Ref runs straight upto him with the red card and anarchy opens, followed by a few minutes of calm. There's my manager walking to the sideline with a KFC meal. Ref asks him to leave, runs over to his linesman and next minute the game is abandoned! I will never forget the look on his face wondering what the hell he had just missed.Have to laugh looking back now but i remember being totally miffed!
Once I was going to go for a 50/50 ball in the air with a defender from the opposing team. I am not the tallest of players and he was. So I decide not to put much effort into my jump since I figured I would lose the battle anyways so instead I tried bumping or shoving into him to throw him off and maybe the ball would land around me. Well as he jumps, his cleats are right next to my waist. As he is coming back down, his cleats get caught on my shorts and as gravity pulls him down, his cleats bring down my shorts and i'm standing there with my shorts down to my ankles. I quickly pull them back up as everyone laughs including the parents from both teams. My mom had the loudest laughter of them all.
Diablodave said:About 18 years ago, as a 15 year old breaking into a men's senior team in the Saturday Morning League, we used to come across some right nutters! The one i will never forget was a referee who had featured heavily in the local papers for stealing a chicken from a supermarket. This particular game my manager would be arriving after half time due to extenuating circumstances.
Of course you can imagine both teams and fans giving the chicken sounds during the game... our striker popped in a header and ran towards the fans on the sideline and did a chicken walk celebration
Have to laugh looking back now but i remember being totally miffed!
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There’s been a couple. Probably the best was when I played for a team called Yorkshire Amateurs aged 16, and our home pitch was in a shit part of Leeds (Gipton if anyone’s wondering). Our right winger was from Gipton.
One day these lads turned up at the car park, and obviously our right winger recognised them as trouble. Halfway through the game he screams “Dad they’re here!” And sprints off the pitch for a fight with these 5 or 6 lads alongside his Dad. Was fecking hilarious. It only lasted about 40 seconds or so and he’s back on the pitch
One day these lads turned up at the car park, and obviously our right winger recognised them as trouble. Halfway through the game he screams “Dad they’re here!” And sprints off the pitch for a fight with these 5 or 6 lads alongside his Dad. Was fecking hilarious. It only lasted about 40 seconds or so and he’s back on the pitch
We had to stop one of our games for 15 minutes while a farmer burried his dog. He said it was his field (it was)and he could bury him wherever and whenever he wanted. He chose the centre circle.
These posts are gold!!
I used to play let's say "physical" football, my coach used to put me in the DM position if there was a player that needed some "love", usually some technical player that gave us trouble. One game we were 2-0 up at half-time and our captain and CM had an injury right at the start of the second half. Coach pointed at me and told me to take it easy, avoid fouls and play safe. 15-20 seconds after coming in I tear a guy outside the area and they score on the free-kick about 5 mins later I run over another and a penalty is given, on top of that I get a red card, on the way out my coach literally aimed at me with water-bottles, several of them, didn't say a word just kept throwing. We end up losing the game 3-2. Didn't get much playing time after that.