I could maybe swing a leg now and then, Likely red carded.
How many goals could YOU score up front for United in a season?
- Thread starter Cristiano Jonaldo
- Start date
None.
Unless I could get myself on penalties. And even then...probably none.
Unless I could get myself on penalties. And even then...probably none.
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I reckon i could grab one.
Considering our strikers struggle to score over 10, I can't imagine a regular Joe even scoring 5.
A United on form and creating loads of chances/pinging balls at you left, right and centre and you could probably nab a few.
A United on form and creating loads of chances/pinging balls at you left, right and centre and you could probably nab a few.
2-3, although I've never been a striker. I think I could get a few assists too, I have a sweet cross. I'd obviously not be a PL level player so defenders wouldn't even be to bothered about me half the time so I'm sure I'd get a few chances.
Just pop Fellaini up top, I'll drift wide and we'll be fecking rolling.
Just pop Fellaini up top, I'll drift wide and we'll be fecking rolling.
I'm sure there are at least a few. A few people I used to play with/against are pros so professional footballers aren't really that rare. Joe Lolley used to post on an Aston Villa forum.
None, without a shadow of a doubt. I'd also probably collapse with exhaustion after about 15 minutes.
I honestly think I could get 35 plus if I played every game.
I'll be modest and say 20 but if I got the right service then definitely 30.
If I'm playing 90 minutes of every game for the season like you said, 2-3.
2 poaching goals and 1 miskick. I think the manager would end up getting sacked for playing me every game for the full 90 minutes. And the season after I'll be sold for 100k to some league 1 side, shortly after I'll fall to reserve level at which point I'd probably settle. As being one of the crappiest players in the team but they'll keep me on for the banter.
2 poaching goals and 1 miskick. I think the manager would end up getting sacked for playing me every game for the full 90 minutes. And the season after I'll be sold for 100k to some league 1 side, shortly after I'll fall to reserve level at which point I'd probably settle. As being one of the crappiest players in the team but they'll keep me on for the banter.
I reckon by doing the Fellaini tactic of making a run towards the back post I could nick a goal or two. There is no need to get involved in play and with the knowledge that you will play the full game there isn't pressure to force things.
Definitely 0, unless someone gave me a pen
EDIT: No penalties, so a grand sum of zero. Good thread idea btw, I was thinking of making this not too long ago!
EDIT: No penalties, so a grand sum of zero. Good thread idea btw, I was thinking of making this not too long ago!
Big fat zero, I'm not that good. On the other hand, I'm probably much better at life than all you clowns thinking you'd get 5.
If own goals don't count, zero.
That's the thing, people don't realize how big the gap is, professionals play at an incredibly higher pace, physically and mentally. It's like one of us expecting to touch Mayweather even one time during a 12 round fight.
He takes the penos
0
There was a story about a West Ham supporter in the 90s who kept giving Harry Redknapp stick from the sidelines during a pre-season friendly.
At half time, Harry got fed up with the abuse and called this bloke into the dressing room with the players - and gave him a run-out in West Ham colours, and he scored.
At half time, Harry got fed up with the abuse and called this bloke into the dressing room with the players - and gave him a run-out in West Ham colours, and he scored.
Here's the story from the Guardian:
The day Harry Redknapp brought a fan on to play for West Ham
The day Harry Redknapp brought a fan on to play for West Ham
I'm still fairly fast (although probably not much above average for the premiership), and was always quite a good finisher once I got into position. So if the wingers/attacking midfielders were playing good balls in behind I reckon I'd score a few.
I'd bring absolutely nothing to the build-up though and defenders would crush me for any high ball as I was always terrible in the air despite being 6'1". And at the beginning of the season I'd be flat out lasting 5 minutes, and even with training for the season I'd be struggling to play 20-30 minutes.
I'd bring absolutely nothing to the build-up though and defenders would crush me for any high ball as I was always terrible in the air despite being 6'1". And at the beginning of the season I'd be flat out lasting 5 minutes, and even with training for the season I'd be struggling to play 20-30 minutes.
Like most here I'm too fat and lack the stamina, I do however play weekend football - I know I can run about for 90 minutes, but after half time said 'running' is at about the same pace the players walk off the pitch at half time.
I'm going to say, maybe one.
I'm not sure what the gaffer would make of me smoking before getting back on the team bus though.
I'm going to say, maybe one.
I'm not sure what the gaffer would make of me smoking before getting back on the team bus though.
Exactly mate. Another example is from a couple of years back when my brother (who's in a band) was playing a charity gig. Part of the day was a five a side tournament. Now each team had the opportunity to bid to have the ex Gillingham defender Ian Cox on their team. This guy was always known as a right donkey when he was playing but amongst non professionals he looked like Zidane!
i thought to my self, if this guy is making all of these guys look like complete wankers, imagine what a premier league, la liga, bundesliga player would be like! It's literally night to day in comparison.
I honestly think I'd get 5
Falcao got less but rarely started, played a lot of minute when were we just passing the ball around the back
Falcao got less but rarely started, played a lot of minute when were we just passing the ball around the back
Yeah. Scholes plays 5-a-side for Chadderton Park FC. Nobody can get anywhere near him, he repeatedly scores from the half way line and never, ever loses the ball.
2-3. Probably some tap ins during corners.
Not sure if my ptsd would allow me to get onto the pitch with all the sounds, and if i did, you could be sure that my palpitations would make me beg to be subbed off. 
0 goals, possibly a few touches if it's a nothing game where a record low 10 people show up and sit high up so I don't hear them making noises.
0 goals, possibly a few touches if it's a nothing game where a record low 10 people show up and sit high up so I don't hear them making noises.
I thought about that, I can't play in front of 75000 people, I can't humiliate myself week in week out, I'll probably die after a week of sleep starvation.Not sure if my ptsd would allow me to get onto the pitch with all the sounds, and if i did, you could be sure that my palpitations would make me beg to be subbed off.
0 goals, possibly a few touches if it's a nothing game where a record low 10 people show up and sit high up so I don't hear them making noises.
Maybe your brother and his bandmates are just shit at football.
My kind of challenge. I'm a good finisher, but rather lacking in strength, speed and stamina, so this is my natural game anyway. I feel like I should be able to chip in with a goal now and then if I spent the whole game waiting for opportunities in the opponent's box. Then again, I might be underestimating how difficult it is to score against top level defenders and goalies.
It wasn't my brothers band playing. It was local teams taking part.
You're missing my point completely.
0 but Van Gaal would get 5 good minutes out of me James Milner style where I would do insane amounts of running without ever touching the ball
Remember when Louis Saha first signed (and during the 4 minute spells where he wasn't injured) and he would find himself in great positions but with absolutely zero composure?
That would be me. Except around 40 times worse. And with a beer belly.
That would be me. Except around 40 times worse. And with a beer belly.
A few. 1-5. Depends on how many times I'd get the rebound. Assuming I'd be in great shape of course. Without assuming anything, 0.
People saying they'd get multiple goals.Maybe one, possibly two of you are proper decent footballers who could back that claim, but 90% of ya...
I know, some delusional clowns in here
Maybe one, possibly two of you are proper decent footballers who could back that claim, but 90% of ya...
How many goals, more like how many minutes before the club would release yus. A few Ali Dia's floating around in here tonightI know, some delusional clowns in here
I've been trying to work out if there's any feasible way I might get a goal before being rumbled. The answer is no.
To be fair, Ali Dia almost scored in the game that he played.I know, some delusional clowns in here
Realistically though, most of us would probably score 0 goals.
4
One thing people always say when I play football is i've got good movement, pace and energy. Finishing has always been hit and miss though. I'm sure I could score a few goals through positioning alone. It's all about making yourself available to score.
One thing people always say when I play football is i've got good movement, pace and energy. Finishing has always been hit and miss though. I'm sure I could score a few goals through positioning alone. It's all about making yourself available to score.