with the chances this team creates...erm....1 all season. Just through the sheer unlikeliness that 1 ball didn't fall nicely over 50 games
How many goals could YOU score up front for United in a season?
- Thread starter Cristiano Jonaldo
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In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik @Rood and Imran @Annihilate Now! start with the good news by celebrating Manchester United Women's emphatic FA Cup win over Spurs at Wembley and the future of manager Marc Skinner.
Then it's the bad news and the ever worsening form of our Men with losses to Arsenal and Palace.
Finally the main debate - ETH Out now or keep him until the end of the season - if not longer. Are you Team Nik or Team Imran?
bit unfair. he was the only one really giving it his all on Sunday.
Lack of quality maybe, but there was one bit of play where he left two Arsenal players on their arses through sheer force of will.
need more of that old style play from him
I'd hit three. Probs a header, one right foot shot and one left foot shot.
If I play every minute of every single game with absolutely no defensive duties at all and could start with a 7m handicap on the offside line then I'll say 25 goals. Dave, Mike and the gang could play the long ball to me, most of the times I would get caught by the defender or feck up the finish but with that kind of head start I back myself to grab a few.
As a normal striker I'll say 3-4. Mostly tap-ins.
As a normal striker I'll say 3-4. Mostly tap-ins.
Over 20 quite easily IMO
5 years back, maybe 20.
Currently, maybe 10.
Rooney and I are of the same age and probably have the same trajectory.
Currently, maybe 10.
Rooney and I are of the same age and probably have the same trajectory.
I'd be happy with one. As should every body else in this thread.
Used to be a right winger at my local team, strong 6 ft 3'', with a very good pace around 11 seconds at 100 meters and got some real stamina.
...but that was 10 years ago. Nowadays local league, lost pace and some steps behind. I probably can get in some good positions, played with some of the pro's that are 1-2 years in retirement in my country top league, of course was off the pace and no stamina to last a full game at that pace.
With that all having being said Premiership is miles ahead in terms of what I have played against ever. 10 years ago, while in top form probably I'd hit couple, having in mind of course that I won't be subbed and guaranteed a starting place every game and minus injuries of course. Nowadays...meh. Pro players close the space real quick and pro keepers make the goal real small. I'd bet 99% of the guys in Sunday league will struggle to get 2-3 goals against just the keeper in 10 attempts, let alone at full pace of the game and with other defenders around.
5 a side will be even tougher as the space is even less and the pace higher.
...but that was 10 years ago. Nowadays local league, lost pace and some steps behind. I probably can get in some good positions, played with some of the pro's that are 1-2 years in retirement in my country top league, of course was off the pace and no stamina to last a full game at that pace.
With that all having being said Premiership is miles ahead in terms of what I have played against ever. 10 years ago, while in top form probably I'd hit couple, having in mind of course that I won't be subbed and guaranteed a starting place every game and minus injuries of course. Nowadays...meh. Pro players close the space real quick and pro keepers make the goal real small. I'd bet 99% of the guys in Sunday league will struggle to get 2-3 goals against just the keeper in 10 attempts, let alone at full pace of the game and with other defenders around.
5 a side will be even tougher as the space is even less and the pace higher.
I doubt anyone would score unless it was a penalty or a sheer fluke. It's the hardest position to play in our team, which only goes to show the talent of Martial in that he's managed to impress in that role.
This is why I think the best chance for a random pubby to score is based almost soley on physical attributes. Take a big, really athletic dude and put him in front of the goal, every game for 90 minutes. If he has any clue about how to head the ball, he's going to get chances off of set pieces. If he has any sort of predatory instincts, he might score a couple from scrambles.
The chances of scoring from the run of play, and or a Martial like goal are next to nil for anyone who hasn't played at a very high level. But we see donkeys scoring headers every weekend, it's not out of this world to think that a big, fast, aggressive, athletic fella that is undroppable would score some garbage goals.
Do you know how good those donkeys are?
I went to high school with 6 or 7 guys who went on to play in the NHL. Scott Parker, Scott Hannah, Todd Fedoruk, Brett Mclean, Quintin Laing, Nolan Yonkman. I might be forgetting 1 or 2 guys, this was damn near 20 years ago. The best athletes in my school, who were not hockey guys, were not out of place with these guys athletically. Some of these guys (not the hockey players) went on to collegiate careers in volleyball (few went on to play pro beach volley ball), football (american), basketball. So maybe my point of view is skewed, since I guess it isn't exactly fair to suggest these guys are average joes. Another guy I knew, who was no super star athlete himself, just a big, aggressive, fairly athletic dude leveraged his physical traits into a pretty decent footballing career in Norway->Netherlands->Germany, flitting between the Bundesliga 1. and 2.
So maybe it's fair to suggest that someone who is joe average would have no hope in hell. However, I'm going to go out here on a limb and guess that not everyone posting on these forums (potential for United players lurking aside) is/was a joe average athlete.
I reckon I could get a couple, I'm quite fit and am 6 foot 4 if I trained with the squad and worked on corner paterns and routines I reckon I could be a good aerial threat. Scoring from open play would be harder although with inproved movement in the box you'd learn from your mistakes and find some space eventually to score.
With this clip I just like how you can lip read "I don't believe it" in a scouse accent...Just think of how many goals you could score with a big enough face...
Most delusional thread ever.
Put anyone on the Caf who plays football and thinks they'd score, and put them on a pitch with Falcao. Falcao would embarrass you.
Anyone who seriously thinks they'd get 5+ would be playing at the championship at a minimum.
There's a reason these blokes are paid hundreds of thousands.
Put anyone on the Caf who plays football and thinks they'd score, and put them on a pitch with Falcao. Falcao would embarrass you.
Anyone who seriously thinks they'd get 5+ would be playing at the championship at a minimum.
There's a reason these blokes are paid hundreds of thousands.
On top of that, the majority of footballers playing in the top leagues, are not exactly physical specimens. Football is that rare sport where technique for most positions trumps actual raw athletic talent. I don't mean foot eye coordination, I mean raw speed, strength, size, explosiveness.
Forwards are the one position where you don't have to actually be skillful. Of course it helps, and is desirable. However we're talking about, how many hypothetical goals would someone score if they were played every minute of every game for an entire season.
A big athlete is going to score some goals. Simple as that.
I'd like to see Falcao in his absolute prime, beat me to a cross in my prime.
I am 6'4. I was 210-215 or so pounds at age 19. I ran a high 4.6 40, I had a standing vertical leap of 34 inches. Not only would I most likely beat him to the ball, I could have literally jumped over him. Here's the kicker. I wasn't even that great of a raw athlete, there were guys my size that were so much faster, quicker, more agile and more explosive than I was, it was shocking and humbling. Those guys, there are very few guys of that athletic level that play football. Which is very refreshing, a sport where technique and talent dominates far more than being big, fast, or explosive.
That said, as a 19-22 year old, I would have been more than a handful for your average EPL defenders on set pieces.
If you doubt this, explain to me why there are kids coming out of the United States, and Canada that have virtually no formal footballing education, with virtually no technique, and they are making it as strikers and or defenders and or goal keepers in leagues all over Europe. Why? There IS absolutely a market for big athletic guys with little technique in Europe. There is a point of diminishing returns here, the further you go from the top top leagues, the more prevalent this becomes. Where the technique of the skill players is actually over shadowed by the raw athletic ability of people with very little technical skill in those positions.
Don't take my word for it, it's not like I am talking about something that I know for a fact hasn't already happened, and is happening right now.
I give you exhibit A.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rob_Friend
I went to high school with this gentleman. He didn't even play serious football until he was 17 or 18. I played in the same youth leagues that he did, we were invited to the same "select" teams (I was a couple years older so we never actually played together, though we knew each others exploits).
Here is the extent of our coaching "Kick the ball long so (this poster) can run and get it".
We did no technique drills, we basically just scrimmaged. Rob was/is a good athlete, big, strong, aggressive with a good leap. He was rather pedestrian in terms of speed however.
Here we have a guy who had absolutely no formal footballing education/training, who decided his best chance to be a professional was to commit to football at age 17 or 18. As much as I respect Rob for what he achieved with what he had to start, he never developed into a technical player.
Yet, he had a pretty respectable professional career for someone who basically decided to play soccer seriously at an age where in England, your career is in make it or break it mode. How did he manage to play in the Bundesliga? How did he score goals, surely it takes more than just being a big athlete!11!?
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I'm decent but realistically I'd score zero. If Wayne Rooney can't score how the hell could I?
Come off it. He clearly had some level of technique to have played and not been completely embarrassed in training when training with bundesliga sides.
If you seriously think your capable of scoring goals for United at a professional level than I cannot fathom how you aren't playing professionally somewhere.
Not a lot. I'd be too busy on here, bitching about how shit I am
Could hit about 7-8 if I receive the same training as the rest of the team.
It seems that it's mainly Americans that believes that they are up to the PL.
Aye, RvP got like what, 10 league goals last year. 7-8, your almost as good as him!
1.
When Martial decides to score by bouncing it of my shin.
When Martial decides to score by bouncing it of my shin.
Some people on here must be either professional footballers in disguise or completely devoid of any understanding of the game.
I guess I can understand why some players are so underrated when people don't understand what makes them so good. Literally a bunch of people on here who think they can do it themselves.. haha.
I guess I can understand why some players are so underrated when people don't understand what makes them so good. Literally a bunch of people on here who think they can do it themselves.. haha.
Played against some guys who got trails over in England and some much lower league experience. Christ they were good, did't get a sniff.
If I scored even a single goal in 3-4 seasons in with United I'd be amazed. Maybe after a year or two of professional training, getting coached and reaching peak fitness I might manage to bang in 2.
If I scored even a single goal in 3-4 seasons in with United I'd be amazed. Maybe after a year or two of professional training, getting coached and reaching peak fitness I might manage to bang in 2.
If I did a Stevie Me and just started taking pot shots every time I got the ball then eventually one might fly in. But in terms of general intelligence and playing like a striker I wouldn't be anywhere close. Every PL centre back would keep me in his pocket.
I believe it would be easy to increase your playing intelligence by making the runs than it would be beating a professional keeper from outside the box with the odd shot you'd get a game.
By the time i'd learnt how to do that though i'm sure i would've sliced one by accident or something. Anyone can hit a ball on the sweet spot, but movement could take a while to get down.
Do people really expect to even get a touch to the ball in the whole game?
I used to play football during my school days but I was shit at it, and only did so to keep fit. I used to play RB in training and there would be times where I would get 0-1 touches of the ball during the entire match. I reckon most here would be basically at this level if they played in a professional game.
I used to play football during my school days but I was shit at it, and only did so to keep fit. I used to play RB in training and there would be times where I would get 0-1 touches of the ball during the entire match. I reckon most here would be basically at this level if they played in a professional game.
lol @ Nucks giving away penalty after penalty trying to win the ball because he's "215 and aggressive"
Do people not read the OP? (not specifically aimed at you as you're making a funny). The hypothetical scenario is that you spend the entire time standing in the opposition box, with your team essentially playing with 10 men.
The idea doesn't really work for United at current as United with 11 men can't create chances, let alone with 10+1 passenger, but the idea is question is more interesting than people dismissing it out of hand are suggesting. Put a certain type of athlete into a side who could dominate the PL with only 10 players, and he would score goals from set pieces and the odd flukey rebound.
The bigger question for me is if any side could create chances consistently with just 10 actual players. Perhaps another way to look at the question is if United were to field 12 players including the average Joe.
The debate has clearly moved on from the OP. Unless we're going to have 7 pages of arguments of whether or not a ball might hit one of us in the face and go in the net. Being a great athlete means next to nothing in the grand scheme.
Actually, this whole thing is really fecking pointless and unanswerable.
This is like asking how many points you could win at Wimbeldon. The answer for most of humanity is zero unless the other player double faults.
Not really. Tennis is a an individual sport. In football, our lack of quality could be compensated for.
It's not impossible to score a goal or two against some league 2 side in the FA Cup, if the rest of the players dominate.
I don't believe that everyone is so poor at connecting their foot to a ball that they would literally never hit a shot on target and with enough power/accuracy to get it past a 'keeper.
Getting into goal-scoring chances and not passing out will be the hardest part, but over 50 odd games there will surely be one or two games where the team utterly dominates and sets you up for a few easy chances.
Unless you believe that it's virtually impossible to ever react quicker to a rebound/loose ball than a Premier League player, regardless of the circumstances. Which I don't.
The overall game would be way too quick for any of us. But the ball still moves faster than any person, and us being on the pitch doesn't suddenly mean no gaps or mistakes will ever be made.
So I still believe that if one was to basically goal-hang, conserve energy and not get involved AT ALL in build up or anything, they could put the ball in the net a few times in 50 odd games.
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I played in our local National league, our top division a long time ago. During a number of coaching courses that I attended here I played alongside and against Neil Emblem, Scott Gemmill, Sean Devine and Darren Bazeley.
I thought I was a decent player as a young man however having been on a training pitch admittedly in training games on coaching courses, one thing was very very clear. Those four were a number of classes ahead of anything I had ever played against. Only two of them played in the EPL and the others were probably classed as journeymen in football.
There were a number of things that stood out for me. They were a massive amount more skllful than I was and technically far more developed. As well as that they were doing things at a faster pace than i could have ever hoped to be successful at. I dont mean in terms of running speed but in terms of execution of technical moves and they could do it under pressure in a manner I couldnt cope with. I especially remember how Neil Emblem could hit long cross pitch passes that were inch perfect with either foot on a consistent basis.
I played in our top division, was super quick and able to cross with either foot. I know absolutely without any doubt that if I got to play up front for Utd for a season in the EPL in my prime that i would never ever score. There is wishful thinking, day dreaming, reality and delusion. This thread is full of very deluded people.
I thought I was a decent player as a young man however having been on a training pitch admittedly in training games on coaching courses, one thing was very very clear. Those four were a number of classes ahead of anything I had ever played against. Only two of them played in the EPL and the others were probably classed as journeymen in football.
There were a number of things that stood out for me. They were a massive amount more skllful than I was and technically far more developed. As well as that they were doing things at a faster pace than i could have ever hoped to be successful at. I dont mean in terms of running speed but in terms of execution of technical moves and they could do it under pressure in a manner I couldnt cope with. I especially remember how Neil Emblem could hit long cross pitch passes that were inch perfect with either foot on a consistent basis.
I played in our top division, was super quick and able to cross with either foot. I know absolutely without any doubt that if I got to play up front for Utd for a season in the EPL in my prime that i would never ever score. There is wishful thinking, day dreaming, reality and delusion. This thread is full of very deluded people.
In terms of 'technical moves', you simply wouldn't try to get involved in build up play at all. It would be harmful to the team to actually try to do anything other than shoot when the ball is in the box. You have to play for 90 minutes, so you'd be best off not getting involved, and only shooting.
So bearing that in mind, you really think it's impossible that in 50+ games against all sorts of teams, you'd be presented with a few very very easy chances?
That the ball could fall favorable once or twice, to such an extent that you can't be beaten in a chase to the ball?
And if not, you believe that it's not possible that you could put the ball into the net even once?
Has there never been a goal-scoring opportunity within the years of Premier League football that you could have taken? Like, not one?
If not, then why couldn't you score again, even once, if you literally goal-hang for 50+ games?
Absolutely feck all. 
Not everyone that didn't make it is lame. It takes a lot of factors and when people talk of Falcao they're talking about someone who's maybe lost something. It's better to never have it then to lose it completely. Scoring is a knack, and you don't have to be amazing to have the knack and some people not professional have the knack. So I'm saying 8 and let's hear no more about it I'm not going to mention the 40 assists. Opps.
I'm not going to mention the 40 assists. Opps.