Is James Milner a unicorn?

[T00lsh3d]

And no, I’m not talking about longevity or any of that boring stuff….

Milner has played for Leeds (2 years), Man City (5 years) and Liverpool (8 years). But despite that litany of crimes, I don’t feel like he’s a particularly unpopular player for United fans. In fact, in a list of footballers I’d like to see reduced to destitution and petty crime, I doubt he’d make the top fifty.

Why is that? Is it because he’s so fantastically boring? Does he deserve more hate?

 

[horsechoker]

I hate him

 

[amolbhatia50k]

Too boring and lacking in skill to hate or even notice much.

 

[Remember the geese]

I'd say yes, partly because he's so vanilla as a character and player but also because he was never really feared. It was never felt that he was going to be the difference between us winning and losing. Robbie Fowler for example, played for the same three clubs and was disliked far more. Though part of that would have been because he's a Scouser.

 

[Mike Smalling]

Looks more like a troll or an ogre.

 

[Fortitude]

I'd wager James Milner is a timelord and an interloper. Look at him carefully and he is the template for the generic soldier of many wars; the pilot of many planes; the everyman of every era.

He is a template; a blank canvas. This iteration so happens to play football. He is neither here nor there. He is both future and past.

 

[Grande]

I'd wager James Milner is a timelord and an interloper. Look at him carefully and he is the template for the generic soldier of many wars; the pilot of many planes; the everyman of every era.

He is a template; a blank canvas. This iteration so happens to play football. He is neither here nor there. He is both future and past.

He is a black hole, a body without organs, a pack of wolves in sheeps clothing, leaping from tree to tree down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. He is everything and nothing, he is the third wingman of Angus MacGyver and he ain’t no Houellebecq girl.

 

[Stobzilla]

James Milner is a man.

 

[diarm]

It would be like hating the colour beige, or Nationwide, or Simon Harris.

He’s just too thoroughly unremarkable to hate. I’m writing a post about him right now and I’ve already forgotten he existed.

 

[Hoof the ball]

James Milner is like the dream you forget a minute after waking up. You know you had a dream but can't recall any specific details. That's him. You remember him being on the teamsheet but can't bring to memory any on pitch action.

 

[horsechoker]

James Milner is a man.

Cancelled

 

[tenpoless]

For him to be a unicorn, he needs to be worth more than $1 billion. Sure he does look like a 98 degrees boyband member wannabe but he aint worth that much even if he sold both of his kidneys.

 

[SuperiorXI]

Unicorns aren't real, they're mythical. There's no evidence of them ever existing other than in the minds of fiction writers. A bit like dragons. Saying that, what is the fascination on here of mythical animals? Just the other day well respected posters were claiming Gary Neville was a dragon.

 

[bringbackbebe]

Liverpool players who I "hate" are mostly ones who have been disrespectful towards us or have been involved in any type of nasty incident involving United players (Van Dijk, Suarez, Mascherano, Carroll and to a lesser extent Gerrard and Carragher). I don't remember Milner ever being very disrespectful towards us.

 

[djembatheking]

Never heard of him.

 

[Oranges038]

He's never done anything remarkable against Utd to be disliked despite playing for Leeds, City, Liverpool and Newcastle. He's just one of those players that is just totally forgettable, I forgot he was even at Brighton this year until I looked him up.

 

[Fortitude]

He is a black hole, a body without organs, a pack of wolves in sheeps clothing, leaping from tree to tree down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. He is everything and nothing, he is the third wingman of Angus MacGyver and he ain’t no Houellebecq girl.

He has been known by many names throughout time, none of them memorable.

 

[Stobzilla]

Cancelled

Harsh to cancel him on the basis that he is a man. Do better.

 

[GlasgowCeltic]

Stuart Pearce was on the pitch when he made his league debut

 

[njred]

He has coach written all over him.

 

[OutOfTowner]

He has coach written all over him.

Only if someone held him down and wrote all over him in felt tip pen.

 

[Irrational.]

If he was a cereal he would be Cornflakes.

 

[OldSchoolManc]

James milne

 

[miked99]

Hates United, so feck him

 

[Grande]

Unicorns aren't real, they're mythical. There's no evidence of them ever existing other than in the minds of fiction writers. A bit like dragons. Saying that, what is the fascination on here of mythical animals? Just the other day well respected posters were claiming Gary Neville was a dragon.

Meaning Gary Neville and James Milner are mere fictional entities, which to be honest explains a lot.

 

[Pascal Quiff]

Too boring and lacking in skill to hate or even notice much.

Agreed, boring and pretty crap. I'm surprised he managed to play as many games as he did for top coaches. That CL assist record was a bloody fluke aswell!

 

[Bright_Eyes]

I'd say yes, partly because he's so vanilla as a character and player but also because he was never really feared. It was never felt that he was going to be the difference between us winning and losing. Robbie Fowler for example, played for the same three clubs and was disliked far more. Though part of that would have been because he's a Scouser.

Tangent but do people actually dislike people because of where they're from? The football rivalry is fun and all but I always thought this was a bit much?

 

[The Cat]

Sliding doors don't even open for him.

 

[lex talionis]

Footballers like Milner are inherently unlikeable, much like I imagine how McTominay is viewed by most non-United supporters. Lacking in talent but just good enough to hold a job down on the PL and pretty much indestructible athletically.

 

[Zen86]

The gormless look on his face suggests he couldn’t even tell you which clubs he’s been at.

 

[100]

Seems like a nice guy

 

[HookedOnAPhelan]

If he was on fire and I had a glass of water I'd drink the water and throw the empty glass at him.

 

[galwayfa]

Romour has it he scored a penalty on Peter Shilton when Peter was 16

 

[kaku06]

It would be like hating the colour beige, or Nationwide, or Simon Harris.

He’s just too thoroughly unremarkable to hate. I’m writing a post about him right now and I’ve already forgotten he existed.

 

[amolbhatia50k]

Agreed, boring and pretty crap. I'm surprised he managed to play as many games as he did for top coaches. That CL assist record was a bloody fluke aswell!

Whole career is one big fluke. If he actually had one.

 

[RoyH1]

He's so inconsequential that he barely registers. Why should we care about such a meh player?

 

[noodlehair]

Remember that time when James Milner....no wait, neither do I

 

[LawCharltonBest]

It’s quite hard to hate him really in spite of the clubs he’s played for

When Sir Alex took over the club in 1986, a 14 year old James Milner was there outside Old Trafford to greet him. I’m sure he’d have joined us if he ever had the opportunity

 

[tenpoless]

Still waiting for an autobiography: "My Dad is James Milner: A Forgotten Tale of Football and Fatherhood"
Chapter 1: Who is My Dad Again?
Chapter 2: Why Am I Writing This?
Chapter 3: Tae feck Am I Doing Man?
The End.

 

[Ajr]

He has coach written all over him.

England under 19 assistant coach or something