Jose Mourinho's press conference - West Ham (A) : 14:00 BST

"I like beer, Aitor likes beer. Sometimes me and Aitor drink beer. Who doesn't drink beer. Too many beers? I dunno, it's beer. Okay guys let's have a beer."

BEER.
 
We are most likely all going to be disappointed and it’ll be one of those ones where he says and does nothing and gets out of there as soon as he can.
 
"I like beer, Aitor likes beer. Sometimes me and Aitor drink beer. Who doesn't drink beer. Too many beers? I dunno, it's beer. Okay guys let's have a beer."

BEER.
Why would you want to have a beer with the monster who ate the little kids?
 
13:51KEY EVENT
Mourinho: Two absentees for West Ham fixture
“Only Marcos Rojo is still out,” he told MUTV. “And obviously Romero now with a one-match suspension.

“Apart from that, in a 26-player squad everybody is available.
 
13:55
Two obvious absentees
Tahith Chong and Angel Gomes are both missing for the U23s this afternoon, and supporters think it could mean they will be involved tomorrow.
 
I remember the first presser of the season, everyone was expecting a meltdown due to how the transfer window went, with Mourinho like a bear with a sore head throughout the tour, and then the obvious press briefing the night before regarding the board not agreeing with his targets for CB, yet instead Mourinho came out with a totally different attitude, almost one of acceptance, and that followed with the glad-handing and baby kissing antics, so who knows how he'll approach this, wouldn't surprise me if he went upbeat to swerve expectations.
 
Hmmm MUTV showing it at halftime of the under 23’s game which will be starting soon. Well the abridged version.
 
He'll probably say very little, which will then be interpreted to mean a lot. I've found the majority of his press conferences to be pretty straightforward, but once you've read the interpretation of what he's said he sounds like Donald Trump... to the extent that I almost (well, not a lot) question if Trump is actually a raving loon or if he's just potrayed that way... but then I remember his twitter account.
 
13:55
Two obvious absentees
Tahith Chong and Angel Gomes are both missing for the U23s this afternoon, and supporters think it could mean they will be involved tomorrow.

Garner is also missing?
 
14:00
Mourinho looking for reaction
“After the draw on Tuesday yes, a draw at home against a Championship team, a good Championship team, but against a Championship team is not a good result for us,” Mourinho added.

“The same as the draw against Wolves, a good team but a team we have to beat at Old Trafford. Five matches in September, zero defeats, three victories, two draws, but not good enough and of course we want to finish the September month with a good match, a good performance, a good result.”

13:59
 
Jose "Good evening. A few minutes ago, the United States ambassadors to every country in the world told the leaders of those nations what I'm about to tell you. It's a bit complicated, so we'll take some time, so I hope you'll bear with me, hear what I have to say. A little over a year ago, two American astronomers, Marcus Wolf and Leo Biederman, working on a mountaintop in Arizona, saw something in the night sky that caused them great concern. A comet. But the comet was... well, there was a remote possibility that the comet was on a path that could bring it into direct contact with the Earth. Now, we get hit all the time by rocks and meteors, some of them the size of cars, some no bigger than your hand. But the comet we discovered is the size of New York City, from the North side of Central Park to the Battery. About seven miles long. Put another way, this comet is larger than Mount Everest. It weighs 500 billion tons."
 
14:01KEY EVENT
Mourinho on Pogba training-ground situation
“Exactly that,” Mourinho said. “That’s exactly that, I think Paul told that in one of his appearances in the famous mixed zone and is exactly, he is correct. Is a good relation, player manager.

“No, I cannot tell you [what was said]. The training session was open, you had some cameras with some potential to get some of the words, maybe you have to change the potential if you want to know everything that is said because I’m not going to comment, it was a conversation.
 
14:03
Mourinho on vice-captaincy
“I explain very detailed to the people that has to know in detail, which is the squad and especially Paul, so Paul and the other players in the squad know in detail the reason why myself and my coaching staff, we decide to do that and I always analyse a player as a player when a player is captain, I analyse the player by the player and captain perspective. And after weeks of analysing and changing opinions with my coaching staff we made the decision Paul is just a player and not a captain. Decision made.

“I informed the player and the players and when I was asked before the match on Tuesday I confirm and now I confirm and now end of the story.

“I can anticipate more questions by saying the relation of player manager is good, is not anymore a relation, captain or whether the captain’s manager, the relation is good, nobody trained better than Paul Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, nobody trained better than him, some trained as well, but nobody better. And tomorrow he plays, so end of the story.”
 
The positive one: Calling the match against Derby a draw lmao
 
He's doing a great job of making a this Pogba thing a bigger deal than it already is. Great PR
 
I knew he wouldn't bring the meltdown some were expecting, he knows he's in the last chance saloon and he's given the perefect answer to every question, once we sack him he should run for President of Portugal as you wont see smoother media work than that, it was as good as it gets under the current strain.
 
14:07
Club reputation
“Manchester United is bigger than anyone and I have to defend that.”

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This actually made me chuckle a bit, considering his own outbursts at times.