Last Friday I had the pleasure of hosting my annual end of season Dinner. My guest was Lee Sharpe, and I have to say - it was an absolute pleasure to spend time in his company. lee gave 8 years to united and it was fascinating to listen to him talk about those times. He was witty, funny, with no edge to him at all. I just thought that i would share some quotes with you all.
On Gary Pallister
Pallister had the worst diet of anyone at the club and lived off chocolate and crisps.
I shared a room with Pally initially when we were away. being the youngster, it was my duty to pick up everything after him clothes, towels etc, run his bath water. Many was the ocassion that Pally was on his bed, totally naked, playing with his knob, pubes, and testicles, whilst flicking TV channels and eating Maltesers. He'd then look across whilst scratching his bolloocks and say "want one of these Lee?"
On Abi Titmuss
"A lot of men have asked me whether she is naturally blonde. I can honestly say, that she's naturally shaven"!
On Roy Keane
Keano was nichknamed Schizo. If you didn't pass to him in a 8 against 8 in the Friday session, he'd threaten to kill your dad, beat up your brother or kidnap your kids. He was always so angry. But he was popular and the one player who you wanted in your teams. The lads really loved him."
On Paul Gascoigne
"Gazza's nerves would start creeping in three days before a game. He'd get easily bored and restless and he was hyper. We were in this huge posh hotel in Hertfordshire, and he's going stir crazy. He's down stairs playing table tennis with the kids in the hotel, talking to anybody who will listen to him. Anyways, on the day of the match Graham taylor calls a players meeting at 11a.m. About 10.30a.m. Gazza goes down to the hotel kitchen and gets 3/4 loaves of bread. He walks out of the dining room and through a door that leads into the gardens, and down to a pond outside which had a resident family of ducks. He picks at the bread and starts feeding it to them in the pond. Then, he starts feeding them outside the pond and makes a trail of bread which leads back to the hotel. The Ducks leave the pond and begin to follow the trail. Gazza all the time laying the trail of bread. The Doorman at the hotel doesn't know what to make of this as Gazza leads the ducks through the main entrance with all the guests looking amazed at what they are seeing. He lays the trail up to the room where Taylor is about to begin his team talk. His jaw drops as in walks Gazza, still laying the bread trail and these ducks are following him round the table squaking and shitting as they go. The lads are absolutely rolling over laughing at him and Taylor yells at him telling him to stop pissing around and get them out of the place. Gazza fumes at Taylor and says "these feckin' ducks are me mates right, leave 'em alone. Don't you be so nasty to them". The lads are in uproar and he eventually starts the bread trail back all the way back through the hotel and back down to the pond. When they get back down there, the ducks jump back in the pond. Gazza, wearing his full England tracksuit was not going to be outdone, so in he jumped with them - he didn't want to be without his new found friends! He's a lovely guy but totally fecking barmy!"!
On Fergie Not Always getting things Right
"A few of us including Robbo, are watching the Youth team and we ask the boss which ones are staying, going etc. etc. So he points to them one by one, "he's staying" he's going." Robbo says, "What about the little Ginger lad?" fergie - "Well, we're not sure. He's got loads of ability, but he's not the quickest, and we're not sure if he's a striker or a midfielder. he can't tackle either. We'll most likely let him go."
2 minutes later, Scholes runs from a deep position exposing the two centre halves, goes through both with a shimmy and dummy, feints to shoot past the keeper, who then commits himself, and gets beaten by chip over a flailing hand.
Robbo turns to the boss and says, "you don't know fecking much about players, do you boss?".
On Giggs Being Politically Astute
"Giggsy was a master at getting away with things. One summer break, we look at our club cars and resolve to buy new trendier models. So we go to this Suzuki garage in Manchester and we buy these two jeeps that we thought were the dogs bollocks back then. I got a purple coloured one and Giggsy's was coloured pink. So, I turn up for pre-season training in July with this new motor, wearing beach shorts, vest, tan, sandles and an alice band keeping the long hair out of my eyes. So, who's the first person I meet as I turn round into training? Fergie! And Fergie's blazing. "What the feck are you driving? What are you dressed like? You're a fecking beach bum, a fecking disgrace to this club" . So, I'm thinking like, feck me, this is going to be funny. Giggsy'll be here in a minute with his pink Jeep and it'll save me the indignity of being the only one getting the proverbial pre-season bollocking.
As I'm thinking this, we hear this car coughing and spluttering and round into the car park comes Giggsy driving the old Ford Escort he'd be given as a club car, wearing club blazer, flannels etc. Fergie looks at him, looks back at me and then goes on to give me another huge Bollocking about seeing Giggsy as the role model I should be following!!!".
On Fergie's Thoroughness In Preparation
"Ferguson is the best manager ever. He's a phenomenon. I'll give you an example. On the evening, immediately after a match, he'll be fixated on every aspect of the game, particularly areas where we'd underperformed, and after travelling back home at midnight, he'll watch the DVD, and then he'll watch it again and again. He'll be first in his office the next morning. He'll have watched the game three times before seeing us again, and be absolutely ready to put things right that went wrong. Before games, on the opposition, he'd know every player's weakness, which ones you could bully, which ones had poor control and he'd have every base covered. Without doubt he's the best there's ever been".
On Bryan Robson Looking After Young Players
"I'm playing left back at Old Trafford against Spurs. I have the ball and from the side, Paul Stewart, the 'Spurs forward comes charging in, studs up, and rakes down my achilles. I go down in a heap and over comes Robbo asking how I am, but tells me to get up and pretend that I'm ok. Show him your not intimidated he tells me.
Much later in the game, the ball is running free in the centre field with Stewart first to the ball, but it's away from his body slightly. On the blind side, Robbo comes in, tackles him with his left, taking the ball, and with his right foot, clatters Stewart collecting his calf, back knee and thigh. Not only that he hits him with a brilliant short left jab to the solar plexus. Stewart's almost in tears. Robbo comes over to me and says, "you feel a lot better now son, don't'cha?!"
Robbo was fantastic. He dictated the way our team played, he dictated to opponents. He knew when to play quick, he knew when to slow it down. He really was Captain Marvel".
On Gary Pallister
Pallister had the worst diet of anyone at the club and lived off chocolate and crisps.
I shared a room with Pally initially when we were away. being the youngster, it was my duty to pick up everything after him clothes, towels etc, run his bath water. Many was the ocassion that Pally was on his bed, totally naked, playing with his knob, pubes, and testicles, whilst flicking TV channels and eating Maltesers. He'd then look across whilst scratching his bolloocks and say "want one of these Lee?"
On Abi Titmuss
"A lot of men have asked me whether she is naturally blonde. I can honestly say, that she's naturally shaven"!
On Roy Keane
Keano was nichknamed Schizo. If you didn't pass to him in a 8 against 8 in the Friday session, he'd threaten to kill your dad, beat up your brother or kidnap your kids. He was always so angry. But he was popular and the one player who you wanted in your teams. The lads really loved him."
On Paul Gascoigne
"Gazza's nerves would start creeping in three days before a game. He'd get easily bored and restless and he was hyper. We were in this huge posh hotel in Hertfordshire, and he's going stir crazy. He's down stairs playing table tennis with the kids in the hotel, talking to anybody who will listen to him. Anyways, on the day of the match Graham taylor calls a players meeting at 11a.m. About 10.30a.m. Gazza goes down to the hotel kitchen and gets 3/4 loaves of bread. He walks out of the dining room and through a door that leads into the gardens, and down to a pond outside which had a resident family of ducks. He picks at the bread and starts feeding it to them in the pond. Then, he starts feeding them outside the pond and makes a trail of bread which leads back to the hotel. The Ducks leave the pond and begin to follow the trail. Gazza all the time laying the trail of bread. The Doorman at the hotel doesn't know what to make of this as Gazza leads the ducks through the main entrance with all the guests looking amazed at what they are seeing. He lays the trail up to the room where Taylor is about to begin his team talk. His jaw drops as in walks Gazza, still laying the bread trail and these ducks are following him round the table squaking and shitting as they go. The lads are absolutely rolling over laughing at him and Taylor yells at him telling him to stop pissing around and get them out of the place. Gazza fumes at Taylor and says "these feckin' ducks are me mates right, leave 'em alone. Don't you be so nasty to them". The lads are in uproar and he eventually starts the bread trail back all the way back through the hotel and back down to the pond. When they get back down there, the ducks jump back in the pond. Gazza, wearing his full England tracksuit was not going to be outdone, so in he jumped with them - he didn't want to be without his new found friends! He's a lovely guy but totally fecking barmy!"!
On Fergie Not Always getting things Right
"A few of us including Robbo, are watching the Youth team and we ask the boss which ones are staying, going etc. etc. So he points to them one by one, "he's staying" he's going." Robbo says, "What about the little Ginger lad?" fergie - "Well, we're not sure. He's got loads of ability, but he's not the quickest, and we're not sure if he's a striker or a midfielder. he can't tackle either. We'll most likely let him go."
2 minutes later, Scholes runs from a deep position exposing the two centre halves, goes through both with a shimmy and dummy, feints to shoot past the keeper, who then commits himself, and gets beaten by chip over a flailing hand.
Robbo turns to the boss and says, "you don't know fecking much about players, do you boss?".
On Giggs Being Politically Astute
"Giggsy was a master at getting away with things. One summer break, we look at our club cars and resolve to buy new trendier models. So we go to this Suzuki garage in Manchester and we buy these two jeeps that we thought were the dogs bollocks back then. I got a purple coloured one and Giggsy's was coloured pink. So, I turn up for pre-season training in July with this new motor, wearing beach shorts, vest, tan, sandles and an alice band keeping the long hair out of my eyes. So, who's the first person I meet as I turn round into training? Fergie! And Fergie's blazing. "What the feck are you driving? What are you dressed like? You're a fecking beach bum, a fecking disgrace to this club" . So, I'm thinking like, feck me, this is going to be funny. Giggsy'll be here in a minute with his pink Jeep and it'll save me the indignity of being the only one getting the proverbial pre-season bollocking.
As I'm thinking this, we hear this car coughing and spluttering and round into the car park comes Giggsy driving the old Ford Escort he'd be given as a club car, wearing club blazer, flannels etc. Fergie looks at him, looks back at me and then goes on to give me another huge Bollocking about seeing Giggsy as the role model I should be following!!!".
On Fergie's Thoroughness In Preparation
"Ferguson is the best manager ever. He's a phenomenon. I'll give you an example. On the evening, immediately after a match, he'll be fixated on every aspect of the game, particularly areas where we'd underperformed, and after travelling back home at midnight, he'll watch the DVD, and then he'll watch it again and again. He'll be first in his office the next morning. He'll have watched the game three times before seeing us again, and be absolutely ready to put things right that went wrong. Before games, on the opposition, he'd know every player's weakness, which ones you could bully, which ones had poor control and he'd have every base covered. Without doubt he's the best there's ever been".
On Bryan Robson Looking After Young Players
"I'm playing left back at Old Trafford against Spurs. I have the ball and from the side, Paul Stewart, the 'Spurs forward comes charging in, studs up, and rakes down my achilles. I go down in a heap and over comes Robbo asking how I am, but tells me to get up and pretend that I'm ok. Show him your not intimidated he tells me.
Much later in the game, the ball is running free in the centre field with Stewart first to the ball, but it's away from his body slightly. On the blind side, Robbo comes in, tackles him with his left, taking the ball, and with his right foot, clatters Stewart collecting his calf, back knee and thigh. Not only that he hits him with a brilliant short left jab to the solar plexus. Stewart's almost in tears. Robbo comes over to me and says, "you feel a lot better now son, don't'cha?!"
Robbo was fantastic. He dictated the way our team played, he dictated to opponents. He knew when to play quick, he knew when to slow it down. He really was Captain Marvel".
