"Guys, it's a huge moment in the history of football. PSG complained to UEFA about me for a celebration.
laughs and mimics baby noises for a minute"
"Let's stop the bullshit. Nasser, a big president like you, who really likes PSG. It's time to take the guillotine out. Fire the guy that wrote the complaint letter about me. You have to do something, this is just ridiculous."
"They almost took the guillotine out against me multiple times already; 2010 for the bus, 2014 for the 2-0 loss against Ukraine. I'm going to write my autobiography and it will be more detailed."
"I remember there was so many people from the FFF that came into my room after that loss: 'Patrice, please save us, you're the only one who can convince them, give them your family jewels or something, they're gonna fire us!' I said 'guys, calm down, we'll win 4-0. I was wrong, we won 3-0.'"
"I may not have been in the WC-winning squad, but I was in the team when we made it to the EURO final. And they they won the WC without me, which of course I am proud of, a great victory for our nation."
"No need to go to Hollywood anymore to see celebrities folks, just go to PSG. Leo DiCaprio, Jay-Z, they're all at the PSG stadium. Even Jean Paul Belmondo, with his little dog, is there."
"And there are people like (lists a bunch of PSG legends), the people who actually left a mark on PSG, and they're never at the stadium. What a shame. Stop your bullshit, Nasser. It's time to clean your club."
"I want the name of the person who wrote that letter about me to UEFA. Please. For the good of football."
"And actually, I'm also going to complain, about the minister that was sitting behind me, constantly yelling "ICI C'EST PARIS" at me during the whole match even though I was doing nothing. I'm the type of guy who waits to have the last word, and in the end, BAF!"
"It's time to stop with the serious videos, guys. This was Patrice Evra. It's time for Mr. I Love This Game to return."
"I'm a fan of PSG, but the club is becoming a joke. I'm from Paris, I'm a Parisien. And I'm sure I love PSG more than the guy that wrote the letter about me. What the hell is this, a club run by monkeys? Oh well, this is the last serious video, happy Sunday, and Vive la France"