DDG - The only time he'll come off his line is when it's to ruin saving a penalty.
Bissaka - The far post thing is a joke now. It's like when someone's on their 30th driving lesson and still can't figure out how the clutch works. At some point you have to stop being patient and conclude they are just a massive idiot.
Lindelof - He's literally terrified of defending. He's a defender who's scared of defending. About as useful as non alcoholic alcohol
Maguire - I actually felt a little bit sorry for him. He doesn't take command of any situation but then anytime he just does his job and relies on someone else to do theirs, the ball flies into our goal. He's nowhere near an £80m defender and he isn't a captain, but he's also surrounded by defensive players who can't be trusted to do anything.
Shaw - He hasn't played in a month and takes about a month to look fit, and he suddenly appears for our most important game of the season.
Telles - I see we are gradually coaching him in the Man Utd art of being inexplicably shite at taking corners.
Matic - He could literally spend the entire game sitting down doing a poo in the centre circle and he'd still reappear in the team two weeks later.
McTominay - When having six defensive players in your team and still looking like you're being caught on the counter all the time isn't quite baffling enough.
Fernandes - One really good tactic is to set up so your best player has no hope of getting in the game.
Greenwood - I mean I thought he was really good but his shooting was quite Rashford like.
Rashford - His shooting was even more Rashford like. So much so that on several occasions by the time he tried to have a shot he didn't even have the ball anymore.
Williams - Why did we have two left backs on the pitch, then sub both of them off, and then sub on a third left back? Are we literally being stupid on purpose?
VDB - Why did we sign him if we resort to picking non functional "please beat us with ease" line ups, just to avoid playing him?
Pogba - Piss off
Tuanzebe and Mensah - I didn't even notice they had come on until they were both suddenly there, letting the ball roll under their feet and off for a throw in. They both literally did this with their first touch. Why did they come on? Why were they both playing at right back? We had six different fullbacks in this game. What ARE we doing?
Ole - I'm not sure we are a "Poorly coached team", but his game management is non existent. He doesn't notice completely obvious things, such as when one of his players is on the verge of being sent off, and one of his former players who's an expert at getting people sent off, comes on for the other team. When he does make changes they are just random and for the sake of it. Like subbing off Cavani then subbing on a fat Ighalo to play in Cavani's position 5 minutes later.
Some of our players seem to have a lifetime loyalty card with him. What does De Gea have to do for Henderson to get a chance? Why have people like Lingard been frozen out if Matic can keep getting picked every other fecking game despite the fact he basically retired two years ago?
It's all a bit too LVG for me at this point. The football is more entertaining but it's the same randomness. The in game management has no relation to what's happening in the game, and the team selection for the next game has no relation to what happened in the last one. Expecting tactical mastermindery from someone who can't get the basics right is like expecting a work of art from someone who's trying to use a pencil sharpener on a paint brush.
The ref - Presumably read my comment about CL refs being better than the PL ones and thought he needed to make sure everyone knew I was an idiot.