oh is that what that is? i thought it was herpes.
poster origins
- Thread starter rimaldo
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It may be both
All very good....
What about
Marcosdeto, Sultan, Brad, Cnut, Jason????
What about
Marcosdeto, Sultan, Brad, Cnut, Jason????
very funny stuff, thanks rimaldo.
me!!!
jason & brad - he closes' his eyes, pulls back the curtains then sees for certain that it's another day he has been sent by god to crush his enemy. for years now jason has battled a swedish settler in the field of combat. pokemon combat. for years he held the belief that no one else had the pokemon's he did. no one was a match for him in battle. that was until he innocently accepted an offer of a pokemon rumble in the jungle for the land of the swede. for days the battle lasted. back and forth their furry slaves fought. jason barely found the time to bash one out and brad, so desperate for the toilet he'd rolled his socks up into a ball and used them as a rudimentary plug to hold back the tidal wave of faecal matter that was imminently due. their battle was eventually called a draw yet their squabbling over really rather petty incidents continued long over the internet. some say this was all rubbish of course and there is just a hatred there due to brad turning jason down. some say jason made a pass at brad's mum. all i know is pokemons.
I thought these were fictional?
What about Baz, there must be loads of material there!
the Girish one is brilliantPlech with a bit of Davo
sultan - latin for "dried grape" sultan has long been wrinkled and long been slightly tangy to the taste buds. born into abject poverty sultan didn’t have much of a chance at life. with only one shoe between him and his 6 brothers and 12 sisters he really had nothing. walking 15 miles a day just to get water may be funny to us to but it was fairly funny to his parents as well. there was a running tap just round the corner. sultan soon grew from boy to man and soon found a woman to settle down with. they moved into their own shack and before long they were the first people to get a 56kpbs modem in their settlement and turned out to be quite the gentleman. sultan. latin for dried grape.
To be fair, big family, poverty and having no running water back in those days is a fact.
bazalini - a onetime guinness fuelled day time stripper, baz has led the field in many trades. currently by day he is a simple carpet fitter. call baz o' lino for all your irish lino needs, or so the advert goes. by night he dines out. this isn't entirely true though. yes, most nights he does indeed dine out, for he is a humble waiter and most nights he is at his local wimpy serving the most lovely chicken nuggets and the greasiest burgers. some say he once had an affair with gerry adams. others say it was just a quick hand shandy behind the bins. only they know what went down under the stars and smog that heady night. bazolino. layer of lino, not of women.
as the man who promoted me and the man who gave me my tagline i couldn't to bring myself do too much.
oh all of these are fact sults. don't think a single one of them has been in the slightest bit wrong.
Since everybody asked, and nobody volunteered, I tried to do one for you. Not in your class though. But at least, the least I could do, since you've been kind enough to abuse me. 
Rimaldo - Result of a genetic mish mash between Ricky Martin, Marilyn Manson and Fatnaldo. When he signed up at RedCafe, his original username was Manurox. He knows many languages, but don't know which is which. He thinks Bon Jour is Vietnamese for butt sex, which happens to be true. He convinced Franklyvulgar that Ronaldo is better than Messi by successfully proving Ronaldo's original name was Rimaldo. He auditioned for the clown part in a circus with make up, and was told he doesn't have to wear the make up at all. He never ventures into the Football section of cafe, because he once made Brwned lose an argument and Brwned has been gunning for revenge ever since. He never got laid, because all the girls around him thought he was queer, much to his disgust. Like all funny sensitive men, he's gay.
Rimaldo - Result of a genetic mish mash between Ricky Martin, Marilyn Manson and Fatnaldo. When he signed up at RedCafe, his original username was Manurox. He knows many languages, but don't know which is which. He thinks Bon Jour is Vietnamese for butt sex, which happens to be true. He convinced Franklyvulgar that Ronaldo is better than Messi by successfully proving Ronaldo's original name was Rimaldo. He auditioned for the clown part in a circus with make up, and was told he doesn't have to wear the make up at all. He never ventures into the Football section of cafe, because he once made Brwned lose an argument and Brwned has been gunning for revenge ever since. He never got laid, because all the girls around him thought he was queer, much to his disgust. Like all funny sensitive men, he's gay.
That is shit
marcosdeto - a reclusive brazilian market stall holder. in the depths of rio de jinero, a small market town is found directly under the crotch of the famous statue of christ the redeemer. one of the most beloved stall holders there is a simple brazilian man with simple values. good oranges at fair prices. marcos was the first brazilian to discover you could make marmalade out of oranges and the first to discover roasting an orange in an oven for 7 hours did not improve its flavour. neither of these were to turn out to be the greatest discovery of marcos' life. one sunday morning marcos was attending to his stall as per usual when his einstein moment struck. or was forced up him any way. marcos was busy setting up his stall when a rogue orange slipped out of the bag he was attending too. marcos stepped backwards and on to the offending orange and before he knew it he was flying through the air. he landed awkwardly, very awkwardly indeed. a whole unripe orange "entered" him. after the initial shock wore off marcos realised he really rather liked it. he rushed home as fast as he could waddle as if he'd be riding a horse for 3 days straight days, with a bag of oranges over his shoulders. he hasn't been seen since.
Fitting, some would say.
Yeah, the ones where he makes stuff up are better.
pogue mahone - finnish for "kiss my sphincter" for many years pogue has battled his mortal enemy, mockney "never lick my o" revil. one trying to burn the many colours of the gay rainbow. one riding on top of it, the bow sat snugly betwixt his unclenched cheeks. pogue is believed to have been the first to coin the phrase “gay pride” some say this is his greatest achievement and that it ranks alongside the moon landing and the abolition of slavery. others say it was his invention of the dirty sanchez that takes this particular award. upon collecting his nobel prize for the discovery of the dirty sanchez pogue declared “today i have smeared mockney’s face with my faeces, tomorrow i do the same to the world” this slogan can be seen on many posters at gay marches, events and on toilet walls of popular public toilets on hampstead heath alongside pogue's mobile number. pogue is held up as the martin luther king of gay rights by some, for other’s he is malcolm x. the x symbolising that of the chocolate starfish. pogue has been described by many conservatives as the anti-christ and margret thatcher’s last piece of unforced legislation before she passed away in 1990 decreed that he be burnt at the stake and his charred bumhole to be the crown jewel of the tate modern. forever remanding people that bum touchers are not to be tolerated. pogue mahone. campaigning for a world where a man can walk down the streets, stained by the sanchez without fear of ridicule and prejudice.
where's mine?
i am actually currently working on this right now. is nearly ready.
golden_blunder - irish stalwart and war veteran. golden_blunder was born in the early 1900’s to an irish mother and a nordic raider in the grassy hills of ireland. the viking’s came over to the emerald isle to rape and pillage. and rape and pillage they did. his mum was one of the lucky few to escape with their lives and after the train of vikings left their indelible marks on her chest and face she was left alive, largely well, but seeded. born into shame, golden_blunder grew to tolerate the calls of “swedish ponce” and “danish bell ringer”. at 17 he enlisted in the army, hoping that he could gain the respect of his peers by fighting on the front line in the latest fashion craze of world war fighting. he slowly worked his way up through the ranks and one day he’d achieved his goal as a celebrated war hero, a battle hardened warrior. some claim it was he who willed the soldiers on to a perceived victory at the somme, he was the shining light, a ray of hope, a beacon of victory. for it was his signature foie gras dish that he prepared as head chef in the 13th battalion that inspired haig to come up with his ingenious plan of walking slowly and uniformly towards rapid enemy machine gun fire, a plan which worked so well it led to the biggest single number of deaths in one day of a war in history. others say he died on the first day of combat, his wonky helmet obscuring his view as he tripped over some barbed wire and sobbed all the water out of his body due to his hurty knee.
Do mine, Rimmo. And make it the best one you've done, ever. Ever. Ever.
noodlehair - a genetic experiment, destined for stardom as the face of pot noodle. in the early 1980's golden wonder decided it needed a face to launch its new brand of instant noodle based snacks. what better face of this campaign than a freak without an ordinary head. a body of a human with the head of a pot noodle. during the formative months the foetus acted normally and behaved as such in the surrogate womb of the unfortunate cow he'd been placed in. that was until the 39th week of the pregnancy, the cow unexpectedly spontaneously combusted and imploded in on itself. just a charred pot noddle head was salvaged from the wreckage. alarming this head seemed alive and able to survive without the need of a skeleton or any internal organs, it also had the ability to communicate with a series of fire balls sent from its foilly head, one for yes, two for no. a donor body was found from a recently bereaved family and a ginger wig borrowed from ronald mcdonald acquired to conceal his dangerous, metallic top. from that day on noodle lived in isolation, with the untoward ability to set fire to himself and those around him, the only other consequence of his forced birth was a slowness and inability to think and function as a normal human being around household appliances, for they stood against everything the pot noodle stood for, good home cooking and family life. golden wonder had its face. a depraved loner who only had love for a kettle and a fork. everything else must die. a series of attempts to burn this freak with arson based attacks have failed. one day they will succeed, for god wills it.
This thread is fecking hilarious.
I don't know much about you all yet, but I still found some of these hysterical.
I don't know much about you all yet, but I still found some of these hysterical.
spoony - ancient greek which roughly translates as "lies with sister in incestual spooning based position" spoony was born under a wandering star in the middle east during the 1980's. born in a barn of an isolated farm to a mother of 19 daughters who longed for this child to be the son she'd long craved. a series of lovers, both male and animal had failed to give her the little boy she so desired. as the gloopy sack fell rather effortlessly from her well utilised vulva she let out an audible sigh as she realised number 20 was a girl just like all the other's. manically enraged by this she grabbed a handy scythe and held it high over her head. as she sent it crashing down towards the baby something strange happened. a scientific abnormality. a glint of light shone through the grubby window and caught the blade. this has a strange magnifying affect on the area of the child she was aiming at and it was then she realised her prayers had been answered, a small penis could be seen in the blade, twisted and bent out of shape by the metal yes but a penis nonetheless. she aborted her lusty blow before it made contact with the boy. she glanced down and realised the distortion of his private parts was not due to the blade but the actual reflection of his abnormally shaped and sized member. even though this was not ideal, spoony's mother loved him. loved him so much. she raised him on the farm in complete isolation like all her daughters. spoony responded well to his all female environment. a little too well. as he hit puberty he had a sudden desire for mating. a desire that could only be quenched by incessant humping of the siblings around him. one by one he lured them into the shed whilst their mother was tending to the animals. one by one he laid with them. a gentle spooning followed the frenzied monkey love making. spoony. farm loner. sister spooning lunatic.
not if you shout "suprise" first or something.
That's incestious.
theredflag - homage to the humble panty liner. there's not too much wrong with this young boy from the valley's of wales. not much at all. to the naked eye he is like any other 20 year old. if you passed him you'd not give him a second glance. in public he is perfectly courteous and perfectly gentlemanly but in privat he has a secret shame. a depravity that would pain him were it to ever be released. it all started when he was just a toddler simply playing with his toys upstairs in his bedroom. he tossed his favourite balls around his playpen vigorously and often as he normally did on those rainy afternoons. this time was a little different though. one ricocheted off the side and bounced out of his door and into the adjacent bathroom. he toddled out fo his room and into the watery closet to find what it was he was searching for. minutes of frantic searching were all to no avail until only the last nook and cranny remained unsearched. the bin. as he peered over the top his ball was neatly nestled on top of what looked like ordinary tissue, ordinary tissue soaked in dried blood. as he picked the ball up three or four of these tissues were stuck to the ball. instinctively, and as a child does, the first thing he did after touching these strangely thick tissues was put them in his mouth. a flood of flavours exploded over his tongue, he could detect iron and fish in equal measures. from that day on he checked the bathroom every day for this treat. every day for the next 5 days he was rewarded with more and more of these tasty pads until the 6th day arrived. they were no longer there. for the next three weeks he rushed to the bathroom every morning to see if they had returned. three weeks later he'd given up hope when a new batch started to slowly arrive. from that month on and every month since theredflag returns to his mother's bathroom. the flavours still as mind blowing to him as they were all those years ago. theredflag. panty liner taster extraordinaire.
unless there are anymore for any more i will declare my thesis on redcafe people's done and finished and completed. i would like to take this opportunity to thank those kind people who have left little green smileys or kind words. thank all those except baz.
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