If a girl in my company said that she couldn't wait to get home I would make the exact opposite assumption.
Stupid things you've said to people you fancied
- Thread starter Plechazunga
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And then they probably respond with something like, 'At least I'm not a burn-victim mongrel face'.
All part of the game?
All part of the game?
A really fit bird walked up to a mate of mine at the weekend in a nightclub and said Hi, and he turned around and told her to feck Off, I was gobsmacked and she laughed... then he told her she smelled like tuna... she just said Whatever and turned on her heels.
True story!
Turns out the stupid fecker is reading that 'The Game' book and according to it you're meant to be negative to really fit women to take them off their high horse. Reckon he went a bit far with it though, stupid bastard!
True story!
Turns out the stupid fecker is reading that 'The Game' book and according to it you're meant to be negative to really fit women to take them off their high horse. Reckon he went a bit far with it though, stupid bastard!
I wouldn't mind but he's 33, and the girl was about 19.... stupid bastard!
It was you wan't it popper?
"A friend", right?
Years ago I had been in a very on/off relationship with my first love.
There was a girl at college I was chatty and flirty with and I fancied the pants off her, she was tall, blonde and had great tits but I didn't actively persue her or anything due to my relationship. Anyway the Blonde girl was always asking me about my relationship status (it changed literally weekly) and I could make her laugh almost at will, but in my blind stupidity and the fact that I wasn't really looking for a relationship, I only saw all of the signs that she liked me when it was too late!
One day I walked into class and she said "hello sexy" I just gave her a dirty look.
I was so taken by surprise by her comment that my brain didn't really compute what was going on so I just gave her a dirty look. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. She got the hump and said "feck sake I was only paying you a compliment" I just muttered sorry and sat down. Within a week I had split up with my girlfriend and the hot blonde was going out with somebody else.
In hindsight I think that was her way of testing the water with me before she agreed to see this other guy and I looked at her like she was a piece of shit!
This is my one true cock-up and it is still clear in my head 14 years after the event.
There was a girl at college I was chatty and flirty with and I fancied the pants off her, she was tall, blonde and had great tits but I didn't actively persue her or anything due to my relationship. Anyway the Blonde girl was always asking me about my relationship status (it changed literally weekly) and I could make her laugh almost at will, but in my blind stupidity and the fact that I wasn't really looking for a relationship, I only saw all of the signs that she liked me when it was too late!
One day I walked into class and she said "hello sexy" I just gave her a dirty look.
I was so taken by surprise by her comment that my brain didn't really compute what was going on so I just gave her a dirty look. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. She got the hump and said "feck sake I was only paying you a compliment" I just muttered sorry and sat down. Within a week I had split up with my girlfriend and the hot blonde was going out with somebody else.
In hindsight I think that was her way of testing the water with me before she agreed to see this other guy and I looked at her like she was a piece of shit!This is my one true cock-up and it is still clear in my head 14 years after the event.
Was playing footy once with a girl who I have to say was very nice indeed watching on, she had even said to me earlier she'd come and watch me play for abit (No idea why really, with me being shit.) so it was probably going fairly well, until this complete bruiser rugby tackles me, to which I instantly respond in that age old 15 year old way, by smacking him one right in the mouth.
There was blood.
Mayaswell have been hers. It was her brother.
There was blood.
Mayaswell have been hers. It was her brother.
I can assure you if a fit & horny 19 year old bird approached me in a night club I'd seize the opportunity with both hands and not let go til the cops tazered me!
Not something I did on purpose but ruined any chance I had whats-so-ever.
Was at a party and got chatting to a girl I'd like for a coupe of months but hadn't plucked up the courage to ask her out. Anyway, I got her a drink and was chatting like you do and we kinda hit it off. We shared a dance and a kiss and went our separate ways at the end of the night as I was with a group of other friends.
The next day I thought I'd take a walk up to her house and ask her out. This is where the problem lies. I was nervous, oh so nervous. I'd got out side her house but couldn't knock on the door to ask her out. I was convinced you was going to say no so I was out side her house for about 30 minutes or so trying to get the courage to and ask her out
I didn't and thought I'd wait to see her at school on the Monday.
Without wanting to drag on more than I have already she totally ignored me. When I tried to talk to her she'd just blank me. Not to mention she seem to be avoiding me. I later found out from one of her friends she'd seen me outside on that day and thought I was stalking her!
Never really spoke to her after that until recently at a school reunion.
Not as funny as some but I'd thought I'd share.
Was at a party and got chatting to a girl I'd like for a coupe of months but hadn't plucked up the courage to ask her out. Anyway, I got her a drink and was chatting like you do and we kinda hit it off. We shared a dance and a kiss and went our separate ways at the end of the night as I was with a group of other friends.
The next day I thought I'd take a walk up to her house and ask her out. This is where the problem lies. I was nervous, oh so nervous. I'd got out side her house but couldn't knock on the door to ask her out. I was convinced you was going to say no so I was out side her house for about 30 minutes or so trying to get the courage to and ask her out
I didn't and thought I'd wait to see her at school on the Monday.
Without wanting to drag on more than I have already she totally ignored me. When I tried to talk to her she'd just blank me. Not to mention she seem to be avoiding me. I later found out from one of her friends she'd seen me outside on that day and thought I was stalking her!
Never really spoke to her after that until recently at a school reunion.
Not as funny as some but I'd thought I'd share.
Did you explain what happened to her at the reunion and proceed to bone her? If you say yes this is as close the Caf will get to having it's very own Mills & Boon romance.
This sounds like a more realistic story!
I didn't bone her, I did explain myself though.
While you explained what happened, you still ultimately failed.
A girl I like at Uni told me she'd been at the choir, so trying to sound like I knew something about singing (I don't), I asked if she was a "tenor". It turns out that's a male part. I passed it off as a joke about her being male, and she didn't laugh.
To be fair, I don't tend to get close enough to women to actually ruin my chances of anything; so I wasn't horribly embarrased, but I did like her.
To be fair, I don't tend to get close enough to women to actually ruin my chances of anything; so I wasn't horribly embarrased, but I did like her.
this cute girl walked up to me and my mate once in a pub and heres how the conversation went.
Her - "Can I hang with you guys, you seem like good fun and my friends all have boyfriends that are boring"
Me - "Take your curly fecking head and piss off back to your mates"
she starts cracking up laughing and we ended up going off to a party with a load of birds and I went out with said bird for 3 months.
So sometimes being a dickhead works. women are weird.
Her - "Can I hang with you guys, you seem like good fun and my friends all have boyfriends that are boring"
Me - "Take your curly fecking head and piss off back to your mates"
she starts cracking up laughing and we ended up going off to a party with a load of birds and I went out with said bird for 3 months.
So sometimes being a dickhead works. women are weird.
When I was about 16 I scored with this girl at a pub after a rugby match I had been to see in Donnybrook. To this day I have not been with a hotter chick, and I mean that in all due respects to my missus. This girl was so feckin hot it turned out she ended up being spotted and went on to do Hagindaas adverts on T.V - you know the really sexy girls (normally in underwear) they get in for those ads who NO MORE look like they eat ice cream, yet seem to have an orgasmic experience every time their tongue touches the spoon
So I snogged this chick and got her phone number. I waited about 4 days and called her. Problem was, she was so incredibly hot I got ridiculously nervous on the day I had planned to call her that I ended up having to write down a load of shit that I would talk about on the phone. The conversation was a complete disaster and very forced
I've no idea what happened to me but I turned into this stuttering mess which made her feel even more awkward. There was this horrible silence and I ended up fessing up that I was REALLY nervous, but even explaining that didn't stop my voice volume levels from jumping up and down at random unexpected intervals. She must have thought I was a right weirdo.
So we agreed to meet up in Dublin and go for a meal, but what was supposed to be myself and her ended up in a sort of group date where she brought her sister along. When I found out about her sister coming along I brought a mate of mine along to balance the scales. I phoned her again the day after we hung out to move things along and she sort of told me that she didn't want to take things any further.
Definitely the one that got away where looks are concerned
So I snogged this chick and got her phone number. I waited about 4 days and called her. Problem was, she was so incredibly hot I got ridiculously nervous on the day I had planned to call her that I ended up having to write down a load of shit that I would talk about on the phone. The conversation was a complete disaster and very forced
I've no idea what happened to me but I turned into this stuttering mess which made her feel even more awkward. There was this horrible silence and I ended up fessing up that I was REALLY nervous, but even explaining that didn't stop my voice volume levels from jumping up and down at random unexpected intervals. She must have thought I was a right weirdo.
So we agreed to meet up in Dublin and go for a meal, but what was supposed to be myself and her ended up in a sort of group date where she brought her sister along. When I found out about her sister coming along I brought a mate of mine along to balance the scales. I phoned her again the day after we hung out to move things along and she sort of told me that she didn't want to take things any further.
Definitely the one that got away where looks are concerned
Asking her out before asking whether she was single or not. Turned out she had a boyfriend. I did mean to ask her that first, but I was pretty nervous and messed up my words.
Felt like a complete cock.
Felt like a complete cock.
What a thread
I've kinda been through the above story but in reverse.. was at the entrance of a nightclub with this girl from Uni & her fellow flatmates when I'd realised I'd gone and fecking left my ID card at her flat on her bed.. in fact things weren't as bad as I had presumed.. she looked at me in the most seductive way possible and said 'well the place is empty anyway so I'll go back with you to find it and lets make our own night of it back there' .. I was basically being handed a VIP pass to feck, she was already quite drunk, coming on to me all night, and I didn't even have to impress on the dancefloor.
So how did I manage to feck this up.. I told her 'Oh it's alright, you go enjoy yourself..I'll make my own way home and come collect it in the morning'. She had the most puzzled expression on her face like she was constipated..and I proceeded to watch her reluctantly follow her mates into the club whilst I stood there like a bellend all alone waiting for a lift home.
Sorry, but ban.What a thread
I've kinda been through the above story but in reverse.. was at the entrance of a nightclub with this girl from Uni & her fellow flatmates when I'd realised I'd gone and fecking left my ID card at her flat on her bed.. in fact things weren't as bad as I had presumed.. she looked at me in the most seductive way possible and said 'well the place is empty anyway so I'll go back with you to find it and lets make our own night of it back there' .. I was basically being handed a VIP pass to feck, she was already quite drunk, coming on to me all night, and I didn't even have to impress on the dancefloor.
So how did I manage to feck this up.. I told her 'Oh it's alright, you go enjoy yourself..I'll make my own way home and come collect it in the morning'. She had the most puzzled expression on her face like she was constipated..and I proceeded to watch her reluctantly follow her mates into the club whilst I stood there like a bellend all alone waiting for a lift home.
Oh dear God !What a thread
I've kinda been through the above story but in reverse.. was at the entrance of a nightclub with this girl from Uni & her fellow flatmates when I'd realised I'd gone and fecking left my ID card at her flat on her bed.. in fact things weren't as bad as I had presumed.. she looked at me in the most seductive way possible and said 'well the place is empty anyway so I'll go back with you to find it and lets make our own night of it back there' .. I was basically being handed a VIP pass to feck, she was already quite drunk, coming on to me all night, and I didn't even have to impress on the dancefloor.
So how did I manage to feck this up.. I told her 'Oh it's alright, you go enjoy yourself..I'll make my own way home and come collect it in the morning'. She had the most puzzled expression on her face like she was constipated..and I proceeded to watch her reluctantly follow her mates into the club whilst I stood there like a bellend all alone waiting for a lift home.
How have I never seen this thread before!?
I have a number of examples I could probably add to this thread but to be honest I think I've managed to blank the worst ones from my memory.
I have a number of examples I could probably add to this thread but to be honest I think I've managed to blank the worst ones from my memory.
not one of my finer moments thats for sureWas hanging out with this black American girl here in Virginia (she's from Missippippi originally). So we're just chatting and she invites me up to her apt. just before we were going to lunch.
I had been taking it slow with her, just trying to get to know her and all that.
Anyway, I noticed some African pictures on the wall (tribal types standing outside a mud hut, women carrying huge water urns on their head, etc) so me, in my wisdom, says "which part of Missippippi is that?".
The silence was deafening after that. She never returned my calls after either.
What a thread
I've kinda been through the above story but in reverse.. was at the entrance of a nightclub with this girl from Uni & her fellow flatmates when I'd realised I'd gone and fecking left my ID card at her flat on her bed.. in fact things weren't as bad as I had presumed.. she looked at me in the most seductive way possible and said 'well the place is empty anyway so I'll go back with you to find it and lets make our own night of it back there' .. I was basically being handed a VIP pass to feck, she was already quite drunk, coming on to me all night, and I didn't even have to impress on the dancefloor.
So how did I manage to feck this up.. I told her 'Oh it's alright, you go enjoy yourself..I'll make my own way home and come collect it in the morning'. She had the most puzzled expression on her face like she was constipated..and I proceeded to watch her reluctantly follow her mates into the club whilst I stood there like a bellend all alone waiting for a lift home.
Was going in to a club on saturday and had already had a few shandies so was in a confident mood. At the desk to pay was a smoking hot girl who was getting people to sign up for a mailing list, as I passed her she asked me to sign up and I stood and played hard to get for a bit and things were going well, until, until she says "it's ok I won't send you a load of rubbish emails or anything" to which I should have replied with a grin and wink "no you feel free to send me any emails you want" instead I said "awww not even the penis enlargement ones"
Still hurts.
Still hurts.
Ah yes, I have another one. This is so fecking stupid it's actually embarrassing to type it up, but feck it, here goes.
I was into this girl when I was about 20. I eventually scored with her on the sofa of my mate's house after a bottle of white wine. Not a shag now or anything but it was a decent first step. So we're cuddling and kissing and all that jazz and I come out with possibly the worst thing I could possibly come out with. I wouldn't mind but thinking back on it I have absolutely no idea why I even said what I said because it's hardly in line with the way I was thinking at the time.
There was a lull in conversation and then I went "Hmmmmmm" as if deep in thought. She asked me what I was thinking about and I told her that I was thinking about where I would take her on her honeymoon, and rambled on about always wanting to go to Mauritius.
This was the first time I had snogged this bird, and I had liked her for quite some time. Why I was even thinking that way is beyond me. I'd imagine she was a little bit lost for words and thought she had some psycho fecker on her hands. She didn't respond to any of my texts from there on in and I haven't seen the girl since
I was into this girl when I was about 20. I eventually scored with her on the sofa of my mate's house after a bottle of white wine. Not a shag now or anything but it was a decent first step. So we're cuddling and kissing and all that jazz and I come out with possibly the worst thing I could possibly come out with. I wouldn't mind but thinking back on it I have absolutely no idea why I even said what I said because it's hardly in line with the way I was thinking at the time.
There was a lull in conversation and then I went "Hmmmmmm" as if deep in thought. She asked me what I was thinking about and I told her that I was thinking about where I would take her on her honeymoon, and rambled on about always wanting to go to Mauritius.
This was the first time I had snogged this bird, and I had liked her for quite some time. Why I was even thinking that way is beyond me. I'd imagine she was a little bit lost for words and thought she had some psycho fecker on her hands. She didn't respond to any of my texts from there on in and I haven't seen the girl since
lets all compare our foreskin
oops sorry wrong thread
oops sorry wrong thread
i couldn't breath reading this threadI've got one a bit like this, and it will not be pleasant for me to remind myself of it, but here goes.What a thread
I've kinda been through the above story but in reverse.. was at the entrance of a nightclub with this girl from Uni & her fellow flatmates when I'd realised I'd gone and fecking left my ID card at her flat on her bed.. in fact things weren't as bad as I had presumed.. she looked at me in the most seductive way possible and said 'well the place is empty anyway so I'll go back with you to find it and lets make our own night of it back there' .. I was basically being handed a VIP pass to feck, she was already quite drunk, coming on to me all night, and I didn't even have to impress on the dancefloor.
So how did I manage to feck this up.. I told her 'Oh it's alright, you go enjoy yourself..I'll make my own way home and come collect it in the morning'. She had the most puzzled expression on her face like she was constipated..and I proceeded to watch her reluctantly follow her mates into the club whilst I stood there like a bellend all alone waiting for a lift home.
I'd just finished my last exam of 2nd year at uni so was intent on making a big night of it. I'd also recently split from longterm girlfriend so I was in a bit of a bender stage where I liked to take drugs. So I'd sorted myself some MDMA and hit a club with some mates. By chance one of the girls from my class was there. Very fit blonde Scottish girl, nice body, sexy smile. I'd spoken to her a few times before but it was always in class or in a lab or somewhere, so this was first time I'd ever bumped into her out. You know how when girls are even fitter when they make an effort for a night out, this combined with me being slightly loved up on drugs led to me thinking her a goddess.
Anyway, my luck was in, and she was being very flirty and she was obviously out for a good time like me. So after a bit of flirting we have a bit of a kiss in the club. Now I'd had a few lines up this point, was a bit spaced, she hadn't noticed, and I decided to nip it in the bud at this stage having had quite enough and not wanting it to be obvious. I never talked about any of my drugs activities to classmates, because I didn't know how it would go down.
Anyway, the night progressed and her and one of her mates ended up back at my student flat, which I shared with 4 other lads. We continued drinking, had a bit of a laugh then she said she was going to head home, and asked if I wanted to walk her back - as clear an invitation as you would need. So I gleefully accept and we go back to hers. She's got the flat to herself so we were on the sofa, and she straddles me. She's grinding a bit and it's clear where this is going, and I'm enjoying it until the horrible sense of realisation dawns on me.
I'm still a little spaced from the MDMA back at the club, and anyone who's taken it will tell you that it can have a pretty detrimental effect on your ability to get it up. It's only now, all alone with this hot blonde grinding against my crotch, that I realise nothing is happening down there, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon.
So now I'm freaking out a bit. I obviously don't want to offend her by not being able to get it up for her advances. I don't want to come clean about the drugs in case she's anti-drugs and thinks I'm a junkie, or worse still, that I only hooked up with her because I was off my face. Worst of all I'm quickly realising I'm going to have to come up with a way to politely turn down sex with a very hot girl.
So basically rather than admitting I'm a drugged-upped floppy-cocked loser, I tried to turn it around. Having flirted, kissed and danced with this girl all night long, and brought her back to my flat for more drinking, then on to hers, I make the backtracks of all backtracks and claim that I can't go any further as she was a bit too drunk and I'd be taking advantage. She looked at me in bemusement at first, I think she thought I was joking. So she carries on her seduction. At this point I basically have to say no sorry it isn't right, you're too drunk. She was drunk to be fair, but under any other circumstances this was an all systems go.
Now I don't think she was a girl too used to rejection and was a little shocked to say the least. I felt fecking awful, but I had to get out of there at this stage. Bizarrely, my rejection seemed to make her crave me more as on my way out she made one final attempt to sway me by getting on her knees in the hall and reaching for my fly. Yup, I had to turn down a hot blonde literally craving my cock because I was too wired on MDMA to get it up and didn't want to come clean.
So kids, the message is don't do drugs, cus drugs are bad, so don't do drugs, mmmkay.
that's the best anti-drugs advert ever!
Maybe I can get a job with Talk to Frank.that's the best anti-drugs advert ever!
To be fair, I can get it up after any drug whilst watching Feltching Grandads IV if I wanted to.
i agree, sod all this mental harm can be done adverts your story could talk anyone round
I want your cock Spammy. That's the only time I'll ever say that (probably).
To be fair Kraftwerker, I think you handled that fairly well. I mean, you left with an element of dignity, looking gentlemanly, and having her clawing at your cock.
Which isn't to say you couldn't have handled it better... ideally, rather than heading for the door, you'd have tucked her up in bed and sat beside her like her noble sentinel... then in the morning, in the brief window when you weren't too addled to get it up, but before the come-down had kicked in, boned her.
Which isn't to say you couldn't have handled it better... ideally, rather than heading for the door, you'd have tucked her up in bed and sat beside her like her noble sentinel... then in the morning, in the brief window when you weren't too addled to get it up, but before the come-down had kicked in, boned her.