The Sphincter Modologues

[RedCanadian]

Noodle: Oh yeah thats the spot
Wibble: you have such soft skin noods. I'm glad Weaste let you into our secret mod group.
Noodle: Thanks Wibbs....Wibbs?
Wibble: Yes noods?
Noodle: Wibbs, its all very well you anal loving me everyday but...
Wibble: What?
Noodle: Well...we never talk anymore.
Wibble: FFS Weaste has been at you again hasn't he? Look let me finish here first. Now tell me- whose the daddy...

7 and a half seconds later

Noodle: You done now?
Wibble: ohhhh yeah.
Noodle: Can we talk now then?
Wibble: Not now Noods I'm tired.
Noodle: You always say that! Yesterday it was 'yes noodle we can talk about your mother in law just as soon as me and the penguin finish gang banging you' and what happened when you were done yo-
Wibble: Noodle?
Noodle: Not now Wibbs! I'm serious I...no stop that. stop it. Wibbs please, we really need to talk i...oh that tickles...
Wibble: Noodle?
Noodle: Yes Wibbs?
Wibble: Would you like to rim me?
Noodle: Yes.

 

[Wibble]

Smashed: Plech?
Plech: Yes Smashed?
Smashed: What do you think of Miller Plech?
Plech: He's EXTREMELY comfortable with the ball at his feet...very quick feet, can beat men, good pace.
Smashed: So not in any way shit?
Plech: No.
Smashed: Are you sure?
Plech: Yes. He thinks fast, his positional play is excellent, he passes well, he gets stuck in and he just looks like a United player.
Smashed: Excellent

long pause

Smashed: So why has he been sold to Sunderland for a can of Pepsi Light?
Plech: Shut up.

long pause

Plech: Smashed?
Smashed: Yes Plech?
Plech: Since I'm never defensive, pompous or wrong would you ... ?
Smashed: What?
Plech: Well I hate to ask but ... ?
Smashed: Well?
Plech: Rim me?
Smashed: Yes

 

[Wibble]

I still love this one with the fat pigeons:-

Noodle: how fat and unhelpful are we, exactly?
Golden: Very fat. And very unhelpful.
Noodle: What do we do now then?
Golden: Absolutely nothing
Noodle: You're a dab hand at this
Golden: Rim me
Noodle: Yes

 

[Plechazunga]

That was the first one, and had a certain simple purity.

 

[EspadaYdaga]

suresh: that's it you little bitch... just like that
Marcos: mmm you taste soooo gooood
suresh: shut the fuk up and keep sukin
marcos: yes sir as you command

a few minutes of sukin later.....

marcos: I love you suresh
suresh: i told you to shut the fuk up... dont make me ram a dildo up yo ass
marcos: oooohh yes please!
suresh: errrmm... it was supposed to scare you
marcos: no... come on... do it!
suresh: no!.. that's sick
marcos: but... you said!... PLEASE!!
suresh: NO... SHUT UP!

after a pause...

marcos: suresh?
suresh: yes?
marcos: can i rim you instead?
suresh: yeah bitch... do it!

 

[Marcosdeto]

suresh: that's it you little bitch... just like that
Marcos: mmm you taste soooo gooood
suresh: shut the fuk up and keep sukin
marcos: yes sir as you command

a few minutes of sukin later.....

marcos: I love you suresh
suresh: i told you to shut the fuk up... dont make me ram a dildo up yo ass
marcos: oooohh yes please!
suresh: errrmm... it was supposed to scare you
marcos: no... come on... do it!
suresh: no!.. that's sick
marcos: but... you said!... PLEASE!!
suresh: NO... SHUT UP!

after a pause...

marcos: suresh?
suresh: yes?
marcos: can i rim you instead?
suresh: yeah bitch... do it!

 

[Melbourne Red]

Nothing will beat post #30.

 

[RedCanadian]

suresh: that's it you little bitch... just like that
Marcos: mmm you taste soooo gooood
suresh: shut the fuk up and keep sukin
marcos: yes sir as you command

a few minutes of sukin later.....

marcos: I love you suresh
suresh: i told you to shut the fuk up... dont make me ram a dildo up yo ass
marcos: oooohh yes please!
suresh: errrmm... it was supposed to scare you
marcos: no... come on... do it!
suresh: no!.. that's sick
marcos: but... you said!... PLEASE!!
suresh: NO... SHUT UP!

after a pause...

marcos: suresh?
suresh: yes?
marcos: can i rim you instead?
suresh: yeah bitch... do it!

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

Espada: Thanks for that, Suresh...this spooning business has me chuffed, as well.
Suresh: It certainly has kept me from capping anyone in the caf bar.
Espada: Thank God for that. I wouldn't want you to have to leave yet.
Suresh: I'm not going anywhere just yet. I like this place.

pause

Suresh: Espada?
Espada: Suresh?
Suresh: Are we platypus's or platypi?
Espada: I don't know Suresh and I don't care.

pause

Suresh: *sigh* Espada, do you care about anything anymore?
Espada: Rap music, maybe. And who United'll sign in January.
Suresh: Espada, I may have to shoot you...

short pause

Espada: Could you perhaps....
Suresh: Rim you instead?
Espada: Yes.
Suresh: With pleasure.

 

[Suresh]

Rap music will still get you shot though... after the rimming of course.

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

Rap music will still get you shot though... after the rimming of course.

WooHoo!

 

[EspadaYdaga]

i love spooning with suresh and whispering sweet nothings in his ear

 

[Suresh]

That was not my ear you were whispering into...

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

That was not my ear you were whispering into...

 

[EspadaYdaga]

That was not my ear you were whispering into...

ahhh... that's why i could hear an echo

 

[RedCanadian]

Espada: Thanks for that, Suresh...this spooning business has me chuffed, as well.
Suresh: It certainly has kept me from capping anyone in the caf bar.
Espada: Thank God for that. I wouldn't want you to have to leave yet.
Suresh: I'm not going anywhere just yet. I like this place.

pause

Suresh: Espada?
Espada: Suresh?
Suresh: Are we platypus's or platypi?
Espada: I don't know Suresh and I don't care.

pause

Suresh: *sigh* Espada, do you care about anything anymore?
Espada: Rap music, maybe. And who United'll sign in January.
Suresh: Espada, I may have to shoot you...

short pause

Espada: Could you perhaps....
Suresh: Rim you instead?
Espada: Yes.
Suresh: With pleasure.

 

[RedCanadian]

That was not my ear you were whispering into...

 

[SmashedHombre]

Davo: What the...? Oh ffs plech get off.
Plech: Just give me 5, I'll be quick.
Davo: No, look just get off.
Plech: *heavy panting* I'll never...do it...again...if... you...make love...in rhyme.
Davo: You want to make love to me in rhyme?
Plech: Ohhhhh...yeaahhhh
Davo: And you'll never give me surprise anal fornication again?
Plech: Thats...ooohhhhh yeahhhh...what i said
Davo: Ok you start

short pause

Plech: Ohhhh...Davo your ass is so inviting
Davo: It wouldn't be so bad if you didnt keep on biting
Plech: I only do it softly, it gets me in the mood
Davo: But Plech your mouth smells like bird food
Plech: I boned some pigeons early today
Davo: Are you kidding me you know they have aids
Plech: Tell me I'm the daddy Davo
Davo: Plech your going too fast now come on let go
Plech: You know you like it really don't deny it
Davo: I like it when you softly suckle on my...
Plech: shit! My missus just flew by
Davo: i think you have a feather stuck in your japs eye
Plech: Yes, a parrot taught me that trick
Davo: It tickles, i changed my mind i like your plumaged dick
Plech: My wife will see me i need to hide fast
Davo: Plech i think you shoud bury your face in my ass
Plech: I want to ask properly..
Davo: If you can rim me?
Plech: Yes.
Davo: Yes.

 

[Marcosdeto]

 

[Melbourne Red]

Davo: What the...? Oh ffs plech get off.
Plech: Just give me 5, I'll be quick.
Davo: No, look just get off.
Plech: *heavy panting* I'll never...do it...again...if... you...make love...in rhyme.
Davo: You want to make love to me in rhyme?
Plech: Ohhhhh...yeaahhhh
Davo: And you'll never give me surprise anal fornication again?
Plech: Thats...ooohhhhh yeahhhh...what i said
Davo: Ok you start

short pause

Plech: Ohhhh...Davo your ass is so inviting
Davo: It wouldn't be so bad if you didnt keep on biting
Plech: I only do it softly, it gets me in the mood
Davo: But Plech your mouth smells like bird food
Plech: I boned some pigeons early today
Davo: Are you kidding me you know they have aids
Plech: Tell me I'm the daddy Davo
Davo: Plech your going too fast now come on let go
Plech: You know you like it really don't deny it
Davo: I like it when you softly suckle on my...
Plech: shit! My missus just flew by
Davo: i think you have a feather stuck in your japs eye
Plech: Yes, a parrot taught me that trick
Davo: It tickles, i changed my mind i like your plumaged dick
Plech: My wife will see me i need to hide fast
Davo: Plech i think you shoud bury your face in my ass
Plech: I want to ask properly..
Davo: If you can rim me?
Plech: Yes.
Davo: Yes.

Excellent.

 

[USDevil]

Davo: What the...? Oh ffs plech get off.
Plech: Just give me 5, I'll be quick.
Davo: No, look just get off.
Plech: *heavy panting* I'll never...do it...again...if... you...make love...in rhyme.
Davo: You want to make love to me in rhyme?
Plech: Ohhhhh...yeaahhhh
Davo: And you'll never give me surprise anal fornication again?
Plech: Thats...ooohhhhh yeahhhh...what i said
Davo: Ok you start

short pause

Plech: Ohhhh...Davo your ass is so inviting
Davo: It wouldn't be so bad if you didnt keep on biting
Plech: I only do it softly, it gets me in the mood
Davo: But Plech your mouth smells like bird food
Plech: I boned some pigeons early today
Davo: Are you kidding me you know they have aids
Plech: Tell me I'm the daddy Davo
Davo: Plech your going too fast now come on let go
Plech: You know you like it really don't deny it
Davo: I like it when you softly suckle on my...
Plech: shit! My missus just flew by
Davo: i think you have a feather stuck in your japs eye
Plech: Yes, a parrot taught me that trick
Davo: It tickles, i changed my mind i like your plumaged dick
Plech: My wife will see me i need to hide fast
Davo: Plech i think you shoud bury your face in my ass
Plech: I want to ask properly..
Davo: If you can rim me?
Plech: Yes.
Davo: Yes.

feckin' hell Smashed

 

[Suresh]

The plumaged dick trick. Got to try that sometime.

 

[RedCanadian]

Davo: What the...? Oh ffs plech get off.
Plech: Just give me 5, I'll be quick.
Davo: No, look just get off.
Plech: *heavy panting* I'll never...do it...again...if... you...make love...in rhyme.
Davo: You want to make love to me in rhyme?
Plech: Ohhhhh...yeaahhhh
Davo: And you'll never give me surprise anal fornication again?
Plech: Thats...ooohhhhh yeahhhh...what i said
Davo: Ok you start


short pause

Plech: Ohhhh...Davo your ass is so inviting
Davo: It wouldn't be so bad if you didnt keep on biting
Plech: I only do it softly, it gets me in the mood
Davo: But Plech your mouth smells like bird food
Plech: I boned some pigeons early today
Davo: Are you kidding me you know they have aids
Plech: Tell me I'm the daddy Davo
Davo: Plech your going too fast now come on let go
Plech: You know you like it really don't deny it
Davo: I like it when you softly suckle on my...
Plech: shit! My missus just flew by
Davo: i think you have a feather stuck in your japs eye
Plech: Yes, a parrot taught me that trick
Davo: It tickles, i changed my mind i like your plumaged dick
Plech: My wife will see me i need to hide fast
Davo: Plech i think you shoud bury your face in my ass
Plech: I want to ask properly..
Davo: If you can rim me?
Plech: Yes.
Davo: Yes.

A true poet!!

 

[Suresh]

Noting to do with sphincters, or rimming, for that matter, but this was a post by Plech again in a thread the poster should have really not started in the general.

From the Encyclopaedia Brittanica

Jihad [n.]
1. A kind of pencil-case, e.g. "give me back my fecking jihad you gaylord!"
2. A holy war, e.g. Don't forget it's the jihad tomorrow Abdul, don't be back by teatime...or ever...
3. An exploding satsuma, e.g. "What the feck was that orange thing?" "A jihad." "Oh."
[v. trans.] 1. To feel a slight acidic sensation in your mouth just before urinating, e.g. "I just jihaded" "Too much information, you freak".
2. To kick seven shades of shit out of someone for not being a Muslim, e.g. Who's that?" "Cliff Richard." "Let's jihad the cnut." "But we're not Muslim either." "Yeah...but feck it..."
[interjection] 1. e.g. "Jihaaaaaaaaaaad! Ali Akbar! Get stuck in lads! Bonzer

https://www.redcafe.net/showthread.php?t=62111&highlight=Jihad

That had me trying in vain to wipe whisky off my keyboard.

 

[Salvation]

@ Jihad

Nice work you too Smashed

 

[Salvation]

How did that not make it to the classics?

 

[VP]

 

[golden_blunder]

a present for you pletch, some pigeon porn

 

[EspadaYdaga]

Smashed...

 

[Plechazunga]

kinell, a rhyming one...

You know Davo does actually have a fish named "Plechy"...he's obsessed

 

[Davo]

I feel unclean

 

[golden_blunder]

 

[Suresh]

 

[RedCanadian]

 

[Suresh]

GB: Higher, Wibs! Higher!
Wibble: 'k
GB: Wheeee!


Short pause


GB: Er... Wibs?
Wibble: Yeah?
GB: What's that I feel on my back?
Wibble: Uhmm.... nothing...
GB: There it is again... it feels harder now!
Wibble: Oh, look! Is that an otter in the lake?
GB: Wibs, stop it. It's poking me!
Wibs: Uummph... nice... uummph otter...uumph look.
GB: Wibs! It's in me now.. stop it!
Wibble: ...uumphhh..nnngggghh..
GB: Wibs! It hurts!
Wibble: ...uunnngh...ahhhhh...


short pause


GB: Wibs, you're a dirty old rascal.
Wibble: Er... ermmm
GB: That was nice though.
Wibble: You liked that?
GB:...... yes and Wibs...
Wibble: Yeah?
GB: Does this mean we are a couple now?
Wibble: Er... errmmm.. maybe...
GB: What?! I thought you liked me.
Wibble: Yes, but...
GB: But what?
Wibble: There's Noods...
GB: Noods!! You prefer Noods over me?!!
Wibble: ...er...he's young...
GB: I'm not too old.
Wibble: ... and he has such soft skin... no wrinkles at all...
GB: You're killing me here, Wibs.
Wibble: And he allows me to... you know...
GB: What?!
Wibble: ... rim him..
GB: Oh.


long pause

GB: Wibs?
Wibble: Yes, Geebs.
GB: Would you like to...
Wibble: Yes?Yes?

short pause

GB: Rim me?
Wibble: feck yes!

 

[Wibble]

Welsh Red: MUR?
MUR: Yes Welsh?
Welsh Red: Shall we register on the Caf again? (giggle)
MUR: That would be really funny? (snorts milk down nose)
Welsh Red: That's what I thought. (chortle)
MUR: Shall we post some scat porn again? (giggle)
Welsh Red: That would be hilaa ... helarri ... really funny. (donkey laugh/snort)
MUR: Or .... (now unable to speak due to crying with llaughter)
Welsh Red: Yes .... (choking/laughing)
MUR: We could use photoshop again (high pitched giggle)
Welsh Red: ..... (gurgling sound and the smell of a small amount of urine being released).

long pause

MUR: Welsh?
Welsh Red:Yes MUR?
MUR: You don't think we may be a little childish or thick at all?
Welsh Red: No. Why? Erm ... what was the guestion again?
MUR: Are we immature and stupid?
Welsh Red: Of course not.
MUR: You are right my Mum says that I am mature for my age.
Welsh Red: Of course you are. You kill trees and everything.
MUR: Excellent

short pause

Welsh Red: Won't they just catch us and ban us again?
MUR: No we will use a proxy.
Welsh Red: Not me I don't want to get the clap.
MUR: Proxy .. not pros .... oh never mind.

short pause

MUR: Welsh?
Welsh Red: Huh?
MUR: Rim me?
Welsh Red: Again? Yes.

 

[noodlehair]

People should lay off Miller. There's a quality player in there somewhere, he just needs time. "But he couldn't cut it against a bunch of Conference players". Maybe, but he could against Barca.

..

 

[RedCanadian]

GB: Higher, Wibs! Higher!
Wibble: 'k
GB: Wheeee!


Short pause


GB: Er... Wibs?
Wibble: Yeah?
GB: What's that I feel on my back?
Wibble: Uhmm.... nothing...
GB: There it is again... it feels harder now!
Wibble: Oh, look! Is that an otter in the lake?
GB: Wibs, stop it. It's poking me!
Wibs: Uummph... nice... uummph otter...uumph look.
GB: Wibs! It's in me now.. stop it!
Wibble: ...uumphhh..nnngggghh..
GB: Wibs! It hurts!
Wibble: ...uunnngh...ahhhhh...


short pause


GB: Wibs, you're a dirty old rascal.
Wibble: Er... ermmm
GB: That was nice though.
Wibble: You liked that?
GB:...... yes and Wibs...
Wibble: Yeah?
GB: Does this mean we are a couple now?
Wibble: Er... errmmm.. maybe...
GB: What?! I thought you liked me.
Wibble: Yes, but...
GB: But what?
Wibble: There's Noods...
GB: Noods!! You prefer Noods over me?!!
Wibble: ...er...he's young...
GB: I'm not too old.
Wibble: ... and he has such soft skin... no wrinkles at all...
GB: You're killing me here, Wibs.
Wibble: And he allows me to... you know...
GB: What?!
Wibble: ... rim him..
GB: Oh.


long pause

GB: Wibs?
Wibble: Yes, Geebs.
GB: Would you like to...
Wibble: Yes?Yes?

short pause

GB: Rim me?
Wibble: feck yes!

 

[Marcosdeto]

GB: Higher, Wibs! Higher!
Wibble: 'k
GB: Wheeee!


Short pause


GB: Er... Wibs?
Wibble: Yeah?
GB: What's that I feel on my back?
Wibble: Uhmm.... nothing...
GB: There it is again... it feels harder now!
Wibble: Oh, look! Is that an otter in the lake?
GB: Wibs, stop it. It's poking me!
Wibs: Uummph... nice... uummph otter...uumph look.
GB: Wibs! It's in me now.. stop it!
Wibble: ...uumphhh..nnngggghh..
GB: Wibs! It hurts!
Wibble: ...uunnngh...ahhhhh...


short pause


GB: Wibs, you're a dirty old rascal.
Wibble: Er... ermmm
GB: That was nice though.
Wibble: You liked that?
GB:...... yes and Wibs...
Wibble: Yeah?
GB: Does this mean we are a couple now?
Wibble: Er... errmmm.. maybe...
GB: What?! I thought you liked me.
Wibble: Yes, but...
GB: But what?
Wibble: There's Noods...
GB: Noods!! You prefer Noods over me?!!
Wibble: ...er...he's young...
GB: I'm not too old.
Wibble: ... and he has such soft skin... no wrinkles at all...
GB: You're killing me here, Wibs.
Wibble: And he allows me to... you know...
GB: What?!
Wibble: ... rim him..
GB: Oh.


long pause

GB: Wibs?
Wibble: Yes, Geebs.
GB: Would you like to...
Wibble: Yes?Yes?

short pause

GB: Rim me?
Wibble: feck yes!

and to think that in a week or so you'll be posting on the newbies

 

[Suresh]

You'll miss me.