the only chance I would have is a tap in, or Valencia taking a wild hammer cross which smacks off my arse and flies in top corner. Realistically though, I wouldn't score bar that.
How many goals could YOU score up front for United in a season?
- Thread starter Cristiano Jonaldo
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In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik @Rood and Imran @Annihilate Now! start with the good news by celebrating Manchester United Women's emphatic FA Cup win over Spurs at Wembley and the future of manager Marc Skinner.
Then it's the bad news and the ever worsening form of our Men with losses to Arsenal and Palace.
Finally the main debate - ETH Out now or keep him until the end of the season - if not longer. Are you Team Nik or Team Imran?
Don't old Strikers often say that even the worst of players would get 5 a season provided they stand centre of the 6 yard line at set pieces and crosses. Lucky deflections , tap-ins, goal mouth scrambles etc. Playing 90 mins of every game I should think its true. 5 Minimum just for standing there.
I don't think it is enough to say that no one on here would score more than one, just because someone as good as James Wilson is struggling to score. The OP is specifying that the poster would be goal-hanging the entire time. Obviously, this would be to the detriment of the team (it would essentially be playing with 10 men), but in that scenario, any reasonably fit person poster who can play a little bit (even by Redcafe standards) would surely score 2 or 3, at least. Even Chicharito and Inzaghi had to play a little bit - this is a different scenario.
That having been said, most on here would definitely score 0.
That having been said, most on here would definitely score 0.
In theory I agree, but the offside rule means you could goal hang and considering the rest of the team's fear of you losing the ball means you couldn't be involved in buildup play (and your inability to pressure a defender who would just glide past you), you would just hang around the goal all game. A blocked shot falls to you or gets laid off and that's 1 or 2 over the season, in my opinion.
I'm not sure you'd get marked, really. Not closely at least.
LvG would put me in midfield for half the season, so not that many.
and there's that too.
Which Hernandez goal against us was this?I'd easy get 5 of these a season
Valencia can blast shot-like-crosses at me all day and I'll put a face on it every time.
in the 3-1 last season? Or was that a header.
Charity shield on his debut.
How is that goal not a header?
I think its what is known in footballing terms as a 'facial'.
Steven Fletcher got 5 last year, so I could get 6.
0.
In my defence, I'd be a false nine. Flitting between the lines, though barely receiving the ball and doing feck all with it when I do.
In my defence, I'd be a false nine. Flitting between the lines, though barely receiving the ball and doing feck all with it when I do.
1 I think, my first touch is so bad that I'd end up scoring from a cross by accident, saying that it could be an own goal
32. My footballing iq will place me in good areas for poacher esque goals. And then we have Di Maria who is perhaps one of the best creator in football, so such an amount should be about accurate for me.
Realistically perhaps 23.
Realistically perhaps 23.
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50 a season I reckon! Give me a couple grand a week and a life time supply of Pies and I'm your man
14. Don't know why, don't know how.
Would own goals count? I could score a few if it's me and the opponents playing against 10 of my blokes who have trouble knowing which red shirt is the traitor.
They would sing my name, and print it in the papers and I'll never be forgotten for my exploits in a United kit. Hell, I might cross the 15 goal mark given my pace and decent ability to strike the ball cleanly.
Lol, kidding. 0 goals.
They would sing my name, and print it in the papers and I'll never be forgotten for my exploits in a United kit. Hell, I might cross the 15 goal mark given my pace and decent ability to strike the ball cleanly.
Lol, kidding. 0 goals.
You scored double figures in League 1? Nice one, you must have a wiki page then. Quick everyone find out who he is.
Even taps ins require movement btw. You don't just hang about waiting. There's a defender, a premier league defender, marking you.
Google search brings up the more evidently more famous @iSparky
Then you would be offside most of the game, that's the problem.
I reckon I could nick one or two jammy ones if I played 38 games x 90 minutes, but chances are I wouldn't because I would get sent off quite regularly for the sort of completely reckless mistimed challenges that happen when you are so wildly off the pace of the game.
If a PL defender is marking me full-time while playing against Mata, Herrera, Rooney... Sorry, he is an idiot.
Another question is how would United do? Knocked out of the cups in the first round and relegated? They'd essentially be playing all season with ten men.
Yeah, this is what people who say they could get 5-6 goals just by goal hanging the entire time don't get: United won't be dominant at all but will seriously struggle, playing with ten men all the time. It's a massive disadvantage in professional football if you have to do it every week.
zero , but without the offside rule zero.
Wilson doesnt play every game 90mins as the OP suggested one of us would.I don't think it is enough to say that no one on here would score more than one, just because someone as good as James Wilson is struggling to score. The OP is specifying that the poster would be goal-hanging the entire time. Obviously, this would be to the detriment of the team (it would essentially be playing with 10 men), but in that scenario, any reasonably fit person poster who can play a little bit (even by Redcafe standards) would surely score 2 or 3, at least. Even Chicharito and Inzaghi had to play a little bit - this is a different scenario.
That having been said, most on here would definitely score 0.
Anyhow, I reckon id get 20+. Theres no way to really prove or justify it. I just know it.
None. No goals. I'd literally cause OT to explode due to my shitness.
Another kick in the teeth for ol' four goals Falcao.
I think the team would actually be better off playing with 9 men than with me in the side. My value to the team would be -2 players, as instead of marking me, the opposition defender could step up, playing as a false 9 safe in the knowledge that I'm not going to hit a cow's arse with a banjo.
That's what I mean - he is actually trying to play football, as well. That having been said, this doesn't flatter our Falcao
I would probably get around 30 to 35. Then i'd turn the PS4 off.
When your actually on the pitch the whole scene will be horrifying. 75.000 plus fans watching your every movement and ready to judge you. A pitch that is mammoth and you standing there, wondering what you have been doing wrong in life and hearing your team mates scream their lungs out yelling that you need to wake the hell up. The speed, the intensity, the physical approach, dear me, you either are a Premier league footballer or not. I'd be better in tearing ankles up then tearing the goal apart. Would be an honour tho to score one at the Stretford end....against Liverpool....in the dying seconds followed by a celebration with me running all over the place like a lunatic.
Maybe my perspective is skewed. A kid I knew in HS who was basically a slower, less athletic, less explosive version of myself that went on to play in the Bundesliga 1 and 2 for a decent career.
I'm not sure where you're from, but in North America, there is no shortage of big guys who are quite athletic who don't play any sports professionally due to the sports they pursue being very limited in opportunity. At 19 years old, I was probably faster than the majority of the United first team right now over 40 yards, 20-30 pounds heavier than the biggest guys, with that bred in North American ball hunting nose (This is why American's tend to produce a disproportionate number of good keepers compared to field players, ball sport cross over, the sports we play growing up involve catching the ball in the air, leaping for the ball in the air, a vast majority of the time).
I'm telling you right now, that the moment the United States and Canada recognize how extensive the opportunity to play professional football in Europe is at a level where you can make a decent living, is the moment you see no shortage of tall, very athletic donkey's flooding the scene. I'm not saying these guys will be world beaters, or even play for top outfits, but you could see a whole hell of a lot of guys like that in Norway or the lower German divisions, guys well over 6'2 who can jump through the roof and are running sub 4.5 second 40 yard dashes.
If that shithouse Falcao can score 4, despite being unable to run/sprint/shoot/control a ball/pass/not fall over....I'd back myself to score at least 1.
Don't know, but I know that my shitty play combined with the fact that LVG apparently won't sub me will bring the Van Gaal out brigade out very quickly.
The people seriously suggesting they could get 4 a season made me laugh. Should have told LVG last season lads.. Would have saved you a around 20million on that Falcao loan deal. Also had a chuckle at the guy who claims to have scored double figures in League 1 and reckons he can bag 10-15 in a season. Any more than 12 and youd have been Uniteds too scorer last season pal! Not sure how a diamond like that has slipped through the scouting network of all major teams and ended up in Wales!
For me, the answer is 0. Or maybe 1 if a shot cannoned off the crossbar and hit me in my head. To be honest, I'd score plenty of old goals though if I was playing for United so there's that.
For me, the answer is 0. Or maybe 1 if a shot cannoned off the crossbar and hit me in my head. To be honest, I'd score plenty of old goals though if I was playing for United so there's that.
Just think of how many goals you could score with a big enough face...
i must have watched this gif 10 times, analyzing each unique scouse reaction. Prob one of the top 5 gifs I've ever seen. cheers!
To put it simply, it's not about being big or being fast, it's about using your body correctly, it's about agility, reflexes and mental conditioning. It's the same for every sports. Otherwise Altidore or Fellaini would be world class players.
I reckon, as someone who at least knows my way about a football pitch and plays as a striker, I could get 5 goals. United are a bit shit and don't really create chances anyway tbh, but I reckon I'd get double figures for Barcelona.
I still don't get this theory I have heard floating around that Steven Fletcher is crap at football. He's perenially injured, but other than that, is a pretty excellent finisher, and has scored a healthy amount of PL goals for both Wolves and Sunderland when he has managed to keep himself on the pitch for long enough.