Footballers who'd thrive in a prison environment

FireballXL5

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Alex Ferguson. He'd be running the prison in 6 weeks.
 

Cro_Devil

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For me first name came to my mind:
Olier Kahn, then Stefan Effenberg & Trifon Ivanov... List could go on and on
 

ivaldo

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Jesse Lingard would thrive.
 

RoyH1

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Simeone would definitely lead one of the gangs inside the prison.
 

ivaldo

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"my name's Hunter The Butcher Stabber and I'm serving life for mass murder, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
Which of you bitches got maddest needle work skillz? I've got some merch to produce.
 

TheReligion

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Juan Mata
Kaka would be well sought after.
Jesus Christ :lol:
Kevin Muscat and Ivan Zamorano would be leading rival scumbag gangs. Nigel de Jong, van Buyten and van Bommel would have their own martial arts group going in a corner of the prison yard.
Very good shout with Muscat. Made a career out of being a nasty sly bastard. It reminded me of how he epically pissed off Neil Warnock (see below)

If it was Shawshank then -
Carrick would be Andy
Chris Houghton would be Red
Lee Bowyer would be Heywood
Freddie Ljungberg would be Bogs and Robbie Savage and Andy Johnson would complete the sisters


Jose would be Warden Norton
Zlatan would be Captain Hadley

If it was the Green Mile then Lukaku or Heskey
Well I don't know where to start with this one.
 

TGK

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Going old school.....

Mick Harford
Terry Hurlock
Billy Whitehurst
Joe Jordan

Unless they were in the same prison at the same time, then it would be carnage.
 

Ooh2B

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Tony Adams..

He’s got 4 months under his belt already. Back in 91 he did a little stretch for DD.
 

Invictus

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Piracy on the High Seas
Boss: Diego Simeone
Consigliere: Uli Hoeneß
Underboss: Claudio Gentile
Capo: Jaap Stam, Christian Vieri
Enforcers: Marco Materazzi, Paolo Montero
Soldiers: Arturo Vidal, Pepe, Jan Koller, Arda Turan, Ravel Morrison, Joey Barton, René Higuita
Associates: Javier Hernández (mostly because he look unsuspecting)
Sacrificial lamb / hustler / red herring: Jesse Lingard

Koller Vieri
Morrison Pepe Vidal Turan
Montero Materazzi Stam Gentile
Higuita​

Manager: Simeone
DoF: Hoeneß
Subs: Hernández, Lingard, Barton
 

Stacks

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was this stimulted because of Ronaldinho? :lol:

I'd say Vincenzo Iaquinta, Di Canio, Vinnie Jones, Edmundo, Cantona, Paulo Montero, Arturo Vidal, Graveson, Jan Kohler,

would all cope quite well.
 

Gringo

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I can see Andrea Pirlo, Leonardo Bonucci, Chiellini, Maldini and Buffon in some fancy quarters preparing some dinner goodfellas style.
 

Sandikan

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Martin Keown listen to his stories with Bentley
Cygan apparently a bit of a scrapper him and Kolo Toure went at it a few times in training.
Cygan!
Most famous for just staring at Keane after the infamous Vieira/Keane rant.
 

OutOfTowner

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I'd say that Cantona would be the kind of bloke that everyone stays away from cause he's a lunatic and no-one knows what he's gonna do next. He could be reciting Eluard one moment and stabbing you in the eye with a pencil the next one. He's a slave to his own whims and he doesn't even care.
 

harms

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Though I guess what happened to poor Tobias Beecher in the series was a little more grim than what you're describing.
I don't want poor Mata to go through all of that :lol:
I can see Keane becoming a Schillinger-esque character.
 

harms

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Location
Moscow
Boss: Diego Simeone
Consigliere: Uli Hoeneß
Underboss: Claudio Gentile
Capo: Jaap Stam, Christian Vieri
Enforcers: Marco Materazzi, Paolo Montero
Soldiers: Arturo Vidal, Pepe, Jan Koller, Arda Turan, Ravel Morrison, Joey Barton, René Higuita
Associates: Javier Hernández (mostly because he look unsuspecting)
Sacrificial lamb / hustler / red herring: Jesse Lingard

Koller Vieri
Morrison Pepe Vidal Turan
Montero Materazzi Stam Gentile
Higuita​

Manager: Simeone
DoF: Hoeneß
Subs: Hernández, Lingard, Barton
Can't do one without Passarella, surely? I mean, how many footballers have experience of fighting a guy with a knife in a shower? :lol:
 

Stacks

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Location
Between a rock and the Nou Camp
Boss: Diego Simeone
Consigliere: Uli Hoeneß
Underboss: Claudio Gentile
Capo: Jaap Stam, Christian Vieri
Enforcers: Marco Materazzi, Paolo Montero
Soldiers: Arturo Vidal, Pepe, Jan Koller, Arda Turan, Ravel Morrison, Joey Barton, René Higuita
Associates: Javier Hernández (mostly because he look unsuspecting)
Sacrificial lamb / hustler / red herring: Jesse Lingard

Koller Vieri
Morrison Pepe Vidal Turan
Montero Materazzi Stam Gentile
Higuita​

Manager: Simeone
DoF: Hoeneß
Subs: Hernández, Lingard, Barton
I like this very much. Soldiers can also act as enforcers too but maybe swap some them around. Think Kohler would be more intimidating as an enforcer. May want to add Iaquinta since his dad is actually a mafioso and he has gun charges

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46048806
 

United Junkie

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https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DqTXm2NWwAAOtj5.jpg

Nah, the tough guy act is all facade. Once people see through it he'd be toast.

Could see Mourinho doing well. No scruples, always finds someone to take the fall for him and goes straight for the eyes.
He's the typical school bully that would always pick fights with the weak timid kids he knew he could intimidate. Like someone said earlier, in prison he'd be a snitch in no time too save his own cowardly ass.

As for Mourinho, I genuinely believe if it wasn't for football he could easily thrive as a fast-rising major organized crime figure alá Tony Montana because he would of course go in to self destruct mode after 2 years.