General Election 2024

4bars

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Corbyn standing as an independent.
If he has enough traction with the left seeing how Starmer is transforming Labour with Tory Lite, might balance tories and labour. Labour has no one criticizing them from the left side as they are too focused on the right
 

Smores

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Corbyn standing as an independent.
I imagine he'll get elected as an independent as well. With Labour guaranteed a majority it's the best outcome all round really. Labour would have been mad to readmit him, not because of fault just optics.

He can represent whatever views he wishes as an independent backbencher without it being tied into party politics.
 

Vernon Philander

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I imagine he'll get elected as an independent as well. With Labour guaranteed a majority it's the best outcome all round really. Labour would have been mad to readmit him, not because of fault just optics.

He can represent whatever views he wishes as an independent backbencher without it being tied into party politics.
Question is do they do the same to Abbott
 

buchansleftleg

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I wonder how many Tories will suddenly announce they are "not standing" at this election, robbing us of the opportunity of seeing them roundly thrashed. The party must be seething at Sunak as they all thought they had a few more months to sort out their personal exit strategies / trough maintenance programmes.

Now they either bail out in the next few days and conservatives have to waste campaign time and effort on a selection procedure...or they are forced to stay and be publicly humiliated.

Watching Portillo go in 97 was a highlight. Given the murder and larceny that this lot have inflicted on the country I want to see more than one minister get a surprising humiliation...

Suella Braverman is soundly defeated -and an angry mob descends on the Official Count, but she is rescued by a "ring" of multi-denominational immigrants who carry her above the crowd to a waiting Rib vessel in Fareham docks. The vessel is last seen heading towards the European coast with Suella wearing a Rwandan flag as an impromptu life preserver.

Michael Gove is strangely absent from his count and he loses his seat "in Absentia" He is found a number of days later on an Austrian mountainside in a Tyrolean Nudist colony. He subsequently claims that "Hans" has been showing him the gothic architecture of the Hofkirche Church and he was so overcome with emotion that his clothes fell off and he "slipped" into the lap of the elderly bishop, rendering him unable to attend the election results.

Jacob Rees Mogg arrives at his count in a buoyant mood, confident of victory after his Nanny had told him that people had been very pleasant to her at Waitrose when she popped out for his Farley's Rusk biscuits. He is surprised when an angry mob cheers at his loss and drag him from the stage to further tar and feather him. This vision of him becomes so popular that he is encased in clear resin and dragged through the streets of Somerset towards Bristol. He is then slowly raised by a crane and placed on the plinth vacated by the statue of Edward Colston. "The fate of all traytors!" is spray painted on the plinth base in red.

Boris Johnson is a strangely absent figure during the election, some interpret his silence as him waiting to return as a conservative leader once more. Following Sunak's crushing defeat there is a clamour among Tory rank and file for him to return but nothing more is heard from him in the next two weeks.

A number of months later as the renovation crews move through the House of commons they unearth a previously unknown "priest hole" in one pannelled wall. They are shocked to discover a body! The coronor's inquest finds evidence that Boris Johnson had hidden a number of barrels of explosives in the room.

There is then the revelation of finding his actual real mobile phone which has all the whatsapps from his time as prime minister, including more recent dialogue with "Vladman" who has encouraged him to "storm your own parliament and wait for my signal" However it seems that Boris forgot to bring a phone charger and waited for a message that never arrived as his phone ran out of battery. The Coroner records a verdict of "death by misadventure" finally revealing the cause of death as he masturbated himself to death in a state of delirium and abandonment waiting for further instructions from the mysterious "Vladman".

Over the coming decades youths place effigies of a straw-haired goon with his trousers round his ankles on top of bonfires. "Penny for the Boris guvnor!" they shout at passers by, who are encouraged to spit on his body to make the the fires burn longer. "Remember, Remember the fat tories member!" is sung by the crowd as the effigy finally goes up in flames and is added to the lexicon of British folklore for generations to come.
 

Smores

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Question is do they do the same to Abbott
They'll kick her out I imagine, she'll be used as a political device. This new totally non political process is suddenly being sped up now the election has been announced. Odd that isn't it, almost as if they purposefully prolonged it to be useful at their convenience.
 

Wibble

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It really is fantastic to know that any party can have a huge majority in this country if they only shift themselves right and promise that they will do absolutely nothing. A single tear in my eye.
You can but hope that they are just doing what they have to not to get fecked by the right wing press and then do the right thing (more often) after they are elected.
 

Pexbo

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You can but hope that they are just doing what they have to not to get fecked by the right wing press and then do the right thing (more often) after they are elected.
Leveson 2.0 opened on July 5th and burn the feckers to the ground.
 

Kaos

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By Starmer? :lol:

More chance of him sticking Murdoch in the Lords
Yeah, really wishful to think a charlatan like Starmer will revive Leveson :lol:

He'll be spending the next few months buttering himself up for Murdoch and Co.
 

Pexbo

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By Starmer? :lol:

More chance of him sticking Murdoch in the Lords
It’s what I’d do. I’ve already said Starmer is going to twerk for Murdoch and the rest of the oligarchs for 4-5 years before they feck him over next election
 

saivet

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They sent him to the Titanic, someone is taking the piss :lol:

I ready today that early indications are that the October price cap will rise by 12%.

Rishi can speak well but he seems to have a scripted response regardless of the question.
 

4bars

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I ready today that early indications are that the October price cap will rise by 12%.

Rishi can speak well but he seems to have a scripted response regardless of the question.
I have never heard him any non scripted answer besides about the tap in credit card and that he like coke
 

MoskvaRed

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Michael Gove is standing down
Thanks for helping to wreck the country, Michael. No doubt a cushy job in the Murdoch empire awaits. In a functional country, he would be under investigation for the perpetrating the fraud known as Brexit.