Andy Mitten
After Wednesday's 0-0 draw with PSV Eindhoven, Manchester United's fourth goalless stalemate in seven games, a friend emailed.
"I compare the club to a bath," he wrote. "The water was leaking quickly down the plug hole when [David] Moyes was here. [Van Gaal] came in and put a big plug in there to shore things up. Problem is that now there are no bubbles and the water's flat and lifeless.
"I'm completely nonplussed by the football. [I still] buzz off the buildup and rushing to the ground, buzz off seeing my mates and standing with them, buzz off the pint afterwards, but I could happily fast forward through the actual football. United is merely a social club to me while [Van Gaal] is in charge."
In the supposedly exciting Champions League, entertainment is scant and the stadium atmosphere suffers as a result. It's a chicken and egg scenario: Should fans lift the team or the team lift the fans? Either way, the result is a flatter Old Trafford.
United came from behind to beat Wolfsburg in September and got a late goal against CSKA Moscow earlier this month before Wednesday's draw, in which PSV team gained their first European away point in eight years.
The "hard to beat, hard to watch" mantra regarding this season's United, which was espoused in private by a club legend, is all too apparent and hardly the best advert for next season's tickets, adverts for which are currently being circulated to prospective buyers.
United remain alluring to outsiders. This writer spoke to the PSV central defender Jeffrey Bruma ahead of the game at Old Trafford. His enthusiasm was high and he spoke about United in reverential tones.
"If we play United 10 times, we know that in normal circumstances they'd win nine," said Bruma, but he was wrong. With Bruma in the side and playing well on both occasions, Philip Cocu's well-organised side won at home and then drew in Manchester.
The latest stalemate was United's fifth 0-0 so far this season, which means last season's total of four has already been passed. There were three under David Moyes in 2013-14 and none in Sir Alex Ferguson's final two seasons. Fergie's side did draw 0-0 six times in 2008-09 and 2010-11, but only once in 2006-07 and 2009-10.
Wednesday was a bad night and qualification hangs in the balance going into United's final game at group leaders Wolfsburg. United won 3-1 the last time they played in the Volkswagen Arena back in 2009, thanks to a Michael Owen hat trick, but hopes for a similar outcome are slim for a side that has scored just five goals in as many games in Europe this season.
It was a bad day elsewhere for United, with the club's Under-19s battered 5-0 at home to PSV, a result that leaves Nicky Butt's side bottom of their Champions League group. However, while there are ongoing concerns about the club's youth system, the fortunes of United's first team are paramount.
Curiously, Van Gaal's side will go top of the Premier League if they win at Leicester on Saturday. The inconsistent form of rivals has helped United this season and the team are getting results.
The manager will lose his job if that doesn't continue but, while hard data might sate the club's executives who demand Champions League qualification from a top four finish every season, the football currently being played is hard to love, even if United are not losing many games.
There have been exciting moments -- notably Anthony Martial's debut goal against Liverpool -- and the season is still young, but the same complaints can be heard from fans. They don't associate their club with the current caution and conservatism that is being shown, as United suffocate opponents with possession.
The players who are training harder than ever looked drained on Wednesday and there's no question of a lack of professionalism. When they're spotted socialising around southern Manchester, it's usually with a glass of water, but there's more to it than that. A confident player usually performs better than a nervous, unsure one.
Some of United's most fondly remembered teams didn't win the league, but Tommy Docherty's wing wonders were loved in the 1970s and, the following decade, Ron Atkinson's side gave fans far more moments than the current team, even if some of them were of despair.
United were known for attacking football and that drew admiration from their greatest foes, such as Jamie Carragher, the most Liverpudlian of football men.
"My dad, for some reason, liked Man United," Carragher told me. "I always remember him saying that they played good football with wingers. He liked Ron Atkinson too. He said there was nothing not to like about Man United."
There is plenty not to like about the current, often sterile, football that Unted play but, without the results which Van Gaal's side are getting, there would not even be Champions League football to moan about.
The Dutchman continues to hit the targets set for him but his honeymoon period is long gone and there's pressure on him to win a trophy this season. When United win the disquiet stays muted, but is always bubbling under the surface. You even hear "I'd rather us play good football and lose" from some fans.
Frequent groaning is clearly audible during games at Old Trafford and the exploits of Barcelona -- one of three or four clubs operating on a similar budget to United -- seem a world away.
United were interested in Neymar, and while they could make the financial side of such a deal stack up, the football side simply does not. The way United currently play isn't enticing to prospective signings any more than it is to the fans.
With a win at Leicester the positives of Van Gaal's United will again be accentuated: The hard to breach defence, the outstanding goalkeeper David De Gea, the lack of defeats and the healthy league position.
But this expensively built team, which frequently fails to hit the highs expected, is fooling nobody.
Courtesy ESPN