Its the silly season, to maintain sanity amidst all the Media BS, let's have a bit of fun.If there was one statement/announcement/headline you would love to hear please post it. These can be serious, light hearted or down right hilarious, let's see what comes up.
One Utd headline you would love to hear in the coming days
- Thread starter yamo123x
- Start date
Yamo123x gets banned! Exclusive on Mirror.
Glazers sell up. As time goes on I am getting less fussy as to whom.
Liverpool banned from champions league, replaced by United.
United appoint 'experienced football person' as director of football. Article would go on to say that this experienced director of football has been working behind the scenes for months.... fanciful maybe
Glazers sell Man Utd.
Glazers gift Man Utd to the user known as @Wednesday at Stoke
City banned from CL for fraud, United getting their spot due to Arsenal winning the EL, all stars aligned for United as they also get all their targets including a massive Ajax teenager and leader.
Woodward seals lucrative sponsorship deal with JLingz clothing, new logo to be introduced for the club
Paul Mitchell hired as director of football
Redcafe members to form transfer committee to work under Woodward.
Woodward sacked.
Woodward resigns... Glazers put club up for sale
I like it when you talk dirty.
"Sir Alex Ferguson becomes first human to be successfully cloned fully grown."
Manchester United announce triple departures of Lukaku, Sanchez and Woodward, whilst announcing the arrival of Jovic, Pepe and a football guy.
But such dreams shall never surface. Piano boy and Chinese noodle boy 4 life.
But such dreams shall never surface. Piano boy and Chinese noodle boy 4 life.
United signs a player.
Ed Woodward and the Glazers banned from football.
Bird issues official apology to Manchester United footballer, Ashley Young, for 2016 'Poopgate' incident. Young, having found peace, promptly announces retirement.
Chris smalling and Phil Jones announce their engagement and would like a move to Taiwan Premier league. Club pays 100 million for both.
Glazers put Manchester United up for sale
United sign unknown talent Varun on a 5yr deal.
Fergie comes out of retirement to lead United with Ole as his assistant... 
Breaking...United accept offer of £100m for Young Smalling Jones and Rojo from Beijing Guaon
Liverpool lose the Champions League final.
Am not too optimistic of direct good news from us anyways
Am not too optimistic of direct good news from us anyways
Theres a special place in hell waiting for you
United fans were not perfectly fine when the club sold Jaap Stam
Just make it clear.
Just make it clear.
BREAKING NEWS Ole appoint Keane, Zlatan and Gattuso as assistant managers. “The fun is over” says Ole.
"Man Utd go into insolvency as inept new owner can't even afford a fifth of Martials wage"
United confirm signing of Alderweireld/Koulibaly/Skriniar/anyone who can defend set pieces, can stay fit for 40 games a season, and doesn't shit themself on the ball.
Ole Eats Pep’s Hamster!
Alexis Sanchez terminates own contract!
- DOF hiring - visible direction/vision in transfer policies
- Transfer of a wonderkid/potential superstar (Sancho, De Ligt, Felix) at reasonable prices (<60-70 mil)
- Transfer of a wonderkid/potential superstar (Sancho, De Ligt, Felix) at reasonable prices (<60-70 mil)
Glazers sell the club and Woodward is to be replaced by Roy Keane.
Reality Glitch Found and Fixed Inside Old Trafford Headquarters
The endless series of deeply surreal decisions that have flowed out of Old Trafford in the last 6 years have been traced back to a glitch in the fabric of reality - thus explaining them...
The situation has now been corrected, and in turn Ed Woodward will be removed from all footballing matter - as is obviously logical.
Likewise Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will be returning to Molde with Pochettino heading to the Utd job - as is obviously logical.
All signings will now be conducted by a DoF with successful experience at the relevant level and Utd will obviously, as the 2nd fecking richest club in the fecking country stop making daft excuses and expect to challenge immediately.
The endless series of deeply surreal decisions that have flowed out of Old Trafford in the last 6 years have been traced back to a glitch in the fabric of reality - thus explaining them...
The situation has now been corrected, and in turn Ed Woodward will be removed from all footballing matter - as is obviously logical.
Likewise Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will be returning to Molde with Pochettino heading to the Utd job - as is obviously logical.
All signings will now be conducted by a DoF with successful experience at the relevant level and Utd will obviously, as the 2nd fecking richest club in the fecking country stop making daft excuses and expect to challenge immediately.
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United Aren't Shite Anymore
Liverpool go into bankruptcy. Forced to sell their players. Removed from the champions league.
Man United are de ligted
Saudi prince agrees £4bn Manchester United takeover
"Manchester United agree fee for De Ligt, Timo Werner and Bruno Fernandes."
Yes at the same time.
Yes at the same time.