Weird feelings of football

[luckyspurs]

Sunderland never get in the top half, no matter who the buy or employ. They've had something like 3 top 12 finishes in half a century, despite playing in one of the biggest stadiums in the country.

Portugal and Italy know within 30 minutes of the first game of a tournament if they're getting to the semi final or going out in the group stage.

Marcelo Bielsa and Malcolm Allison win, draw and lose equal number of games, but everyone remembers the wins.

 

[Mersault]

British pundits always say a player for a foreign team who scores against an English team will remember that goal for the rest of his life and have something to tell his grandchildren.

 

[Henrik Larsson]

Everytime I see Czech, he looks by far the best goalkeeper in the world.

 

[PvsNP]

Barca have never won against Chelsea.

SAF's final season with us was a decade ago. Oh, the nostalgia.

Juve are basically Italy's Bayern.

Cantona is a myth.

 

[Needham]

Soccer in America is always at a moment of rebirth.

Sepp Blatter is only capable of one facial expression.

With each passing year, every league championship or cup final win anywhere is becoming less historically significant.

 

[luckyspurs]

The FA Cup and League Cup are equally important.

Bayern Munich only concentrate on cup games in the second half of the season.

Half the midfielders in the Premier League could do Illarramendi or Khedira's role for a season, with almost no discernible difference.

 

[Amethyst]

Suarez is basically never injured. The one time he has been he was in a wheelchair and still made it to World Cup in time to all but knock England out and bite an opponent.

 

[Donaldo]

Liverpool have a Spanish left back.

 

[Eyepopper]

The line charting the decline of Soccer AM is identical to the line charting the decline in Helen Chamberlains looks.

 

[Winrar]

It feels like a record is being ended every time Mourinho loses a home game.

 

[luckyspurs]

Roque Santa Cruz has been scoring 6 goals a season since the mid 1990s (save that one Mark Hughes season).

Zola could do a better job playing upfront for his team than managing it, regardless of age.

Pardew's teams doing well is directly linked to when he meets a new lady friend and gets a serge of adrenaline.

Every good player in Denmark gets a train to Holland at 8 years of age.

Nigeria has one of the biggest populations in the world, relative wealth for Africa and is football mad; but never has a team good enough not to have Ameobi, Yobo or Moses in it.

 

[Mark_GrumpyLion]

Every good player in Denmark gets a train to Holland at 8 years of age.

And plays for Ajax at one point in his career

 

[Charlie Foley]

We always draw Villa away in the FA Cup.

Zabaleta captains City and used to play for Inter.

I know neither of those are true but they sound so right in my head.

 

[PvsNP]

Inter mainly buy players from Argentina while Milan get Brazilians for the most part.

 

[Earthquake]

Every footballer named Sissoko has, or will, play for Newcastle.

 

[JamesB__]

By FA ruling, Liverpool must have at least three random, shit Spaniards in their squad.

 

[RoyoftheRavers]

Matt Le Tissier and Tony Yeboah once co-owned the exclusive rights to enter the Goal of the Month competition on MOTD.

Jose Mourinho has a 105% win record at Stamford Bridge.

Arsenal, under Wenger, are turning the corner and will be out of their transition phase any day now.

80% of the Premier League's current managers were once managed by Alex Ferguson.

 

[WR]

There's always someone at Ajax who scores about 60 goals in a season and gets signed by a big club

Riquelme & Deco are related

 

[JamesB__]

Wayne Rooney is yet to score this season.

 

[WR]

Stoke still score the majority of their goals from a Rory Delap throw-in

 

[ThierryHenry]

Barca have never won against Chelsea.

 

[Theafonis]

By FA ruling, Liverpool must have at least three random, shit Spaniards in their squad.

Every footballer named Sissoko has, or will, play for Newcastle.

These are so true

 

[peterstorey]

He's a big man... with a very poor touch.

 

[RoyoftheRavers]

More often than not, an ambulance is called to the Brittania stadium when Stoke play at home.

Ryan Shawcross is the cause of every single one of these ambulances.

 

[fishfingers15]

Arsenal have the worst disciplinary record since Premier League started.

 

[Blue always red]

If United are still drawing 0-0 after the 80th minute, the opposition are going to steal a win.

 

[BigDunc9]

If United are still drawing 0-0 after the 80th minute, the opposition are going to steal a win.

2 years without Ferguson and this is how you are thinking. It was the other way round for 20 years.

 

[WR]

Podolski is good at football but has never been a regular starter for any team ever

 

[BigDunc9]

Podolski is good at football but has never been a regular starter for any team ever

but still plays every game for Germany.

 

[luckyspurs]

• Every German player under 5 foot 8 was banned from playing football under an arcane piece of 1930s legislation, until Spain won Euro 2008 and the rule was overturned.
• Every reserve team must have one Swede and one Serbian who won't make it as international players, or the match has to be postponed.
• Udinese are really Juventus' reserve team but nobody has the heart to tell them.
• Arsene Wenger knows all 50,000 players in French under 15 youth football by name, position and selfie taking ability.
• Italian football fans have to pay a pay per view service not to watch Italy's national team play group games.
• Marcelo Bielsa watches every rival team 15 times prior to playing them, but employs exactly the same style of football no matter what he noticed.
• Ron Vlaar scores the most goals in Villa training practice matches.
• You could run the entire distance of all Gerd Muller's goals and not use up more calaries than are found in one piece of Riveta bread.
• Moussa Dembele is made to do 2 hours on the treadmill as punishment every time he takes a shot or hits a first time pass.

 

[Paolo Di Canio]

Any youth player signed by Chelsea or City have basically signed away their carear and will never be seen again

 

[LazyRed-Ninja]

In South Korea you are either born as a Lee or a Kim...

 

[matherto]

Didn't win IIRC. That goal though....

 

[ThierryHenry]

Ha. I remembered Barca winning that 4-2, looks like it was the other way round.

 

[Joemo]

Within 20 minutes of watching an Europa League game, the commentator will say "_____, which some of you may remember from his time at Liverpool"

Tends to be the French or Italian teams. Occasionally a Spaniard, never a German.

 

[sizzling sausages]

Shaktar Donetsk can only sign Ukranians or Brazilians.
Sebastian Larsson only scores free kicks.
Spurs sign a new centre back and defensive midfielder every season.

 

[Joemo]

Sky's Spanish commentators only know the stadium names of the big clubs - Camp Nou, Bernabeu, San Mames, Mestalla. They never mention the stadiums of Levante, Getafe, Almeria, Osasuna, Elche etc.

 

[Joemo]

Jonathan Walters hair is neither brown nor grey, but simply a colour in itself.

 

[Earthquake]

There are only 10 Italian footballers, none of whom play in Italy.

 

[fontaine]

players with braids are fast

fast players cannot cross