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Following recent discussions it was made clear that the door was potentially open to a return to referee in English professional football. This came at a time when, for private family reasons, the discussion to move back to England on a permanent basis together was very much on the table with my partner and myself. Those details I won’t go into but it has been a main source of my personal struggles since my move to Norway.
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And so to pasteurs new...or old I suppose. I’ve been away from the Premier League for what will be two years come the new season so a return to that level was never a possibility. With the introduction of VAR and the many hours of training missed it would not have been reasonable to expect that.
I was offered, and accepted, the opportunity to start next season as a National List Referee. This group of referees officiate on League 1 and League 2. Like any referee I have the desire to perform at my best and to achieve the best I can. I know how hard that road is to referee at the top but I have the desire and passion to work hard to achieve my potential whatever that may be. I still have dreams that I thought were dead but for me they are now very much alive.
For the remainder of this season I will be officiating games lower down the pyramid which will help me to reintegrate into the English game. I have agreed to attend an FA discrimination workshop and I understand that whilst I have lived with disability throughout my life, further knowledge, education and understanding in what is an incredibly important aspect of society can only serve as a positive thing.
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I now simply go back to being that “(you fill in the blank) in the black” on a weekly basis. Hopefully if nothing else people have been able to see that referees are just normal people with normal emotions, families and feelings. Abuse can lead to mental health issues and referees are not immune to that, especially outside the professional game. Please consider that before you post anything to social media in future or when you stand at the side of a junior game and scream at the 15 year old referee who has just started out and will make mistakes. If my story can help just one person to not send or post something stupid that could potentially end their career then please learn from my mistake. Before posting anything just ask yourself the question “what if this ended up on my bosses desk?” If the outcome wouldn’t be great then don’t send it. Don’t risk everything for a poor joke.