Richard Keys: The Ramblings of a Madman

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The One and Only
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Nov 28, 2006
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The first headline I read this morning accompanied - as usual - a very well written piece by Martin Samuel in The Mail. It reads 'Now Gary is no longer the smartest man in the room'. I've got news for you Martin - he never was.

It's obviously a piece about Neville's time in Spain, trying his hand at coaching with Valencia. Neville's time as a head coach unceremoniously ended after four short months on Wednesday. For some, not before time. For me, disappointingly.

I'm not one of those that was hoping Neville would fail. I genuinely hoped he would prove a success as he tried his hand at coaching for the first time. Never mind that he puts his boots on again when England play - he's very well protected by Roy Hodgson on those occasions. Valencia was Neville in the raw - succeeding or failing on his own. Sadly, it was the latter.

That view might surprise a few of you. Yes, I've been critical of Neville previously. Do I think it's possible to work on tv and 'in' football. Absolutely not. Thierry Henry found that out recently when he was embarrassed himself with his views on Arsene Wenger. Neville did the same when he turned on David de Gea on one infamous occasion. How silly his observations look now. He didn't apply the same harsh judgements on Joe Hart when the England 'keeper was throwing a few in a couple of weeks later. You can't be honest with two paymasters.

When he went after de Gea I was told that Fergie was behind the criticism. I can tell you that he was tiring of his 'keeper at that time and had identified Hart as a replacement! A big name was going to City as part of the proposed deal. It didn't happen when Mancini got sacked. Neville was controlled by remote in exactly the same way as he once suggested David Luiz was - remember? A play-station defender! I have often wondered and Neville and his former playing colleagues would've reacted to criticism they now hand out when they played. No, scrub they - I know and so does he!

In his first spell at Sky Neville shot from the hip. His style wasn't necessarily one that I would've encouraged but it suited a brand of new tv execs that wanted to 'hit hard'. That wanted to 'make headlines'. I've never understood that way of thinking. I'd rather talk about 'football' in an educational way as Andy still does. Headlines are easy to make.

What you can't argue is that Neville did a terrific job following my mate. He worked with many of the same Producers that Andy brought up and made quite a reputation for himself.

Is he tarnished by his experience in Spain? Absolutely not. I'd have him back this Monday night if I were in charge of Sky.

Neville will have learned a lot. I don't think he'll ever knee jerk into opinions again. He'll be better equipped to understand the pressures of the job he's just left. And surely he'll have learned that there's always more than one opinion - just his?

I had this argument with Andy Melvin, my guv'nor at Sky, many times. I remember one occasion in particular. Ray Wilkins had just lost his job at Fulham and I wanted to get him back involved. Melvin's argument was that we couldn't do that because 'he'd failed at Craven Cottage'. That he was returning to us as 'soiled goods'. What utter nonsense. I pointed out that Graeme Souness, Ruud Gullit, Glenn Hoddle and a whole raft of our 'experts' had all been sacked at one time or another in their careers. If we applied the 'Wilkins Law' then we wouldn't have anyone left to work with!

I've said many times - my favourite guests are the guys that can talk about football from a position of 'strength'. In other words, those that have 'been there' and had a go. I can't tell you how much admiration I have for Neville because he's now one of that group.

I don't know him well, but Phil is a really good mate and I loved the company of their Dad Neville Neville, who's sadly no longer with us.

Gary can now say 'I've tried that'. Good luck to him. I just wish one or two more modern day 'experts' would follow his example and have a go. Is GNev damaged? Not all all. Can he return to Sky with his head up? Absolutely. But - I hope he chooses a different route. I hope he takes time out and considers giving management/coaching another go. Good on you Gaz.
His conspirary theory about Fergie apparently thinking that De Gea would be more concerned by the tactical dissection of a pundit whose language he had trouble understanding at the time than he would have been by the criticism of his own manager is genuine tin hat stuff.

The rest is just utterly bitter. "I've heard it said by some big names in the past that Gary Neville is a "gayface cripple paedo nazi". Do I subscribe to that view? No. And I'm not just saying that because I'm legally obliged to. Though I will say that Andy Gray was never caught molesting himself in the pet toys section of Poundland. Good on you, Gaz. Give it a couple of pulls for me."
 
Keys is a remarkable man. His level of delusion and seeming lack of self-awareness is absolutely incredible.
 
He writes like he's speaking before a camera.
An absolute clown; the Richard Madeley of football tv.
 
Just a random question, what happened to that female linesman? Haven't seen her around for the last couple of seasons.
 
He is right about not being able to be honest in his criticisms whilst also having a job within football. Some of the glossing over English players mistakes over the last 15 years or so has been laughable.
 
Keys said:
I have often wondered and Neville and his former playing colleagues would've reacted to criticism they now hand out when they played. No, scrub they - I know and so does he!

Stellar English.
 
I kinda forgot what Keys looked like.. Googled him and it reminded me of

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Some loons here will believe it.
 
Richard Keys said:
How silly his observations look now.

I see that irony has officially snuffed it.
 
Keys' personal website is absolute gold.

This section, for example:

Awards

In 2003 Richard Keys has received an Honorary title from Coventry University (Honorary Doctor of Letters - Dlitt) for outstanding services to sports broadcasting. In 2012 Richard Keys and Andy Gray received the best sports programme prize for their talkSPORT show at the Sony Radio Academy Awards (equivalent to the radio Oscars). He has also received a variety of best sports presenter awards from different publications.

Except it's British rather than American and has about 0.00001% of the global recognition.
 
I imagine he personally reads every single email he receives via this website.

Next week's blog might read like this:

SteveJ? Whoever heard of him? JohnnyKills? What's he done in broadcasting? What entitles those two to criticise me? Useless. Clueless. Spineless. Wireless. My mate Andy - who's my real-life mate - knows everyone in football but he doesn't know those two keyboard warriors.
 
Reads like a madman rehearsing a bad speech in a wardrobe.
 
I don't think I understood the Hart part but even if it was true, it's so stupid that you shouldn't talk about it. It's a bit like this guy who lost his virginity to aliens.
 
The rest is just utterly bitter. "I've heard it said by some big names in the past that Gary Neville is a "gayface cripple paedo nazi". Do I subscribe to that view? No. And I'm not just saying that because I'm legally obliged to. Though I will say that Andy Gray was never caught molesting himself in the pet toys section of Poundland. Good on you, Gaz. Give it a couple of pulls for me."

What on earth is that all about?
 
The rest is just utterly bitter. "I've heard it said by some big names in the past that Gary Neville is a "gayface cripple paedo nazi". Do I subscribe to that view? No. And I'm not just saying that because I'm legally obliged to. Though I will say that Andy Gray was never caught molesting himself in the pet toys section of Poundland. Good on you, Gaz. Give it a couple of pulls for me."

What on earth is that all about?
Richard Keys didn't actually write that mate.
 
I don't think I understood the Hart part but even if it was true, it's so stupid that you shouldn't talk about it. It's a bit like this guy who lost his virginity to aliens.

The rumour was that Mancini wanted shut of Hart and Fergie had raved about him in the past. The swap deal that Keys is getting at must have been for Rooney. It is probably Keys joining the dots for his own agenda but I don't think it is totally far fetched, all things considered.
 
The rumour was that Mancini wanted shut of Hart and Fergie had raved about him in the past. The swap deal that Keys is getting at must have been for Rooney. It is probably Keys joining the dots for his own agenda but I don't think it is totally far fetched, all things considered.

A swap deal outside of Italy that alone is far fetched, then we have two local rivals that's also far fetched.
 
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A swap deal outside of Italy that alone is far fetched, then we had two local rivals that's also far fetched.
Yeah. I can only think of a handful of swap deals ever happening in my 25 years of football watching.

Cole-Gallas
David White-David Rocastle
Andy Cole-Keith Gillespie (sort of)

The idea of two of football's biggest rivals swapping key players is absolutely crazy. It's even more bonkers than saying Bush ordered 9/11 and the royal family are a secret race of shape-shifting lizard-people.
 
My two recent favourite cousin Richard moments




Defending such a thing in the 21st century is bad enough but, acting like he's the world's insider into the matter is hilarious. "I will update you all" He's such a cnut that I find it hilarious :lol: