Bird sh*ts in Ashley Young's mouth

Rooney in Paris said:
I can't believe this was already 5 years ago. I already thought he was quite shit back then, amazing how time flies when you're having no fun watching Utd play.
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He was always a bit shit apart from a few spells in his first season, to be fair. He just managed to get even more shit, and he's so shit now that his shitness levels have gone to a new extreme of shit that I never deemed imaginable.
 
Just how certain are we that the suspicious white substance entering the victim's mouth is poo?

It could be any number of things, the most obvious of which needs no mention.

Its clearly sperm. Bird sperm.
 
Random Task said:
Just how certain are we that the suspicious white substance entering the victim's mouth is poo?

It could be any number of things, the most obvious of which needs no mention.
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Well it certainly wasn't performance-enhancing drugs.
 
He always denies this in a a weirdly passionate way, despite never saying what actually did drop into his mouth. He was post truth before Trump even knew how to spray on his own hair.
 
Samid said:
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WITH THE BIRD...

Ashley went viral in August 2014, when, during a match against Swansea at Old Trafford, a bird appeared to relieve itself into his open mouth. Disgusting, but thankfully not true, according to the 34-year-old, a claim backed up by our MUTV producer who has reviewed the footage frame by frame...

“It didn’t happen!“ laughs Young. ”I’ve said this for God knows how long. It got to a point where I thought I need to do an interview to say that this didn’t happen, but I just couldn’t be bothered. It had gone viral, it’s still going viral I think now. Even my wife and kids say a bird pooed in your mouth, but no it didn’t!”
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10-of-the-cutest-images-of-animals-smiling-2.jpg
 
He won't be asking for feedback again.
 
Hahaha...So it’s finally been conclusively proved by “our players are superheroes who can never do no wrong” MUTV...
 
Honestly, having been shat on by a bird as a player at a football match, there's no way Ashley Young wouldn't have started vomiting immediately and needed quite a few minutes to recover. Not to mention brush his teeth 20 times and use an entire bottle of mouthwash.
 
Time flies... like the bird!
And it only produced shit... like the bird!
 
A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird!
Bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, bird is the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, well-a bird is the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, well-a bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, well-a bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a don't you know, about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the bird
A-well-a
A-well-a everybody's heard, about the bird!
Bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a don't you know, about the bird?
Well! Everybody's talking about the bird!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the bird
A-well-a bird!
Surfin
Blr-blr-blr-blr-blr-blr-blr...
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa pa oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Oom m-oom m-oom m-oom
M-oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-oom m-oom m-oom
M-oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-oom m-oom m-oom
M-oom m-mow mow
Oom m-oom m-oom m-oom
M-oom m-mow mow
Oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Oom mow m-mow
Well-a don't you know, about the bird?
Well! Everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the bird
A-well-a oom m-mow mow
Pa pa oom mow m-mow
Ba pa oom m-mow mow
Oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
Oom mow m-mow
Pa pa oom m-mow mow
 
Samid said:
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WITH THE BIRD...

Ashley went viral in August 2014, when, during a match against Swansea at Old Trafford, a bird appeared to relieve itself into his open mouth. Disgusting, but thankfully not true, according to the 34-year-old, a claim backed up by our MUTV producer who has reviewed the footage frame by frame...

“It didn’t happen!“ laughs Young. ”I’ve said this for God knows how long. It got to a point where I thought I need to do an interview to say that this didn’t happen, but I just couldn’t be bothered. It had gone viral, it’s still going viral I think now. Even my wife and kids say a bird pooed in your mouth, but no it didn’t!”
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The kind of wife and kids I want for my future. Embracing the meme culture.
 
Dwazza Gunnar Solskjær said:
Honestly, having been shat on by a bird as a player at a football match, there's no way Ashley Young wouldn't have started vomiting immediately and needed quite a few minutes to recover. Not to mention brush his teeth 20 times and use an entire bottle of mouthwash.
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Nah, sometimes you have to play it cool when something embarrassing happens. Young knows.
 
Have to be honest here: when I zoomed-in on the gif, it looks like the angle's deceptive*, and the bird's delivery goes past Ashley's right cheek.

*There's no depth to the image, for the viewer, so at first glance it appears to go directly into Young's mouth; that might not be the case, though,, and may actually go behind him.
 
I find Ashley's testimony compelling. If a man has to lie about a bird shitting in his mouth to his wife then something is amiss and the relationship won't last.
 
Classical Mechanic said:
I find Ashley's testimony compelling. If a man has to lie about a bird shitting in his mouth to his wife then something is amiss and the relationship won't last.
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It shows a lack of leadership qualities too.

*laughs*
 
In Rainbows said:
Nah, sometimes you have to play it cool when something embarrassing happens. Young knows.
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No, trust me. The bird shit that landed all over me, three or four teammates and everyone's gear was one of the foulest things I've ever smelled. I couldn't imagine the horror of any of that ending up in your mouth.
 
I like the fact even his family rip the piss out of him for it. He can basically never win any argument again.

"Well yeah but, you let a bird shit in your mouth, so, you know..."
 
Kostur said:
The first thing that came to my mind, he can go and feck himself, he's nothing but a fecking poser.

Cue him crying like a bitch that he was again made a scapegoat on twitter in near future though. Really hope we sell him to Mars or some other shithole where we won't have to endure him opening his gob.
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Wow, this is quite harsh.
 
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