Stupid things you've said to people you fancied

Kraftwerker

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To be fair Kraftwerker, I think you handled that fairly well. I mean, you left with an element of dignity, looking gentlemanly, and having her clawing at your cock.

Which isn't to say you couldn't have handled it better... ideally, rather than heading for the door, you'd have tucked her up in bed and set beside her like her noble protector... then in the morning, in the brief window when you weren't too addled to get it up, but before the come-down had kicked in, boned her.
:lol:

If only I could think that logically. It was like an adrenaline fight or flight response. And I was firmly stuck in flight mode because I'm pretty sure you can't bone someone on adrenaline alone. I think tucking her up in bed might have been a little too patronising, especially as she really was no more worse for wear than myself (minus the drugs). I really fecked it.
 

Raees

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I've got one a bit like this, and it will not be pleasant for me to remind myself of it, but here goes.

I'd just finished my last exam of 2nd year at uni so was intent on making a big night of it. I'd also recently split from longterm girlfriend so I was in a bit of a bender stage where I liked to take drugs. So I'd sorted myself some MDMA and hit a club with some mates. By chance one of the girls from my class was there. Very fit blonde Scottish girl, nice body, sexy smile. I'd spoken to her a few times before but it was always in class or in a lab or somewhere, so this was first time I'd ever bumped into her out. You know how when girls are even fitter when they make an effort for a night out, this combined with me being slightly loved up on drugs led to me thinking her a goddess.

Anyway, my luck was in, and she was being very flirty and she was obviously out for a good time like me. So after a bit of flirting we have a bit of a kiss in the club. Now I'd had a few lines up this point, was a bit spaced, she hadn't noticed, and I decided to nip it in the bud at this stage having had quite enough and not wanting it to be obvious. I never talked about any of my drugs activities to classmates, because I didn't know how it would go down.

Anyway, the night progressed and her and one of her mates ended up back at my student flat, which I shared with 4 other lads. We continued drinking, had a bit of a laugh then she said she was going to head home, and asked if I wanted to walk her back - as clear an invitation as you would need. So I gleefully accept and we go back to hers. She's got the flat to herself so we were on the sofa, and she straddles me. She's grinding a bit and it's clear where this is going, and I'm enjoying it until the horrible sense of realisation dawns on me.

I'm still a little spaced from the MDMA back at the club, and anyone who's taken it will tell you that it can have a pretty detrimental effect on your ability to get it up. It's only now, all alone with this hot blonde grinding against my crotch, that I realise nothing is happening down there, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon.

So now I'm freaking out a bit. I obviously don't want to offend her by not being able to get it up for her advances. I don't want to come clean about the drugs in case she's anti-drugs and thinks I'm a junkie, or worse still, that I only hooked up with her because I was off my face. Worst of all I'm quickly realising I'm going to have to come up with a way to politely turn down sex with a very hot girl.

So basically rather than admitting I'm a drugged-upped floppy-cocked loser, I tried to turn it around. Having flirted, kissed and danced with this girl all night long, and brought her back to my flat for more drinking, then on to hers, I make the backtracks of all backtracks and claim that I can't go any further as she was a bit too drunk and I'd be taking advantage. She looked at me in bemusement at first, I think she thought I was joking. So she carries on her seduction. At this point I basically have to say no sorry it isn't right, you're too drunk. She was drunk to be fair, but under any other circumstances this was an all systems go.

Now I don't think she was a girl too used to rejection and was a little shocked to say the least. I felt fecking awful, but I had to get out of there at this stage. Bizarrely, my rejection seemed to make her crave me more as on my way out she made one final attempt to sway me by getting on her knees in the hall and reaching for my fly. Yup, I had to turn down a hot blonde literally craving my cock because I was too wired on MDMA to get it up and didn't want to come clean.

So kids, the message is don't do drugs, cus drugs are bad, so don't do drugs, mmmkay.
:lol: as plech said you came out of it smelling of roses.
 

Scholesgoals

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i've got two on one girl,

first time, i went to her house for a day and we hung out, then we decided to go for a walk in a forest near her home as it was september and the weather was still nice. Obviously this is so we can spend some time alone, and im not a total idiot so i did all the correct things, put my arm round her shoulder, held her hand when walking over tricky ground etc.

we get to this copse and theres a very inviting looking tree (we're 15) so we both end up sitting in it. The tree is fashioned so that the only way to sit in it is for one person to sit on the apex of the branch, and the others to pretty much straddle the first person. (like i said, a very inviting tree)

So we're sitting in the tree and the close contact is getting us both hot, and i make a move to kiss her, as i lean in i hear this chittering sound and instead of kissing her, for some reason i look up. Above me is a squirrel and as i look up, this squirrel leaps out of the tree onto my face, scratching it! The sheer shock of the event has caused me to kick out and subsequently eject this girl from the tree flat onto her face on the ground below (about 4ft away)

obviously i've totally fecked it, but it gets worse.

The squirrel has cut my face, and shes got scratches from the fall, so we go back to her house, and her mother sees us, and she gets out the iodine and starts wiping it all over my face.

So im sitting in the kitchen, skin cut and stained by the iodine while this girl is laughing at me, with an icepack on her head. I farted in the car on the way back to the station as well.

my most embarrasing moment.



Since that isnt things ive said, ive got another shorter one. A few years later after we've both grown up a little - correction, shes grown up a little, i bump into her again and we go for a drink laugh about the old story and old times. We still get on great and as we up and leave i decide im just going to come out with it. (these moments never end well!) So i say to her "Hey, I really like......" and theres a pause as my bottle goes, she says "yes?" and i sigh and say "..... cereal"

at which point she frowns at me, and says her goodbye.

havent seen her since. Should probably do something about that, she had the best backside youve ever seen.

ah well
 

Tibs

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At work, I needed a woman number so we could
contact her when her order arrived. I accidentally said

'Yeah I can give you my number' and looked at her for a
second before realising what I had said
 

Kinky Melinky

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Bizarrely, my rejection seemed to make her crave me more
Absolutely nothing bizarre about this at all Kraft. When I was reading your post and you mentioned that you had to turn it around I was thinking in my head that this was going to make her want you even more, especially if she is as fit as you claim. Women who normally get what they want where sex is concerned and can pick and chose who they want react very interestingly when they are turned down. It never ceases to amaze me. I'd imagine the episode made her practically obsess over you. If you want a really hot girl to want you ever more, get her to the point where she's ready to go and calmly decide to walk away. When she does eventually bed you, you're in for some great sex
 

Scholesgoals

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yeah tell me about it, i dont even like cereal.

still kicking myself now.

Normally im pretty good with the chat, but since the squirrel incident this girl has kind of had it over me, if only ukbob was in the forest with me....
 

MUFC07

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:lol: Scholesgoals that's a combo-breaker!

I'm not one of the most liked guys and I've barely treated girls that like me, that's maybe why I've never had a girlfriend. Anyways, When I was 14, there was this girl that liked me and had the balls to tell me "I like you", but since she was hot and I wasn't I thought she was joking or doing a prank or something so I told her 'Yeah, sure you so' and left. She really liked me :(
 

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I'd just finished shagging this older bird( I think I was about 25 she was 35ish) and we're in bed and she's cuddling and then goes 'what are you thinking about'...now I fecking hate it when birds ask that so I just blurted out 'I was thinking about the receptionist at Munich Re' (she was a fecking hotty I used to flirt with all the time. Well, older bird gets all pissed off and kicks me out of bed and tells me to feck off home then.

I suppose I got the shag, but was gutted that she wouldn't return my calls of apology since she was an easy shag.

I still fecking hate it when birds ask that stupid question though. I generally say something about fish and chips when my wife asks it.
 

Raees

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und and instead of kissing her, for some reason i look up. Above me is a squirrel and as i look up, this squirrel leaps out of the tree onto my face, scratching it! The sheer shock of the event has caused me to kick out and subsequently eject this girl from the tree flat onto her face on the ground below (about 4ft away)
:lol:
 

Rowem

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Okay here is a small collection of mine.

- When I was really young I couldn't help but be cruel to girls I liked. I was a lippy little sod and I couldn't stop my mouth from insulting girls that I fancied. First example, when I was about 11/12, I asked a girl out who I fancied and she said no. So, obviously, I had to save face by making her life a misery. I got people to sing "Lucy's got no bongos" at her. It became a popular little song in the playground and it made her cry. Excellent! It turns out she actually liked me but turned me down because her best friend also liked me. :(
Incidentally, I later went out with her best friend. I then realised I didn't like her much so I dumped her by writing "You're dumped" on a football and kicking at her. :(

- Another girl I really liked was called Amanda. One day I found out her Mum, a single parent, was only 16 years older than her. I decided to win her affection by calling her "Mandy Mistake" for about 6 months. Moving on...

- When I was about 14 a girl I was being flirty with in a drama class stole my school tie and put it down her top, inviting me to come and get it. Insteading of using this as a much needed opportunity for a grope, I decided to angrily shout "stop being a fecking bitch" at the top of my voice. She rather sheepishly gave my tie back and ran out of the class crying.

- 16. Was chatting with a girl and having a good laugh. We were joking away about who was better at certain things, all rather cutesie like, and then I said "Yeah well my Dad is taller than your Dad", which I thought was a rather funny and clever reference to the classic schoolboy insult. She looked a bit upset and said "My Dad's in a wheelchair". I had that sick feeling in your stomach when you know you've made a mistake...so I laughed hysterically. Good one.

- 17. First year of college I was getting friendly with this really cute and sweet girl. She wasn't the smartest girl, she was extremely naive and lacked a bit of confidence, but she was very genuine and very hot. Throughout secondary school we had already been split into groups of differing ability in Maths however in college we were all bundled in together. We'd been hanging out during free periods and things, and she asked me over to her house to help her with a Maths assignment. I was trying to teach her but I wasn't doing a very good job, and she just didn't get it which was frustrating for both of us. I burst out with "Urgh, I can't believe I'm put in the same class as you". I have never felt so cruel in all my life, she looked crushed. I was so embarrased but didn't have the stones to apologise and just tried to fob it off with some lame excuse - which she was sweet enough to except, but I felt like such a bastard and any potential had been wiped out.

- I've also said alot of stupid things whilst really drunk but I don't think any compare to those we've had in this thread already so I'll keep them to myself. They're not so much funny as horrifically embarrassing anyway, so I'd rather surpress them into the dark corners of my memory. Perhaps one day they'll be erased completely!
 

Wibble

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Have you stopped saying such stupid things out of interest?

If not that career in counselling seems like just a pipe dream.
 

Rowem

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Have you stopped saying such stupid things out of interest?

If not that career in counselling seems like just a pipe dream.
I have indeed managed to stop insulting girls in my late teens and early 20s.

Nowadays I just manage make myself look pathetic and needy.
 

MikeUpNorth

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Not quite on topic but an ugly girl once tried to start a conversation with me by saying "I like the shape of your head". Seemed odd.
 

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I have glamour model Lindsey Strutt in my friends on Facebook and I've just asked her if she ever farts because I can't imagine something as fit as her doing something so revolting........I await her response.
 

Wibble

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A freind of mine used to run production company in Bermuda. 15 or more years ago an ad agency from the US used his company to film an ad featuring Elle McPherson. She was single at the time and (according to a fiend of his who was there) she made it quite obvious that she liked my friend, who is very good looking but incredibly hopeless with women. For the entire week he bumbled along, missing all of the signals, even when others pointed out that she was flirting with him, and missed out on what may have been the conquest of his life. Even I wasn't that rubbish when I was single.
 

Grinner

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A freind of mine used to run production company in Bermuda. 15 or more years ago an ad agency from the US used his company to film an ad featuring Elle McPherson. She was single at the time and (according to a fiend of his who was there) she made it quite obvious that she liked my friend, who is very good looking but incredibly hopeless with women. For the entire week he bumbled along, missing all of the signals, even when others pointed out that she was flirting with him, and missed out on what may have been the conquest of his life. Even I wasn't that rubbish when I was single.
Oh lordy! She had the most perfect tits a woman could have.
 

Wibble

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He has raised hopelessness with women to an art form. He has been single most of his 45 years and yet I, who have been with the missus since I was 21 and who wasn't exactly the greatest chat up artist prior to that, have probably slept with more women. Well maybe not but it would be close.
 

Scoreboard Red

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Oh lordy! She had the most perfect tits a woman could have.
My uncle used to work for Waverley Council who service Bondi and he was doing his inspections down there when a mate of his called him over, on the beach (this was in the mid-Eighties apparently) and he was chatting for a few moments when this darling bird with her tits out came out the water and up to them both and my uncle's mate said 'oh, this is Elle' and he shook hands with her with her wet, erect nipples on those amazing tits of hers right next to him, then she lay down for a sunbathe. Apparently his mate was mates with the PR group or something.
I've also heard from yet another uncle who works for QANTAS that the sweet young minstrel she once was had dissapeared, she's now an utter cnut of a person and was on a long haul flight to London when she sparked up a cigar of all things and refused to put it out when asked by the stewardess, so eventually she saw her arse and docked it out on the leather upholstery and was promptly detained for questioning upon arriving at Heathrow....
 

Sunny Jim

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I have a lot of stories like, some of which are funny, some make me look like a right twat.


it happened a while back ago, i was dating that American girl- Caryn. we were getting along with quite well. so she invites me to her place and she shows me her Christmas tree and she is blatantly proud of it. it was a terrible looking, odd and just piss poor Christmas tree. More -it was the worst Christmas tree I had ever seen. So she asks me how I like it. And I gave her my honest * (mistake numero uno) opinion – “It looks as if it had been raped.” Well the odd comparison popped to my mind as my Mum often uses it –“Yer shirt looks like it was raped” (meaning it was not pressed). Coming back to my story - “It looks as if it had been raped” I say. Caryn starts crying- “I was raped 5 years ago in Colombia. Shame you don’t like me Christmas tree”.

This left me feel like a right prat.


Let’s fast-forward to the summer of 2008. A romantic walk on the Portobello beach in Edinburgh. I and my exSunshine are talking about sex. I knew she had slept with a few blokes (I thought it was about 5). So I asked her about an exact number. So she told me. The number was really high so was gutted. The next day I spoke to my Dad and I told him (a cnutish thing to do, I know). My Dad told me to forget about it. But I was stupid enough to tell her I that I had told my father the number of blokes she slept with.

For the first time in my life I felt I really let somebody down.

The last story at that time I was working at the cinema. I spoke English quite well but some nuances of pronunciation were still letting me down. So I was standing at door, checking tickets and that and that lady approaches me with a glass of wine in her hand. (we had a bar in the cinema, but guests were not allowed to bring alcohol beverages to screens). So the upper class lady asks me, in perfect Queen’s English- whether she can take the wine with her. And I reply- No, you cnut. Of course I meant – No, you can’t. her face turned purple but she didn’t say a word as she noticed that I was a foreigner.

My supervisor explain me how to pronounce “can’t” straight away :lol:
 

Sunny Jim

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Absolutely nothing bizarre about this at all Kraft. When I was reading your post and you mentioned that you had to turn it around I was thinking in my head that this was going to make her want you even more, especially if she is as fit as you claim. Women who normally get what they want where sex is concerned and can pick and chose who they want react very interestingly when they are turned down. It never ceases to amaze me. I'd imagine the episode made her practically obsess over you. If you want a really hot girl to want you ever more, get her to the point where she's ready to go and calmly decide to walk away. When she does eventually bed you, you're in for some great sex
that's sounds about right. this is how i dealt with my exSunshine and she was a looker i tell you that. we met in a pub and we started arguing. at the end of the night she asked for my phone number. i asked her why she wanted it (well she was way out of my reach ) and she said " You're the only guy i've met that has guts to question what i say". yeah acting hard pays off.
 

CassiusClaymore

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:lol: Kraftwerkers story reminds me of one in particular.

Many moons ago me and my best mate had pulled a couple of lasses in a club and took them back to his. I was absolutely steaming but pleased because I'd ended up with the fitter one of the two.

I was in the spare room getting busy with this girl and trying to string out the foreplay long enough to offset any potential whiskey dick problems. Anyway, I turn on the bedside lamp and it was clear that she had layered her make-up on with a trowel, covering up some Cameron Diaz'esuqe facial acne. Well that was it. I knew nothing would be happening so I needed an excuse...

"I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I can't say" (I couldn't think of anything)

"It's ok, you can tell me"

"No. I just can't." (I'm really struggling to think of a good excuse here)

"It's fine. You can tell me anything. I won't mind" (Quite sweet of her actually)

Then I just blurted it out

"I really fancy your friend" :nervous:

She went mental, grabbed all her clothes and started banging on my mates bedroom telling her mate to get her stuff as they were leaving now.

And then I hear my mate from the next room -

"He said what?! He must be off his feckin tits!"

Needless to say that the other girl wasn't best pleased either and they both fecked off never to be seen again. :lol:
 

Kraftwerker

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:lol: Kraftwerkers story reminds me of one in particular.

Many moons ago me and my best mate had pulled a couple of lasses in a club and took them back to his. I was absolutely steaming but pleased because I'd ended up with the fitter one of the two.

I was in the spare room getting busy with this girl and trying to string out the foreplay long enough to offset any potential whiskey dick problems. Anyway, I turn on the bedside lamp and it was clear that she had layered her make-up on with a trowel, covering up some Cameron Diaz'esuqe facial acne. Well that was it. I knew nothing would be happening so I needed an excuse...

"I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I can't say" (I couldn't think of anything)

"It's ok, you can tell me"

"No. I just can't." (I'm really struggling to think of a good excuse here)

"It's fine. You can tell me anything. I won't mind" (Quite sweet of her actually)

Then I just blurted it out

"I really fancy your friend" :nervous:

She went mental, grabbed all her clothes and started banging on my mates bedroom telling her mate to get her stuff as they were leaving now.

And then I hear my mate from the next room -

"He said what?! He must be off his feckin tits!"

Needless to say that the other girl wasn't best pleased either and they both fecked off never to be seen again. :lol:
:lol:

Smooth.
 

Jimble

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not so much something I said, as something I did

I did a massive wet guff at the point of receiving a "very special kiss" from a young lady.

Needless to say, she was not happy, but all I could do was to point at her a laugh.

We didn't last long after that
 

Jimble

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my mate was at Uni and managed to pull the fittest girl there, they went out for drinks etc, and went back to his and got down to some fun.

they ended up naked on his bed, and just at the point of her straddling him, and with his tip knocking at the door, she said "I am not going to do this unless we are going to be going out after this"

he turned and said to her, "Nah I am not up for that"

she got dressed and left.

He still swears he doesnt regret it
 

utdalltheway

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dunno what Pog is suggesting but I'd suggest that he spent the night drinking with her and then she fecked off with someone else.
 

Kinky Melinky

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Not quite on topic but an ugly girl once tried to start a conversation with me by saying "I like the shape of your head". Seemed odd.
:lol:

I've had a few similar instances, and always with women who are bet down ugly. "Ohhh I love a man with a shaved head" type bollox. They're normally small, fat, ugly and drunk

I did have a girl who asked me to say something dirty to her one time during a trip to Manchester to see a gig. She quite fancied the Irish accent, and she wasn't that bad looking at all. In heinsight she was well up for it. I was pretty hammered and responded by saying "Muck"

........as my mate slapped his head in disbelief.