I am a strong believer of the EU project ie I can't see Europe remaining relevant in a globalised world if it return to its original fragmented position. Its not good for Europe, its not good for the world (2 world wars are enough) and its certainly not good for its own citizens.
However I am the first to admit that the EU need some serious reform. It needs to become accountable, it need to expect others to become accountable and it need tools to stop countries from abusing the rights as members in the union. Basically if we buy a flat together and I refuse to pay my part of mortgage, I never pay the bills and I keep shitting in your bed then there must be ways and means for you to kick me out. If our neighbours keep making alot of noise then there must be ways for us to react to it (ie which doesn't necessarily mean bribing them)
If needs be lets break this whole project down and rebuild it from scratch. Those who can prove themselves to be committed to the project and have the ways/means to sustain themselves then they should be allowed in. Others could be given a restricted/preferential treatment as a sign of friendship. Freedom of movement should be maintained but only with countries who do not see it as a way to shrug off their responsibilities in providing a good job to their people or as a way to get rid of minority groups. And for god sake let us introduce a way to get rid countries who refuse to carry their own weight.
Dont take me wrong, I am not suggesting a union of rich countries. Believe it or not the EU had contributed in helping countries to get up the financial ladder and that's good because they will soon be able to contribute (Ireland, Poland, Malta etc). It should be a union were we all share the same goal ie to grow financially and culturally together. Too many countries see the EU as the ideal culprit/cash cow/dumping site.
I don´t agree with the language of your metaphors, but I agree with your general sentiment about Europe. I am strongly in favor on European cooperation. Establishing the single market with all its freedoms was a historic step that benefits every country that participates. It is hard to overstate the magnitude of this achievement and that’s why I am still in favor of remaining in the EU. Any country who is willing to give that up (Britain) is imo making a colossal mistake, but countries have to have the freedom to make bad decisions.
So after that’s out of the way, here is where I disagree: You paint a picture where the EU and the Eurozone (both are different entities) are powerless victims of those evil and selfish nations. That is simply not true. It is true that the EU/Eurozone can´t kick anyone out, but Greece would have left the EURO, if the European institutions (+ECB) wouldn´t have funded them. There wouldn´t have been any other option for them. Greece didn´t bully the Eurozone into subsidizing them. How could they? The only leverage they have is the threat of leaving the common currency. That is literarily the only card they have on their hand, but this one trumps everything else. It is their Joker that they can use every single time. Whose fault is this? In my opinion the Greek government makes a huge mistake by using this to maintain the status-quo (the Greek people are suffering horribly). They need to engage in meaningful reforms. At the same time European politicians make a huge mistake by agreeing to this terrible deal to prevent any exit from the Eurozone-club. If I´d be Greek I´d be first and foremost furious with the government for selling out on my economic and political future, but I am not. I am German, so I am furious with my government and the European institutions for allowing this shit to happen, because for them their ideology is more important than the wellbeing of people.
The EU just tightened the SGP (EURO+Pact and Sixpack) and it has all the power to push for more individual responsibility of its member states. Yet it chooses to not do that. Why are we always picking on a (relative) small country like Greece, when the elephant in the room is, that the major powers in Europe break the rules at will. France and Spain won´t get a warning (well, at least as long as a centrist pro-Europe government is in power) for their reckless breaking of the SGP. Why? To quote Junker: “because it’s France.” The same goes for Germany. When they broke the SGP in the past nobody cared and when Merkel publicly broke European law during the refugee debacle, she has the audacity to call other nations selfish.
The problem of the EU is the EU, not its citizens who are fed up with it. To be more precise: A technocratic political elite that is completely out of touch with reality and its citizens. An elite who thinks that just one vision of cooperation in Europe is acceptable: Their own and everything else has to be opposed. An elite that doesn’t shy away from using as much pressure, force or “bribes” to keep their vision alive.
I think the EU has the potential to offer incredible benefits to its members and if cooperation is beneficial, countries will join. Nobody needed to pressure Eastern Europe into joining the EU. Almost all countries desperately wanted to, because they saw the benefits. That is how it should be: The Union should be attractive enough for its members so it doesn´t need force or bribes to convince states to be part of it. At the moment we are reversing this course. The EU is losing its attraction, because of its own horrible policies and it tries to make up for this by using other means to convince countries to stay put.
We need a flexible union that is so attractive that the nations in Europe want to be part of it. That is entirely possible, but only if politicians in the EU learn from their mistakes and change course. Sadly I know that they won´t. It is a bit like asking ISIS to become secular. Probably not going to happen. They´ll only change when some external event forces them to correct their course. That could be another economic crisis or a political shift in its member states. The elections in France and Italy both have the potential to be that trigger.