Paul, everybody keeps telling me you’re this world class footballer. I don’t see it, but then again, I don’t see many of these cnuts helping you out. So, from now on, you don’t pass to where they are, you pass to where they should be. Make the cnuts run.
Jesse, you’re shit. So either start acting like you’re shit, or start playing like you’re acting.
Rashy, stop hanging out with Jesse, he’s leaving a shit stain a mile wide on your performances.
Scott, keep up the good work.
Dalot, stop modelling your right back performances after Ashley Young’s, he’s shit at right back.
Dalot, stop modelling your left back performances after Ashley Young’s, he’s shit at left back.
Dalot, stop modelling your right wing performances after Ashley Young’s, he’s shit at right wing.
Shaw, when you feck up in your defensive duties, I wanna see you run so fast to get back into position that you get black eyes from those giant tits slapping you in the face.
Young, time to hang it up, buddy.
Phil, you’re gonna have to find a new place to sit. Woody is getting bale in and he’ll be needing that bench youre so fond of from now on.
Chris, feck off. We need mike.
Mata, you run like a 35 year old chihuahua. But I love ya.
David, the fax machine is fixed now. Thank you for your service.
Lukaku, I’m confused. Are you a footballer or a doctor who villain? I havent seen someone do that good an impression of a statue since the weeping angels episode.
Martial, perhaps you’ll find a feck to give wedged into all that cash you give you each week.