Again, it is a personal insult, our language is vast in ways to curse, and even some expressions can look personal or not depending on the effort or the emphasis you put in the curse, not the words. You can call anyone "Hijo de puta" and 99% of the time it would be shrugged off, but if you say "eres un hijo de puta" or "hijo de la gran puta", you're using the same insult but putting effort on, making it personal.
"Tu madre" is a common curse, and probably no one would eject you for saying that
"La madre que te pario" is a little more intense, you probably just get a yellow, a red if you're on the bad side of Mateu Lahoz
"Tu puta madre" enters realm of 50/50, your're testing the ref patience, you'd probably be sent off if you are looking at him while saying it.
"La puta madre que te pario" merges two curses, with two articles poiting at a single individual, it's pretty much as personal as you can get in Spanish by using less than 10 words.
Even Simeone said that if that's what Costa said, the ref did the right call, Costa version says that the ref misheard "te" (you) for "me" (me in English to), that's another whole topic. If you believe what he said is no biggie, next time you're in Spain use that expression seldom and see what happens.