Aw, you're still thinking of me!
Am I actually doing anything with that terrifying army, or am I just biding my time till Altodevil implodes and I can be free again?
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Gaming The Europa Universalis 4 Experiment II (sign ups for Experiment III open)
- Thread starter Phil Jones Face
- Start date
Am I actually doing anything with that terrifying army, or am I just biding my time till Altodevil implodes and I can be free again?
I suppose that means the legendary state of Cheimoon will cease to exist any time now.
Oh well, I've had a good run. Or a run, anyway. More like a short walk. But at least I got off my ass! Possibly.
The religious lines are being drawn. The Genoan pope has called the catholic princes to the Council of Trent to decide on how to tackle the heresey gripping Europe.
We have also lost another player. So ends the reign of @Cheimoon Hunyadi. altodevil has annexed the Hungarian territories into the Ottoman Empire. The benevolent Sultan has offered Cheimoon the role of Chief Eunuch and overseer of his harem as compensation for his lost kingdom. Farewell sweet prince.
And war has resumed in the Middle East. @altodevil has declared war on @P-Nut again, who is heavily outnumbered.
The war started in a similar fashion to the last one, with the Ottoman troops prepared along the border and the Mamluks in Arabia. The Ottoman navy caught the Mamlukean navy at sea and destroyed it entirely in the first engagement.
The Mamluks had a few small victories, but its attempts to flank the divided Ottomans in the larger battles were foiled and they were soundly beaten.
Ultimatimately, the Ottoman horde overwhelmed the Mamluks and P-Nut was forced to surrender a lot of territory. Despite losing 3x as many troops as the Mamluks, the Ottomans had the reserves to keep the war going
In other news:
- Organic Potatoes, RedSky and hobbers have demanded harsh treatment of the heretics and that they be brutally supressed.
- Emperor Crackers, Salt Bailly, nimic-Simbo and WI_Red have suggested a more tactful approach in reintegrating the religious dissenters.
We have also lost another player. So ends the reign of @Cheimoon Hunyadi. altodevil has annexed the Hungarian territories into the Ottoman Empire. The benevolent Sultan has offered Cheimoon the role of Chief Eunuch and overseer of his harem as compensation for his lost kingdom. Farewell sweet prince.
And war has resumed in the Middle East. @altodevil has declared war on @P-Nut again, who is heavily outnumbered.
The war started in a similar fashion to the last one, with the Ottoman troops prepared along the border and the Mamluks in Arabia. The Ottoman navy caught the Mamlukean navy at sea and destroyed it entirely in the first engagement.
The Mamluks had a few small victories, but its attempts to flank the divided Ottomans in the larger battles were foiled and they were soundly beaten.
Ultimatimately, the Ottoman horde overwhelmed the Mamluks and P-Nut was forced to surrender a lot of territory. Despite losing 3x as many troops as the Mamluks, the Ottomans had the reserves to keep the war going
In other news:
- nimic-Simbo’s rapid expanse in south America continued with the invasion of Peru. They have also settled in south Africa and Indonesia.
- Salt Bailly's colonial wars are going poorly. He colonised south Africa and attacked Kilwa, but it went badly and he had to cede territory to the African sultanate. He is currently losing a war he started against the Texan tribes.
- altodevil allied Fezzan, which sits between P-Nut and The Cat, thereby limiting their expansion
- maniak is blasting through Florida
- Emperor Crackers died. The Diet voted to replace him with Crackers again. Only hobbers disagreed with the choice, voting for himself.
- Shakesey expanded into Columbia.
- SilentWitness attacked the Canadian tribes and converted to the reformed faith.
- Organic Potatoes sent P-Nut gold to assist him vs the Ottomans
- Lithuania claimed the throne of Dan.
I am god
The French have abandoned their alliance with the Scots and the Church of @Shakesey has pounced. The Hardy Boyz are back at war again, with @nimic - @Simbo being called to arms. @Solius has opted to defend Scottish sovereignty. In addition to the Scottish highlands, the Swedish colonial possessions are at stake with a land border shared with Spanish Brazil. The odds were stacked from the onset.
The war was very one sided as you can imagine. Shakesey destroyed the Scottish army that were rampaging Ireland and sieged down all of Scotland and Scottish Canada, before disembarking in Sweden. Scotland tapped out, ceding much of the lowlands and Scottish Canada. Solius ceded a Brazillian colony to nimic-Simbo but still retains a presence there.
Upon his victory over the Scots, the Church of Shakesey proclaimed the birth of a new nation - Great Shakesey.
Meanwhile, the battle lines for Christendom are now being drawn. The Catholic and Protestant leagues are being formed after Emperor Crackers' failed to reconcile their differences.
The line drawn in the sand so far:
CATHOLIC LEAGUE - Crackers (leader), hobbers, Dan and several minor states
PROTESTANT LEAGUE - Solius (leader, replaced maniak), maniak, GreatDane, Solius, Shakesey, Salt Bailly, altodevil and several minor states
In other news:
The war was very one sided as you can imagine. Shakesey destroyed the Scottish army that were rampaging Ireland and sieged down all of Scotland and Scottish Canada, before disembarking in Sweden. Scotland tapped out, ceding much of the lowlands and Scottish Canada. Solius ceded a Brazillian colony to nimic-Simbo but still retains a presence there.
Upon his victory over the Scots, the Church of Shakesey proclaimed the birth of a new nation - Great Shakesey.
Meanwhile, the battle lines for Christendom are now being drawn. The Catholic and Protestant leagues are being formed after Emperor Crackers' failed to reconcile their differences.
The line drawn in the sand so far:
CATHOLIC LEAGUE - Crackers (leader), hobbers, Dan and several minor states
PROTESTANT LEAGUE - Solius (leader, replaced maniak), maniak, GreatDane, Solius, Shakesey, Salt Bailly, altodevil and several minor states
In other news:
- altodevil continued attacking into Kazan, surrounding Dr. Dwayne
- Salt Bailly has seized most of Mexico
- nimic-Simbo are colonising Australia
- GreatDane broke their alliance with Crackers
- After losing to Shakesey, Solius then allied him
That's really bad news for the Catholic League.
So I'm Florida man now.
I seem to be doing nothing. 
Italy sucks!
Italy sucks!
Is there an achievement for making it to the end of the game having gained, nor lost, any territory? The Italian states seem to be happy just chilling.
edit: and also what @RedSky said.
edit: and also what @RedSky said.
We're just sat around trying to perfect the pizza.
Lazily sitting around drinking wine, eating pasta and perfecting pizza is pretty much spot on with how I would king, so whoever wrote the algorithm nailed it.
I’m more than happy to invade you.I seem to be doing nothing.
Italy sucks!
You really lorded over me, that's for sure!
But all I got to show for it was this lousy fez
I am Great Shakesey
League War
WAR!
@Solius gathered the leading Protestant princes and @GreatDane to his war council. Glossing over the map of Europe, Solius drew his finger across nimic-Simbo's and PSV's lands.
"Now.. now is the time to strike my brothers. While the Spaniards and French remain inactive and sleep on their decision to aid the Emperor, we can take march upon Vienna and remove the Emperor once and for all.", slamming his tiny ham fisted hands on the table. "to war!" roared the princes @maniak, @Shakesey, @altodevil and @Salt Bailly in unison.
Meanwhile.. in Vienna...
Emperor @Crackers woke to the news of the rebellion. Looking to the map of Europe, he too drew out his battle plans. "They will strike here" he opined, pointing at @Dan. "And we shall defend here", he pointed, to his Palace in Vienna. @RedSky and @hobbers looked at each other nervously.
The close proximity of Dan, RedSky and Crackers enabled them to co-ordinate their effort against the protestants in central Germany at the outset, wiping several armies. They moved north to siege down the isolated GreatDane and the exposed maniak.
altodevil and Solius, as expected, marched upon Dan and pincered him from Hungary and the Baltics. The Catholics had to hope that they could subdue the northern princes before Dan, who wasn't there to defend ihs homelands, became sieged down by the Turks.
Predicting a naval assault by the landlocked and shipless hobbers, Great Shakesey sat in London to protect his capital while the enemy sieged down Calais. Shakesey remained there for the rest of the war.
The war progressed well for the Catholics, as the protestant princes of Dortmund, Regensburg, Oldenburg, Landshut, Brunswick, Lubeck, Hamburg, Frisia, Berg and Saxe-Lauenburg tapped out, without reply for the Catholics. On the baltic front, Dan battered maniak and Solius, pushing them back. The Catholics acrrued 23% warscore. They were winning!
But as the Catholic league pushed north, altodevil begun sieging Vienna and Crackers wailed from his ivory tower. hobbers had to take command of the situation.
Vienna was briefly lost to the Ottomans who marched into Germany with several armies, before they were beaten back by Dan, RedSky and hobbers. Dan recaptured Vienna. To the north, the Catholics broke through Holstein and begun sieging down maniak's lands.
On the Polish front, it looked precarious for the Catholics. Dan sat on -72% warscore and close to tapping out, so the allies shifted their armies there to push the Ottomans back. They recovered enough land to bring it back to -33%.
Prague fell. Vienna fell again. They were recaptured, then both fell again. It was looking bad for the Catholic bros. But then our first player tapped out of the war. And it was a bitter pillow for the Protestants to swallow - GreatDane was dead. F's in the chat for GreatDane. Would this be enough to turn the tide?
Soon thereafter, @PSV declared war on Shakesey in a colonial war over Columbia. This put Shakesey in a difficult position - he was now involved in two wars and couldn't defend London from both. He too tapped out of the league war. PSV marched on Normandy.
The first of the Catholics to fall was the Livonian Order, who surrendered to Solius. Saxony white peaced out to Solius not long after, but then the Protestants lost another major participant.
maniak succuumbed. Fortunately, the terms weren't too punishing for him. But the list of Protestant allies became smaller and smaller. Only Solius, Salt Bailly and altodevil remained. Could they prevail?
Yes, yes they could. The Ottoman zerg swarm became too much and Dan (imo the MVP of the war for his resilience), eventually tapped out.
In his bunker, Emperor Crackers rocked back and forth in desperation, ranting and raving about Dan's betrayal.
"If hobbers attacks, everything will be all right"
He knew the game was up though. Without Dan there was no hope. Eventually Emperor Crackers acquiesced to Solius' demands and surrendered the Imperial crown to maniak, who has replaced him as Emperor.
The HRE is effectively dead.
THE PROTESTANT LEAGUE IS VICTORIOUS!
And boy was it touch and go.
@Solius gathered the leading Protestant princes and @GreatDane to his war council. Glossing over the map of Europe, Solius drew his finger across nimic-Simbo's and PSV's lands.
"Now.. now is the time to strike my brothers. While the Spaniards and French remain inactive and sleep on their decision to aid the Emperor, we can take march upon Vienna and remove the Emperor once and for all.", slamming his tiny ham fisted hands on the table. "to war!" roared the princes @maniak, @Shakesey, @altodevil and @Salt Bailly in unison.
Meanwhile.. in Vienna...
Emperor @Crackers woke to the news of the rebellion. Looking to the map of Europe, he too drew out his battle plans. "They will strike here" he opined, pointing at @Dan. "And we shall defend here", he pointed, to his Palace in Vienna. @RedSky and @hobbers looked at each other nervously.
The close proximity of Dan, RedSky and Crackers enabled them to co-ordinate their effort against the protestants in central Germany at the outset, wiping several armies. They moved north to siege down the isolated GreatDane and the exposed maniak.
altodevil and Solius, as expected, marched upon Dan and pincered him from Hungary and the Baltics. The Catholics had to hope that they could subdue the northern princes before Dan, who wasn't there to defend ihs homelands, became sieged down by the Turks.
Predicting a naval assault by the landlocked and shipless hobbers, Great Shakesey sat in London to protect his capital while the enemy sieged down Calais. Shakesey remained there for the rest of the war.
The war progressed well for the Catholics, as the protestant princes of Dortmund, Regensburg, Oldenburg, Landshut, Brunswick, Lubeck, Hamburg, Frisia, Berg and Saxe-Lauenburg tapped out, without reply for the Catholics. On the baltic front, Dan battered maniak and Solius, pushing them back. The Catholics acrrued 23% warscore. They were winning!
But as the Catholic league pushed north, altodevil begun sieging Vienna and Crackers wailed from his ivory tower. hobbers had to take command of the situation.
Vienna was briefly lost to the Ottomans who marched into Germany with several armies, before they were beaten back by Dan, RedSky and hobbers. Dan recaptured Vienna. To the north, the Catholics broke through Holstein and begun sieging down maniak's lands.
On the Polish front, it looked precarious for the Catholics. Dan sat on -72% warscore and close to tapping out, so the allies shifted their armies there to push the Ottomans back. They recovered enough land to bring it back to -33%.
Prague fell. Vienna fell again. They were recaptured, then both fell again. It was looking bad for the Catholic bros. But then our first player tapped out of the war. And it was a bitter pillow for the Protestants to swallow - GreatDane was dead. F's in the chat for GreatDane. Would this be enough to turn the tide?
Soon thereafter, @PSV declared war on Shakesey in a colonial war over Columbia. This put Shakesey in a difficult position - he was now involved in two wars and couldn't defend London from both. He too tapped out of the league war. PSV marched on Normandy.
The first of the Catholics to fall was the Livonian Order, who surrendered to Solius. Saxony white peaced out to Solius not long after, but then the Protestants lost another major participant.
maniak succuumbed. Fortunately, the terms weren't too punishing for him. But the list of Protestant allies became smaller and smaller. Only Solius, Salt Bailly and altodevil remained. Could they prevail?
Yes, yes they could. The Ottoman zerg swarm became too much and Dan (imo the MVP of the war for his resilience), eventually tapped out.
In his bunker, Emperor Crackers rocked back and forth in desperation, ranting and raving about Dan's betrayal.
"If hobbers attacks, everything will be all right"
He knew the game was up though. Without Dan there was no hope. Eventually Emperor Crackers acquiesced to Solius' demands and surrendered the Imperial crown to maniak, who has replaced him as Emperor.
The HRE is effectively dead.
THE PROTESTANT LEAGUE IS VICTORIOUS!
And boy was it touch and go.
You died for a good cause. Wait, no, you died for nothing.
We easily win if I was emporer.
Are there even any big protestant nations in the HRE? This is a massive win for @altodevil, who won't have a strong HRE emperor to stop him.
Didn't you steal Brittany from me frogman?
Look at me between Nimic and Alto and they won't touch me.
I had to pay off @Solius to keep the peace. 
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Okay, this update is going to be a lot shorter. In the space of 5 years, the follow wars all triggered and started simultaneously. It was impossible to keep track of them all at the same time.
They say if you can't beat them.. join them.
I think it was an attempt by @Crackers to win back his Emperor title, but it didnt work. maniak refused to give him an electorship and when maniak died, the electors voted @hobbers to replace him as Emperor.
Crackers then threw a tantrum and declared war on Ausburg , a one province HRE member. As Emperor, hobbers was compelled to defend Ausburg, which brought him into war with Crackers, who in turn called on his allies and RedSky to help him.
The outcome was never in doubt, with Crackers gaining land off hobbers and RedSky gaining land in a separate peace.
Now, back in our Anglo-French war, Great @Shakesey seemingly made a huge blunder vs @PSV. He decided to send his home fleet, the defender of the English channel, to the caribbean to.. okay I'll be honest. I didn't know what he was doing. More on this later.
With his fleet absent, Tactics Tim Shakesey allowed PSV to land in Dover uncontested and the French army promptly sieged down London. At this point it looked like the war was as good as over. Indeed, it got worse when Tactics Tim sent the British expedtitionary force to France and it was destroyed.
But crucially, the war goal for PSV was in Colombia. And in order to reach it, he had to sail across the Atlantic with his inferior navy. Which he couldn't do because of Tactics Tim's cruise ship trip around the caribbean. Therefore, PSV was forced to come to terms and accepted a white peace. Was it a master plan from the Great Shakesey? Or another fortunate accident?
@Organic Potatoes beat Geneva
@The Cat lost to @PSV and @WI_Red
@altodevil ate @P-Nut entirely in one war. I don't even know how. RIP P-Nut.
@Dr Dwayne stomped @Solius
@SilentWitness beat @maniak
@Dan beat @Solius
Elsewhere, I nearly fell out of my chair when this popped up. No, your eyes don't deceive you. @RedSky declared a war and won. Truthfully, Crackers did most of the grafting. But a wins a win.
And I'll finish on this cliff hanger.
Great Shakesey is losing to Scotland. Just Scotland. No other power is involved. Just Scotland.
Dear god. There's still several other wars ongoing.
PSV vs Shakesey
RedSky vs Switzerland
Crackers and RedSky vs hobbers
maniak vs SilentWitness
altodevil vs P-Nut
PSV and WI_Red vs The Cat
Organic Potatoes, PSV and WI_Red vs Geneva
Dan vs Solius
Dr Dwayne vs Solius
PSV, Organic Potatoes and WI_Red vs maniak and Dr. Dwayne
Shakesey vs Scotland
Dan vs. Dr Dwayne
RedSky vs Switzerland
Crackers and RedSky vs hobbers
maniak vs SilentWitness
altodevil vs P-Nut
PSV and WI_Red vs The Cat
Organic Potatoes, PSV and WI_Red vs Geneva
Dan vs Solius
Dr Dwayne vs Solius
PSV, Organic Potatoes and WI_Red vs maniak and Dr. Dwayne
Shakesey vs Scotland
Dan vs. Dr Dwayne
They say if you can't beat them.. join them.
I think it was an attempt by @Crackers to win back his Emperor title, but it didnt work. maniak refused to give him an electorship and when maniak died, the electors voted @hobbers to replace him as Emperor.
Crackers then threw a tantrum and declared war on Ausburg , a one province HRE member. As Emperor, hobbers was compelled to defend Ausburg, which brought him into war with Crackers, who in turn called on his allies and RedSky to help him.
The outcome was never in doubt, with Crackers gaining land off hobbers and RedSky gaining land in a separate peace.
Now, back in our Anglo-French war, Great @Shakesey seemingly made a huge blunder vs @PSV. He decided to send his home fleet, the defender of the English channel, to the caribbean to.. okay I'll be honest. I didn't know what he was doing. More on this later.
With his fleet absent, Tactics Tim Shakesey allowed PSV to land in Dover uncontested and the French army promptly sieged down London. At this point it looked like the war was as good as over. Indeed, it got worse when Tactics Tim sent the British expedtitionary force to France and it was destroyed.
But crucially, the war goal for PSV was in Colombia. And in order to reach it, he had to sail across the Atlantic with his inferior navy. Which he couldn't do because of Tactics Tim's cruise ship trip around the caribbean. Therefore, PSV was forced to come to terms and accepted a white peace. Was it a master plan from the Great Shakesey? Or another fortunate accident?
@Organic Potatoes beat Geneva
@The Cat lost to @PSV and @WI_Red
@altodevil ate @P-Nut entirely in one war. I don't even know how. RIP P-Nut.
@Dr Dwayne stomped @Solius
@SilentWitness beat @maniak
@Dan beat @Solius
Elsewhere, I nearly fell out of my chair when this popped up. No, your eyes don't deceive you. @RedSky declared a war and won. Truthfully, Crackers did most of the grafting. But a wins a win.
And I'll finish on this cliff hanger.
Great Shakesey is losing to Scotland. Just Scotland. No other power is involved. Just Scotland.
Dear god. There's still several other wars ongoing.
Jesus, can I beat anyone in this? Why is Denmark so useless?
See how good a pairing we are @RedSky
What have you done!? There's no way in hell Scotland could do that to me! SorceryOkay, this update is going to be a lot shorter. In the space of 5 years, the follow wars all triggered and started simultaneously. It was impossible to keep track of them all at the same time.
PSV vs Shakesey
RedSky vs Switzerland
Crackers and RedSky vs hobbers
maniak vs SilentWitness
altodevil vs P-Nut
PSV and WI_Red vs The Cat
Organic Potatoes, PSV and WI_Red vs Geneva
Dan vs Solius
Dr Dwayne vs Solius
PSV, Organic Potatoes and WI_Red vs maniak and Dr. Dwayne
Shakesey vs Scotland
Dan vs. Dr Dwayne
They say if you can't beat them.. join them.
I think it was an attempt by @Crackers to win back his Emperor title, but it didnt work. maniak refused to give him an electorship and when maniak died, the electors voted @hobbers to replace him as Emperor.
Crackers then threw a tantrum and declared war on Ausburg , a one province HRE member. As Emperor, hobbers was compelled to defend Ausburg, which brought him into war with Crackers, who in turn called on his allies and RedSky to help him.
The outcome was never in doubt, with Crackers gaining land off hobbers and RedSky gaining land in a separate peace.
Now, back in our Anglo-French war, Great @Shakesey seemingly made a huge blunder vs @PSV. He decided to send his home fleet, the defender of the English channel, to the caribbean to.. okay I'll be honest. I didn't know what he was doing. More on this later.
With his fleet absent, Tactics Tim Shakesey allowed PSV to land in Dover uncontested and the French army promptly sieged down London. At this point it looked like the war was as good as over. Indeed, it got worse when Tactics Tim sent the British expedtitionary force to France and it was destroyed.
But crucially, the war goal for PSV was in Colombia. And in order to reach it, he had to sail across the Atlantic with his inferior navy. Which he couldn't do because of Tactics Tim's cruise ship trip around the caribbean. Therefore, PSV was forced to come to terms and accepted a white peace. Was it a master plan from the Great Shakesey? Or another fortunate accident?
@Organic Potatoes beat Geneva
@The Cat lost to @PSV and @WI_Red
@altodevil ate @P-Nut entirely in one war. I don't even know how. RIP P-Nut.
@Dr Dwayne stomped @Solius
@SilentWitness beat @maniak
@Dan beat @Solius
Elsewhere, I nearly fell out of my chair when this popped up. No, your eyes don't deceive you. @RedSky declared a war and won. Truthfully, Crackers did most of the grafting. But a wins a win.
And I'll finish on this cliff hanger.
Great Shakesey is losing to Scotland. Just Scotland. No other power is involved. Just Scotland.
Dear god. There's still several other wars ongoing.
No @Shakesey, what is you doing
I did something!! Finally!!
Great Shakesey wishes to deny rumours that it is going into liquidation. Mrs Kelly, who owns the flat where they live, has said that they can stay on till the end of the month.
Victory at last.
Nice. I'd been eyeing up those Solius lands lately.
The HRE will back you if you come back to the light.
I'm rooting for you Dan.
You're agonisingly close to forming Russia now. You just need 1 more province that Solius currently holds to form it.
You are however the target of 2 ongoing wars and neither are going well.
Not me, guvnor.
Tactics Tim Shakesey decided to send all his armies to Scottish Canada. You've done the ol' switcheroo, trading Great Britain for Canada.
