Television We didn't all go to Gudger College

[R.N7]

Mr. Burns: Get me Steven Spielberg.
Smithers: He's unavailable.
Mr. Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent!

Mr. Burns: OK, Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.
Sr. Spielbergo: Schindler es muy bueno, Senor Burns es el diablo.
Mr. Burns: Pish posh! Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod! We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, damn it!

 

[The White Pele]

 

[Damien]

Carl: Oh no! He’s going over the falls!
Lenny: Oh good. He snagged that tree branch.
Carl: Oh no! The branch broke off!
Lenny: Oh good. He can grab onto them pointy rocks.
Carl: Oh no! Them rocks broke his arms and legs.
Lenny: Oh good. Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him.
Carl: Oh no! They’re biting him, and stealing his pants.

Kid: My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, i want you to play with my ding-a-li-
Seymour: This act is over!

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

I'm a unitard!

 

[Mockney]

Hello and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Rescue Phone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press one. To choose from a list of felonies, press two. If you are being murdered or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.

*bashes keypad*

You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one.”

 

[Liam147]

This thread's made me watch an episode, and I happened to get the one where Homer thinks Bart's gay. Not seen it in absolutely years. Having not seen it in so long, I've only just got this for the first time:

"Bart, where did you get that shirt?"

"I dunno, came out of the closet."

 

[PhilipB]

Is that the episode where they end up in a steel factory and all the workers are really gay? Great episode.

 

[Xander45]

Is that the episode where they end up in a steel factory and all the workers are really gay? Great episode.

 

[Stick]

Is that the episode where they end up in a steel factory and all the workers are really gay? Great episode.

Oh and the cup cake selection bit in that is great!!

 

[Stick]

Anyone got the bit where Ned bores the life out of homer at the cider factory?

"If its clear and yeller you got juice there fella. If it's tangy and brown you're in cider town."

Homer collapses in the funniest way I can remember!

 

[nemanja nemagic]

"Well, McGarnagle...Billy's dead!"

Scrap that, just anything McGarnagle related is gold "He gets results you stupid chief!"

 

[Cina]

"You're off the case McGarnagle!
You're off your case, Chief!

MCGARNAGLE: Now tell them what you saw Billy.
BILLY: But I'm so scared McGarnagle.
MCGARNAGLE: You've gotta do this one for me Billy, McGarnagle.
BILLY: Okay, for you McGarnagle.
[later on]
CHIEF: Well McGarnagle, Billy is dead! They slit his throat from ear to ear.
MCGARNAGLE: Hey, I'm trying to eat lunch here!

 

[PhilipB]

Anyone got the bit where Ned bores the life out of homer at the cider factory?

"If its clear and yeller you got juice there fella. If it's tangy and brown you're in cider town."

Homer collapses in the funniest way I can remember!

 

[Duffy]

Chowder!!!

 

[Xander45]

Oh my god! Someone's taken a bite outta the big rice krispy square! Oh, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.

I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just remember, if I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.

I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow...

 

[Pink Moon]

"Well, McGarnagle...Billy's dead!"

Scrap that, just anything McGarnagle related is gold "He gets results you stupid chief!"

Agreed

McBain too. "Ice to see you!"

 

[Cina]

Agreed

McBain too. "Ice to see you!"

That's Mr Freeze!

Mc Bain is "Ice to meet you."

Big difference

 

[Stick]

The fall is comedy gold!!

 

[Duffy]

Apu - Excuse me your honor? Yes, I'd like to bring something to the courts attention...

Glasses are taken off Homer...

 

[Scrumpet]

Not enough cat burglar episode moments in the thread yet.

 

[Mockney]

Not enough cat burglar episode moments in the thread yet.

No, dig UP stupid!

 

[Liam147]

Anyone got the bit where Ned bores the life out of homer at the cider factory?

"If its clear and yeller you got juice there fella. If it's tangy and brown you're in cider town."

Homer collapses in the funniest way I can remember!

"Well, McGarnagle...Billy's dead!"

Scrap that, just anything McGarnagle related is gold "He gets results you stupid chief!"

Two more of the best Simpson moments right here. Homer collapsing was/is hilarious.

 

[Scrumpet]

- That's another one, Lou...723 Evergreen Terrace.
[Looks at a map with the robbery locations marked on it]
Well, there doesn't seem to be any pattern yet, but if I take this one and move it here...and I move these over here...hello! It almost looks like an arrow!
- Hey look, Chief, it's pointing right at this police station.
- Let's get out of here!

 

[Don16]

Going through this thread has given me immense joy

 

[Wonder Pigeon]

Kippers for breakfast Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Days already?

 

[Mockney]

It's dignity! Gah! Don't you even know dignity when you see it?

 

[Sally Cinnamon]

Sneakers.......for sneaking.

 

[Mockney]

Arrr, a quarter! He'll be dancing for hours.

 

[101]

Mmmmmmm, free gooo.

 

[Ubik]

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a
charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

--

Homer: Mr. Mayor, I hate to break it to you, but this town is infested
by bears.
Moe: Yeah, and these ones are smarter than the average bear. They
swiped my pic-a-nic basket.

 

[Snow]

Should add the McBain movie as well. It's not on youtube so you'll have to follow the link.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81308507/

 

[Mockney]

Well I can't give you the car Krusty, but I can let you have it for practically nothing. Only $38,000.

*Car gets shot at*

Hey, what are all these holes?

*Car get shot completely to shit*

You want my advice? I think you should buy this car.

 

[Mockney]

And the most evil German of all time... Kaiser Wilhelm!

-Hey, he aint no cowboy!

Ja, sure I am.. uh... yippy, whippy, whippy!

-Ok, he's in

 

[Mockney]

Ok Dr Colossus, you're free to go. But stay away from Death Mountain!

Aww, but all my stuff is there!

 

[Gazza]

"Action News, and here's your Action Anchor Kent Brockman"
"HELLO I'M KENT BROCKMAN! Our top stories tonight: a tremendous EXPLOSION... in the price of lumber, President Reagan DYES...his hair, plus Garry Trudeau and his new musical comedy revue. But first! Let's check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow."
"Well, Kent, as of now the death count is zero. But it IS ready to shoot right up."
"Oh my God. Damn you snow!"

 

[Gazza]

Seymour to Superintendent Chalmers

"I'm sorry, did you just call me a liar??"
"No, I said you're fired"
"Oh.... that's much worse"

 

[Mockney]

Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? [Homer eats an orange] Simpson?!

Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny.

Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange.

Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, But to the eye that has brains, I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards...
[devours it]

Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I would have taken the orange-eating class!

Hans: The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage.

Abe: JUST EAT THE DAMN ORANGES!

 

[The White Pele]

^^^^^^

Homer: What is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as, "the process of removing weeds from one's garden."

 

[Cina]

The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Welcome, my friends. You may ask any three questions.
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes.
Homer: Really?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes.
Homer: Really?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. Thank you, come again.

[Homer and Apu on a quest through the Himalayas to get Apu's job back]
Apu: There it is, the world's first convenience store.
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you knock on everything we do?

Apu: What's that van doing outside?

FBI: Quick, they're on to us!

 

[Elliott]

More Mr. Burns, lads.

 

[Cina]

Number One: Homer Simpson, for your continuing and baffling desecration of our beloved sacred parchment, you are hereby banished from the stonecutters forever. And as a final humiliation, you must walk home naked, dragging behind you the Stone of Shame.
Hibbert: The mark!
Homer: Oh, that. It's just a birthmark. And I'll thank you not to stare!
Moe: He's the Chosen One!

Number One: You are the Chosen One whom the sacred parchment prophesied would lead us to glory! Now to the top of Mount Springfield for the coronation! Remove the Shone of Shame.
Homer: Woo hoo!
Number One: Attach the Stone of Triumph!