A poor man’s Thomas Muller.
What are you like as a player?
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In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik @Rood and Imran @Annihilate Now! start with the good news by celebrating Manchester United Women's emphatic FA Cup win over Spurs at Wembley and the future of manager Marc Skinner.
Then it's the bad news and the ever worsening form of our Men with losses to Arsenal and Palace.
Finally the main debate - ETH Out now or keep him until the end of the season - if not longer. Are you Team Nik or Team Imran?
I'm kind of like Suarez, except without all the chomping.
Are you Dan James?
Used to play right back and even got onto the college football squad back in India.
Tried the same position for intramural competitions at my university in the US, but being a short skinny arse, used to get bullied off the ball easily. So, I have pretty much resorted to playing the odd pick up game with a group of friends.
Because I have pretty good acceleration and decent vision, I can actually make pretty decent runs when I play up front but no one spots me. Even if they did, my extreme one-footedness and inept first touch make me hopeless.
When I did play intramural at the University, one of my team mates apparently was a trainee at Bilbao. He was levels above anyone else on the field despite barely running.
Tried the same position for intramural competitions at my university in the US, but being a short skinny arse, used to get bullied off the ball easily. So, I have pretty much resorted to playing the odd pick up game with a group of friends.
Because I have pretty good acceleration and decent vision, I can actually make pretty decent runs when I play up front but no one spots me. Even if they did, my extreme one-footedness and inept first touch make me hopeless.
When I did play intramural at the University, one of my team mates apparently was a trainee at Bilbao. He was levels above anyone else on the field despite barely running.
Like an out of shape Peter Degn
He had one run up the flank/game as RW
I have zero
He had one run up the flank/game as RW
I have zero
Dreadful, I was simply dreadful. I'd kick the ball in one direction and it would go in the other. Took years to sort out that I had such defective eyesight that I was unable to see the bloody thing properly. I gave up playing early.
Beckham. Running down the wing, whipping crosses in, occasionally banging it in from a distance.
Also very good looking.
Also very good looking.
Carsten Jancker.
Modric-kind of CM. Out of breath in 5 mins though.
I was a GK and got to semi pro only played 2 or 3 seasons, though. Even played against my beloved chelsea in a friendly. Aswell as Bristol City, Aston Villa, Southampton and Blackburn. (all their youth sides of course). They werent official friendlies though, they were sort of warm up games while they were in the area so to speak
I got offered 2 trials one for Swindon Town and i forget the other one. Needless to say i didnt attend either. Was years ago
Played for a local side then and due to lack of fitness the next day after a game my knee would be so sore and I'd be fooked. Gave it up then about 9 yrs ago. Also remember coming out to close a striker down and there was a bloody divot in the ground, didn't see it and my knee went backwards but my body went forward kind of thing - similar to what Zouma did,, but on a lesser scale.... agony. Couldnt kick a ball for weeks and weeks
I got offered 2 trials one for Swindon Town and i forget the other one. Needless to say i didnt attend either. Was years ago
Played for a local side then and due to lack of fitness
the next day after a game my knee would be so sore and I'd be fooked. Gave it up then about 9 yrs ago. Also remember coming out to close a striker down and there was a bloody divot in the ground, didn't see it and my knee went backwards but my body went forward kind of thing - similar to what Zouma did,, but on a lesser scale.... agony. Couldnt kick a ball for weeks and weeksBox to box midfielder. If you could mix Seedorf, Keane and Veron. Best quality: Scoring goals (mostly outside the box and freekicks with fast sinking shots. But also penalties), assisting goals and being aggressive (although very few cards). Worst quality: Top speed could be better and heading (lost pretty much every areal duel in my whole life).
A poor Massimo Taibi
Jan molby
Always Left Back - In the changing room :/
If my feet could do what my brain saw and told them to do I’d have been amazing.
If my feet could do what my brain saw and told them to do I’d have been amazing.
Giggs. Assist machine + unselfish left footed winger. However, terrible right foot.
I've always been tall, so I've been playing goalkeeper from a young age. Hit about 6'8" (american measurements) in my 20s, and was lucky enough to play in college. Had great presence in my penalty area, not gonna lie, and set the record for shutouts in a single season.
Nowadays I play in some 30-year-old leagues around town, and manage to still do pretty well. Naturally, I always struggle with low shots close to my feet. My goalkicks seem to have gotten worse and worse as well.
) in my 20s, and was lucky enough to play in college. Had great presence in my penalty area, not gonna lie, and set the record for shutouts in a single season.Nowadays I play in some 30-year-old leagues around town, and manage to still do pretty well. Naturally, I always struggle with low shots close to my feet. My goalkicks seem to have gotten worse and worse as well.
Like a really shit Carrick. Shielding the back, good positioning and reading play, building from deep.
Flying tricky winger. Giggsy minus any pace or ability...
Romario! I was a natural striker but got waylaid by girls, drink and partied etc as a teen. I have a healthy respect for the sacrifices players make to reach the top.
tbh I always preferred 5 or 7 a side.
tbh I always preferred 5 or 7 a side.
If I can offer advice to anyone in here, please take care of your hamstrings. Spent most of my playing days as a box to box midfielder and have had to take some time away from playing now thanks to pulling both of them pretty bad. If you’re mid 20s, just stretch and foam roll as often as you can, your body will thank you later.
Versatile wing-back type. Pretty hard working, but not really a talent. Good crossings though and can cross and shoot with both feet. (Back when I played, years ago).
I was always a really small kid but was always a good player. I was often told I had a great understanding of the game and I was technically good. I was kind of a ‘tika taka #10”. Small, weak, slow (little legs!) but quick feet, loads of assists and the odd long range goal. I was in a PL Academy when I was 12 for just under a year but I was a shy kid and missed loads of sessions/generally hated going so never worked out.
At 17 I shot up and totally changed physically. I’m now 6”1, fast, 93KG and pretty strong, so I’ve gone full circle!
In my late teens/early 20s I briefly flirted with semi-pro football and played for the University 1st XI, which is a good standard, mainly as a fullback.
At 21 I stopped playing altogether until I got involved again at 27. Problem was 6yrs of not playing and being double the size mean my feet don’t quite connect with my brain at times! So now I’m basically a midfielder clogger, I’m kind of like a more mobile Fellaini. Let the more talented lads do their thing whilst I slide around having fun in the mud!
At 17 I shot up and totally changed physically. I’m now 6”1, fast, 93KG and pretty strong, so I’ve gone full circle!
In my late teens/early 20s I briefly flirted with semi-pro football and played for the University 1st XI, which is a good standard, mainly as a fullback.
At 21 I stopped playing altogether until I got involved again at 27. Problem was 6yrs of not playing and being double the size mean my feet don’t quite connect with my brain at times! So now I’m basically a midfielder clogger, I’m kind of like a more mobile Fellaini. Let the more talented lads do their thing whilst I slide around having fun in the mud!
I'm basically a foot that runs around.
Good at passing and shooting. I turn like a truck.
Good at passing and shooting. I turn like a truck.
A right footed Ryan Giggs. Blasting pace, good technique, and a decent goalscorer. Dolby potential but a semi-professional career was destroyed by hamstring injuries. In the latter days of my career I was a trickster in 3-a-side, but a screamer of a groin strain brutally ended my second stint at football six months ago.
They used to call me Jangles the Moon Monkey back in the days.
They used to call me Jangles the Moon Monkey back in the days.
budget Obertan minus the alien head
Shit
Sergi Roberto perhaps?
A bit like a poor Anelka, flashes of something decent, pretty fast attacking player. One really good game followed by 2 poor ones.
Bit of a cnut, endless stamina, hard tackling and annoying as feck. Got many of my opponents a straight red through out my career. Good in the air, both feet and fairly decent pace played all wide positions but mainly defensive.
Had 2 left feet and was appalling everywhere on the pitch, apart from in goal. Begrudgingly gave the posistion a try, earning a certificate from Utd's development school along the way and becoming the back up keeper for Stretford Vics. My time to shine (or so I thought) came when the 1st choice keeper was out with a broken arm towards the end of the season. My subsequent promotion to the number one spot however cost us any chance of the league title, when I was chipped twice in a 3-1 loss to Deans. Playing in full sized goals at the age of 12/13 (and barely being 5 foot tall) was soul destroying for me, but in 5 aside goals I was almost unbeatable.. and remain so to this day.
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Like slumdog Lucas Leiva.
I used to play goalie in middle school, moved to RB in high school and to DM/CB in university.
After injury and got my ACL reconstructed, I rarely run fast anymore, rely much on game reading and my short/long passes which are decently accurate.
I take the occasional potshot from loose ball/corner routine which sometime pay off.
I used to play goalie in middle school, moved to RB in high school and to DM/CB in university.
After injury and got my ACL reconstructed, I rarely run fast anymore, rely much on game reading and my short/long passes which are decently accurate.
I take the occasional potshot from loose ball/corner routine which sometime pay off.
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I like to think of myself as a stylish, skillful defender - 'elegant' being the word. In reality I can barely run for more than 2 seconds at a time and I tend to stay back because the thought of running the length of myself is unthinkable. I go towards people in the hope I put them off, sometimes I do but mostly I don't. Goalkeeper generally shouts at me a lot.
Darmian. Never plays and gets my salary per week.
Messi ain't got shit on me.
Poor man's Mahrez. RW/LW, left-footed, similar built until my mid-twenties (although I bulked up since), good first touch (still light-years away from his), big love for the one-on-one situations and an eye for a pass. A knee injury stopped my glorious career in the lower amateur leagues dead in its tracks, and condemned me to five-a-side with work buddies.
Poor man's Mahrez. RW/LW, left-footed, similar built until my mid-twenties (although I bulked up since), good first touch (still light-years away from his), big love for the one-on-one situations and an eye for a pass. A knee injury stopped my glorious career in the lower amateur leagues dead in its tracks, and condemned me to five-a-side with work buddies.
Theo Walcott
I am a crap right back with no left foot. I run a lot and that often ends up being a bad thing when I get caught out of position, I tend to shoot badly anytime I am within 20 yards of the goal. I also once forgot what end we were shooting towards and scored an own goal then started celebrating.
Better than Ashley Young.
Better than Ashley Young.
I was extremely fast (Had a huge talent in sprint). Had a good shoot. Not much else. Played in a pretty good team, rarely lost, but I guess I was one of the worst in the team. Played for the most of the time as a winger. Had to quit because I got a colon disease at the age of 14. Today I can not even run because of a knee injury, I suspect it's coming from my early football days..
I played right back for a few years. I suppose that makes me a poor mans Gary Neville.