manunited1919
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- Nov 26, 2015
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BREAKING NEWS Ole appoint Keane, Zlatan and Gattuso as assistant managers. “The fun is over” says Ole.
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BREAKING NEWS Ole appoint Keane, Zlatan and Gattuso as assistant managers. “The fun is over” says Ole.
I will be doing the Dab, wearing my Lukaku cologne - doing just great with my latest haircutTheres a special place in hell waiting for you
I will be doing the Dab, wearing my Lukaku cologne - doing just great with my latest haircut
you can literally make up any owner and you still choose the Saudi's, wtfSaudi prince agrees £4bn Manchester United takeover
Corrected it for you.Liverpool lose the Champions League final with a offside goal.
Am not too optimistic of direct good news from us anyways
Chose to keep it realistic.you can literally make up any owner and you still choose the Saudi's, wtf
User @Wednesday at Stoke refuses gift and so its given to user @ManRed instead, who accepts.Glazers gift Man Utd to the user known as @Wednesday at Stoke
This is all gold but the Jesse Lingard had me on the floor crying.ALL GOING ON AT OLD TRAFFORD
FULL ARTICLE
It was all happening at Old Trafford last night with so many news stories, we don’t know where to begin.
With so many headlines to cover, here see a timestamp and keypoints of the events that unfolded.
1655: David De Gea dumps his problem, and pain in the ass Spanish pop sensation girlfriend and put pen to paper on a 6 year deal with a clause to which he has agreed to start coming off his goal line once in a while. Fans are delighted with the news, however there is a meltdown thread on RedCafe that we have tied down a goalkeeper who doesn’t possess the ability to play in central midfield.
1704: Phil Jones, Marcos Rojo and Ashley Young have all been forced to retire due to injury. Ashley Young, Carrying Phil Jones in a ‘wheelbarrow race’ fashion to his car was left startled as he began to yawn, only for a Peregrine falcon to drop a huge load of excrement into his mouth. Stunned and poisoned, Young dropped Jones to the floor, only for Rojo to mistake him for a bouncing ball, jump out of his car and fly towards Jones with a 2 footed lunge. He arced across the twilight sky only miss the ball, in this case Jones and land straight into Memphis Depay’s army style 4X4, which has been clamped in the car park since he left due to a practical joke Involving a clamp, a key, Luke Shaw, a Sheppard’s Pie and 4 hookers….. More on this tomorrow.
1754: The ball from Uniteds 1st game of last season has finally been found. It hasn’t been seen since Lukaku tried to control a Victor Lindelof pass. It fell from the skies at 1754.
1805: The press gather round as De Ligt, Sancho, Rice, Neves and Wan Bissaka are all announced in one go. The £350m haul has United fans ecstatic. A statue is planned of Ed Woodward pointing at the sky, captioned ‘other teams can only dream of this.’ Again, threads are made on RedCafe discussing the bad points of each signing.
1830: Ole Solskjaer confirms he still uses David Moyes mouse mat, amid speculation the club have tried to dust away any memory of the useless ginger turd. Rumour circulates that Marouanne Fallaini’s curls are being adopted into a new hair piece for Mike Phelan.
1915: A press conference is called for Mike Phelan to deny ordering any hair piece and will still be sporting the big bald head next season, along with a return of the shorts.
2020: Ed woodward announces a new 35 year sponsorship with Chevrolet claiming the big yellow badge doesn’t infact ruin any shirt Adidas design but enhances them.
2200: Man Utd 27 year old youngster JLingz AKA Messi Lingard AKA Jessi Lingard AKA Jesse Lindegaard AKA face I would love to punch 12,985 times non stop has had to remove his clothing line due to ALL his entire stock being stolen. It was last seen in a transit van being driven by a very angry, very drunken Irish man who is believed to be known by friends as KEANO. JLingz Was selling his merchandise from the back of his van in the car park of the Wagon and Horses when suddenly the van just drove away.
2205: Marcus Rashford reveals his despair of what has happened raising the question ‘what can I wear to look like a complete c*nt now.’ Critics on RedCafe create a thread with an open message to Marcus saying, don’t worry about the clothes Marcus, just keep playing football and you will do just fine’
2230: Peter Odemwinge turns up in an attempt to force a move to United. He read a tweet from Indikailar confirming a £8m bid had been accepted. On arrival it emerged that nobody at Old Trafford has ever heard of him. This forced Anthony Martial to crack a smile for the first time since joining 4 years ago.
2231: Ed Woodward puts in a £16m for Odemwinge and announces a 4 year contract worth 600k per week despite knowing nothing of the player, but under Ole’s instruction that we need players that want to play for us, he thought Odemwinge would be worth every penny.
They played really well, far better than the players in their 20's playing for us at CB and RW.“Following the United Legends v Bayern Munich Legends match last sunday MUFC have offered David Beckham and Jaap Stam a 1 year deal”
This would be awful, The majority of the Cafe in favour of Sanchez and thought his contract was a bargain. They also thought Mourinho would come in play attacking football Nurture your and not self destruct within 3 seasons. Also a large number of them are still obsessed with signing players like Bale, Ramos and basically any play who has ever played for a big club.Redcafe members to form transfer committee to work under Woodward.
Jeff Bezos would be preferable.Saudi prince agrees £4bn Manchester United takeover
i think it'd be a laugh. the sheer ruthlessness every summer... 10 in 10 out - every year!This would be awful, The majority of the Cafe in favour of Sanchez and thought his contract was a bargain. They also thought Mourinho would come in play attacking football Nurture your and not self destruct within 3 seasons. Also a large number of them are still obsessed with signing players like Bale, Ramos and basically any play who has ever played for a big club.
I think we’d end up bankrupt within 18 months going by what most posters think it “realistic” spendingi think it'd be a laugh. the sheer ruthlessness every summer... 10 in 10 out - every year!
Saudi prince agrees 4bn Jeff Bezos takeover?Jeff Bezos would be preferable.
you can literally make up any owner and you still choose the Saudi's, wtf