Premier League footballer says ‘I’m gay but I’m afraid to come out’ in anguished open letter

[Kag]

Can it not be understood that someone that possibly has never came across a gay person in their life, just might not be 100 percent sure about certain situations without a bit of education first?

What is there to be uncertain about? I work with several gay colleagues and I’ve never encountered any uncertainty in work-related or social scenarios.

 

[duffer]

If internet comments were representative of real society we'd be punching and shouting at everyone we see all day every day.

I'd like to think 99% of football fans would be supportive of any gay player.

Sadly no chance. Brighton & Chelsea get homophobic chants aimed at them every week for example.

Football fans will mock literally anything. The likes of Munch & Hillsborough are used as subjects of derision so a gay player has no chance of playing without abuse.

 

[sammsky1]

Sadly no chance. Brighton & Chelsea get homophobic chants aimed at them every week for example.

Football fans will mock literally anything. The likes of Munch & Hillsborough are used as subjects of derision so a gay player has no chance of playing without abuse.

Just as Thatcher took on hooligans and eradicated that from football, its time somebody took ownership to totally eradicate racism and homophobia from football stadiums. There has to be a zero tolerance policy and those guilty dealt with with harsh punishments: lifetime ban from stadiums and notify their employer etc.

Of course the 'free speech' brigade will protest about 'cancel culture' and yet even this current Tory Government has openly members and more than Labour.

 

[Rhyme Animal]

It isn’t surprising that those who are gay or bisexual feel like this when many players and fans are still giving out homophobic abuse. Something that Deeney said really struck me aswell during the podcast he did with Theroux. Yes, he said he’d be supportive of any player in his squad coming out and that he reckons all of the team would and be “fine with it” but there would be a period in the first few weeks where they’d all be a bit curious and think “is he looking at me in the shower” etc. Things like that just show how far education in these matters needs to go.

PL footballers still SHARE SHOWERS!? That's really weird, and totally unnecessary with the amount of moolah in modern footy. Why on Earth would they be still sharing showers!?

 

[Grylte]

This is such a shame. To me, a person’s sexual choices are ‘normal’ to the point where I didn’t even think there was a need to ‘come out’.

It's not really a choice, though.

 

[arnie_ni]

What is there to be uncertain about? I work with several gay colleagues and I’ve never encountered any uncertainty in work-related or social scenarios.

I personally dont know any gay people, i live in a smallish town in northern ireland.

I can sit here all day saying it doesnt bother me, i have no issue with gay people, but if one of my mates comes out gay, id make it a point of having a conversation with them and educating myself. Making sure i havent been doing anything that makes them uncomfortable, asking what help i can offer etc etc because i wont be sure how they react to certain things or whatever.

 

[Tarrou]

If internet comments were representative of real society we'd be punching and shouting at everyone we see all day every day.

I'd like to think 99% of football fans would be supportive of any gay player.

The BBC did a poll a few years ago and 8% said they'd stop supporting their team if one of the players came out as gay

https://www.bbc.com/sport/37760114

I doubt that is true though. I mean I don't doubt that many people said it, but it seems absurd that they'd actually do that.

 

[NoneBmStore]

Just come out really
No one will be upset and the player will be able to monetize the feck out of it

 

[arnie_ni]

The idea that anyone from the UK in their 30s has had no interaction with a gay person is pretty far fetched but for Deeney, it's just wrong. He's spoken many times about how Elton John calls him up after big games to congratulate him on goals.

I don't think Deeney is a homophobe by the way, just bit of a dullard.

Noted, forgot about elton john and watford.

 

[arnie_ni]

Just come out really
No one will be upset and the player will be able to monetize the feck out of it

He would get dogs abuse from fans. I can totally understand why he wouldnt

 

[DomesticTadpole]

The BBC did a poll a few years ago and 8% said they'd stop supporting their team if one of the players came out as gay

https://www.bbc.com/sport/37760114

I doubt that is true though. I mean I don't doubt that many people said it, but it seems absurd that they'd actually do that.

I'd say that football would be better off without that 8%.

 

[horsechoker]

That Deeney is a bellend who would be in prison if not for his ability to kick a football.

Many people would be in prison or have shitty lives if they weren't good at something.

 

[fps]

I do wonder whether former players coming out might be a valuable way to ease the homophobic premier league fan into the idea that yes, some of the people in front of you kicking a ball fancy men. Fans would have to go through a process of realising they cheered for those players and their sexuality didn’t make a bit of difference.

Still a mighty big step to take. Former players aren’t necessarily going to be any less homophobic than current ones either, so there could be friendships and more lost.

 

[The Cat]

Sadly no chance. Brighton & Chelsea get homophobic chants aimed at them every week for example.

Football fans will mock literally anything. The likes of Munch & Hillsborough are used as subjects of derision so a gay player has no chance of playing without abuse.

This sadly is bang on the money.

 

[arnie_ni]

I mean there was city fans racially abusing fred who was stood beside sterling at the time.

I would never come out as gay if I was a professional footballer. I know I couldn't handle the abuse

 

[MikeKing]

I personally dont know any gay people, i live in a smallish town in northern ireland.

I can sit here all day saying it doesnt bother me, i have no issue with gay people, but if one of my mates comes out gay, id make it a point of having a conversation with them and educating myself. Making sure i havent been doing anything that makes them uncomfortable, asking what help i can offer etc etc because i wont be sure how they react to certain things or whatever.

This is the right attitude. Being open, honest and reflective is the answer. I never understood peoples need to lecture or wrestle people into changing their views and values, how do you do that by judging them. It's fake change.

 

[wrepdrep]

Do you think EPL football players and match going fans are majority vocally homophobic?

We often make the mistake to think that a very noisy tiny minority are representative of the majority. I'd hope that hearing a few chants doesn't mean vast majority are homophobic, racist etc.

It's not just the fans, and it doesn't need to be violent vocal homophobia.
What do the lads talk about in the dressing room between themselves? About girls, tits, sex, jokingly accusing each other of being gay, and of course also random conversation subjects, but the former is a major part of it. If you're involuntarily virgin then you're likely to be anxious in such an environment. I know I was, when I was 16. Now imagine if you're gay instead. You're not going to fit in that group, and if you come out, there will probably be a completely different atmosphere once you leave the room. I can see a lot of homosexual boys/men leaving that hobby altogether and spending their time on things that don't make them feel anxious or alien.

 

[arnie_ni]

This is the right attitude. Being open, honest and reflective is the answer. I never understood peoples need to lecture or wrestle people into changing their views and values, how do you do that by judging them. It's fake change.

I think thats what deeny was saying but said it in a more crude way

 

[NoneBmStore]

He would get dogs abuse from fans. I can totally understand why he wouldnt

Camera surveillance and lifetime bans of such fans would be an appropriate measure to deal with it. Point deductions, player walkout, whatever really.
Deal with it as stringent as with racism

 

[arnie_ni]

Camera surveillance and lifetime bans of such fans would be an appropriate measure to deal with it. Point deductions, player walkout, whatever really.
Deal with it as stringent as with racism

Racism isnt dealt with harshly as it is

 

[JPRouve]

There is one french international, Olivier Rouyer, who allegedly told his teammates in the 80s. I don't know how it was received.

 

[Pep's Suit]

There are over 2.000 players in european Top5 leagues and none of them is officially gay. That's simply ridiculous.

 

[JPRouve]

There are over 2.000 players in european Top5 leagues and none of them is officially gay. That's simply ridiculous.

You mean publically? Because I don't think that people can become "officially" gay.

 

[SilentWitness]

Another thing that people are overlooking in terms of homophobic abuse from the stands. Players that receive racist abuse - the likelihood now of them being the only black or non white person on the pitch is very low in the PL so while they receive that abuse there will be players around them who can slightly understand the position that they are in while they receive that abuse (All experiences are obviously personal so you won't fully understand). If you're the only openly gay player in the PL then nobody else on the pitch will understand what you are going through and that's a huge burden and an obvious reason that people would be afraid of coming out.

 

[alexanderplatz]

Any ‘fan’ singing homophobic chants should be banned for life. No place for it in society let alone the game. Fact this is a legitimate concern of a player who would clearly be able to grow as a human being by being allowed to come out is enough of a reason for a zero tolerance approach. I say ‘allowed’ because the player has told those in his close circle but the state of his industry has meant he is effectively gagged at a great personal cost.

 

[Judge Red]

I reckon it’s just about safe to come out today unless you don’t much fancy the attention of the whole of Twitter telling you how stunning and brave you are for the next month.

It’s not like anyone has to worry about receiving abuse from the stands in 2020.

A couple of years ago this thread would have been 50% speculation over who it is and 50% Arsenal puns.

 

[Fully Fledged]

I'd say that football would be better off without that 8%.

Of course it would. I hate that we live in a world where people are persecuted for being different. Being afraid to admit who you are because how somebody else will treat you must be soul destroying. The fact that this is still happening in 2020 is just not acceptable.

 

[Tomuś]

That must be it. There is no way I could simply disagree with the idea there are lots of gay of footballers, based on logic and reason.

Sometimes posting credible and objective data isn't the way to go redmeister. Get used to it.

 

[Cheimoon]

According to the ONS it's about 2%.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopula...ity/sexuality/bulletins/sexualidentityuk/2016

And gay men to tend to be over represented in certain professions.

https://gaynation.co/gay-jobs-stereotype-more-than-just-a-myth-research-finds/

So it is extremely likely that there are way less gay footballers than people believe.

Wikipedia has a good page on the demographics of sexual orientation (link). Here is the most relevant quote: "Surveys in Western cultures find, on average, that about 93% of men and 87% of women identify as completely heterosexual, 4% of men and 10% of women as mostly heterosexual, 0.5% of men and 1% of women as evenly bisexual, 0.5% of men and 0.5% of women as mostly homosexual, and 2% of men and 0.5% of women as completely homosexual. An analysis of 67 studies found that the lifetime prevalence of sex between men (regardless of orientation) was 3-5% for East Asia, 6-12% for South and South East Asia, 6-15% for Eastern Europe, and 6-20% for Latin America. The International HIV/AIDS Alliance estimates a worldwide prevalence of men who have sex with men between 3 and 16%."

So the numbers are a little messy (the article alsomentions the difficulty obtaining reliable statistics), but probably some 3% of UK men are not 'mostly heterosexual' and 7% have some level of sexual orientation towards men. Even with the profession bias, that 7% would suggest there could be one player from that category in every squad. The 3% would suggest that every other squad would have one player who is not 'mostly heterosexual', but of course the distribution won't be that even.

In the scenario that Deeney/Theroux were talking about it is a player that is already in the squad that then comes out as gay. If they wanted to check you out or look at you, they've already done so. They don't wake up gay and then suddenly decide to start checking out everyone in the dressing room. You've been fine sharing a shower and dressing room with that person when you didn't know that they were gay but they were gay, so why is it suddenly an issue when they're open about being gay. Their feelings won't change on how they perceive you with or without you knowing.

Yep. The problem is that most people consider the situation only from their own perspective. In their minds, someone only just became gay, because the person 'became' gay to them. Call me a cynic, but I don't actually think it's a very shocking attitude though. It's short-sighted and inappropriate, of course, but adopting a self-centred perspective is a simple error of logic that people make in all kinds of situations. And it's one that can be corrected fairly easily, I'd think. For example, the players association could do some education and point out this kind of very simple thing (and probably there are more). Deeney seems like a fairly reasonable guy; I'm sure he would pick up on it. (Others who don't probably have deeper issues to deal with.)

 

[fps]

Casual homophobia is utterly rife in and around football, and there isn’t really even a proper conversation about it as with racism.

 

[Bwuk]

I’ve got a few gay friends and none of them actually came out. Just told me they had a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don’t think it’d be a dressing room issue - id imagine more idiots online/at grounds. If Rashford had a boyfriend I couldn’t care less, but I’d imagine we’d have threads galore on this forum about it when we first found out.

 

[edcunited1878]

It's not at all a surprise this individual feels that they cannot come out to the public and must suppress who they as a whole person. It's incredibly sad and disappointing.

However as mentioned already previously, the amount of abuse this person will get from the UK press/tabloids, ignorant and intolerable social media keyboard fecktards, certain sections of supporters and opposing fans, in addition to any foreign fans....they will all target this person. To that, their is a legitimate and real chance that his playing career would have been different and can still be different if they came out too early in their career or now.

They've heard all the jokes and/or insults well before they themselves realized they were gay and now that they are a seasoned professional footballer, they've heard even more homosexual jokes/insults.

I think that this person would also receive much, much more support and empathy from their colleagues, players, staff, etc than they would expect because being gay isn't the end all, be all. They understand and have witnessed that they are a professional, dedicated to their craft, and have made many of the same sacrifices and gone through the same struggles to make it as a professional footballer to the Premier League level. That demands and has earned them a ton of respect because that contributes a lot to who they are as a person.

 

[AFC NimbleThumb]

Casual homophobia is utterly rife in and around football, and there isn’t really even a proper conversation about it as with racism.

Football hardly gets racism right; a few kick it out t shirts & letting players kneel is hardly tackling the systemic issue.

Let’s not play discrimination olympics, homophobia & racism are things football have no intention of tackling seriously. They throw rainbow laces at one & 8 seconds of silence at the other.

 

[AgentSquirrel]

The problem is always going to be an attention issue. Unless a large group of gay/bi/pan players decide to come out, at the same time, one player will end up being the sacrificial lamb for all the bullshit that will inevitably follow. Most players just want to play football and live their lives like everyone else. They don't want tabloid attention, they just want to be able to post about their boyfriend or husband on insta the way any straight player does, without an eyelid batted. You still see people going 'oh why do they have to make such a production of coming out, no one cares!'. People do care. And they will be targeted with even more bullshit that footballers already get. The fact is, no gay person wants to come out. They just want to exist. They don't want a parade or pat on the back, they want to live their life and not worry about having to second guess every single word out of their mouths. One of my good friends came out to me at 28 a few years ago, and so much damage had already been done, mentally. He did it because he literally couldn't take it anymore. His mental health was being severely impacted and even though he was terrified of the response from his dad, his brothers, his friends, he knew it was either that or he'd likely end up killing himself.

 

[FootballHQ]

It's still the fear of the unknown. You see the pros like Tommy Hitz deciding to retire and then come out straight afterwards. It's a shame and think only way we'll see any footballer come out is if there's a pact between five-ten of them to all announce it on the same day (if there's that many at pro clubs of course).

Wasn't there a football who outed themself on twitter but that account got quickly deleted so may have been a hoax.

 

[fps]

Football hardly gets racism right; a few kick it out t shirts & letting players kneel is hardly tackling the systemic issue.

Let’s not play discrimination olympics, homophobia & racism are things football have no intention of tackling seriously. They throw rainbow laces at one & 8 seconds of silence at the other.

I am not playing discrimination Olympics, I am simply saying there is a stronger anti-racism message than anti-homophobia message coming from the game, which is true. At no point did I say football was “getting racism right”, those are your words, but the message of anti-racism is more prevalent.

 

[TwoSheds]

And this nations scumbag press as well.

You can be sure the first openly gay Premiership footballer will have his dating life splashed out for everyone to find out about.

And if they did I would hope United would permanently ban their reporters from Old Trafford. We don't need that shit, no matter how much idiots would click on it.

 

[AFC NimbleThumb]

I am not playing discrimination Olympics, I am simply saying there is a stronger anti-racism message than anti-homophobia message coming from the game, which is true. At no point did I say football was “getting racism right”, those are your words, but the message of anti-racism is more prevalent.

Ok, I’d argue there’s hardly a “proper conversation” about it. The kick it out campaign is as toothless as the rainbow laces one. Just one has been going on for longer but had the George Floyd incident not occurred both get a week or so of the season & a few items of memorabilia; neither cause is served sufficiently by football.

The discussion on racism has only been more prevalent due to the BLM post-covid & the longevity, doesn’t make it more so “proper”.

 

[matherto]

Now would be the time IMO with no fans in the stands, get the squad used to it and see how accepting they are or aren't.

It wouldn't however shield them from online abuse which is possibly going to be even more vitriolic now with everyone couped up and not allowed out in groups.

I never used to understand why it mattered because I've never cared about a footballer's private life but I've grown the empathy required to understand the situation of someone who feels forced to hide who they are even from their closest and it must be awful. Having to live a lie in order to keep up appearances is fecking hard work for anyone, let alone someone who's life is under the microscope 24/7.

The first current Prem footballer is going to be a martyr and I wouldn't want to be the one taking the flak but surely it has to happen sooner rather than later? Hopefully there are enough of us willing to give support to them that they can finally take that huge leap.

I think the clubs and the Premier League need to come up with a strategy with penalties stated for those that engage in homophobic abuse loud and clear. Make a statement that they're truly willing to offer that support and punish those that cause harm in the process.

 

[SadlerMUFC]

I think he would have more support than he thinks. I've had life long friends come out and while it was a surprise, they were still the same person and none of my friends treated them any different. The only tricky part will be the locker room...